Let The “But Who’s The Damn Daddy?” Game Begin!

That bump-hiding dog knows too, but the bitch ain’t saying!

Is January Jones the last ho in Hollywood I ever thought would be struck with the curse (or as some more optimistically sunshiney people would say “blessing“) of the BABIES!!!? No, that honor goes to Rip Torn (for many reasons), but January sure does come close. But if there’s something 2011 has taught us is that you better not stand to a peen too close without covering yourself in a giant diaphragm first or you will find that your womb is now inhabited with a tiny human that will fart in your hand in 9 months. Just ask January Jones. She’s knocked up and I’m not sure how this happened!

Out of the damn blue, January’s rep announced to People that in a few months she’ll have an adorable bundle of ice:

“January Jones is happy to announce that she is expecting her first child this fall.”

A source tells People that January isn’t saying who the father is, but she’s planning on raising her new baby friend as a single mother!

Maury’s gonna have the perfect show for sweeps, because it could be ANYONE! Like Jason Sudeikis! Or Bobby Flay (insert the ESCANDALO facial expression my abuelita made when the Catholic nun on her novella found out she was with child)! Or that creepy little child touching boy from Mad Men! No, we shouldn’t waste our time with the guesses, because we all know it’s Benicio Del Toro. He struck again.