Tuesday, June 7th 2011

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

During a panel of ABC network showrunners held Saturday at the Producers Guild's Produced By Conference in Burbank, Marc Cherry draw laughs when he described how he has had to coax performances out of one of his stars.

"One of my actresses on Desperate Housewives is not funny," he said, before offering that he coaches her by saying, "Sweetie, if you raise your eyebrow here, you'll get a laugh." Cherry didn't reveal the actress in question, but continued, "She does, and she gets nominations. Daddy's little girl does comedy. I'm part daddy, part psychiatrist." (The Hollywood Reporter via Blind Gossip)

Marc Cherry sounds like a gigantic cunt queen royale who would spit at an acting baby and slap its mom like a dignitary if it didn't coo on cue. Oh how I just want to curl around his devil hooves and listen to him talk shit all day. And with that, I'm going to say he was not talking about Felicity Huffman, Teri Hatcher or Vanessa Williams. They don't need coaching

In order for Marcia Cross to raise an eyebrow, you'd need a chisel and a steam iron to melt the Botox. So I'll guess Eva Longoria. Science doesn't lie!

Which womanizing actor from a hit ’90s TV series is living a double life as a gay man? This comic genius always has sexy women on his arm, but his cover almost got blown when he propositioned the wrong guy, who can’t stop talking about it! (Blind Gossip)

Alf, obviously. Or Jim Carrey? Or James Franco (he is a genius of ALL mediums)?

This is one of the hottest tickets in town. This mom, who is married, or I think she is married, close enough anyway to this former A list movie actor who is still a solid B with A+ name recognition started a club. It is for celebrity mothers. Each month, a play date/party is held where the moms bring their kids called PPP. Pot, porn and petting. Yep, the kind of petting you think. Apparently all of the moms are in hetero relationships but like the monthly bonding. One former B list movie actress from one hit movie who keeps failing at television is rumored to have gotten pregnant solely because she wanted to come to these parties. Who watches the kids? (CDAN)

Why does this sound like the made-up plot of a late night Showtime reality show that was co-created by the producers of The Real L-Word and The Babysitters Club movie?

The kind of petting I'm thinking is "petting puppies," so shove a baby in me and get me into this club!

Posted by: Michael K


saltydog88's picture

#1 has got to be Marcia Cross, she is really funny on the show but is very serious in real life. Anybody who has ever seen Sports Night knows that it is not Felicity Huffman because she is really funny on that.

Goldigga's picture

Submitted by TwatsThat on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 8:25pm.
#2 sounds like David Spade. I've heard rumors he likes men, and is a "chubby chaser" when it comes to men.
_______________________________________________________

Well, he and Chris Farley were inseparable. Now I'm thinking ghastly thoughts :/

ImpertinentVixen's picture

David Space (typo,stays) is funny but not a comedy genius. However, he does seem to get a lot of hot women. WOMEN LIKE FUNNY MEN. He strikes me as the nerdy hetero.

Garry Shandling is a much better fit.

***************************
"I'd hate to have to go around thinking of health & shit like that." Keith Richards, 1997

Hekki's picture

Here's why I think #3 is an urban legend: These bitches can do this anytime they like. They don't need to bring their kids along and risk CPS getting involved.

And who would be watching the kids while they do their PPP -- IF these things happened? The nannies? Let me tell you something about nannies. Thems bitches gossip like nothing you can even imagine. Not a single detail of their employers' lives goes undisclosed. And they are vindictive, too. I'm sure at least one would have tipped off CPS and everyone else in town

Also, if I were going to indulge in a little sex club like that, it wouldn't be for the "bonding", it would be for the hot sexy action. Only a man would think that something like this would be for "bonding".

MickeyHolland's picture

That DH actress is without a doubt Longoria. She may be a lash millionaire, but when it comes to comic timing and intelligence she's a pauper. Snarky coquette, that's about all she can do.

-----------------------------------------------------------
Who are you calling silly cow?

monrae's picture

URKEL!! aka Jaleel White.
Family Matters was very popular in the 90's. Comedy. Urkel was a "genius" and Jaleel beat up his girlfriend last year..."allegedly".

Centaurious's picture

I disagree, I remember that Matt LeBlanc gay chauffer story, and he's probably bi.

Any woman who is seen with David Spade automatically gets facetime with the press, and he may just say, I just broke up with someone, let's be friends, etc.

He was with Heather Locklear right after her bad breakup, and he probalby made her laugh and cheered her up.

David Spade is never with anyone A-list, B-list, or even a regular, non-famous pretty girl who wants to settle down and have kids.

My gaydar has been ringing for him for years.

Although I have to admit, it never rang for Mike Myers.

_________________________________
GERONIMO!

Cat Scratch's picture

What about Matt Leblanc for #2?

Honestly, I find it hard to believe David Spade is gay because none of these women would get notoriety from being with him. There's no point to dating a comedian like David Spade if he's gay, there's nothing to be gained status-wise.

But in 2004 the National Enquirer ran a story where Leblanc's chauffeur claimed he ordered up male hustlers regularly. He went on the record to say it wasn't true but how often do people feel obligated to address stories like that? Seems pretty defensive.

Now, comedic genius? Well, the term is subjective.

BBGemini's picture

Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 7:07pm.

It's Shandling. Wiki claims he "influenced Jon Stewart and Ricky Gervais". Matt LeBlanc a "comic genius"? Don't think so.
"Shandling is unmarried and has divulged little about his personal life."
_____________________________________________

TexnDoc has a good point too. If you Google Shandling someone's always calling him a comic genius.

But, since I called Spade I'll stick with it. The "Always has sexy women on his arm" thing is more Spade. Shandling has dated some hotties in the past, but I wouldn't use the word "always".

Centaurious's picture

That photo is really bugging me...it's like Anna Wintour's take on Deliverance.
_________________________________
GERONIMO!

Centaurious's picture

I remember a few years ago an interviewer asked Spade if he would ever marry, and he said he would if he ever felt "it was right, but I haven't felt that yet."

(Somewhat paraphrasing.)

GEE. I wonder why...
_________________________________
GERONIMO!

BBGemini's picture

Submitted by misslainey on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 8:02pm.

Whoever said David Spade--I will cosign. Didn't he date Heather Locklear? Also, he vehemently denies it, so there you go.
____________________________________________

Yup to Locklear. A little Googling shows he also dated Padma Lakshi, Jillian Grace (Playmate he had a daughter with) Carmen Electra, Pamela Anderson, Nicolette Sheridan, Kristy Swanson, Lara Flynn Boyle, Caprice From The Surreal Life, Julie Bowen, Teri Hatcher, Brittany Daniel, Sara Foster, Nicky Whelan...

You can scroll down to see most of them listed under Couple Profiles on this page: http://www.whosdatedwho.com/tpx_30/david-spade/

BBGemini's picture

Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 7:29pm.

Submitted by BBGemini on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 7:01pm.

------------------------------------------------

AAAAHHH!!! Link doesn't work! Link doesn't work! What does it say!! What does it say!!
______________________________________________

Shoot, it's funny considering the "older brothers" observation. Google "Older brothers and homosexuality." There's a study about it that's pretty funny considering our Spade musings. (I'm being very tounge-in-cheek about the connection.)

Centaurious's picture

Marc Cherry is like the crap TV Alfred Hitchcock.

Except he wants to be oh, so pretty, instead of fucking oh, so pretties.

I guess if he can call Tony Parker a homo for marrying "little boy" Eva, he can call her not funny.

Meh.

Lol at Maria Cross, my first thought was her, but then I thought she couldn't raise an eyebrow if there was a gun to her head.

_________________________________
GERONIMO!

Bjork You's picture

#3. Jaime Foxx.

A story about him. He brought this woman home after their dinner date, with no expectations of sex. She's in the living room, sitting there while he exits the room for wine or some shit. (Note: this woman was not an escort of any kind.) She's waiting, and Foxx re-emerges, naked. Naked. She said a quick goodnight and got the hell out.

I also think it could be one of the Wayans brothers?

Or Reginald VelJohnson, aka Carl Winslow:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iBAEdlB5QhE/TOFnNg_vmDI/AAAAAAAADj0/OicOXIn6tz...

Daniee's picture

These women really ought to physically torture this cherry pathetic cunt of a man as soon as their contracts are up. I'd set his ass hairs on fire after he has already been dipped in honey and released into swarms and swarms of bee and wasps nests. Then I'd piss all over his face if I knew he wasn't into it.

For 2. I'd probably say Will Smith although is he comedic 'genius' really? I'm going with Jamiee Foxx who many see as comedic genius.

TwatsThat's picture

Marc Cherry sounds like a horrifyingly evil cunt. Bitter fat old queen. Boo.
Having said that....I think it may well be Marcia.

#2 sounds like David Spade, I agree. I always thought that weird shit with his "bodyguard" a while back (he was attacked with a stun gun by his "personal assistant") was relationship related. I've heard rumors he likes men, and is a "chubby chaser" when it comes to men.

Link to David Spade attack story:http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=110461&page=1

snarla's picture

I totes vote David Spade for #2

beakers bitch's picture

Submitted by chestybongos on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 7:05pm.

For some reason, Matt Leblanc came to my mind, too, but that comedic genius doesn't fit. Then I thought of Mike Myers, but the womanizing doesn't fit.

Please tell me #3 is made up and some dumbass actress wouldn't really get preggers just to get an invite. Pretty please?

misslainey's picture

Whoever said David Spade--I will cosign. Didn't he date Heather Locklear? Also, he vehemently denies it, so there you go.

i say Jamie Foxx for number 2.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...and i'm pretty sure you guys were being assholes to me on purpose. thanks for making me feel like a customer."

Centaurious's picture

David Spade for #2.

Just Blow Me.

____________________________
GERONIMO!

ba-buttons's picture

Submitted by BBGemini on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 7:01pm.

------------------------------------------------

AAAAHHH!!! Link doesn't work! Link doesn't work! What does it say!! What does it say!!

--------------------------------------------------

It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

chestybongos's picture

"You ever seen a picture of this guy?"

Just google imaged him. He looks like someone drew a face on a hemorrhoid.

"Dancing's how I say the things I want to say."

chestybongos's picture

"Matt LeBlanc a "comic genius"? Don't think so."

Joey just never got a fair chance. It could have been great if they'd only given it a chance. People would have been all like "What's Friends? Never heard of it." Why Hollywood, WHYYYYYYYYYY???????????????

"Dancing's how I say the things I want to say."

kieranx's picture

Submitted by IWishYouWould on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:07pm.

How crappy does your life have to be to have as much money as Mark Cherry does and still be a mean bitter queen?

_______________________________________________

You ever seen a picture of this guy? Trust me, he's either hiring rent boys or playing sugar daddy.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2120914432/nm0156100

You make me hate my hips! I hate my hips!

chestybongos's picture

Garry Shandling? Figures, it was never going to be a hottie was it?

"Dancing's how I say the things I want to say."

TexnDoc's picture

It's Shandling. Wiki claims he "influenced Jon Stewart and Ricky Gervais". Matt LeBlanc a "comic genius"? Don't think so.
"Shandling is unmarried and has divulged little about his personal life."

BBGemini's picture

Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:59pm.

#2: "who can't stop talking about it...." has to be the clue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garry_Shandling

Big hit for 8 years in the 90's the spoof talk-show "Larry Sanders". And Shandling had a rep for dating Playboy girls and models and has been mysteriously single for quite a while. Lots of Emmys and awards. Dude is old now, in his 60s.
_________________________________

Sure, I could see him swinging that way.

chestybongos's picture

1. "ONE of my actresses"? Too modest Marc Cherry, try "NONE of my actresses".
I'm going with Teri Hatcher because she flat out isn't funny. Never has been, never will be however much coaching she gets.

2. Joey Leblanc. If only because he's hotter now than he was then so let me indulge my fantasies.

3. Soon Yi Previn. The filthy bitch.
Nah, I never thought I'd say this about a blind item but *clutch the pearls* I think that one might just be made up.

"Dancing's how I say the things I want to say."

BBGemini's picture

Submitted by ba-buttons on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:55pm.

Submitted by BBGemini on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:41pm.

2. David Spade. Just Shoot Me ran 1997-2003, (he was also on SNL in the 1990s, but...) he *ALWAYS* has a hot chick on his arm somehow, he's a comedic genius. And I could *TOTALLY* imagine him as a closet case.

--------------------------------------------------

It's a great theory but I just don't get the gay vibe from Spade. A couple reasons:

- despite being a short, semi-goofy looking guy he has said himself that he had older brothers who were all good looking jocks.

___________________________________________________

Okay, brace yourself for that damn' shooting star rainbow "The More You Know" logo, LOL!!

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=2120218&page=1

TexnDoc's picture

#2: "who can't stop talking about it...." has to be the clue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garry_Shandling

Big hit for 8 years in the 90's the spoof talk-show "Larry Sanders". And Shandling had a rep for dating Playboy girls and models and has been mysteriously single for quite a while. Lots of Emmys and awards. Dude is old now, in his 60s.

Agree #3 is an urban legend. It's like the pillow fights in lingerie fantasy, just twisted.

ba-buttons's picture

Submitted by BBGemini on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:41pm.

2. David Spade. Just Shoot Me ran 1997-2003, (he was also on SNL in the 1990s, but...) he *ALWAYS* has a hot chick on his arm somehow, he's a comedic genius. And I could *TOTALLY* imagine him as a closet case.

--------------------------------------------------

It's a great theory but I just don't get the gay vibe from Spade. A couple reasons:

- despite being a short, semi-goofy looking guy he has said himself that he had older brothers who were all good looking jocks. He probably learned a thing or two about how to handle himself around good looking women.

- apparently has has a huge hammer. Not that having a huge hammer would preclude him from being gay, but, God bless them, women do talk.

--------------------------------------------------

It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

Submitted by spankypants on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 6:36pm.

Friends, on NO universe is Mario Lopez a comic genius.

I don't know about you, but every time I watch "Saved By the Bell" I laugh, and not because its funny. That takes some genius right there.

TOPANGA's picture

1. Is def Eva LongWhoria
2.I think it's one of the Wayans Bro's (In living Color) Marlon or Shawn to be exact. There's been rumors of them being in the Under Cover Brotha's Club. The rest I don't know and the last one sounds like a SNL skit gone wild. Total BS ___________________________________
"I was half a virgin when I met him!"

-Mean Girl,Regina George

BBGemini's picture

1. All of them. Don't Care.
2. David Spade. Just Shoot Me ran 1997-2003, (he was also on SNL in the 1990s, but...) he *ALWAYS* has a hot chick on his arm somehow, he's a comedic genius. And I could *TOTALLY* imagine him as a closet case.
3. Bullshit.

Friends, on NO universe is Mario Lopez a comic genius.

#2 can't be James Franco. Freaks and Geeks was never a hit, just had a cult following, plus you never see him with any woman other than actresses he's worked with. I like the Mario Lopez guess for this one.

Beccx's picture

#2 That geeky dude from Family Matters

Fuck cdan, that mess is incomprehensible.

I agree with #1 being Eva Longwhoria, who not only isn't funny, but shouldn't even be referred to as an actress.

**********************************
When I was crazy I thought you were great

Submitted by beb on Tue, 06/07/2011 - 5:58pm.

Gotta be Cartman...he wanted to get his swerve on with Kenny. And we know what happens from there...
"""""""""""""""
Hahahaha!! I think you've solved this one - there was that episode where Cartman photograghed himself with Butters' dick in his mouth!

How crappy does your life have to be to have as much money as Mark Cherry does and still be a mean bitter queen?

misslainey's picture

CDAN drives me up a wall. It's always 'B list with A list recognition' with him. Either the person is A list or B list. Dayum. My only guess for these is the red haired chick. Can't think of her name. I would've guess Nicolette Sheridan, but I guess she's off now. I had no idea Vanessa Williams was on. I haven't watched that shit since the 2nd season.

#2 DREW CAREY!

NovaNightly's picture

#1 is E..all of the above. All those bitches are not funny.

#2 is also E...all of the above. there are SO many of these double-life dudes in Hollywood...could be anyone.

#3 is ??? *scratches head*...I'm having trouble reading it...lol.

+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+<>+

"I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!"

beb's picture

Which womanizing actor from a hit ’90s TV series is living a double life as a gay man? This comic genius always has sexy women on his arm, but his cover almost got blown when he propositioned the wrong guy, who can’t stop talking about it!

I would say Will Smith, but I wouldn't consider Jada sexy.

Gotta be Cartman...he wanted to get his swerve on with Kenny. And we know what happens from there...

----
"Taylor has an unfair advantage. Bitch never has to buy lube since her eyes are greasier than the peen of the lone top at a gay orgy." - MK

Hautie's picture

1. Felicity Huffman.

That is a woman without a sense of humor if I ever saw one. Or should I say, one humorless b*tch? haha!

3. Jennifer Gardner.

No wonder she snagged Ben. He always did appreciated a little girl on girl action.

I'm thinking Jim Carrey too. The house and cash to Jenny McCarthy sounded like hush money. He's going to be the sad old queen type. I wonder if he shares stories and other things with his down low Living Color buddy Jamie Foxx.

I'm calling BS on the last one. I have no doubt that shit like that goes on but to cram it all into one blind item sound fake.

If that arse CDAN doesn't know whether or not someone is married why the hell can't he Google them?
I'm still deciphering the rest of his mindless blurb.