Jakey Gyllenhaal And Olivia Wilde Held Hands The Other Night....
When Olivia Wilde ended her marriage to that Italian royal dude, the story went that she did it because she got married to young and really wanted to put a few more hundred miles on her vagina's odometer. You know, live out her ho shit phase of life. Most of us nodded our heads in approval, because if there's one thing I know it's that when I close my eyes on life, my last thought will be: "Damn, I wish I would've sucked more peen." (< --- Engrave that into my dick-shaped tombstone.) Olivia was going at it hard there for a while. Olivia dabbled in a little Ryan Gosling, scooted her chocha over some Justin Timberlake and then wrapped her legs around the necks of hos whose names I forget (and so does she).
But then a little birdie (and by birdie I mean publicist) started whispering ideas into Olivia's head and she took a turn down Renee Zellweger Way. That's when Olivia took a shower in glue, rolled in freshly cut beard hair on the barber's floor and hung out with Bradley Cooper for a second. It didn't last long and I figured that Olivia would be back to carrying out her slutbbatical mission, but now People is saying that she was "casually flirting" with Jake Gyllenhaal the other night. Yes, THAT Jake Gyllnehaal. The Jake Gyllenhaal that frolicked
A source type says that at Chateau Marmont the other night, Olivia and Jakey were very "touchy-feely" with each other. Olivia HAHAHAHAed at his jokes, but she she played it cool. The witness goes on, "At one point, he had his hand on hers. Olivia was very cool and wasn't fawning over Jake but seemed to like the attention he was giving her."
After Olivia and Jake's half-a-canoodle display they went their separate ways.
Olivia! What are you doing?! You have a mission and that mission is to introduce your coochie to as many dicks, nutsacks and man tongues as possible! This is not going to happen with Jakey. Your mission isn't to lick on heart-shaped cappuccino foam from as many coffee shop mugs as possible. If that was your mission, then Jakey would be the one to help you achieve it. I mean, do you really want to be the girl who Jakey tickled under an apple tree after he tickled Taylor Swift under an apple tree? Exactly. Dick now, heart-shaped cappuccino foam later.
• 
"slutbbatical"
*cries *
"I mean, do you really want to be the girl who Jakey tickled under an apple tree after he tickled Taylor Swift under an apple tree? Exactly. Dick now, heart-shaped cappuccino foam later."
*gives MK a faux hickey* It's for this subperb poetry above. I haven't read poetry this great since my last sext mesg 3wks ago. Awesome!
The only decent girlfriend (pretend or not) this douche ever had was Kiki.
That snaggle toothed ho deserves better than this asshole anyway, so good on you Kiki.
Olivia Wide is starting to piss me off with her face being shoved down my throat everyday, for doing absolutely nothing, but having short limbs and looking like a flat square dinner plate on the face.
That ho better stay away from my Jake!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_u7VGiMO0U
Submitted by johnnysgirl on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 4:07pm.
Ah, the obligatory being-seen-together at Chateau Marmont. *eyeroll*
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"Canoodling".
Ah, the obligatory being-seen-together at Chateau Marmont. *eyeroll*
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"House arrest sounds like a dream!" - hermit crabs
He needs to come out of the closet already. He can do much better then that fugly chick.
As far as whether Jake's orientation matters, he thinks it matters--and for a very crass reason: He thinks that he won't get straight movie roles if he comes out. That's why he has these pretend romances, instead of walking down Montana Ave. holding his lover's hand.
You might blame the Industry or its fan-base, but I blame the chickenshit actors for whom making truckloads of money is more important than being honest and open. Wouldn't everyone's coming out speed up the process of acceptance?
Who the fuck is Olivia Wilde, and why is she still here.
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 12:33pm.
Dude, don't get me started on THAT. I could be here all day.
Crash was just so... PREACHY. It felt like a documentary on the evils of racism other than an actual, tridimensional film. People who said that they were 'bored' with BBM are probably the same people who require at least one explosion every 15 minutes in order to be able to pay attention to a movie. Send them in Michal Bay's direction.
Give it up Toothy bitch!
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Tue, 06/28/2011 - The real travesty in 2006 was that BBM lost out on Best Picture to "Crash." Hated hated hated hated HATED. That. Movie. Yes, yes, we get it...everyone everywhere is racist. Thanks for playing.
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Crash was okay, but BBM was amazing. The casting and script were incredible, and the cinematography (SP?) was breath-taking.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Submitted by QueenieBK on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 12:03pm.
And I'm sorry, Heath Ledger deserved the Oscar for BBM - winning posthumously for Dark Knight was bullshit. Same thing happened to Judi Dench - she won for Shakespeare in Love (in which she appeared a whole EIGHT MINUTES) but should have won for Mrs. Brown.
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The real travesty in 2006 was that BBM lost out on Best Picture to "Crash." Hated hated hated hated HATED. That. Movie. Yes, yes, we get it...everyone everywhere is racist. Thanks for playing.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
It is widely known that most of the shit printed in People is PR approved, so it would have required someone on either of their teams to have given the nod to this story. In addition, there are photos of Olivia leaving the Chateau Marmont that night walking alongside a brunette woman, who looks like one of Jake's publicists (there are pics of her floating around where it's been acknowledged that she's part of his team). So yeah, no prizes for guessing how this story got out.
Submitted by QueenieBK on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 12:03pm.
He did deserve it. The problem that year was that there were other nominees who also deserved it. I can't really hate on PSH for winning because he was great too. But Heath deserved it as well.
My biggest complaint with Heath's win for The Dark Knight was that most people said that the only reason he won was because he died. Heath was an exceptional actor, even in subpar movies like Ned Kelly, which I watched recently. He was great in it, even though the movie, not so much.
Jake losing to George Clooney was bullshit though. George has had good stuff in recent years (Michael Clayton, Up In The Air, Burn After Reading) but Syriana wasn't it.
I want him to be straight cause I find him HOT AS FUCK! But I would be so scared to have his babies and have them turn out as FUG as his sister.
Maybe I adopt!
I saw his "Source Code" movie, I thought it was good.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Don't blame me! I voted for Kodos!
http://lif3d3sign.tumblr.com/
And I'm sorry, Heath Ledger deserved the Oscar for BBM - winning posthumously for Dark Knight was bullshit. Same thing happened to Judi Dench - she won for Shakespeare in Love (in which she appeared a whole EIGHT MINUTES) but should have won for Mrs. Brown.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
Who is Olivia Wilde?
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
I thought the Dark Knight character played a role in Heath's downturn? (I'm being serious)
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:20am.
I remember reading that after BBM (and after that awful Casanova movie he did with Sienna Miller afterwards, which was practically shot back-to-back) he was wanting to go on a hiatus to be with his baby daughter. I seem to recall him doing a few indies as well in that time. Eventually when Nolan came a-knocking he was unable to say no and said 'fuck it' to the hiatus.
And yes, Heath had problems in his last months of life. That's why he and Michelle broke up, if I recall correctly. He was then seen in public acting erratically as shit. In the end he mixed the wrong pills. But anyway, the claim that BBM killed Heath is so stupid that it doesn't even deserve acknowledgement. The movie was shot in 2004/2005 - Heath died in 2008, a few movies after. And, as others said before, if anybody got the short end of the media stick with playing a gay cowboy, Jake did. After The Dark Knight most people don't even remember that Heath was in BBM.
Didn't see Dr. Parnassus even though I love Terry Gilliam. I heard it was bad. Still, it was sweet that all those actors stepped in and offered their proceeds to Matilda when it was looking like Heath's greedy father was trying to keep her out of the will.
Submitted by Kerfuffles on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:56am.
Submitted by Bat_Boy on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:45am.
Submitted by You_Complete_Me.: I would tend to disagree with the bolded phrase above. I believe it to be a well-accepted fact that Brokeback killed Heath Ledger.
Really? In what circles is/was that information floated?
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I'm gonna go ahead and guess those circles are entirely in You_Complete_Me's head because that's ridiculous bull.
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I'm pretty sure pneumonia and polypharmacy killed Heath Ledger. That movie he was making when he died was pretty horrific, imaginarium of dr. parnassus or whatever.
Heath did not want for acting roles after BBM. I don't think his portrayal of a gay cowboy did him any harm at all.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis. - Bogart
Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:05am.
This chick has got to be one of the most overrated actresses on the planet. She was horrible on House. She's alright looking, but not really.
Although she IS an upgrade from Taylor Swift...but that's not saying much.
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Wilde was PAINFUL on Tron. But then again, Tron was painful in itself.
And I still don't believe that Taylor Swift thing happened. Too random.
She looks like some kind of tyrannical insect queen from a comic book.
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Silly rabbit.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 11:04am.
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I haven't cared what I do with mine since 1982.
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LMAO!!!!
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"Never eat more than you can lift." Miss Piggy
This chick has got to be one of the most overrated actresses on the planet. She was horrible on House. She's alright looking, but not really.
Although she IS an upgrade from Taylor Swift...but that's not saying much.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:29am.
Will the day ever come when we don't give a shit about what people do with their dicks?
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I haven't cared what I do with mine since 1982.
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Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
Submitted by Bat_Boy on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:45am.
Submitted by You_Complete_Me.: I would tend to disagree with the bolded phrase above. I believe it to be a well-accepted fact that Brokeback killed Heath Ledger.
Really? In what circles is/was that information floated?
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I'm gonna go ahead and guess those circles are entirely in You_Complete_Me's head because that's ridiculous bull.
Submitted by Grandma_Wrinkles on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 10:42am.
Because he played gay that one time and we all know that actors who play gay are secretly gay themselves.
The opposite is also true. NPH is actually straight.
Now seriously, the rumor arose around 2005/2006 with a blind item (that never paid off) about a young, good-looking actor nicknamed Toothy Tile who was about to come out. It was widely assumed it was Jake because, again, he had a gay role that year. Also he had (still has? IDK) this close friendship with Austin Nichols who is like the textbook picture of twinkness.
Why does everyone think Jake is ghey? I NEED proof other than cinematic roles.
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"Never eat more than you can lift." Miss Piggy
sometimes you just need a ghey fran to hold your hand, tell you you're beautiful in an objective way, and to give bj advice.
Her hair is atrocious (the cut and color).
Why are you still here sweetheart?
Olivia LOOK AT ME LOOK AND SEE HOW PRETTY I AM isn't going away anytime soon.
Enjoy Momma time
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:29am.
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Very well said and I strongly couldn't agree more.
Let's move it the fuck on....
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:29am.
Will the day ever come when we don't give a shit about what people do with their dicks?
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I care very much what certain people do with their dicks. Especially if I am in the same bed.
Carry on.
Olivia is a bargain basement version of AngieJo.
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"Never eat more than you can lift." Miss Piggy
Never liked him - can't act - but that's not my point. Is it me, or if you squint hard enough does she resemble Reese a bit?
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:46am.
JOHN TRAVOLTA
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WHOA YOU JUST CROSSED A LINE
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:33am.
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:29am.
More important, he has publically stated several times that he's not gay
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OH WELL THEN CASE CLOSED HE'S NOT GAY!! JUST LIKE RICKY MARTIN AND LANCE BASS CIRCA 1998.
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AND PEOPLE ARE STILL CALLING ELTON JOHN GAY EVEN THOUGH HE MARRIED A WOMAN IN THE 80s.
GOD WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE? WHO NEXT, JOHN TRAVOLTA EVEN THOUGH HE HAS KIDS??? GEORGE MICHAEL EVEN THOUGH HE HAS FACIAL HAIR AND A DEEP VOICE???
Submitted by You_Complete_Me.: I would tend to disagree with the bolded phrase above. I believe it to be a well-accepted fact that Brokeback killed Heath Ledger.
Really? In what circles is/was that information floated?
No matter his orientation, Jake seems incredibly real. It's refreshing - like a cool breeze blowing over sweaty ass cheeks.
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:29am.
"... It was Jake's misfortune to get nominated for an Oscar for ACTING in a movie about a gay couple. Of course, since he was a bottom, it's OK to ridicule him. I have seen no such ridicule leveled at his partner in the movie."
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I would tend to disagree with the bolded phrase above. I believe it to be a well-accepted fact that Brokeback killed Heath Ledger.
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I am not here to fight. I am here to make love.
I don't get what people see in this trailer park looking chick. She's got white trash face. But then again Jakey's gay, so he'll do anything that keeps his name in the papers. When was the last time he stared in a movie?
y Provolone
ask Jack he posted it
Mickey was not very nice, but I heard that he is secretly gay and cheats on Mini with goofy
I did not post yesterday, I took the day off but my ass still checked Dlisted
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Wisen on up. That's not Kiera Knightly. This one doesn't have a fucken lounge-chair cushion stuffed inside her upper lip.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
I am not here to fight. I am here to make love.
Submitted by HeddaHopper on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:29am.
More important, he has publically stated several times that he's not gay
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OH WELL THEN CASE CLOSED HE'S NOT GAY!! JUST LIKE RICKY MARTIN AND LANCE BASS CIRCA 1998.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
She looks like Lauren Conrad's older stoner sister. Just me?
I'm tired of the Brokeback jokes. They're stale and denote a certain self-conscious, cliched, lack of imagination. If we're going to use speculation about someone's sexual orientation as a joke, to ridicule them, or as an insult, I wish we'd find another line. Brokeback Mountain came out six years ago. Many of us got over it. The jokes are old and stale, and no longer funny.
I get no gay vibe from Jake. A few diehards keep insisting he's gay with no proof, and pretend to be knowledgeable about the mores of H'wood by insisting he has "beards" instead of girlfriends. That's pretty stale, too. Will the day ever come when we don't give a shit about what guys do with their dicks?
It was Jake's misfortune to get nominated for an Oscar for ACTING in a movie about a gay couple. Of course, since he was a bottom, it's OK to ridicule him. I have seen no such ridicule leveled at his partner in the movie.
It's OK for "manly men" to fuck other guys, with out fear of becoming a joke. Most famous actors who get away with playing gay in a movie without a stigma attached, would never play a bottom in a scene where they are having sex.
Engage in that kind of "Jake is gay" magical thinking if you chose to, but don't inflict it on those of us who have moved on, and expect a little more from you.
I've read wittier, more intelligent posts and have come to expect them from someone with Michael K's talents. This post is a disappointment on so many levels. Especially after celebrating Pride this weekend with the triumph of the New York vote.
Gay, straight, he still makes my skin crawl.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I never should have switched from Scotch to Martinis. - Bogart
Can someone explain what "toothy tile" means? *hides in shame*
Submitted by cocoebert on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 9:19am.
Didn't the whole "Jakey is gay" thing arise after Brokeback Mountain came out? So he's gay because of a movie role? It's one thing when it's Travolta gaying up all the massage parlors in L.A. (there's empirical evidence to the rumor), but why do people think Jake is gay as opposed to a supposedly straight type such as Gerard Butler?
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You have a point. The gay rumors are pretty much based on Ted Casablanca's BI's. I'm starting to doubt his credibility. He also claims (BI style, of course) that Jake and his lovah Austin Nicholls adopted a baby. You just never see either of them with the baby, ever. Where's the baby? It just seems rather odd for someone who is deeply in the closet to do that. So maybe it is all bullshit.
*shrugs*
Yes, you go to Chateau Marmont to see and been seen by other hipsters, but that report has "PR" written all over it.