Alicia Silverstone Is A Virgin Who Can't Drive And Can't Name Babies
But first! We're going to need some theme music to go with this post. Hit it!
Alicia Silverstone is a mom! YAY! Now turn that YAY upside down and you'll get the word that will come out of your mouth after finding out what she named her baby. By the way, YAY upside down is ʎɐʎ, which means "huh" in Hebrew. Alicia and her husband Christopher Jarecki tell People that she birthed out her first vegan baby friend last Thursday and they have named him:
Bear Blu Jarecki
BEAR! Bear is what you describe yourself as on your Manhunt profile when you've got hair on your shoulders and a fupa that won't be ignored. Bear is also what you name your Golden Retriever if you want to be the 123,965th person at your vet's office who has a dog named Bear. Bear blew sounds like what one of John Travolta's sauna hookers writes on his client profile under "describe his performance." Bear Blu is not what you name a baby!
What the hell kind of quinoa is Alicia snorting?
• 
But first! We're going to need some theme music to go with this post. Hit it!
Ahahahahahahahahaha!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
The many names this poor child will be bullied with while on the playground:
"Hey Bear Back!"
"Hey Bear Blu Balls!"
"Hey Care Bear!"
"Hey Beary Blu Balls!"
"Hey Blu-berry!"
"Why so Blu, Bear?"
"Aww, look, it's Teddy Bear!"
She is just plain ridiculous for naming her child this foolishness.
__________________________________
"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
These fucking celebs are too busy sniffing their own farts, feeling all important and godlike,and eating each other's twats to think about going through life being called bear... poor kid can't even use his middle name, blu???
------------------------------------------------
What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
Headline correction: a vegan, yes, but not a virgin!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
Bear Blu??? Idiots.
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:40pm.
Being a Brit, he obviously doesn't know that Jesse, Duke and Huck can regularly be seen trolling the Appalachian hills and mountains on a very regular basis for moonshine and a wee bit o' the meth.
____________________
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
*************
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:57pm.
Queenie- it looks like it just says, "I would for you."
-----------
Thanks!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
These fucks. Almost as bad as Bronx Mowgli.
Submitted by GazingBeauty on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:55pm.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:25pm.
RUTH? :?
Please have mercy on your future child.
I can assure you that I've long since made up my mind that I want no part in bringing another life into this horrible world.
A rabid vegan naming their child after an animal??? Hmmm..
That kid's name should have been Rutabega Turnip Jarecki is she were serious.
Queenie- it looks like it just says, "I would for you."
Blu reminds me of Old School. "You're my boy, Blue! Blue, you're my boy!!"
Submitted by mike on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:25pm.
RUTH? :?
Please have mercy on your future child.
Submitted by Defined1 on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:44pm.
How selfish. As someone with a name a million other people have, I appreciate unique names. But this is too much. Sounds like a gay porn star.
********************************
Hmmm, if you're an over 30 female you must be Heather, Jennifer, Karen, Jessica, Lisa.....
If a guy you must be Jeff, Scott, Dave, Mike (no offense to the Mike in DListed!) Bob/Rob....
:)
________________________________
Dark-sided!
So selfish and dumb. As someone with a name a million other people have, I like unique names. But this is too much. Sounds like a gay porn star.
----------------------------------------------------
It's not that serious.
As someone mentioned, Bear Grylls is a fake name, his real name is Edward Michael Grylls. If he was actually named Bear it might (perhaps) be cool.
And his kids names are ALMOST as dumb as Jamie Oliver's kids names (that also include Bear, as in Buddy Bear).
But Bear Grylls has had an unusual life with a kind of eccentric upbringing so it's not that weird, I guess.
However, the fact that he said his kids, known as Jesse, Duke and Huck (for Marmaduke and Huckelberry) will love their "cool names" when they're 18 is funny. Being a Brit, he obviously doesn't know that Jesse, Duke and Huck can regularly be seen trolling the Appalachian hills and mountains on a very regular basis for moonshine and a wee bit o' the meth.
________________________________
Dark-sided!
I'd LOVE to lick that dude's treasure trail....for an hour.
================================================
"Oh, really? Did she like it?"
"I just love being a whore - you meet the most fascinating paint salesmen and curtain-rod manufacturers!"
Poor Blu Balls. Lack of adequate protein has made Alicia whackadoo in the btainal area.
**************************
"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997
the fuck?
at least this is one baby I think I won't have to worry about, though.
A) His mom is Cher Horowitz, and
B)Cher Horowitz is all healthy now.
We'll see her baby will eat granola with goat's milk and doing mommy/toddler yoga, instead of the usual Hollyweird parenting shenanigans.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Really, in the near future most of the population will be directly related to KFed, Lil' Wayne or a Duggar. We're doomed. -MK
I love the name Bear but for a dog not a human.
Her husband is hot.
************
"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
I really like it, but I don't get freaked out by atypical names. The only kid name I remember really disliking is Apple. I don't know... it bugs me and isn't a pretty sound for a person's name. My absolute favorite though, is Moxie Crimefighter. That is just about the coolest name ever.
Oh yeah, and Bear Gryls is the biggest tool. If you enjoy feeling enraged by someone's non-stop idiocy, then his Man vs. Wild show is for you. It should be called How To Ensure Without Any Question That You Wind Up Dead If You Happen Into The Wilderness.
Her husband is waaaaaay hotter than she is. Ever since she went vegan, she's gotten super fug and that mole on her forehead gets bigger every year. By 2015, she'll be able to star in a remake of the How to Get Ahead in Advertising.
You make me hate my hips! I hate my hips!
Don't these parents ever realize the hell their children will go through during ALL their school years?
Although I reluctantly think that celebrities have the right to bear children. They should not have the right to name them.
Back when I still thought I might someday want kids, I'd wanted to name by daughter Ruth after the rebellious daughter in Evan S. Connell's Mr./Mrs. Bridge books. I liked the idea of naming her after someone head-strong, and Ruth was described as dark, as my kid would likely be.
poor kid !!!!!
So two vegans name their kid after a carnivore?
**************************************************
"Well, sweet Tidy Bowl Jesus skipping on the blue toilet water, we wouldn't want it to get fucking weird, would we?" ~~ Christopher Moore
I plan to name my children after Sylvester Stallone characters - First up, Lincoln Hawk.
--------------------------------------
"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Submitted by megank on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:11pm.
Bear is something you would name a dog. In fact I know a couple of Bear dogs.
One of my best friends named his son after my late dog. It was a cool name, and he was a cool dog!
Bear Grylls' first name is Edward. His three sons are named Jesse, Marmaduke, and Huckleberry.
I think if I had kids I'd name them Snoopy and Speed Racer, just to feel like a celebrity dumbass.
**********************************
"Can't you just be satisfied with if I'm wrong about god, I'll burn in hell?"
Wow. Just wow.
Kid's gonna get an ass-kicking every damned day on the playground.
Maybe Alicia's Tofurkey burger went rancid and clouded her judgement in the baby naming category...
____________________________________________
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:13pm.
Such a great movie.
I am constantly quoting Mean Girls and Clueless. Usually goes over the heads of my nerdy coworkers...sometimes they get it though.
**************************************************************
Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
I used to LOVE watching "Bear in the Big Blue House." Made me feel soooo incredibly smart!
--------------------------------------
"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
Does his tattoo say "I would fuck you"?
Do celebrities not name their children normal names any more? What's wrong with Stephen or Elizabeth?
SMH
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
I loved Clueless though. Lot's of classic lines. That was the first time I heard "Hand holding friend of Dorothy."
Bear and the big blue house.
*cries* WHY GOD WHY! Why do kids have to grow up?!!?
*curses iCarley, Big Time Rush and Spoonge Boob*
Bear is something you would name a dog. In fact I know a couple of Bear dogs.
Awwww Alicia Silverstone gave birth to a tiny little gay porn star. I hope someone at the baby shower bought him a xxxxxs studded leather jock and matching harness to prepare him for his future career. We should all pray that the poor kid doesn't end up as a twink because a twink called Bear is an insult to us all.
When will the wacky celebrity baby name trend die? It's not even interesting, just pitiful.
Bear Blu? Has she been watching too much Blue's Clues?
CLUELESS ALICIA!
*sigh* I miss this show. It was the bestest.
♥ Threadkilla!
Pose Like a Chola:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUWN3wBUGr8
Anthony Kiedis gave his son the middle name of Bear (he's part Native American from the Bear Clan) - what's Alicia's excuse?
The 'Blu' part just reminds me of toilet cleaners.
Has she been looking at our 'Caption This' competition?
Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Mon, 05/09/2011 - 4:03pm.
Haha I just posted this on OP...
I thoguht it was stupid but then I remembered about that Bear Grylls guy and I always thought his name was cool.
----------------------------------------------
You beat me to it. I think Bear Grylls is hot, plus if we ever get lost in the forest or whatever, he could make fire, kill a deer and build us shelter with his bare hands.
She will have a girl named Elk Periwink, trust.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I miss Tutter!! :)I wonder if he still gets scared at night?!
______________________________________________
Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
______________________________________________
Wow, just wow. Absolutely horrendous. What a moron.
_____________________________________________
"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
My head literally snapped BACK upon reading that horrid name they saddled that innocent baby with. Wow.
Submitted by mike: I still LOVE Alicia for her snub of Hasselcrack that one time on The View.
______________________________________________
Oooo! Details please!
***********************************************
"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
Haha I just posted this on OP...
I thoguht it was stupid but then I remembered about that Bear Grylls guy and I always thought his name was cool.
ALways loved ALicia but I guess her next child will be a girl named Wolfie Yello??
______________________________________________
Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
______________________________________________
I like Blu Balls better. But, that's me. I'm a traditionalist.