Kim Kardashian To Become Kim Humphries

Above is Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian demonstrating the "dick to belly button" pose for their upcoming book Kima Kardashian Sutra. Speaking of wrong things, Kim has kreated khaos in the Kardashian kastle by telling people that she will take Kris Humphries' last name after she marries him in two months. Kim Kardashian is about to become Kim Humphries, which makes zero sense since Kim never humps for free. (Kim's ass ate the GONG, so you can't get me this time.)

A source tells TMZ that Kim is telling everybody she's going to defy the laws of the Kardashian oath by erasing the Kardashian from her full name. This move will probably melt the Botox in Pimp Mama Kris Kardashian's face, because she recently said this to Popeater: "I don’t think she should take his name and be Kim Humphries ... She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she’s worked so hard to get where she is.”

Oh, Mama Kris.... You left out a few words in there. Delusion got your tongue again, so let me help you out. "She needs to be Kim Kardashian because she's worked a hard dick to get where she is." There, now we're all making sense.

As for Kim becoming Kim Humphries, it's not right. All of her attention whoring powers come from that last name. It's like taking lucite from Shauna Sand. It's illegal and it's wrong. Making fun of a painted rubber oven mitt named Kim Humphries is not the same. Why can't Kris Humphries just make the devil cackle louder by taking her last name? The world is already a terrible place, so we might as well make it even more terrible by adding another Kris Kardashian.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 8:36pm.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 5:21pm.

@urmomma

Kumphries.

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LOL! That works.

♥ Threadkilla!
EveryStrangersEyes long lost baby video uncovered!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAQra8wJ0ws (thanks sugarfreeredbull:)
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too

Submitted by babybunny on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 8:34pm.

yeah, they really look in love...Pimp Mamma Kris is by far the worse of this Whoretastic disgusting clan....she is the worse kind of mother ever created..a manipulative skank whore...and trust I despise Kim, Kourtney, and the beastly Khloe to their core, but it is this moraless skank of a mother that keeps this shit shoved down the throat of America...this bitch is famous for being peed on...the other ones fugly, fuglier and fugliest...their mama is the devil...end of story.

Submitted by Hotmami on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 5:19pm.

*looks at Kim Kardashians life*

*looks at my own life*

Damn, I guess being a (somewhat) morally sound, honest person will get you nowhere.

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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele

Submitted by colt13 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 5:13pm.

Submitted by mikidais on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 2:11pm.

This Kartrashian clan is so fucking stupid-someday(I pray) they will run out of all their money. You just know they blow money (literally). It is sickening. Pimp mama Kris is just gearing up her ugly sluts to marry some NBA money.
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Kris is probably scouting the X-Games to find an underage athlete for Kylie or Kendall.

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:31pm.

Submitted by Phoebe on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:35pm.
He's holding her like he's afraid she'll rub off on his suit.
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That is funny.

@BNS
Hee.hee.

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Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK

Submitted by not shocked on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:27pm.

this is just a business arrangement. she be tasting the chocolate on the side after her prenup is secured. she will end up like Eva Longoria pretending her husband cheated when the whole time she was doing Penny Cruz's little brother when Tony was out on the road. Girl has a type and it ain't Shrek.

Submitted by govt_cheese on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:15pm.

She seems very comfortable in this position. New reality show: My Big Fat Ass Wedding.

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As useless as a saggy pair of tits

Submitted by boston61 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:13pm.

Sometimes she looks like a dude. Like in this shot. I think all the plastic surgery was to feminize her face. The same way that trannies do.

Submitted by boston61 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 4:12pm.

Kochroachian infestation!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 3:51pm.

@urmomma

Kumphries.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 3:50pm.

Will this be the preferred honeymoon urination angle?
Those Kardasians plan everything!

Submitted by RockstarDani on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 3:16pm.

I love how this relationship has been non-existent and now all of a sudden, bap! boom! she's engaged! She reminds me of the twats I go to school with who are in a deep, serious relationship one minute, then next minute they break up with the guy and start a new relationship with another even lamer guy...and then they're engaged! And at this point the girls usually coo and coo about how much they love and can't be without the person...then they break up the engagement. I know too many people like this.

"I make myself sick, Get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure,Grown up nerd."
-Fat lip (The Pharcyde)

Submitted by Phoebe on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 3:05pm.

And believe me, hon, Kim K. doesn't even know how to spell physics.
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Oh, Dr. VitaminF, of course Kim can spell it - she goes to them people all the time to have her fortune told.

He's holding her like he's afraid she'll rub off on his suit.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:58pm.

Vitamin F, I hear ya. sometimes I get so mad at my parents for raising me with morals!

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Don't call it a "comeback"
I've been here for years
-LL Cool J

Submitted by vegaschick on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:52pm.

This is all for publicity, she has no intention of changing her last name. Kim is smart enough to know that her name is her brand.

Kim will play her role, collect her millions from the wedding sponsorships and then kick Howdy Doodie to the curb a year later. I've seen a lot of their pics on the net and they have absolutely no spark or chemistry between them.

Submitted by VitaminF on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:40pm.

@ Twat Muffin @ stefystef

Thanks guys, when I am too tired to even cook and feed myself, the bitterness just oozes out of the pores for such useless members of society such as Whorashians.

Yep, thats my cat in the avie, he was 5 months old when the pic was taken, he is 6yrs old now and a devil in a catsuit.

Submitted by mikidais on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:41pm.

Kim is not going to age well-just wait and see.

Submitted by NDNchief on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:36pm.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:36pm.
<"Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:08am.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:41am.

Read this morning that sister of hers with the husband are getting jeers and snickers in Hamptons restaurants and clubs.
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Where did you read it?">

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2011/06/01/2011-06-01_hampton_season_b...

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Thanks for the article link. I will enjoy the Kartrashian fall from the media heights. with relish.

Submitted by Centaurious on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:29pm.

It's a good thing she's a midget who dates only athletes, or she'd be needing knee replacement surgery at this point.

_____________________________
GERONIMO!

Submitted by Twat Muffin on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:28pm.

Vitamin F -- awwww, your kittycat didn't mean to ruin your dress (but probably did!). I have a crazy cat, too. Is that your kitty in your avie? Just adorable. And believe me, hon, Kim K. doesn't even know how to spell physics.

Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:26pm.

Hearing about this makes me a little happy, since her last name was her brand, I'm hoping her relivancy goes away like her last name..otherwise I don't think this wedding will happen and we will have to put up with more of this shit..so I would say marry the bastard, take his name, make kris angry, and kill the Kardashian brand, b/c without kim they are nothing.

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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?

Submitted by NDNchief on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:25pm.

"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:06am.
I don't know anything about this guy but my mother is convinced that he's too young for Kim. She says that Kim looks like she's "been around".

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Assuming your mom isn't media savvy, that was funny.

Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:02pm.

Submitted by VitaminF on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 1:20pm.

@VitaminF- Trust me, you don't want to trade spaces with that skank ho. You are way to smart, beautiful, and genuine for the likes of her. She has to whore herself out there because, well, she has nothing.

No talent.
No gifts.
No intelligence.
Nothing.

All she can do is be a media whore. Working hard in a shitty NY apartment with a crazy cat and a everyday job might not seems glamorous, well, you are right. *LOL*

At least you don't have to pretend to marry someone basketball doofus who looks like he was in the slow class and ate paste glue once too often. *LOL*

Hope I made you feel better. *s*

______________________________________________________________
One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11

Submitted by VitaminF on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:50am.

I am a tall thin good looking girl of Kim's age, sitting in front of my computer, eating rice cakes and chocolate, reading about this trash ho while she parties in Cannes with a $2 mil ring on her sausage finger.
I have a PhD in Physics (seriously I do), she is probably a high school drop out.I live in a shitty NY apartment, she is living it up in Cannes. My cat has ruined my black dress I am wearing by brushing up against me way too many times, she is in a pristine white dress probably from some big ass designer house.
I am bone tired working like a dog and have not taken vacation since 2008, she is always relaxing somewhere.

What's wrong with this picture? I am calling my mother and giving her a piece of my mind for raising me to be such a morally sound, hardworking, highly educated girl. All these education and morals have totally fucked me.
6 years of graduate school studying Physics, and I am making probably less than what she spends on her bags in a month.
Fault is probably mine though, my slut game is non-existent and I would never dare fucking a random dick for diamonds like Kim does.

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:26am.

"she's worked so hard to get where she is"

best line ever.

They won't even make it to the altar, and if they do, they'll be married a year. She'll be Kim Kockroachian again for sure.

*********************************************
Don't call it a "comeback"
I've been here for years
-LL Cool J

Submitted by fishsticksfan on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:15am.

I don't understand. Is she kneeling on her knees?

Submitted by skabazzle on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:09am.

Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:19am.
Submitted by skabazzle on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:54am.
Gawker is reporting that she's preggers, hence the quickie engagement and wedding.
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Well we all know what a traditional flower Kim is.

She should have done a January Jones and spun out the baby-daddy suspense.

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She also has so many damn reality shows to use for the unfolding drama, too. Where is Pimp Mama Kris when you need her?!

Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:06am.

<"Submitted by elmo533 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:08am.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:41am.

Read this morning that sister of hers with the husband are getting jeers and snickers in Hamptons restaurants and clubs.
------------------

Where did you read it?">

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2011/06/01/2011-06-01_hampton_season_b...

Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:55am.

Submitted by HOTNEY on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:47am.

whos cum tastes that good that youd' drink it like a pepsi, check yourself before you catch something bithc,

i'm HIV positive that this scrag has a disease or 5

looll :D

Submitted by mbar on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:55am.

This guy is ugly. This seems like an impulse move. "SHIT! MY GOOGLE RANKING WENT DOWN 100,000 HITS THIS MONTH! GOTTA GET HITCHED TO UP MY RELEVANCY!"

Submitted by Viva Mexico on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:42am.

Who cares? This marriage won't last long enough for it to matter anyway.

Submitted by azgirl on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:39am.

The amount of makeup on her face is disgusting.

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:36am.

Submitted by Paquita on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 12:01pm.
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lol! She can put urinal cakes in the wedding's guest bags! *squeals with excitement*
Oh.I.hope.she.does.

______________
Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK

Submitted by Paquita on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:31am.

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:50am.

Kim Huggies-Humphries
Kim Yes-the-one-ray-j-pissed-on-Humphries
Pick one. I would personally go with the last one, I am sentimental and shit.

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I like that last one too. It is sentimental, is like the "old" you wear/bring to your wedding. Something old, something borrowed, something blue.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/

Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:26am.

Or:

"She needs to be Kim Kardashian cuz WTF?! We can't ALL change our names to Humphries! PLUS - there's no K in it DUH!"

Submitted by urmomma on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:20am.

How much was that ring?
Um. yes, bitch, you can change your damn name to whatever daddy wants....
Kim Humphries
Kim I-barely-know-this-guy-but-I-couldn't-say-no-to-that-damn-ring-Humphries (I love a hyphenate)
Kim Dumpy-ass-Humphries
Kim Depends-Humphries
Kim Huggies-Humphries
Kim Yes-the-one-ray-j-pissed-on-Humphries
Pick one. I would personally go with the last one, I am sentimental and shit.

______________
Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:01am.

Paquita&Haters gracias! :) I'm surprised no one said it earlier!

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK

Submitted by Paquita on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:59am.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 11:17am.

GOD BLESS THE KARDASHIAN-HUMPHRIES!!!

HAHAHAHA snowpiece you are killing today!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/

Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:55am.

I will believe her marriage like I believe her fat-ass sister, Khloe's marriage.

This girl is BEYOND fake. She's worse than Valtrex Hilton and that was the bitch who helped create this whore by allowing her to be her BFF for a brief second when Paris and Nicole had a falling out.

I don't think she's getting married.
______________________________________________________________
One minute you're crying on their shoulders, the next minute you're using your tears as lube to ride that shit and fuck the hurt away.- The Brilliant MichaelK- 3/10/11

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:52am.

And Kris Humphries is lucky I'm not his mom or sister. I would go nuclear. There would not be a wedding. I swear, I'd find a way to hit that bitch with a lightning bolt.

*paging the ghost of Nicola Tesla*

Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:49am.

Submitted by skabazzle on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:54am.
Gawker is reporting that she's preggers, hence the quickie engagement and wedding.
---------------
Well we all know what a traditional flower Kim is.

She should have done a January Jones and spun out the baby-daddy suspense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
twerk those stumps!

Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:49am.

I know we all have a past, but I'll be damned if I would marry anyone who has their sexy times out there for the whole world to see. Your O face is supposed to be a private thing between you and your 500 carefully chosen lovahs! Stank ass hos and dumb ass dudes are really killing the institution of marriage.

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:48am.

LMMFAO snowy =))

~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~

FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:47am.

GOD BLESS THE KARDASHIAN-HUMPHRIES!!!

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:44am.

Blah. I'm sure everything about this wedding, from the chair covers to who gets to be MOH to the favors to the tense rehearsal dinner fight, will be high drama. It will also be televised. I won't be watching LOL. I have My Big Fat Greek Wedding on DVD.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by boomsy on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:37am.

Wow, even her own brother doesn't think she's really going to get married...

http://www.popeater.com/2011/05/27/kim-kardashian-rob-kardashian-wedding...

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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...

Submitted by boomsy on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:33am.

Submitted by skabazzle on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:54am

Could barely get past the headline I was so traumatized by the close up of her face. Girl looks run down, and we're the same age...yuck. And I doubt she'll change her last name for real; no way she's going to dim her limelight any by doing something like that...at best she'll hyphenate it like Khloe.

**********************************************
Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...

Submitted by little_rascal on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:28am.

Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 10:06am.

I don't know anything about this guy but my mother is convinced that he's too young for Kim. She says that Kim looks like she's "been around".
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Kim is 30, and Kris is 26, and he's got a baby face, so I agree with your mom.

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 06/01/2011 - 9:25am.

Did the other two hairy beasts change their names to Odamn and Dickstick? Cuz those are some SEXAY last names!

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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK