Oprah Channels Tony Robbins For Her Final Show
You know how Courtney Love said that if you drink Ayahuasca tea a wise old black man will take you on fantastical journey of spiritual fuckery, or some shit? I think Courtney Love got it wrong. If you drink Ayahuasca, you'll hallucinate the final episode of Oprah, because that shit took me into the roots of a mighty oak tree and didn't let me go. Oprah PREACHED (in ALL-CAPS like that) hard.
Oprah didn't come out, rip off her skin suit and reveal she's the real Jesus before telling the audience to look under their seats for VIP tickets to the Rapture. Gayle also didn't come out, grab Oprah by the hand and lead her to a church where all her past guests greeted her with smiles. None of that happened. Instead, Oprah spent the entire hour preaching out a motivational speech and reflecting on what she's learned during the past 25 years. Even Maya Angelou was like, "Too much, girl. Too much." Here's a few pieces of what The Mighty O said today:
Your real job in life is to figure out what your calling is, and then do it.You can help somebody, you can listen, you can forgive, you can heal, you have the power to change someone’s life. Start embracing the life that is calling you, and use your life to serve the world.
Take responsibility for your life. You are responsible for the energy you create for yourself and the energy you bring to others.
You don’t have to depend on anyone else. ’Jerry Maguire’ was just a movie. No one completes you.
Pay it forward. Be that safe harbor for somebody else. Connect, embrace, liberate, love somebody, just one person, then spread that to two, then as many as you can. You’ll see the difference it makes.
For all of you who get riled up when I mention God and you want to know which God I’m talking about, I’m talking about the same one you’re talking about. I’m talking about the alpha and omega, the omniscient, the underpresent, the ultimate consciousness, the source, the force, the all of everything there is, the one and only G-o-d. That’s the one I’m talking about. God is love. And god is life. And your life is always speaking to you.
THE HELL?! I thought Oprah was going to spend the hour spilling the real shit. You know, talking about how she once got drunk and made out with Suze Orman in her meditation room. Or how Dr. Phil always has coke breath. Or how she and Gayle fried up that wagon of lard she brought out and ate it with a side of home fries. Instead of that, Oprah spewed out a bunch of lyrics from a Lady Gaga song. What the hell kind of farewell is that?!
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Good-bye and good riddance.
I'm glad to see the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) is flailing. Hope she's off television for good and goes off to her billion dollar mansions. Of course, I should know better that Oprah is too egotistical to shut her trap for the rest of her life. She'll find a way to give her stupid advice on television even if OWN is taken off the air.
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I don't care if you just suffered through a double leg amputation. When Prince orders you to move, you twerk those stumps with all your might. - Michael K
good. glad the overated cow is off to pasture to moo unheard on some obscure cable station that i won't see.
who in the fuck did she and others think she fucking was? a fucking no self control fat shit closet case who got rich and full of herself. from harpo to own, what a fat load of narcissistic shit. GLAD ITS FINALLY OFF MY BROADCAST TV SIDEWALK!
Never watched the show but I LOVE the magazine-Opie's alright in my book!
Aw, Mr. M, you do know how to make a puppy blush!
Pure poetry, ain't it?
I see you and Las Wages survived the Rapture!
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
Jesus H. Christ, what an exit! It was all I could do not to throw up during that damn video. I agree with whoever said it was like a sermon. UGH. Just GTFO, already!
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I'm here for your entertainment...
Submitted by Dog on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 6:46pm.
Oprah Winfrey's gone for good.
Doo dah, doo dah.
Left out of the neighborhood,
Oh doo dah day!
No more moral speeches,
No more Tom Cruise screeches.
Still won't tell us if she's gay
Oh doo dah daaaaaaaaay.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck Oprah.
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Dog!! That was lovely. You are talent itself.
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
Oprah Winfrey's gone for good.
Doo dah, doo dah.
Left out of the neighborhood,
Oh doo dah day!
No more moral speeches,
No more Tom Cruise screeches.
Still won't tell us if she's gay
Oh doo dah daaaaaaaaay.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuck Oprah.
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
Oprah is a smart business woman, but proved to be a vacant human being over the years. Her vast wealth paid for cloying emotion and New Age-y approaches to telling everyone how much better she was, without actually saying so. I suspect the sun will come up tomorrow without her show.
"Seymour!! You said you'd never get married until you bought me an iron lung!"
OMG! My mother said the SAME thing! She said, "Am I watching an Anthony Robbins infomercial? It's only 4:30 pm." Seriously, it was just like that.
She's so smart that wise old black man musta been her daddy.
"Too much, girl, too much"
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*dreams James Haven is my baby daddy*
I don't care what anyone says.
I love Oprah as much as I love Michael K . Both did things their way no matter and did not allow let criticism or anything else stop them from living their life and doing things the way they want it done. Both are a success with their own talent. The ability to speak and use their brains for good.
Oprah's last words were inspiring and much like a speech given at graduation. Except she told the truth. She as a woman probably more successful than any woman by using her brains. She's not a singer, Oscar winning actress, and did not discriminate. She's helped open doors for many people and have given more than any other celebrity I've known. Despite the hate she's getting she's given back and made many people happy. Also very empowering for women that we can conquer anything using our brains and not just our bodies to get what we want out of life. She's made a lot of people happy and feel better about themselves. She tackled issues that others were afraid or kept it in the dark at a time when it was taboo to talk about some subjects. That is why she was the most successful as a woman. She inspired others to have talk shows as well. This woman opened a lot of doors for women, and people who people looked down on their lifestyle. Oprah welcomed it. It was about everything and every subject. Can't say she didn't fulfilled many dreams because she has more than a lot of people in her position.
Oprah doesn't give a fuck about anything but $$$ and power. I hope she loses everything one day. Then maybe she'll remember where she came from and lose that God-awful ego of hers.
And I don't care if it's fucked up to say that.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
OPRAH IS HERE TO STAYYYYYYYYY. Frankly, I haven't watched her in a coon's age [mostly when I was a young house-wifey/mommy] so I'm impressed that she kept a loyal audience for as long as she did. That's some serious success but too bad she didn't keep a little more of her humility which was part of her charm in the early days.
Nope. She is not giving up her throne, just transitioning to another mega-power venue.
I'll just have to stick to wishing Lindsay and GaGa into a cornfield.
You have to hand it to her, though...she started out poor as dirt and became the richest lady in America. Yes, I think she takes herself entirely too seriously, but at least she's putting some positivity out there.
Oprah is the whitest black girl I "know." Enjoy retirement... must be nice.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
"Submitted by Tigerlilly on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:56pm.
Submitted by Mopa on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:53pm.
Good Fucking Riddance you egotistical windbag!
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except for that whole HER OWN NETWORK thing...Oprah is an asshole itch that you can't scratch away, face it."
Not even if you dig your finger in? lol!
I don't have that fucking OWN channel and wouldn't watch it if I did.
She's become a legend,
in her own mind.
Submitted by Mopa on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:53pm.
Good Fucking Riddance you egotistical windbag!
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except for that whole HER OWN NETWORK thing...Oprah is an asshole itch that you can't scratch away, face it.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Good Fucking Riddance you egotistical windbag!
Well done Oprah, not this last show which was wtf but in your career. You took all the strikes against you as dictated by the United Racists/Haters States of America and flipped them over and stomped on them. There are so many who are gonna use your blueprint in business to succeed. Yeah there's been some cheesy moments but you still rock and inspired a whole generation of black girls. I'm gonna be keeping an eye on what you are doing. You better not end up in celeb rehab if your network doesn't work out.
One day Geraldo will look to this, reflect on his own career and say, "Yeah, the Al Capone vault thing was a bust....BUT MOTHER OF GOD! Talk about some disappointing, crappy tv. My career may have suffered but at least I didn't ego fuck myself out of a network..."(Watch this crapfest will affect OWN)
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
"Oprah spewed out a bunch of lyrics from a Lady Gaga song. "
OMG mk!!!! ahahahaha DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEEN
Stop telling me what to do, bitch! damn!
Submitted by kieranx on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:11pm.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES!! I get so angered and irritated by her, I can't form rational sentences (as you could tell).
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I know it!!! Wonder what kind of hell besides the OWN crappy network we'll have to put with now.
Glad I missed it and goodbye! Now LEAVE!!!
1. OMG the fat wagon, I remember that! Damn, even when she was thin she still had that big ol' hayd.
2. Is coke bref a for real thing? I don't hang out with any cokeheads. Someone please tell me.
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Only a ginger can call another ginger "ginger." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLLYO8Hd_sE
Such a snoozefest! I couldn't believe how boring it was. Can you imagine finally landing a ticket to her show, the last show, and then having to sit through THAT?
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Good bye, good riddance, and get lost! She is the most over rated celebrity, ever.
This whole last season has been a disappointment. She was talking about how special every episode would be and they were D-U-L-L.
Submitted by ashthash - Is it weird that this reminds me a little of the final Roseanne episode, with all of the reminiscing/life lessons BS? (minus the trashiness, of course) *walks away, gets struck by lightening*
Too funny, I was thinking of Roseanne in my post too...Only the time lapse of how Roseanne physically changed over the years is what I was looking for from Oprah.
Pay it Forward was also a movie. Just sayin'
Meh. I haven't seen an episode of Oprah since the '90s.
Oprah will never need a colonoscopy because she just stuck her head so far up her own ass that the whole world has seen the inside of her entire colon through her eyes...I mean as if the star studded ego fapping was not enough. IT LED UP TO THIS FUCKERY???? *punches self for thinking that Opes was gonna adopt a poverty stricken AIDS ridden Afican village and make it healthy, educated and self sufficent by (insert impossible year here)...No...THIS WOMAN'S EGO KNOWS NO BOUNDS!!!!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Is it over yet??? Gahhhhh.
"as am I..."
Submitted by Dsmoke on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:08pm.
Submitted by kieranx on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:05pm.
God, I despise this massive suckhole of an ego-wild cunt.
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metoometoometoo. For some reason when it comes to her I can't verbalize how much I can't stand her.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YES!! I get so angered and irritated by her, I can't form rational sentences (as you could tell).
You make me hate my hips! I hate my hips!
not everybody is consoled by snark.
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"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions..There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to - the Twilight Zone."
Submitted by kieranx on Wed, 05/25/2011 - 5:05pm.
God, I despise this massive suckhole of an ego-wild cunt.
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metoometoometoo. For some reason when it comes to her I can't verbalize how much I can't stand her.
Is it weird that this reminds me a little of the final Roseanne episode, with all of the reminiscing/life lessons BS? (minus the trashiness, of course) *walks away, gets struck by lightening*
Somehow it just makes her even more uninteresting.
God, I despise this massive suckhole of an ego-wild cunt.
You make me hate my hips! I hate my hips!
Who did what now?
I heard it was going to be heavy on the religious talk. I am really hoping they start reruns of the OG episodes with the KKK, when the show resembled something more like Jerry Springer.
So freaking glad we don't have to hear about the final show again and again and again anymore! I am sooo sick of her. I thought the final show was last week. She needs to get over herself.
Didn't ever watch and not about to today. Although if it had been one hour of time lapse photography chronicling Oprah's hair and weight over past 25 years, maybe, just maybe, I would have tuned in.
The final O is on in 20 minutes. I don't watch her anymore because every time I turn her on it's a show about something that caused misery, but I'm watching today!
A self-help cliché-o-rama. /yawn/
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"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
Definitely starting her own religion. It sounded like a sermon