Joss, You In Danger, Girl
Two 30-something men were arrested outside of Joss Stone's house in England on Monday after police got a call about a "suspicious vehicle" trolling around the neighborhood. The suspicious vehicle was a Fiat. (Note: If you're going to partake in evil and shady schemes in a fancy neighborhood, don't do it in a Fiat.) When the police searched the vehicle, they found a bunch of shit that would make Kevin Costner's character in The Bodyguard SHUT IT DOWN and order everybody to a desolate cabin in the woods.
The cops found two swords, rope, a body bag, maps and aerial photos of Joss Stone's house. No, they were not planning on catching a wild turkey (with the rope), butchering it for a meal (with the two swords) and serving it to Joss on a waterproof picnic blanket (the body bag). Two swords, rope and a body bag can only mean one thing: MURDER PLOT! Did you read me, right? I typed: MURDER PLOT. This is the only acceptable reaction:
It is not known whether Joss was home at the time. The police wouldn't confirm the MURDER PLOT to BBC News but they are investigating it.
"Officers attended the area at around 1000 BST and subsequently arrested the occupants of a red Fiat Punto. Major crime detectives are continuing to investigate. Our officers are currently carrying out reassurance patrols and it's important to stress that no properties have been burgled and no individuals have been harmed."
Yes, I too read that as "Fiat Puto" and the images created by my brain will stay with me all day.
This is terrifying and Joss should surround herself with an army of Sean Beans, but TWO SWORDS? Who let the fanboys out of mom's basement? They do realize that Joss played Anne of Cleves in The Tudors and not Anne Boleyn?
Stay safe, Joss! And for once in your life, put on some damn shoes! Nike Airs, preferably. You can't outrun two sword-wielding crazies if your ass is barefoot! Now is not the time to be a hippie!
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Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 11:20am.
No really creepy stalker story but if any of you remember that douchebag that came rollin' around a few years ago who tried to booty call me when I was going home to visit my dying mother- Asshole emailed me a week ago to "check up". I haven't slept with this dude for 14 fucking YEARS!
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Dam you must be one helluva lay.
Aww love the big, green buggy eyes on the monkey thing!
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Rod & The Faces Maybe I'm Amazed
That sucks! Poor Joss. : (
She's buds with Prince William and attended his wedding. Who knew?
Trigger Happy, Giant mobile phone compilation
Hey vidz -- sorry, I was away from my desk!
I watch it On Demand. I don't know about online.
It's HIGHlarious -- do you watch?
OMG never has a murder plot story made me LOL so hard before. And for this, I thank you, MK.
HAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAH
I dont like this trick! when she first came on the scene some years ago I saw my boyfriend looking dreamily at her perform! Skank.
Sounds like they were planning to rob her ass rather than stalkers. Why they couldn't find some Mancunian celebrities to rob, I don't know. They would have been better off trying that fuckery in the big city. My parents live near Joss Stone in Devon and everyone is all up in their neighbours business. My folks pop up at the window to rubberneck every time a cow comes down the road. In London, you could be dead in the street and your neighbours would just step over you.
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
OMG Cat Vs. Dramatic Lemur!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UH7Ixvu8bg
THE EPIC CONTINUES!!!
( I was gonna send that in too but I thought you'd hate it;p)
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
No really creepy stalker story but if any of you remember that douchebag that came rollin' around a few years ago who tried to booty call me when I was going home to visit my dying mother- Asshole emailed me a week ago to "check up". I haven't slept with this dude for 14 fucking YEARS!
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
@mike: Aw that's kinda sweet. Right? lol
But seriously. Why are all the sweet guys so fucking crazy?
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
I once knew a girl who was dating an older guy (though a guy more her age could have done this just as easily). The relationship was advanced enough that she was keeping some personal items at his place (toiletry items, mostly). She was rarely at his place alone, but one time she dropped by to check on things while he was out of town. She was snooping around and found something wrapped in a handkerchief. She unwrapped it to find a clump of her hair.
The weirdo had been taking the loose strands out of the brush she kept at his place.
Beautiful hair!!
Stay safe, Joss! And for once in your life, put on some damn shoes! Nike Airs, preferably. You can't outrun two sword-wielding crazies if your ass is barefoot! Now is not the time to be a hippie!
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FMR, I laughed. But this is some scary shit.
One word: shockthenutsoffvoltagetaser.
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Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK
@cokey
Is there a place that streams workaholics?
I watch south park and the daily show at CC.com but can't seem to find it there.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
O stalker stories! I almost had a stalker once but I scared him away. *shrugs* I guess that's why I don't got more stories.
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
How bizarre. Why would anyone want to kill Joss Stone? You really gotta be paying attention to even notice that girl.
♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too
Oh we talkin' stalker stories? I have one. Not literal stalking--just creepy.
In high school, I found out a classmate had a whole section of his notebook dedicated to drawings and doodles of me. It was entitled "So Cute" which would have been super flattering had he not been the creepiest creep who ever creeped. I mean, dude was weird. Very weird. Later he reported me to the Vice Principal for cutting journalism class, which we took together. I was a senior and didn't even need the credits, so hell yeah, I bailed now and then. That's how you repay my cuteness, you bastard?? Still mad...
That is some scary shit. I can't imagine knowing you have people out there that want to kill your ass.
Joss Stone gained my sympathie a few years ago because she headbutted her brother during the christening of her nephew. I would be sad if she wasn't around anymore.
Like the RAPE VAN on "Workaholics" owned by the drug dealer. Love it!
Exactly and here it is and how it should be done... Fiat fuckwits take note.
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=383628&title=karl’s-pep-talk
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America.. fuck yeah!
Submitted by fookyoo on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 9:43am.
Dats what white vans are for... murderin' n kidnappin'.
Like the RAPE VAN on "Workaholics" owned by the drug dealer. Love it!
I've had a few stalkers. My boyfriends now tell me it's because I'm perky and friendly, which I take offense to. In college the photog for the paper was so obsessed one day I saw his locker in the darkroom was covered with covert photos of me. Scary....
If everyone minded their own business, Joss Stone would be sword-dead in a body bag in a Fiat Punto (whatever that is).
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Joss is a big bitch.. they ain't never gonna fit her in the boot of a FIAT.
Dats what white vans are for... murderin' n kidnappin'.
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Stay safe, Joss! And for once in your life, put on some damn shoes! Nike Airs, preferably. You can't outrun two sword-wielding crazies if your ass is barefoot! Now is not the time to be a hippie!
This is why I love you MK.. do really really love you *circling Casa MK in Fiat*
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America.. fuck yeah!
Fiat Puto
OMG,I actually did laugh out loud, hard, for the first time in my life, instead of typing LOL to mean "yeah, that was funny."
@WhiskeyTango: Henry Cavill - ooh wee! <3
@Putas
$16 million is peanuts here in the USA, she wouldn't make any list of wealthiest, but whatever. if she's got enough $$ to have evildoers out to get her, then she needs bodyguards 24/7. I'm sure she'll get 'em now -
jesus, that's some fucked-up, terrifying shit. glad they nabbed the assholes.
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
@tango..yep hank viii had gout and lots of sores...apparently he had a person to tend those as his primary job. Oof. He was supposedly not bad when he was young but got the fats later on. Mutton does that. I love english history and have a few books on henry since he was fascinating. I wonder what personality disorders he'd be diagnosed with today? The tudors is fun to watch
@cupcake
Fine, but there are many ways to express an opinion without sounding overly antagonistic - especially when it's uncalled for. Case in point, sucky's eloquent (gasp!) post. I would hate for this thread to degenerate into the shit storms that (unfortunately) so many recent ones have become.
@UBF
I cannot believe anyone would make fun of or call your children retarded, even if provoked. I'm truly sorry.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
There was a man at my previous job who use to enjoy putting tampons and rubbers(condoms) in my purse. It took me a while to work out who it was, but I put it all together when he sent a pack of tampons to my home...with his return address on it. DURRRR!
Putas
My "stalker" experiences weren't bad. Kinda hilarious and mildly creepy. One of them was this taxi driver who would wait outside my house every evening for a few weeks. He would give me discounts on the fare too. It culminated with him very nicely asking my number and me saying no. It stopped after that.
And I suffered no sexual abuse - thank god. Just multiple grabbings and thrustings etc from indian construction workers.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
Submitted by vidz on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:45am.
First off, I WASN'T making a U.S vs Europe issue. Since I am originally from England, I would hardly be trying to side with one country over another. I made a comment. Sorry I wasn't ass kissing enough.
Second- I don't need you telling me to "chillax". Again, it was a comment. The world is filled with sickos, not just the U.S.
Have a super day.
One of the stalker-y experiences I had was this elevator operator who worked on the elevator at my office. He was middle aged and single, a real meek mama's boy type. He made these earrings which he gave to me and I would see him outside the building sometimes.
I was living with my BF at the time and he was a bit of a tough guy. He was ready to get a posse of his shady graffiti friends and beat the guy up! One night he picked me up from work and sure enough elevator boy was across the street. BF charged up to him, swinging and told him to leave me alone. *swoon* My hero! It worked, too.
Yeah S&F, i wish people would have been equally outspoken when some posters called my kids retarded....
To each their own agenda. I ll wait for the Mom-Jeans uproar in the following post....
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:50am.
Look, i ll still say GHEY in here, if i feel like it. As long as MK uses it, as he just did yesterday as the header of yesterdays OP, i think GHEY is totally acceptable...
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No, it actually isn't. "Gay" is no laughing matter. "Gay" is actually an enormous community of people who have incredible yet mostly invisible influence on the world and by using the word "Ghey" or however you want to veil your casual homophobia, you are perpetuating the attitude that eventually leads to murders and hate crimes in the "LGBT" community. So why don't you think about how many hate crimes you are starting the next time you type out "gay" in a "joking" fashion.
Also, reported.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by putas on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:36am.
Damn..and joss stone played Anne of Cleves?? She was known as the ugliest wife of Henry and he hated her for that. He trusted the word of others to agree to marry her sight unseen and was angry when he met her. Haha. She is not ugly so why she was cast in that role..
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LOL no one is ugly in Showtime's The Tudors...they're all insanely beautiful. Henry VIII himself was supposed to be fat and fugly, not with Jonathan Rhys Meyers ripped abs...but I'll take my historical period dramas with hot men like JRM and Henry Cavill over historical accuracy any day!
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Vidz..I got the book before I heard he had made an okra appearance haha.
I might look it up on you tube. I learned a lot from it too. I have given it to a few friends who are of the "everyone is so nice though" variety:) sorry you had bad exepriences with stalker/abuse. Scary shit in the world
yeah Jack, I guessed you were driving a Fiat! Or a mini cooper!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Hekki, a girl at my previous job had a stalker. She was just an average girl, but this crazy fuck would be across the street outside our building every.damn.day waiting for her ass. They couldn't do anything because he was on public property and wasn't breaking any laws, but she got a police escort one day because she was so scared. Stalkers don't go for looks, I think they go for vulnerability/loneliness/easy target vibes.
OT: If I were Joss I would have sent these fuckers Lady Gaga's address.
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
@putas
I heard about it on Oprah. You're absolutely right. If I was a mother I would give it to my daughter, neices blah, blah blah... Everytime I've been molested or something creepy and/or horrible happened to me, I felt it right before but just ignored it.
@hekki
I've had 2 mild friendly/creepy stalkers- and I was fat back then.
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
*drives my Fiat through snowy's neighborhood*
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"El programa nacional de bilingüismo refinish unpronounced Generic Viagra obfuscation lira Keflex and alcohol husbandman prey Valium cat Drover Forty" ~ a dumbass spammer
the fuck? what did Joss Stone ever do to them?
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:44am.
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Butt raping but not in a ghey way as that would be grounds for dismissal by zombie apocalypse.
Uh oh....
Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:17am.
This chick gets TWO crazies but my Wino can wander the streets of Camden unharmed.
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I don't think anyone would dare mess with Wino. She's been known to punch fans in the face at her concerts. She's a tough broad.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
There are plenty of "nobodies" who get stalkers, too, though!!
I have had two stalker-y experiences which were pretty mild, compared to some of the shit I've heard about. Even if you've just had some crazy person fixated on you, it's scary enough. To find out someone had the gear and means to kidnap and kill you is just terrifying.
Look, i ll still say GHEY in here, if i feel like it. As long as MK uses it, as he just did yesterday as the header of yesterdays OP, i think GHEY is totally acceptable...
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
It's one thing to be crazy and think Joss Stone is stealing your thoughts or something. It's a completely different thing to convince SOMEONE ELSE of this and get them to go in on a murder plot with you. That is a special sort of crazy.
of course I did the plotting! *side eyes dumb redneck and gh...I mean LAME BOYZ*
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Sick!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Wed, 06/15/2011 - 8:42am.
Hold UP. I've been MIA for a few days. WTF have Jack and Sucky been up to?!
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Butt raping but not in a ghey way as that would be grounds for dismissal by zombie apocalypse.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-