And Just Like That, Walmart Wonder Woman Is Born!
You're standing in the cashiers line at Walmart buying whatever it is you buy at Walmart (condoms, Faded Glory cutoffs and Great Value corn chips) when three thieving thieves run out of the store with some beer. You tell the cashier if she's going to do anything about, but she can't be bothered. So what are you to do?
1. Join the cashier, who is obviously a honey badger, in The Don't Give A Fuck Club.
2. Grab a few cases of beer yourself and run the hell out the door since the Walmart employees know that they don't get paid enough to strain their leg muscles by chasing after your ass.
3. Write down the beer robbers' license plate number and press the numbers 9-1-1 on your cell phone.
4. Twirl into your Walmart Wonder Woman costume, run out into the parking lot and perform the stupidest citizen's arrest ever by jumping on top of the thieves' car as they laugh at you to your crazy face?
If you're the aptly-named Monique Lawless of Alvin, Texas then you obviously chose #4! Monique tells KENS 5 that she's sick of all the crime and thinks our society needs to do something about it! So the single mother defended the poor and helpless Walmart by becoming their hero! The Walmart beer robbers were later caught by police after a chase.
The dumbest part of this story isn't that Monique risked the cops telling her children "I'm sorry, but your mother is in the hospital because she tried to stop a group of assholes stealing beer from the richest store in America who don't give three shits about her." It also isn't that the cops nearly cut that douchebag criminal in half by ramming him into the fence. It's neither of those.
It's that some stuttering simple hos name all three of their sons SYLVESTER! That is the real crime here.
(Thanks Comedy Wizard!)
GOD BLESS YOU BABY GIRL.
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{(º,_,º)} Crystal
The report stated that two of the "Sylvesters" already had criminal records so fuck them. I'm glad the cops pinned his useless ass to the fence. That being said, bitch is crazy for chasing those thugs.
LOL brilliant! Sorry, but I wouldn't risk my life to save Walmart $20 in shoplifting money. I just wouldn't. Whatever possessed her to jump onto the roof of an about-to-be speeding car?? For what? Beer???!! Fuck Walmart.
@PepperMill---Amen!! We gotta get the fuck out of here!
It's all fun and games until Wino gets to the gates of purgatory and slurs out, "HELLO, ATHENS!" ----MK
Submitted by rotten_egg on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 12:19pm.
I have never been to a Walmart in the US
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Jealous. Walmart is a hellhole, for real. I've wasted a year of my life working there, all the while looking for another job. It was the easiest place to get hired, and I don't have a damn engineering degree so work is sparse around here.
I will say that a lot of the Walmart employees DO care when someone steals because the ensuing "shrink" can cut out of your bonus. Eh. Personally, it just pisses me off because the crackheads that do it are so nice to your face and leave a fuckin mess and a bunch of empty packages that you have to send to the claims dept.
This crazy bitch, however, is exactly the type of customer who complains about everything and stays "involved" in everything the whole time they're in the store.
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If you wanna be in black and white, black and white's gotta be IN YOU!
When I used to work at Wal-Mart we had to try to stop shoplifters from stealing nearly EVERY night, mostly young guys going out on beer runs. One night a co-worker tried to stop some shoplifters who were high on crack and ended up getting hit by their car in the process. And Wal-Mart won't even call the police out if people steal anything under $25 worth which is basically giving them a license to steal. Yet we were still expected to try to stop them ourselves whenever they would try which was CONSTANTLY..
I live in Texas and have one of those fancy degrees and I don't mind a bit if you all want to make fun of the state. I think we deserve it. Place has gone to hell in a handbasket since we lost people like Ann Richards and Molly Ivins. Governor Good Hair is a public humiliation and it looks like this time next year I will be teaching a classroom full of college students packing heat when our legislators move heaven and earth to make sure every one and their dog has a gun without providing any needed funding to support our educational system. And trust me those idiots in Alvin could use some education because I didn't see anything but stupid in that video--by all parties. Carry on. Stepping off the metaphorical car to go steal a beer.
This post *does* give a whole new meaning to the term "beer chaser" though. :)
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
People who save lives are heroes, those folks that go out of their way to help lift a car off of a person's crushed body so they can be rescued, who gives someone emergency CPR to human and/or animal, who is the ONE person who stops and helps someone stranded on the road rather than gawking and then passing by and figuring someone ELSE will help...etc.
Fight for stolen beer? Not so much.
I'm with M.K. on this. LAME.
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I may in fact NEVER be funny. I am not paid to be funny and being funny isn't a requirement to post on dlisted. Get the FUCK OVER IT, you UNfunny fuckers.
Unless you're trying to take one of my children,I'm not chasing ANYONE. I'm not trying to get shanked on a family trip to Wal-Mart.
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I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
Well, I felt something die,
Cause I knew that
That was the last time,
The last time
-Adele
She told the cashier to do something? What an idiot.
I wouldn't run after a criminal if they were stealing my own shit, let alone some of Wal-Mart's shit.
Shoplifting is a dime a dozen at Wal-Mart. Try walking through the cosmetics aisle and NOT finding a package that has been opened/stolen.
Submitted by K2 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 7:13pm.
Our society really tends to turn a blind eye ... I think that's what enraged this woman. I think she was so furious that she couldnt even rationalize what she was about to do. Probably the reason why she wasnt thinking about leaving her children as orphans.
Think about it: You're standing on line, putting your laundry detergent, paper towels, toilet paper, diapers, formula, cereal and whatever other necessities onto the conveyor belt ... (knowing you've racked up atleast a $70 bill that you're struggling to pay as it is) - when low and behold there goes some loser fucks walking out of the store not paying for shit and the damn cashier doesnt even care. WOW !!! I'd want to jump on their car too !!! WTF.
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Agreed 100 percent!!
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:22am: "RACIST REPORTED"
See, THAT'S gay (and old).
I do understand that the woman was angry about people standing around while a crime is being committed and doing nothing but, seriously . . . that was a really dumb stunt she pulled!!! She could have been killed over a few beers! How stupid is that. And for Wal-Mart? They have insurance, honey; they don't give jack-shit about being robbed. All they care about is that nobody gets hurt so they don't have to come up off any money. The clerk didn't do anything because she is not allowed to do anything when there is a robbery other than calling 9-1-1.
That woman is really stupid and I hope the police give her a stern lecture about trying to play hero.
Also this is beyond absurd. Stealing beer from Wal-Mart is not that serious. They weren't hurting anybody, even if their behavior was illegal. When I lived in England I saw public violence, publicly intoxicated children, public sexual harrassment and people starting fires on other people's property - AND NO ONE DID JACK SHIT. The attitude there was very much to just duck your head and not say anything.
I can see why she's single.
"Dumb ass fucking texans."??!!?
Are you fucking for real with that shit?! You really picked the wrong website for that kinda talk. A lot of people who comment here are from Texas - and many of us with multiple college degrees who aren't dumbasses by any stretch of the imagination. Stupidity exists in all 50 states, and in fact, in every country in the goddamn world.
Get a fucking clue.
Kiwikim> FOR REAL. I can't speak about Texas b/c I don't want to pigeonhole people, but the rest of it, yes!
Bjork you> askjdhkahdjkhajd That was funny as shit.
Perhaps they did not watch Chris Rock's Video on How Not To Get Your Ass Kicked By The Police:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0mtxXEGE8
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Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:53pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:49pm.
Women make me sick. There I said it.
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Have you tried them cooked?
I had sex with three roommates during my college days - each without the others knowing. Awesome. None were named "Sylvester," fortunately, and this has nothing to do with anything...it was just slutty, and hot...
The serious question here is why on earth would you leave your purse with a Wal-Mart employee and the other people in line at Wal-Mart????
Brave woman, indeed!
The WM employees have probably been told by their manager not to do anything other than call 911, for liability reasons. They'd probably be fired if they did anything more aggressive.
I admire Monique for stomping on the three Sylvesters. Sometimes you just have to kick a few dumbasses.
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"Go away, woman. My cheating medicine will not help you. Even if you win you will still be ugly." ~~ Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue
Submitted by catfight357 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 12:58pm.
hahahahaha
so freaking weid, I've got 3 cousins (brothers) and they all named Carlos, they're adults and I still don't get it.
Carlos A , Carlos G, Carlos R
And by the way Carlos A's children are named Carlos and Karla
I understand what some of you say (=it's not worth it, that was a dumb move, she could have been hurt, etc), but at the same time I understand where she's coming from, as naive as she may be.
The issue is, nobody wants to get involved anymore because it's a "mind your business" society we live in, and it's kind of screwed up.
Probably also not worth the trouble in your book but I never fail to say "you dropped something, sir", when I see someone littering on the street. It might seem useless, I believe it might change things in the long run.
Submitted by kiwikim on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 3:12pm.
Talk about misplaced rage. Let's see this stupid part of the problem idiot stand up to the people that are really screwing the system and let's see law enforcement come down on the people that really harmed us.
Fair point.
Besides I can't think of a more idiotic reaction to anything than what this woman did. She needs a lobotomy.
She was probably one of those extreme coupon people.
...I am sick of low lifes, but I can't help but think that if these kids were white and had stolen a six pack in westchester county, they wouldn't have been "pinned" against a fence
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And there it is. The big "but". It's now become about race vs nailing a loser to the fence for eluding a police officer? IT wasnt that they stole beer. It's that they led the cops on a chase. I guarantee if it was a white asshole - they wouldve done the same thing.
Seriously? Are we going to blame this on Wall Street? Lets attack the white collar thieves and rope them in with kids who try and out run the cops , possibly injuring other drivers. NO one wants to take responsibility for their own actions. Blame, blame, blame. These kids are delinquents and will grow up probably physically hurting someone the next time they try to rob and run. I'd love to see if any of them already have a record.
Dont justify this shit as racism.
Sylvesters "Latarians" Millers doing the hood rat shit.
Submitted by kiwikim on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 3:12pm.
WHAT
Submitted by kiwikim on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 3:12pm.
Oh yes, cause this shit only happens in Texas. STFU.
ETA: I hate to burst your bubble but the Alvin police dept. has no jurisdiction on the "criminals on wall street". If you don't want to get fucked up don't run from the police it's that simple.
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Take a bow, freak. Jack-n-the-hat 10-5-2009
For what purpose was this created? A goddamn project for whore school? Sophie_003 10-6-2009
Sorry...I am sick of low lifes, but I can't help but think that if these kids were white and had stolen a six pack in westchester county, they wouldn't have been "pinned" against a fence (looked like the cops just hit the poor kid with the car imo), news helicopters wouldn't have been out chasing them down, along with the entire obviously overpaid police force of that podunk town.
I mean fuck...almost killing kids over a six pack? While the white collar criminals on wall street retired to wall street to collect more bonuses?
Talk about misplaced rage. Let's see this stupid part of the problem idiot stand up to the people that are really screwing the system and let's see law enforcement come down on the people that really harmed us. Wal Mart doesn't even pay their bills to vendors all the way. They've shipped jobs overseas, polluted our oceans. Seriously. WTF? Ugh. Dumb ass fucking texans.
Help keep our prices low....return carts and catch shoplifters yourself.
Submitted by Pure Trash on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:44am.
I think it is admirable of her to do something, but at the same time, more often than not, people who are trying to be heroes usually end up looking like assholes or end up putting their nose where it doesn't belong. If you work in retail (I put in two years at J.Crew in college, so I know thankyouverymuch) you cannot chase people out of the store. Well, I suppose you can, but you'll probably end up looking like this bitch, but you'd also be unemployed. It is pretty thankless, selfish, and all at once foolish what this woman has done. Stealing is illegal and I personally believe if it doesn't belong to you and you cannot access what you're after through legitimate channels, then you should leave it alone. If you take in to consideration that this is WalMart, it's hard not to say fuck 'em.
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You're a fucking idiot arent you with the opinions of 12 different people all in one body...pfft.
Our society really tends to turn a blind eye ... I think that's what enraged this woman. I think she was so furious that she couldnt even rationalize what she was about to do. Probably the reason why she wasnt thinking about leaving her children as orphans.
Think about it: You're standing on line, putting your laundry detergent, paper towels, toilet paper, diapers, formula, cereal and whatever other necessities onto the conveyor belt ... (knowing you've racked up atleast a $70 bill that you're struggling to pay as it is) - when low and behold there goes some loser fucks walking out of the store not paying for shit and the damn cashier doesnt even care. WOW !!! I'd want to jump on their car too !!! WTF.
Shame on Walmart !!!Pathetic useless f*ckin' employees.
This woman is crazy beyond words for attempting to stop them ...three vs one , no less. But I think her heart was in the right place and I hear what she's saying.
Why was there no security on hand? And I'm glad this store got some air time , now all the other low life loser thieves in this country will know where to shop n NOT pay from now on. Walmart deserves the advertising!!
Utterly amazing. Of all things to save - she brought out her 'cape' for Wally World? Now - I shop there on a regular - got go where my money goes the furthest - but believe me I could see a line of folks rolling out plasma TVs and I wouldn't step in their path. That was dangerous and could have ended badly for super woman. When a person decides they're going to walk into a store - ANY STORE - and just breeze out with the goods - let them be. They're obviously on something - or totally on a 'I don't give a fuck' tude - let them be. A couple of months ago a local WW worker got beat down for following a man out the store who put a TV in the cart and just rode out. He went screaming behind the man - of course it was all caught on camera - and the man beat him so bad he was hospitalized.
Walmart has more camera security than your average bank. There are cameras throughout the parking lot. Someone try to hit you up in the WW parking lot - you better believe it's on film somewhere. Once the cashier - or greeter - alerted the powers that be I'm sure the film immediately transferred.
Wonder woman could have gotten run over by that car. They could have gotten out and beaten her senseless. Imagine the reaction from her child - who she left in the store - if she had gotten severely injured. I'm all for putting on a cape to save the elderly or a child - but WalMart. I ain't going down for a Mega store.
Haha...her name is Lawless?
Lawless...Monique Lawless...*whispered in a James Bond voice*
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I hate to admit that I cheered watching cops pin the suspects down between their vehicle and a fence. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing Bebe's Kids wreck the streets of America!
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"Submitted by suckandfuck on Fri, 04/16/2010 - 5:46pm.
I would slaughter a thousand babies for an hour alone with Mike Rowe."
"All hail the zombies who realize they don't wanna die over some goddamn beer in a mothafuckin' Wal-Mart."
What is with all this zombie talk? I've got ppl on fb talking about it and I must of missed the memo.
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"Never eat more than you can lift." Miss Piggy
I use to work in retail and have many stories of shoplifters and each time, I let them go with the merchandise. It wasn't worth risking harm to me for a few 'made in china' items. There is a time and place for taking action but not for something like that. She is lucky they didn't run her over. Just watch, they'll sue her ass for denting their car.
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"Never eat more than you can lift." Miss Piggy
The thieves' side of the story. Stoned and bored, stoned and bored, no more pot but we can beer, hey let's go to Wal-Mart, but we don't have any money giggle giggle, yo we do but we don't need any laugh, laugh, laugh, hop in car all "Friday" style blasting your music and you roll into Wal-Mart, ooh it's air conditioned in here which helps you focus but you're still giggling and then steal the beer, confident you got away with it, and you get in your car and BAM!!!! a page-bobbed midget is all up in your face, yelling, and you're like, what the fuck, but you all start laughing, who the hell is this, and nearly piss your pants when the midget jumps on the car except Sylvester is all mad about what she's doing to the hood of his car but that just makes the other Sylvesters laugh more and then Sylvester pulls out of the fire lane and the Sylvesters turn around in their seats, holding their stomaches (Sylvester wet himself some, laughing so hard) because the midget just drop kicked on the asphalt and then you're driving and even Sylvester is laughing now, cursing out the midget and making Sylvester and Sylvester laugh and laugh until all of a sudden a police car is chasing them and oh shit, things aren't so funny anymore and what the fuck, we're driving fast and the cops are on us and shit, and Sylvester is out of the car and running but not now because the cops nailed his ass to a fence (daaaaaamn!) and now all of the Sylvesters are in big trouble. Over beer.
I am not done with this----
WHY would you name TWIN BROTHERS Sylvester????
It's Walmart. What the hell do people expect?
If I was raised by some stupid bitch who couldn't think of two different names to name twins, I would be stealing beer too.
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Seriously, you're "fed up" so the thing you do is take it out on someone stealing something from Wal-Mart?
Stealing something from an old lady (or anyone for that matter) on the street? Sure, ok. Someone stealing something from fucking Wal-Mart? No.
I hope the thieves sue her if the hood of their car is dented.
Submitted by thegobbler on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 12:30pm.
"My folks bought me a bitchin' Camaro with no insurance to match,
So if I happen to run you down, please don't leave a scratch!"
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love Dead Milkmen...
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Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
Disagree with you wholeheartedly. Self preservation is the first law of the jungle. Humans are sentient beings capable of weighing the pros and cons of their actions. She has a family. She should have considered whether her kids potentially losing their mother is a greater tragedy than Wal-Mart losing some beer. That's a fucking no brainer and she was stupid.
All hail the zombies who realize they don't wanna die over some goddamn beer in a mothafuckin' Wal-Mart.
Methinks something else was bugging that lady and she just raged out. Maybe she was pissed that she was pinching pennies to make an honest purchase while some SOB just grabs what they want and runs the hell out. I get that. But still, not the smart choice.
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Sorry - but the "could have died" line is lame. Did she die? no. could she have died? yes.
But she didn't and one of those guys got rammed into a fence by a police car. That's one hell of a "pro" if you ask me.
And we're not in a jungle.
Submitted by vsminimoose: "I love how people are calling this woman stupid. Ok - perhaps it wasn't very smart but most of you zombies would just be like "whatever" which makes her right - society is so stupid and nobody really cares if their own neighborhood has an ounce of integrity.
Call her stupid, say Walmart deserves to have beer stolen, come up with a thousand other excuses. This woman was right. Now STFU."
I don't think it's that people here are "zombies [who] would just be like 'whatever.'" I think it's just that most would have selected option 4 on MK's above list (get license plate number, call 911). I just think it's all a bit much over beer: a guardian of a child (or more) jumping on top of a car to stop three guys from stealing beer; a police car pinning a guy to a fence over stolen beer; and three young men putting another check mark next to "loser" for going to jail for stealing and eluding police over beer.
"My folks bought me a bitchin' Camaro with no insurance to match,
So if I happen to run you down, please don't leave a scratch!"
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"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
Some people just have no tolerance for bullshit. I have never been to a Walmart in the US, but based on my observations thanks to the People of Walmart site, I can safely say walmart dwellers are pretty much capable of doing what this woman did and more.
The suspects kind of look latino or black or a mix, so all she had to do is yodel a war cry Tarzan style and a mob of hillbillies and rednecks would be armed with pitchforks and torches, ready to hunt the thieves down.
I'm no zombie and I do think that sometimes citizen force is needed, but it's more of a problem than a solution. Once a mob is gathered, it takes a life of its own and we all know how a situation ends when a mob is born. I would do the smart thing: call police, imprint faces in my memory (or use my phone camera if possible), write down license plate numbers and remember as many details as possible. The police can take care of everything. Besides, places like Walmart have ensurance, no?.
Now if her kids were in danger, I would give her props.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.