Eyes That Only A Cucumber Could Love
Okay, that headline is not entirely true or fair. Yes, cucumbers would love to gently lay on top of Vince Vaughn's swollen stuffed bags and soothe them until they no longer look like miniature versions of Lisa Rinna's anal gland lips, but we can all learn to love them. If you look at them through permanent perverted eyes (aka my eyes) and access the part of your imagination that's run by your genitals, Vince Vaughn's double carry-on eye bags sort of, kind of look like tiny crooked labias! If you look at 'em that way, then you will definitely love them. How can you not love labia eye bags?
If you sat on his peen and stuck your tongue between his under eye pussy bags, it would be like having a simplified bi-sexual threesome! And you don't have to worry about an extra pair of legs kicking you in the head. I bet there's a little cream in between there, so it would be like eating the real thing! Since I put it that way, right?
Here's more of Labia Eyes Vaughn at last night's Chrysalis Butterfly Ball in L.A. with: Ashley Greene, Meadow Soprano, Jennifer Garner, Olivia Wilde, Noxzema Girl, McSteamy, Brad from The Chupa Zoe Project, Sienna Miller's ex-whore with his wife, a midget lesbian in drag as Steve Buscemi and Ryan Phillippe.
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Uh, I didn't know Balty's dad died. Now I feel bad for making fun of him.
Wait a second, no I don't. xD
Kidding. Can't stand the douche, but nobody deserves having a parent die. I still remember when I liked Balty, though... seems like such a long time ago.
Damn! Meadow looks like a Real Housewife or something, WTF!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
I bet Getty does with his new money what Gettys have always done: spend a lot of it on dope and other forms of hedonism. Keeping him away from the real money until lately might have saved his life.
Balthazar Getty looks like he could be the little brother of Charlie Sheen.
He was cute when he was younger (like in Lost Highway), what the fuck happened? No it was not the power of Sienna Millers pussy, he looked like that right before her.
I think Getty and his wife look great, and I hope that they can work things out. Stone me, I think he's hot (and hopefully well scrubbed after romping with Sienna). And I stand corrected; I didn't think he had so much of the Getty money. Given that his great granddad, cited as the richest man in America at one point, LOANED the ransom money to his son so that the grandson (Balty's dad) wouldn't be killed by kidnappers, and that that the son lived a pretty hedonistic lifestyle of partying and heroin abuse, and that the grandson, Balty's dad, who was chained in a cave by his kidnappers, grew up knowing that his wealthy family only paid the money AFTER the kidnappers cuts off his ear, and that he subsequently lived a life of drugs, eventually becoming a quadrapeligic, WELL, I think Balty's come out okay. Every person has a dealbreaker, and that's apt to change depending on the length of marriage, commitment, and love (that's a funny thing, love), etc. For me it's really loud snoring. Anyway:
http://www.harpersbazaar.com/magazine/feature-articles/fashionable-life-...
I'm getting a Robin Wright vibe from Jen Garner.
I can't stand the girl who played Meadow Soprano. Just seems like a huge whiny bitch to me.
Balthawhore Getty looked oddly thin and gaunt in the last few episodes of Brothers and Sisters (RIP) he was in. Like, Charlie Sheen thin.
He's had a bad year, I guess. His sometime-show was cancelled and his father died. Less has brought two ho's back together.
I have decided that Vince is Joe from Rhoda.
I'm pretty sure that MK would Poke vadge vaughn in labi-eye with a e.coli-cumber.
damn vince...mk, i think i'm insulted that you linked kattan to buscemi...buscemi's way hotter than what kattan putting out...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
I have said for years that he has vaginas under his eyes.
He's got so tiny nose. So short and thin. Dear god.
LOL @ the pic of Ryan Philippe! Douchery rampant.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
"Eyes That Only A Cucumber Could Love" - MICHAEL K, u rock&rule! LMAO...
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 12:45am.
Yep, that is him. His wife apparently took him back. I'm surprised as well. BOO.
ED: I don't blame you for not recognizing him, he looks BEAT. And his wife's eyes are all red... they're not the picture of health.
Submitted by Kerfuffles on Mon, 06/13/2011 - 12:40am.
Is that Balthazar Getty?! If his wife took him back I'm getting a sex change. Are there no self-respecting women left in this world?
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 10:45pm.
LOLPHALLUS
BALTYYYY is he back with is wife yet or what? I like her style, so I hope not.
IMO he's looked much worse than this. Before he was bloated like the Hindenburg. Who is this ex-whore of Miller's? Should I recognize him? I guess he decided he had all the fun he could have in life, because his new piece has a mighty unpleasant face. She looks like a Founding Father's wife.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
eek
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
All this cucumber talk...I haven't felt this gay since the last time I watched the Tony Awards...oh wait.
Submitted by Bjork You on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 10:06pm.
CSG, remember when?:
"Clay Pigeons": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjCQGldnkzg
In these pics, either he did get a nose job or his face got longer with age. And. that. forehead.
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Damn, I forgot what a great movie "Clay Pigeons" was. I haven't seen it since forever but now I'm adding it to my Netflix queue (which is stuffed full with suggestions from dlisters).
The reason I love Vince is because he IS Chicago male (for better or worse). Let's face it, his best days were in his twenties but he continued to party hard like an immature frat boy well into his thirties and now it's taken a physical toll on both his face and his body. I've heard his mother is overbearing but he can't tell her to back off (wow, an overbearing Italian mama in Chicago, what a shock) and he can't decide where he wants to eventually settle down. Holy shit, if I didn't know any better, we just described my ex. Maybe it's something in the water.
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
CSG, remember when?:
"Clay Pigeons": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjCQGldnkzg
In these pics, either he did get a nose job or his face got longer with age. And. that. forehead.
Vince Vaughn has a forest of nose hair.
What..no mention of Chris Kattan? I guess he's such a midget, he blended into the background.
Everytime I see Noxema Girl, I think of the Mexican kid she plowed over. Stupid, vapid whore who couldn't wait when all the other cars stopped, she went around them, and was checking her cell phone. Ugh. She's ugly anyway.
Submitted by howdareyou on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 9:11pm.
LOL @ "brandish"
That's right, girlie, they flee in terror. Or leave in disgust, depending. The only natural bug solution I know of so far.
*side-eyes vinegar traps*
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 9:30pm.
catholicschoolgirl, Vince is only 40. You thinking he is in his mid to late 40's shows even more how shitty he looks! :)
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HOLY SHIT PSL YOU'RE RIGHT! I just checked Wiki and his birthday is 3/28/70. Do you think he might of shaved off a few years?
But if Vince didn't minimize his age, then all I can say is:
Vince, come back to your midwestern roots. The guys here in Chicago may be balding, paunchy, constipated, highly cholesteroled, henpecked, mildly bigoted, addicted to Budweiser and Miller products, occasionally ED'd, ruled by their religion of heritage which is basically limited to Catholic, Jewish or "other", and can't form a sentence without using "fucking" as an adjective, but believe it or not sweetie, they look better then you do at this moment. Come back home and spend the summer going to the lake, the music festivals, the restaurants, the museums, the ice cream shops, the block parties, Navy Pier, watch the Cubs or the Sox (your choice) and sit in your parent's backyard until late in the night around an illegal fire and complain about the "ball and chain", the economy and America going to hell in a handbasket.
COME HOME VINNY, YOU NEED A MAJOR DOSE OF CHICAGO.
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
God damn! Vince Vaughn is so ugly, and annoying! He should have never got that nose job. It shortened the nose area too much.
catholicschoolgirl, Vince is only 40. You thinking he is in his mid to late 40's shows even more how shitty he looks! :)
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I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said "I love you" near enough
6/1942-7/2010
what might be most fucked up is that he looks like the rest of stoned/tired/regular people. vince is probably ok. i like him.
"A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing." (S. Johnson)
Silversun Pickups, Rusted Wheel
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 9:05pm.
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What?!? You mean I practically killed myself caulking up the bathroom window, when all I really needed to do was brandish a cucumber at those nasty things all over the sill?
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When I was crazy I thought you were great
Doesn't Germany know that the only proper use for cucumbers is frightening away carpenter ants??
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 7:52pm.
In Germany there has been several deaths due to e-coli contaminated cucumbers.
Presumably they were irrigated or washed with foul water.
No anal sex involved. So far.
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WHAT??? WHAT ABOUT VAGINAL SEX? *bites nails*
I think Vince could solve a lot of problems if he just got himself a Neti pot.
Whoa! Talk about rough trade!
Every person here is some sort of unnerving mutant, either by birth or scalpel. There is something desperately wrong with all of them. Except Sopranos Daughter, an ordinary bovine who landed on TV by accident and really should be told her career ended five years ago so she stops making such an ass of herself. Who is she trying to kid??
I can't believe I used to think Chris Kattan was kind of cute, in a way.
I was going to log on and defend Vince by saying that he's in his mid to late 40's and this is what's to be expected when you start to age -- except that I have brothers in this age range and their eyes don't look this bad. My guess is a combo of booze, stimulants and lack of sleep. Nothing wrong with that if it's how you want to live your life, but the camera don't lie and if you have fair skin, damage is going to show up. I've always liked Vince because he's from the Chicago area, we have similar backgrounds and he's always reminded me of my brothers and the guys they hang out with. But damn dude, the CSG bros don't look this haggard. Either reel it in, get used to having your physical appearance picked apart online or go to a reputable plastic surgeon.
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Fuck him and his hair. (Mrs. Voorhees, 6/3/2011)
Submitted by becky n sydney on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 7:52pm.
I know people died and that's sad but the thought of them dying of ecoli because they were having anal sex with cucumbers kind of makes me roffle.
And now I'm going to hell.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 8:16pm.
Chris Kataan... Mango on SNL
LOL, I remember Mango. One of my SNL Chris Kattan favourites is with Cheri Oteri when they were the inappropriately horny and dirty couple in social situations.
Vince looks like he has hit the bottle hard and for a long time, those eyes look rough, I'd hate to see what his liver must look like!
Thanks, DWM!
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Vince Vaughn. Damn, he has aged horribly. He's not good looking anymore. At all.
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I thank you for the kindness, and the times when you got tough
And Papa, I don't think I said "I love you" near enough
6/1942-7/2010
Why hello, Ryan, you hot douchebag, you.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 8:12pm.
Who is the guy in thumb 14? He looks like Mini-Me with hair.
*edited cause unlocking the numberlock would help*
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Chris Kataan... Mango on SNL
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
@Bjork You: yep, saw it this weekend. I thought it was enjoyable enough, if a little too long. I've only seen the first x-men movie, which I liked, but apparently people said this one was better than the sequels.
I haven't seen Fish Tank, or the 2008 movie "Hunger" about the last weeks of Bobby Sands's life (as an Irish history buff, I really should see that shit) but I've made it my goal to see every bit of screen time this guy has ever accomplished in his life...so I'm definitely putting those two on the list.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Who is the guy in thumb 14? He looks like Mini-Me with hair.
*edited cause unlocking the numberlock would help*
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Didn't he used to be sort of, kind of, not really good looking?
Noxzema Girl is looking good... I wonder if she's mowed down any more children in crosswalks.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
Submitted by chicasuperpoderosa on Sun, 06/12/2011 - 7:37pm.
Every time I see that beautiful avatar of yours, I let that side of my imagination that's ruled by my genitals go wild.
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My one complaint about X-Men was that there weren't nearly enough gratuitous shirtless shots of Michael Fassbender. He is a lovely human being.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Off Topic:
Whiskey Tango,
Have you seen "X-Men: First Class," aka Nerdapalooza 2011? He is sessy. I can't remember if I asked you if you saw "Fish Tank." I love the last 15 minutes of that movie (the director, Andrea Arnold, did another great one, "Red Road").
"Fish Tank": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1232776/
"Red Road": http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0471030/