Daily Archives: April 21, 2011

LeAnn Rimes Didn’t Know How To Dump Her Husband

April 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Perched above these words is a picture of LeAnn Rimes in sparklier times when she weighed more than a dry egg noodle and had a glittery husband at her side to teach her how to paint on her face the right way (you know her make-up looks a’mess nowadays). This is the same glittery husband that LeAnn says she didn’t know how to send to the alimony collection area.

In a special on her life airing on the Great American Country Channel this Sunday, LeAnn says that she didn’t know how to end her marriage when she started screwing the wedding ring off of Eddie Cibrian, because of her shit relationship with her parents.

LeAnn is pulling all of our dicks (whether you’re married or not) with this one, but let’s hear what she has to say anyway. From NYDN:

On how she didn’t know how to put her then husband Dean Scheremet on the curb: “I know I didn’t do it the right way. I didn’t have the tools to know how to do it the right way, how to let go the right way. I’d never been taught that.”

On how SHE’S the one who felt alone even though she was dropping Dean for a new piece: “I think I felt really abandoned – I think ‘abandoned’ is a really good word – because of our divorce. Not only that, our divorce became so much bigger because it was publicized.”

On cheating on Dean: “I’m not glad it happened, but I know why it did.”

We all like to blame our parents for everything (examples: crooked hairlines, the reason for why we cry at the bottom of a cold shower in the middle of the night, alcoholism, etc…), but not knowing how to break up with a bitch? I mean, we all learned this from the opening credits of Dear John! It is not hard. LeAnn just needed to gently take the tweezers out of Dean’s hand, tell him his eyebrows look fabulous and then quote one of my favorite movies of all time Mi Vida Loca by saying: “Take all of your happy little shit and go.”

The point I’m trying to make is that LeAnn is full of cold shit as usual. I’m going to let Miss Dionne Warwick tell LeAnn the real reason why she didn’t dump her husband before getting with Eddie:

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

April 21, 2011 / Posted by:

This A/B list celebrity couple with kid/s is currently in couples counseling to address some issues of marital infidelity. Both cheat on a regular basis and it was quietly accepted between the two. Until they each started cheating with the same nanny. Both became extremely jealous and were forced to confront the cheating. Now the nanny is gone and therapy is the newest thing they share. (BuzzFoto)

Wasn’t it Mo’Nique who said that she will only hire a housekeeper or nanny who is an 80-year-old blob of stray hairs and yellow teeth? This is a lesson to live by!

My guesses are: Elton John & David Furnish? Or Will Smith & Jada Pinkett?

But have these hos not heard of a little thing called: threesomes? They solve everything! Or is it that they ruin everything? I always forget.

She may be an aging diva, but this Grammy winner is still out there performing on a regular basis. During a recent concert, her boyfriend was right there in the third row, supposedly supporting her. Not. While she was belting her heart out on stage, he was offering his heart (and other parts of his anatomy) to a married woman in the audience. (Blind Gossip)

The word “heart” is in this twice, which makes me think it is the key to the answer. Miley Cyrus is on something called the Gypsy Heart Tour, but I don’t think that possum yodel fest has even started. Stevie Nicks just finished the Heart and Soul tour, but she’s a spiritual vampire so I’d hardly consider her “aging.” Shit, I guess the word “heart” means shit then.

I’ll say that it was either Janet Jackson or Kylie Minogue who got a prime seat to her boyfriend’s push and pull show.

So, this is not really celebrity gossip per se, but it is tabloid fodder, so I think it works. There is a Republican out there who is in the top 3 or 4 potential candidates for President. He wants to desperately run, but is trying to come up with a payoff for his mistress. Cheating is not unusual for him considering he even married a mistress in the past. (CDAN)

ALL OF THEM. Literally.

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Afternoon Crumbs

April 21, 2011 / Posted by:

What are these Chicago 5th graders looking at a picture of: a) a plate of steamed broccoli b) a uterus b) Lady Gaga’s album cover – The Daily What

Megan Fox is either stoned or she really wants to get stoned – Lainey Gossip

Something about “Dairy Queen,” “Teen Mom,” and “Aeropostale long t-shirts that really accentuate your birthing hips” – The Superficial

This is my heaven. The end. – Towleroad

Hilary Duff’s Twitter pictures are really exciting (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

The only explanation for this baby’s non-stop laughter is that she drank an “apple juice” at Applebee’s beforehand – The Berry

NOOOO! Carter Oosterhouse is off the market! – Just Jared

In today’s edition of “When Horses Fail Us,” the Paris Hilton of the UK poses in front of a horse and doesn’t get kicked – Hollywood Tuna

Haven’t had your soul nibbled on by the Olsens today? Here you go. – Popsugar

Update your files: Bradley Cooper is not interested in wearing Jennifer Aniston as a beard – ICYDK

Pictures of Whitney Port!!!!!! (I added lots of !s to make her seem more exciting. Didn’t work. I know.) – Popoholic

Emma Roberts got her some Trouty MouthCelebitchy

Today’s the day the Internet will be flooded with Twihard stripper videos – SOW

Today’s also the day you get to see Beyonce in a Goofy hat – Hollywood Rag

How the hell is Tara Palmer-Tomkinson supposed to get coke up those flea urethra nostrils? – Holy Moly!

You a fancy stoner, RiRiCityrag

A double serving of Jonas nipples with a side of ass crack and not one purity ring – Celebuzz

Donald Trump just has found his new Secretary of State! – I’m Not Obsessed

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Just Like Countess LuAnn Before Him….

April 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Simon van Kempen is the latest Real Housewives of NYC cast member to slap an open sore on the sanctity of music by abusing technology to put out his own single called “I Am Real.” It’s been described as a dance song, but the only movement you’ll want to make to this mess involves wrapping your hands around your own neck and shaking until Simon’s robot voice has left the building in your head. Seriously, the sound of those latex pants being ripped off of Simon’s hairy nutsack is probably more pleasant than this song.

Simon tells Popeater that his sound is very Jarvis Cocker and I have to agree. It is very Pulp. That is if you took a Pulp cassette single, let it warp in the sun, played it in a Boombox with low batteries and then shoved it all up a hippo’s ass right before the creature had to fart. I’m sure that’s what Simon meant.

(Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)

Open Post: Hosted By Xtina

April 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Since Xtina slathers her lips with enough red enamel to keep the farewell mirror on RuPaul’s Drag Race going for the next ten seasons, she was the obvious choice to receive the first star on the Hollywood Gay Walk of Fame at The Abbey in West Hollywood. Snookitina came right too! It’s as if Count Chocula dressed in drag as Mae West. “Why don’t you come up and let me suck your blood sometime, sailor!

Xtina must have done her research because polls show that the cereal character most gays want to bottom for is Count Chocula. (<—- This is a lie. It’s Franken Berry, every year.)

Here’s more of Xtina with her paid piece, the owner of The Abbey David Cooley and Bobby Trendy (with topless friend) last night. How many times do you think Xtina barfed her Bacardi into her boyfriend’s hat? That’s what it’s there for! Always a lady.

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Lady Gaga Is Sorry For Using The Word “Retarded”

April 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Lady Caca, the self-appointed voice of acceptance, used the word “retardedto describe her feelings about the accusations that she cloned Madonna’s Express Yourself” and re-titled it “Born This Way.” The interview in which she dropped the “retarded” word made the rounds on the same day Weird Al said her manager told him that she refused to give her blessing for his parody of “Born This Way.” Caca already backpedaled from the Weird Al thing by saying her manager never played the song for her, and now she’s pedaling back even faster from her “retarded” comment.

In a statement to Perez Hilton (via UsWeekly), Caca says she regrets using that word and it’s her life’s work to blah blah blah blah blah:

“I consider it part of my life’s work and music to push the boundaries of love and acceptance.

My apologies for not speaking thoughtfully. To anyone that was hurt, please know that it was furiously unintentional.

An honest mistake, requires honesty to make.

Whether life’s disabilities, left you outcast bullied or teased, rejoice and love yourself today.”

If you needed an apology, there you go. If you needed an apology and an “I’m So Sorry” bouquet of roses, you’re not going to get it. But she did give us something even better. It’s a “Gaga Goes Down” bouquet (jump to the 1:25 mark below)!

All better now?

via Buzzfeed

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