How Did This Beauty NOT Win American Idol?
I've said this before, but without Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul, I just couldn't get into this season of American Idol. I'm being generous when I say that I probably watched an hour of the entire season. But I did watch last 30 minutes of last night's finale and went through the pictures from that mess this morning. And after doing this, my question is: What is wrong with this country?! Why didn't Naima Adedapo wrap that shit up last night? Who could deny a vote to an alien who looks like she plays the role of Claudette Wells in the reboot of Square Pegs that only shows in Venus? This is a travesty! I have no idea if her singing voice sounds like a deaf hyena getting choked out while trying to make a pigeon call, but American Idol hasn't been a singing competition for a long ass time. It's a really a competition to see whose family members can put together the largest speed-dialing calling center.
Seriously, it seems like whenever they go to the contestant's hometowns, they always show their friends and family DIALING FOR THEIR LIVES in some restaurant that has been turned into campaign headquarters. American Idol should only count votes from rotary telephones, because people should have to work for that shit. I want to see somebody's grandma flip the hell out every time she dialed the wrong number and had to start again.
Anyway, Scotty McCreery won American Idol last night. If you ask me, the only competition he should've won is America's Next Top Mad Magazine Cover Model. Yes, I watched him sing a bit, and nope, didn't do it for me. In fact, he McCreeped me out a bit.
Scotty looks about 30 seconds out of the womb and he has the voice of A MAN! There's a reason why balls don't drop during infancy. It's so that your baby doesn't sound like Barry White. But that's just me hating again. I'm sure Scotty McCreery will have a career as big as the last ho who won American Idol. Whoever that is.
Here's a few pictures from last night's finale. The theme of the night was obviously: LOOK A MESS! In order: my beauty icon, Scotty with the second place girl, JLo's bedazzled vag, Broke Lewis, Carrie Underwood, David Archuleta, Jack Black, Janice Dickinson, Lil Jon, Aunt Becky, Randy Jackson and Tim McGraw (I so would).
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I think Janice Dickinson is so desperate for attention the bitch would really go to the opening of an envelope...
I loved Naima and Pia...and the few rockin' dudes...and the nerdy one with the beard...when they got voted off I quit watching...I hate cuntry music, and think America's voting public is all a bunch of rednecks in mom jeans...so fuck AI...and JLo's ever changing face is scary...anyone would look good with millions to spend on nips and tucks..but I think Steven Tyler has lost his edgy rock credibility with this mainstream momjean wearing bullshit of a show...
Submitted by Nikkola on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:50am
I SO disagree!! I think her outfit is really cute.
And Naima herself is gorgeous. The blue-eyed, blonde standard of beauty is dull and cookie-cutter to me, so I can appreciate her eclectic look and style. LOVE her locs. Sexy full lips. Plus, she seems like a fun and interesting person.
@ricki_lake: I know you're infamous on Dlisted for your misanthropic rants, and I generally find them to be spot on. But the whole "I hope she gets raped and murdered. . ." spiel was a bit much (for me, at least). Geez, just cuz you didn't like her singing?
I give all AI contestants credit (though I don't watch the show anymore b/c the idea of J.Lo judging a singing contest is entirely TOO ludicrous to me). You know, at least they're TRYING to proffer a talent, not just videotaping themselves sucking dick in night-vision, or getting fake butt surgery and then videotaping themselves getting pissed on.
Jennifer, honey, it's not 1997 and this is not a remake of Selena. Just saying.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Janice Dickenson. Why???
) I guess you haven't heard of Linda Ronstadt, Freddy Fender, Alejandro Escovedo, Raul Malo, etc. - LATINOS WHO ALL SING COUNTRY
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Nope! Only Linda and I can't name one song she sang!!!
and for what its worth - I hate Palin, Beck, etc. Not my party. But mama taught me to never talk politics or religion at the table.
*Slurps margarita, chows tortillas*
JHO made a fool of herself, yet again. Why won't this untalented nasty cunt just go away? She is so disgusting!
Who the HELL invited Janice??? And WHY???????
And all that plastic surgery and she still looks like shit and her skin looks like snake skin sheding...
Original Super Model... back in 1901.
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One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11
That Naima person looks like Taylor Swift around the eyes.
She reminds me of Sade: weird voice, but cool presence and totally stunning (and the Nigerian bit)
A bunch of has-been contestants and Janice Dickson trying to give head while j-lo's fat ass runs around. Looks like a great party. YAWN!
Overall the performances were fair to good, but Lady Gaga's performance with the simulated sex was not appropriate for teens and tweens who are the show's main audience. (ENOUGH ALREADY, Female pop singers with the stripping, sex, s&m.) I didn't take the joint tumble as suicide, THAT would have been even more inappropriate for kids, but as jumping off a precipice, edge of glory.
Submitted by catfight357 on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:19am.
I am a little confused as to why the media is saying Scotty is the first LATINO to win American Idol. The kid is probably 1/36th PR
#1 - how many Latinos do YOU know named Scotty?
#2 - his last name begins with Mc
#3 - he has fucking freckles & blue eyes
#4 - last I checked, he sings country. Bitch wasn't covering any Menudo songs, was he?
So well said. These are the attitudes which have made Arizona and Georgia great!
1) FYI, my last name is Austrian, and I'm as Latina as they come.
2) My last name ends with a "ch" and I'm as Latina as they come.
3) I don't have freckles and blue eyes, but one of my grandmothers had green eyes, and the other had freckles.
4) I guess you haven't heard of Linda Ronstadt, Freddy Fender, Alejandro Escovedo, Raul Malo, etc. - LATINOS WHO ALL SING COUNTRY.
The ignorance and narrow-mindedness of most Americans is beyond appalling. I guess that's why idiots such as Palin, Bachmann and Beck are so appealing to some similarly brain-challenged folks. Bravo. And congratulations to Scotty "Yeah I'm A PR, What Of It?" McCreery, our new American Idol!
didn't watch a minute and don't know what these folks sound like. but Naima is beautiful and i hope she never has to clean up after nasty ass people ever again.
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"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions..There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices. And the pity of it is that these things cannot be confined to - the Twilight Zone."
Pia should have won but I understand the frustration some have with her.
Isn't this like the 3rd or 4th person from North Carolina to win?
Try as he might, McCreery cannot tamp down his "Scotty From The Block" inbred Puerto Rican dress sense! Tell me that in that silver jacket and those funky too-long white pants that he doesn't look like the male ingenue from a telenovela! He's ready for an ESCANDALO for sure. Chuchifrito!
Well, he might have latino ancestors, and yes latinos come in every shade of the rainbow (black, brown, even white with blue eyes and freckles)
Submitted by mike on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 12:06pm.
She said, "This is the biggest thing to happen in Garner since the explosion at the Slim Jim plant!!"
There was an explosion a few years ago at a ConAgra plant that produced Slim Jims.
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OMFG! Sometimes I watch the local news for simply the "entertainment". That had me LMAO! Thanks for the quote.
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Submitted by catfight357 on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:19am.
I am a little confused as to why the media is saying Scotty is the first LATINO to win American Idol. The kid is probably 1/36th PR
#1 - how many Latinos do YOU know named Scotty?
#2 - his last name begins with Mc
#3 - he has fucking freckles & blue eyes
#4 - last I checked, he sings country. Bitch wasn't covering any Menudo songs, was he?
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I agree. I'm 1/2 latina and while it is a part of me I look like a white girl. Hell, I start burning in the sun after 10 minutes. Never learned to speak spanish (big mistake) but it wasn't spoken in my home. My mother tried very hard not to be seen as latina. Scotty, you are no latino...
Also, I can't stand this little dude. I know he's just a kid at 17 but his wombat eyes and dopey expressions make me wanna puke. Just like all the previous years, I watched the beginning initial auditions, lost interest, and watched the final show. I really just like to watch all the delusional people out there who think they can sing, and some of the nut jobs that make it on TV.
~~~ What doesn't kill you will make you stronger ~~~
Carrie's thigh muscles scare me a little bit.
"Nowadays, you can get dick, kittens, whiskey, weed and nachos delivered to your front door at all hours." -MK
TIM MCGRAW NOM NOM NOM.
That's all I have to say.
Why? 'Cause she's too fat. Look at those legs! What does she weight? Like 90 lbs? OMG!
And her high heels aren't high enough. They're not pushing her butt out another 10 inches.
That hick boy's from an adjacent small town, so I've heard more than I've ever cared to about his win. The best comment I've heard came from a country woman interviewed at a viewing party by a local newscaster. She said, "This is the biggest thing to happen in Garner since the explosion at the Slim Jim plant!!"
There was an explosion a few years ago at a ConAgra plant that produced Slim Jims.
alfred e newman was a fucking novelty act that pimped jesus, soldiers and apple pie. the voting populace of idol are dumb shitbags that buy anything wrapped in that shit. durbin rocked. casey was cool. at first. naima was fucking hawt, exotic looking with a hawt body. i found her to be more sexually attractive than pia who was bland in comparison. naima really cut loose for a second during umbrella. haley was almost hawt, cept she has a bad case of fish face in around the eyes. nose job?
hated the karen chick that tried to pimp everything latino for jennifer. the lauren girl is too immature and godamn she's pug dog ugly with all that sweaty assed makeup, she looked like a washed up 47 year old bucket of blood barfly pig on food stamps trading face fucks for watered down booze.
durbin should have won.
-just an angry guy with a bag of (raul duke's) dicks
JLo's sexy face makes her look like she's taking a shit.
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
I once woke up realizing I'd had an erotic dream starring Scotty.
**runs out of thread howling*
I got up and made tea when CaCa came on. FUCKING HATE HER.
Do you really think Lady Gaga was simulating suicide? (That's a real question)
Because to me it was more like "going over the edge" in a metaphorical sense, like taking risks, going to the next level, etc.
Of course, I didn't catch all the lyrics. It very well could have been about suicide. She was definitely simulating the other, however. :)
I thought the fall at the end was kinda cool.
*hides*
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
Submitted by Nikkola on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 11:04am.
I deserve that for being lazy but you missed the part where I said FUCK OFF.
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k bt ur mad becuz ur gay soooo idk mybe ur a bish c u l8r jeliz ho
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by Nikkola on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 11:02am.
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:57am.
RUDE! She ain't walking the street - she gotta get up on stage!
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i'm just playing. if you watched the show and saw the shit she wore on stage, you would know these are her "street clothes"
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LMAO! Ok, then. You win. LOL!
♥ Threadkilla!
EveryStrangersEyes long lost baby video uncovered!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAQra8wJ0ws
(thanks sugarfreeredbull:)
Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:56am.
jlo iz a ho & a B idgaf wut u say bout sht kk bb
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I deserve that for being lazy but you missed the part where I said FUCK OFF.
I did watch last night and I knew Scotty (Alfred E Neuman) would win. He is a country music producer's wet dream. I wanted Haley to win - she took risks and really had the "it" factor.
Lady Gag-me was simulating suicide and sex. How Edgy! I'm sure the 10-16 year old viewers loved it.
Bono is looking more and more like Robin Williams in leather and shades.
Skeletor was really rattlin' dem bones. I have to admit to getting a bit turned on by JLo shaking that ass.
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
— William Goldman
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:57am.
RUDE! She ain't walking the street - she gotta get up on stage!
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i'm just playing. if you watched the show and saw the shit she wore on stage, you would know these are her "street clothes"
That pic of Janice with her arms crossed in front of her - LOOK AT THE CROC SKIN. Awful.
she needs to shut her mouth before I throw a fucking red hot poker in there.
Um, Scotty is NOT Latino. I would be insulted if I was Latino if I heard him claim to be.
Also, whatever Ricki said.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
RUDE! She ain't walking the street - she gotta get up on stage!
♥ Threadkilla!
EveryStrangersEyes long lost baby video uncovered!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAQra8wJ0ws
(thanks sugarfreeredbull:)
Submitted by Nikkola on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:53am.
Also, JLO is beautiful idgaf what anyone says, I love her weave and more importantly, WHERE IS PAUL?!
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jlo iz a ho & a B idgaf wut u say bout sht kk bb
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Also, JLO is beautiful idgaf what anyone says, I love her weave and more importantly, WHERE IS PAUL?!
...yes I did watch until Paul got kicked off, it was my guilty pleasure and all of you "too good" for American Idol can go fuck off.
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 9:39am.
Thank you for that. Same. I don't even think her outfit's that bad. But I'm not crazy, right?
Am I? So confused....
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Her outfit is ABYSMAL. Silver jeans? If you don't think it's bad then yes, you must be crazy.
when Pia got booted is when I stopped watching because it didn't make any sense.
if the purpose of the show is to crown pop princes and princesses, Pia had everything one would look for, PLUS talent.
although I do buy into the theory that they don't let the real potentials win...they use the time between when they're booted off and when the show ends to prepare them for the inevitable thrust into the spotlight.
I mean which one of the winners still has a record deal one year after they win? 'member that Kris guy who won instead of Glamberace? Ruben? the premature gray guy? please, even 'Tasia and Kelly Clarkson have fallen off.
not that I watch the show or anything *clears throat* :D
Good God Janice - shut your mouth and keep your legs together!
@ letinstar - me neither. Used to watch some of the auditions, but haven't in years.
that jlo pic is funny like that guy is pulling her hair
like whoa! calm down B!tch
*tell em get in line and kiss your ass MUAH!*
You don't even know. This alien queen was fabulous. She made everything a dance hall booty shaker or an African drum circle. She spit out hot fire improvising a rap verse in Rihanna's Umbrella. She even screamed "Boom FIYAH!" during a performance. Oh yeah, and she's been part of a variety of Rastafarian bands for years. This delicate flower was crushed by the hand of the judge's save when she easily should have blossomed into the next American Idol.
I tried to watch & like AI this season but it just wasn't there. *sigh*
As for the ball drop...my sil's kid was born with only one. The drs. told her the other could drop but it never did. She even considered having an implant put in for pyschological & aesthetic reasons.
"as am I..."
Whoa I didn't know Scotty was "Latino." Weird. No, he doesn't look it, and he did not even try incorporating that into his image at all so I don't think it counts.
Kanderso that is exactly why I hated Karen too. It's like, just because you and JLo can spit out some crap-ass junior high version of Spanish as opposed to real native speakers don't give you two no lame fake bitch bond or nothing. Plus, she was bland as hell, and much, MUCH better singers didn't even make it past auditions.
PIA...forgot...I thought she was ooglay on the show, but I can see the hotness now. She WAS a good singer, and I know this girl who grew up with Pia in Queens and says homegirl is constantly flying between NY and LA, is recording, dating Mark Ballas (who I still really think is gay, causa A, he is, B, I have amazing gaydar, and C, he was way too into Melissa Joan Hart when he was her partner), and basically being an all-out famewhore, so...I can't hate. Even though she reminds me of and will surely share the same fate of the only other famous Pia the world has ever known: that useless, toilet paper cozy of a penish sheath human being, the gloriously untalented and personality-less Pia Zadora. Google pics of her now to see the damage age and famewhorism has done to her once average face. Pia, you in danger girl.
its a shame when such an ugly girl has such a great STYLE
www.lowbrowsophisticate.com
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 9:49am.
Balls most certainly do drop before birth MK! Were you a preemie?
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I wondered about that comment too! My sons had their balls when they were born or as my cousin calls them "boy parts."
I wanna know why JBlow's hair looks so dry? Doesn't she spend some good money on it? Why can't her hair dresser give her a hot oil treatment and a deep gloss for that fried looking crap? Every time I see JBlow, her hair looks liked dried twigs.
Poor Lauren Alaina. Dealt with the stress all season by eating. That's ok girl, now that it's all over and you didn't win or anything you can go back to being a semi-fat anonymous nobody now instead of copping another network's reality show crown as the show's Biggest fucking Loser ever. Luckily, with your talent, the Georgarkansalabaman county fairs will maybe call for a couple years, and your middling bumpkin looks might be able to land and entrap through pregnancy some backcountry manboy who will probably stay with you for a couple years after the baby is born before going out for smokes and never coming back, both effectually completing the cycle of you becoming your mother in all of her tragic, cliched rookie hick mistakes that will surely inspire you to write some crap-ass country song about wanting a daddy and shit that you will never record or be able to sing for anyone other than your dumb baby who isn't all that pretty, intelligent, or special and given his daddy's criminal sperm will probably end up in jail by the age of 18. Good luck Lauren! Love ya!** Kisses!* U did so good! XOXO
Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:05am.
Just glad that A, James fucking Durbin didn't even make it to the finale, and B, those blumpkins KAREN (ugh, hated that ugly fucking cunt) and dancing village retard Naima didn't make it far. Fucking HAAAAATE Naima. Go back to scrubbing my piss of the concrete of Shea Stadium, dump, cuz that's where you be spendin' the rest of yo life. I just hope you don't accidentally slip and fall forward, all donkey-faced and oogly-limbed as your gigantic open mouth and all its crooked horsey toofs falls onto the corner of a certain cement stair while my stolid and swift intentioned foot of evolutionary justice deftly splits your goddamn fucking Cro-Magnon melon head in two in a gloriously bloody and retributionary display of wanton bloodlust and orgiastic vengeance in protest against the karaoke tragedies you unleashed upon us for at least three weeks during the live shows. Piss-washing Stadium Maid clump. Hope a rich Frenchy rapes and murders you on his wife's dime.
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amazing tale of rage, resentment & anger. We would be great friends.
Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 05/26/2011 - 10:05am.
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Haha, my husband HATED Naima. He even got pissed last night when they brought her back (I make him watch Idol and although he claims to hate it, he has strong opinions on every single contestant). Truth be told, Naima was kind of fun on stage, but she had a shitty voice.
I hated Karen Rodriguez. Something about her mannerisms and appearance plus the fact that she refused to sing any song without busting out at least one round of the chorus in Espanol. I mean, could you try any harder to bait J Lo???? Ugh, she was annoying.
I also hated Pia a little bit. She was super pretty and had pipes, but had this weird robot-y thing going on. Plus she was a little bit too Celine Dion for me.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen