Welcome To Canada And Shit

The Duke and Dutchess of Cambridge, Willy and Wait, arrived in Ontario Canada today to grace their loyal subjects with their presence. It is only fitting that they ventured their royal selves to “the honeymoon capital of the Commonwealth” as proclaimed by Governor General David Johnston today in his welcome speech. You can read more about it at Reuters if you need the skinny on what they’ll be up to during their visit.

Personally, I would rather post pics of PHG in tight shirts, but if you’re into white bread, rice cakes, and plain cold oatmeal, here is the royal couple and possible future King and Queen of the Commonwealth for your viewing pleasure.

Pick Me!! Pick Me!!

The gorgeous, sensitive and sensible Charlize Theron (NO sarcasm this time, don’t pass out), the girl I would totally go ghey for, the object of my adoration and my avatar has said before that she would never get married until gays can. Me: CHARLIZE I AM SO ON BOARD, WAIT FOR ME BABY!!! Anyway, in September 2009, she said “I do have a problem with the fact that our government has not stepped up enough to make [marriage equality] federal…I really understand marriage and I respect marriage. I just feel that we should all have equal rights.”

I have to say that in my experience, I think marriage is a huge stinking steaming pile of bullshit (jaded much?) but like Charlize, I totally support other people to make the biggest mistake of their lives no matter what their sexual orientation is. No, really, marriage CAN be a beautiful thing. I’ve seen it work and we all want to grow old with someone who loves us enough to smear Ben Gay where our bathing suit covers.

In a recent interview on CNN, which you can watch here on Towleroad, she reiterates her stance, adding that marriage is not important for her (SUHWOOOON AGAIN) but that she understands its importance to other people. She ends the interview by saying “We should all have equal rights. Love is such a divine thing, it’s a gift, and who are we to say?”

It’s a sensitive subject, but I’m with Charlize (I fucking wish). I mean, if two adults love each other enough to make that leap, and only fuck on each other till they die, and put up with each other’s morning breaf and shitty moods for the rest of their lives, I think they should be able to. Marry me Charlize!! *licks monitor*

Note: Stolen from MK’s Afternoon Crumbs. I swore off the comments section this week and couldn’t just let this shit lie.

Megan Fox Did Not Cheat On David Silver When She Rode Shia’s Douche Stick

This will come as no surprise to you sluts as this is the biggest DUH excuse given to your lovah when asked about humping on someone else’s fuck parts during a BREAK UP PERIOD, but supposedly the Fox was on hiatus from licking on her now husband Brian Austin Green when she supposedly waxed LaDouche’s pocket monkey.

In response to an internet FRENZY, a nosy bitch-type (Megan texting via a prepaid ghetto phone) working on the set of the first two Transformer movies told US Weekly, “It was when Megan and Brian broke up, they had a 10-month break before getting back together.” Detective Latoya, please sit down.

On again off again relationships are somewhat familiar to me, so let me just clue you in on the five words that will save your ass in a pinch “WE WERE NOT TOGETHER THEN!” You’re welcome (it doesn’t work).

Amy Winehouse Is Tha DEBIIIIL

Or, more specifically, the White Devil. REPORTED for racism. TMZ just broke the story that some lame ass group called SwagSec who thinks they can “take back the internet” by posting rambling incoherent shit on a crackhead’s website hacked into Amy Winehouse’s official site today and spooged a bunch of hateful words all over the place (screengrab below), because they wanted to “take back the internet from the white devil.”

I take great issue with this!! First of all, Amy may not BE CHRISSSSCHUUUN but I think It’s safe to say that she’s less the Lord of Darkness and more like the Baglady or Homeless Drunk of Darkness. Pretty much harmless, really. ALSO I would like to point out that she’s more nicotine yellow than she is white. And finally, you can take something, but you can’t take it back if it wasn’t yours in the first place. The only man qualified to take back the internet is Al Gore, dumbasses.

Thanks MK

Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess

This foreign born actress who people either seem to love or hate is probably B- list here, but actually probably closer to A in her own country. Anyway, she has a new boyfriend and he thinks he is the only one in her life. He is a bit paranoid and jealous and he should be, because he is not the only guy in her life. I don’t blame her. She was in a long term relationship and wants to play the field awhile. She just does not want the new boyfriend to find out about the field playing. (CDAN)

Many have tried, but no mere mortal man has been able to completely tame Sienna Miller’s jaws of life vagina! Besides, that Tom Sturridge dude looks like a homeless hipster who lives in trees and fishes cig butts out of gutters, so she probably just sees this as giving back to the community.

Sienna Miller is my final guess?

This D List celebrity from Reality TV is proud of the fact that he’s gotten three different women in three different States pregnant. Not so proud that he wants it published of course, which is why he’s promised each woman the world once he ‘finally hits it big,’ if they’ll just be patient and be quiet. However, at a hot tub party recently, the sleazy star bragged to friends about all the women he’s ‘put it to.’ (BuzzFoto)

Life is really playing a cruel and terrible joke on all of us if there’s actually working sperm fishes in The Situation’s nasty testicles instead of douche curdles and fake tanner globs.

What Oscar-winning actor is already being blasted as a deadbeat dad BEFORE his baby’s even born?! The brooding actor hasn’t ponied up for his baby mama’s prenatal care because he’s been too busy romancing a hot new gal! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)

Benicio Del Toro and Kimbo Stewart? You know, I completely forgot Kimbo was knocked up with a horse wolf baby. I was beginning to think it was a simultaneous nightmare we all had together.

Keeping It Klassy

There’s not a lot of meat to this piece (the post or Tara) but I never pass up a chance to point and laugh at the sober and refined lady Tara Reid. Mostly because I’m JELLIZ of her many fans and glamorous, elegant, not bag-ladyesque-at-all lifestyle, as captured by this article in the New York Post.

Tara is in Atlanta right now shooting American Pie XXVI and was sashaying across the parking lot of a local Walgreens looking in no way broke-down, busted or used. She was just minding her own business, and pushing her little doggie friend Pasha whose collar is REAL AND NOT RHINESTONES thankyouverymuch along in a shopping cart, when she stopped to ask a couple of the local plebians where she could dine on fine Mexican cuisine.

Suddenly this Walgreens manager who obviously does not know WHO Tara Reid is showed up and demanded that she give them their cart back. RUDE! She informed him in a not-whiney-little-bitch voice that she was just borrowing it, but he said NO! they didn’t have that many so she snatched her posh pooch up, threw her regal nose in the air and glided away in a huff.

I can’t decide what is the best part of this scenario – that Tara has a job, that she was hijacking a shopping cart, or that she got owned by drug store manager. Why won’t the Walgreens manager let Tara be great?? Tara, you show their ass and take your business to Dollar Tree next time where they know how to treat a lady of your stature!