The Jokes Write Themselves: Fire At Courtney Love’s House

Just like what happens to my brain nodules whenever I read a Courtney Love Tweet without making the sign of the cross first, her bedroom curtains caught on fire early this morning at her rented NYC townhouse in the West Village. Courtney could’ve easily made the fire put itself out if she blew more conspiracy theories about how the Sultan of Brunei (or whoever) spiked her coke with tiny wire taps and is now reading her thoughts, but she didn’t do that.

Courtney, who is dedicated to being as messy as messy lets her be, tried to put the fire out with her hands! Don’t worry the Oxycontin turns her hands into wet plastic noodles with no feelings, so it didn’t hurt! A spokesperson for the New York City Fire Department said this about the fire to Radar:

“We can confirm that we attended a small fire at the location and the curtains were on fire. The owner had burns to her hands and refused medical treatment.

The fire was on the 4th floor of the building and the call-out time was logged at 1.52am.”

There really is a reasonable explanation for this! This is what happened. Using the makeshift meth lab (a faulty hot plate and an old Jiffy Pop tin) she set up in her bedroom, Courtney was melting a block of hard raccoon blood to use as ink to write a heartfelt (see: threatening) letter to Frances Bean on a sheet of gas-soaked human skin when Billy Corgan’s face appeared in the curtains, causing her to jump and knock everything over. Boom! Fire!

Or maybe her aim is off and she lit the curtain instead of the crack pipe. That seems more accurate.