Lindsay Lohan Keeps Getting Jank Ass Monitoring Anklets
BREAKING (three hours ago) NEWS, a monitoring anklet strapped to Lindsay Lohan hollered on Monday afternoon while answering the question: "Can this dumb bitch fuck up house arrest?" But wait. It isn't what you think. LiLo didn't think she was a regular CrackGyver by trying to cut the yellow wire so she could do bath salts with her friends in the bathroom at Chateau Marmont. The anklet was faulty and went off by itself. When the cops arrived, they found LiLo sunning on her roof top while reading scripts. LiLo's lawyer explained it to E!:
"Lindsay's electronic monitoring system went off on Monday. When a representative from the monitoring company went to her home, the representative found Lindsay there. The equipment was replaced the following day."
The "reading scripts" part was a dead giveaway. That's like your parents walking in on you studying chem on your bed while two naked hos holding a bottle of apple wine and a baggie of coke hide in your closet. LiLo should try to make it a little more believable next time. You know, they should walk in on her doing a vodka bong with Ali Lohan while White Oprah gives a lap dance to a hired john in the corner.
q
Wait...she can read?
scripts? Riiiiiiiiiiiight? More like Escort contracts.
I would rather eat my own poop than hear about this useless waste of oxygen-cumbucket ONE MORE FUCKIN TIME.
Just die already bitch!!!!!!
I hope to God Almighty that an honest judge will get her case one day and cut that big fat fuckin' parasite off this poor girl. You know the one I'm talkin' about... her fucking mother. Just cut her off from Lindsay's money.
Set up an accountant for the girl through the Oklahoma Child Support Services in cooperation with this accountant, so that Lindsay receives an allowance monthly from her incoming royalties, investments, etc., and set up all new accounts for her. Then relocate her to Oklahoma. Have her live by herself way out in the woods like ordinary white trash. No frills, no fancy shit. Baloney sandwiches and kool-aid for lunch, mac and cheese for dinner. A controlled, fixed income, and help her get away from her greedy ass, manipulative sponging mother, who is obviously the one orchestrating the whole mess with Lindsay being in trouble all the time, so that she CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE.
If Lindsay could live like normal people for a while, and go to church, get some friends that are good people,(like the people who live in the Cherokee Nation maybe?) and learn to take care of herself, she might stand a chance. Oh, and also a restraining order to keep White Oprah away from her. It could all work.
And Dina would have to get a fucking actual job. I agree with everything Anderson Cooper said about this horrible leech. I liked when he said "I can't believe I'm wasting a minute of my life watching these horrific people", and I myself have never seen their silly show. Dina should be loaded into a giant cannon and launched to Cuba.
Why can't they just leave her chained up to a lamp post for a couple of months?
The California Justice System has no sense of humour.
Submitted by Whatever on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 9:03pm.
Who the heck is sending this screwball scripts?
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No one - my guess is that Blowhan googled "Sample Hollywood Script Format", printed an example off on her HP deskjet, three-hole punched it with her coke spoon, stuffed it into a $1.99 plastic binder from CVS, set her anklet off on purpose and THEN had this picture taken to try and convince everyone that she's still relevant.
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Things were so much simpler when I was a kid. You had to work to see a weenus, too, they weren't just parked on the lawn like a plastic flamingo for anybody walking by to get an eyeful. agirl, 5/14/2011
Scripts all right..."I filled the Vicoden at these three pharmacies in the past month. I know one has a new employee, but I don't want to press my luck. Get someone to go to The Valley? Plus I have all these scripts for lorazepam and adderall...Concentrate Lindsay, we can do this..."
Lindsay lookin' like a late in life lesbian english teacher from Tucson.
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"I'm not looking for vocal acrobatics, but I am looking for a fucking drank so pass one here!"
it bugs me that she's on house arrest and yet she's allowed to go outside the fucking house onto the deck. That's not INSIDE THE HOUSE. ugh.
Who the heck is sending this screwball scripts?
Fuck's sake! Cunt is under house arrest (read: should be in jail) and yet she still has "stories" and pics of herself all over the place! There should be a total media blackout when a bitch like this is undergoing "punishment". Ignoring useless twats like this is the worst punishment for them. But there I go fucking it up! The sooner she's irrelevant the better, or rather the sooner the photo agencies REALISE she's irrelevant the better! FUUUUUUUUCK.
Alcohol Bloat?
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'Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now'-BK
how come the girl from mean girls is in trouble?
http://www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/interviews/bleeding-gracefully-the-ca...
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 7:08pm.
It's like her big toenails are way too long and kind of stick up. Could you imagine the stank those things let off?
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You know she needs a pedicure like RIGHT NOW!
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Yeah, it "went off by itself!" Right!!! Bitch is climbing the fence to cop 'n' fix!!! Oh well, she's famous and has some cash, apparently, so she's off the hook!!
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 7:08pm.
It's like her big toenails are way too long and kind of stick up.
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I noticed that too. Since we are forming teams here, Team Toenails-Are-Not-Fingernails!!
Ugh, long toenails are grossitating
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
It's like her big toenails are way too long and kind of stick up. Could you imagine the stank those things let off?
http://ceoworld.biz/2011/06/01/los-angeles-lakers-forward-and-nba-supers...
"Blu: It's how I got this script." Lindsay™
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 5:09pm.
Mayo -- aren't those the ugliest fucking toes you've ever seen? You know they reek.
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I know! just look at her toe nails ugh! so horrible!!! i'm disgusted...
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 6:02pm.
Team HATE WHITE SHOES. Owned my last pair in the early 90`s and never looked back.
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Seriously. The last time I wore white shoes was to my first Holy Communion. (White patent-leather mary-janes, of course.)
What do you wanna bet that script she's reading has a character in it named "Chucky."
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 6:04pm.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 6:02pm.
Team HATE WHITE SHOES. Owned my last pair in the early 90`s and never looked back.
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You know, it's one of those things that SHOULD work, but just doesn't...like a sober Lohan...SHOULD work, just doesn't....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 6:02pm.
Team HATE WHITE SHOES. Owned my last pair in the early 90`s and never looked back.
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I have not owned a pair of white shoes since 1986, and that is a fact.
As my grandmother said, no matter what designer makes them, white shoes always look like your are a nurse, even if they are pumps.
Team HATE WHITE SHOES. Owned my last pair in the early 90`s and never looked back.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Tigerlily -- OMG, I despise white shoes! They are the worst! What she's wearing looks like something one would wear to the local bingo hall.
Except she's not reading. You can see her eyes through the sunglasses...she's looking at the camera.
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"Support your local Search and Rescue team: Get lost."
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 5:15pm.
Tigerlily -- I was thinking the same thing! Those are the ugliest sandals I've ever seen, like something some old granny would wear. Then again, ugly shoes for an ugly person with ugly feet. Bitch probably stole them from Payless.
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I know right???? I'm NOT a fan of white shoes in general and white sandals? NOOOOOOO! It is to me what CROCS are to MK.
This bitch raided Nana Lohan's closet out of desperation, I'm convinced of it...Poor Nana Lohan...What footwear is she gonna don with her best gingham house dress whist watering her prized begonias just before her pals Ethel and Myrtle pick her up for the bingo game at the local church??? I guess she's gonna have to CROCS it...Poor Nana Lohan....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 5:44pm.
This was probably taken with a telephoto lens, and yet Lohan still product places. She's a pro.
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It was an organized photo shoot for the product. The accredited pics are on TMZ.
Even under house arrest Blohan manages to do a sponsorship deal.
This was probably taken with a telephoto lens, and yet Lohan still product places. She's a pro.
I made the switch to an ecigarette recently because I'm a nicotine fiend who started running. It's awesome because I can smoke in the bathroom at work and it's not killing me, but it's really not the same as the cancer sticks. I have to suck really hard to get a decent hit of the good stuff.
Anybody else have experience?
*LL reading* "Pedro sets down his pool tools and moves closer to Monica's lounge chair, where she's sunning herself topless. He whistles low and hard."
Submitted by mike on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 4:55pm.
What probably happened is that she intentionally made the thing go off. You know it's killing her that her every move isn't being documented by the paps.
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I totally agree.. And you know she's the type to play around with the system until she figures out how to get one over on someone.
She's probably getting paid just to have the box to those stupid e-cigarettes sitting upright, not including whatever money she probably got from calling up paps to catch her reading scripts for roles she won't get. Stupid skank.
I'm sorry, I'm stuck on the reading part...
Tigerlily -- I was thinking the same thing! Those are the ugliest sandals I've ever seen, like something some old granny would wear. Then again, ugly shoes for an ugly person with ugly feet. Bitch probably stole them from Payless.
Uh huh. Just like when I don't hear anything coming from my kids' room and I have to jimmy the lock with a knife and they have just enough time to arrange themselves so they are sitting there smiling at me angelically by the time I get the door open.
Nice Payless Granny Sandals....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Mayo -- aren't those the ugliest fucking toes you've ever seen? You know they reek.
This nasty, ugly, smelly, freckled, pustuled, lying, thieving, delusional, diseased, narcissistic, alcoholic, lesbianic, steaming pile of wet, smelly, slimy shit. Again with her anklet being broke. Her nasty stank fumes probably penetrated the bracelet and broke it. Just die, will ya, you bitch?
Submitted by NovaNightly on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 4:56pm.
Reading scripts?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....who would hire her sorry ass? She's no good for anything anymore...cept going to clubs and driving her car into things.
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I didn't get past 'reading'..she can read?
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Submitted by mike on Thu, 06/02/2011 - 4:55pm.
What probably happened is that she intentionally made the thing go off. You know it's killing her that her every move isn't being documented by the paps.
Reading my mind, sweet cheeks.
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
who gives a wet shit? Call me when she O.D.'s.
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What a friend I have in jesus, I can say that
honestly. He's not like all my other friends who really don't care about me.
Reading scripts?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....who would hire her sorry ass? She's no good for anything anymore...cept going to clubs and driving her car into things.
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"I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!"
What probably happened is that she intentionally made the thing go off. You know it's killing her that her every move isn't being documented by the paps.
"I was sitting in my room, applying nail polish..."
Whoa whoa whoa! Wait a minute...are you saying Lindsay Logan can read?
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
Poor Lindsay. Now even inanimate objects are conspiring against her.
C'mon, Universe! Lighten up on poor Linds.
Wow, this girl looks really intelligent!
fishstick, it's just a home monitoring device.
I think I actually am more sick of Kim K than Liho at this point, which is a huge step for me.
Her toes are disgusting UGH!
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"If I can't be my own, i'd feel better dead"- Nutshell
Is it an alcohol anklet or a device to make sure she doesn't leave?
*If I sit here long enough like this, people will think I know how to reeeeeeeeeeead..."
"I believe we are looking for a menstruating child who is waterproof to a depth of fifty meters."