Lindsay Lohan Sentenced To 120 Days In The Clink, Is Already Out

I don’t have 1% of the soothsaying powers Shanti Ananda (formerly known as Walter Mercado) has, but I’m willing to bet my EVERYTHING that Judge Stephanie Saunter will be welcomed into her Easter family dinner on Sunday with a wave of claps, a dozen high-fives and a damn parade led by Peeps, because she sentenced Lindsay Lohan to 120 days in jail. After the preliminarily hearing for LiLo’s grand theft case, Judge Stephanie lowered the felony charge to a misdemeanor, but then gave it to her real by declaring that she violated her probation and sentenced her to 120 days in jail. On top of that, she got 480 hours of community service. The good news is that LiLo is already a highly skilled supermugshotmodel, so she turned Lynwood into a Glamour Shots studio with her posing.

The other good news is that LiLo’s lawyer filed an appeal and the $75,000 bail was immediately paid. TMZ says that she’s already skipped into Lynwood, smiled for the mug shot camera, shot the shit with her old friends and then sashayed right back out. LiLo was in there for about 5 hours.

Somebody needs to get the justice system a jar of Vaseline and a Band-Aid, because I’m sure it’s asshole is pretty much all kinds of chafed due to how much Lindsay Lohan fucks it without lube. I mean, sentenced to 120 days and sat in there for about as long as a Pink Floyd song?

Well, now she’ll be able to enjoy the Easter dinner of mashed Adderall, vodka gravy and deviled 8-Balls that White Oprah whipped up. White Oprah was smiling until she realized that there would be more for her if LiLo stayed in the clink. Fuckdammit!