ESCANDALOSO!!!!!! (Not Really)
Long before January Jones' womb was filled with a half ice cube and half question mark love child, supermodel Linda Evangelista would put her finger up to her mouth whenever anybody would ask her who the father of her 4-year-old son Augustin James is. Well, (read in a booming Detective La Toya Jackson whisper) the identity of Augustin's biological father has been revealed!
Linda sashayed into a NYC court room yesterday morning, struck a million dollar pose in front of the court and said that her son's father Francois-Henri Pinault, the billionaire CEO husband of Salma Hayek, and she have not yet agreed to a child support agreement. 2006 must have been the Year of the Fertile Sperm for Francois-Henri, because he also has a 4-year-old daughter with Salma Hayek. (Note: This is your cue to slowly fall back into your chair with your mouth open while tapping the word "SCANDAL!!!" out in Morse Code with your eyelashes. Or it's your cue to slowly fall back into your chair to take a nap. Either response to this story is perfectly acceptable.)
The New York Post reports that yesterday was Linda's fourth time visiting family court. Francois-Henri wasn't there, because his lawyers thought they were doing a phone conference instead. Franci's lawyer went on to explain, "We had understood that it was to be a brief, telephone conference, to bring Magistrate Troy up to date on what the status was."
This more like a lower-case scandal, because Linda and Franci made Augustin in early 2006 when he was on a break from Salma.
Anybody who cares about this should've known that Franci is Augustin's daddy, because that boy basically looks like his father in a Suri Cruise wig. And Linda once said that she won't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day, so I really hope Franci knows that Augustin is just like his mother and won't push out a fake "I love you" during visiting days for less than $10,000 a syllable!
• 
Why now Linda? Why wait 4 years?
Yeah, that kid's a dead ringer for Daddy.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
well if you really want a kid and dont have partner this is the way to go, billionaire that owns designer labels, baby supported for life and baby daddy yearly visits, that sounds like a plan I might do :p
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
I've learned never to judge someone from just a photograph. He's not young and hot, true, but a lot of people (in fact I'd say most people) are waaay more attractive in person than they are in a picture. A person's personality and charm can make them instantly very sessy and that's not something you see in a photo.
He's also very powerful, cuz he's loaded and if you've ever been around very powerful people -- they may have a face like a hat full of arseholes, but power is sexy as hell.
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En mon bonheur
Not escandaloso...more like BOMBSHELL-IDONTGIVEAFUCKABOUT! lol why do people of the famewhoring have to tell us everything? nevermind..famewhoring. got it
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 11:05am.
That rich dude is French. Hayek is Spanish. Neither speaks English well at all so how do they communicate? I mean, I know "chi-chis" is an international thing, but what about after?
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I read that Salma is fluent in French.
*******
"Yeah, I'm like herpes.......I disappear for awhile but you can never get rid of me!"
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 2:48pm.
Whodathunk both Linda and Salma enjoyed puffs of defunct sperm dust up the vadge? And fully functional, too?
*hums What a Wonderful World*
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
for 10k a day I'd fuck him.
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Anyone can get screwed, its not rocket science.
Submitted by kate773 on Thu, 06/23/2011 - 11:06am.
so...when francois approaches the ladies for some fucky times, does he just pin his bank statements to his fly? _____________________________________________
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
Cha ching!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Old peen is nassy and so are the accompanying saggy balls.
Not
Hot
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
Ol' FHP missed his calling. He'd be a perfect fit in the NBA.Oh well-I guess he'll just have to settle for being a billionaire who bangs insanely hot chicks...and has enough money that child support payments are basically pocket change.
the only escandalo here is that i am not a rich son of a bitch so shit like this is only depressing to me.
-like a bitch in heat, i seem to attract a coterie of policemen and sanitation officials. -JKT
I wouldn't sleep with an old paw-paw just for some cash...but then again I am not a hollywood slut.
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Guns don't kill people...people with mustaches kill people.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 11:05am.
That rich dude is French. Hayek is Spanish. Neither speaks English well at all so how do they communicate? I mean, I know "chi-chis" is an international thing, but what about after?
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hahahaha!!! this is too funny! imagine what it sounds like when they argue???? salma has horrible accent! LOL
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
@Submitted by E-Nasty on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:54am.
Why is it always the ugly, nasty guys that forget to wrap it the most?
and how do they get decent looking women to sleep with them?????
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Money takes trolls...and turns them into 6'4" studs with movie star looks...8" peckers...and witty things to say at every utterance.Just ask the beautiful women they bed & impregnate.This I might add is entirely fair in the "grand scheme" of things.I would want the same for me.
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:55am.
I don't know .. that kid looks like he could just as easily be a Schwartzenegger..
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Totally!
"my brows could subtract that WTF look on your face so move along"
That rich dude is French. Hayek is Spanish. Neither speaks English well at all so how do they communicate? I mean, I know "chi-chis" is an international thing, but what about after?
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
"Augustin" is such a damn pretentious name. Trying to tweek "Augustus" from Caesar. Ugh.
"Aygestin" is the name of a female hormone. Ten buck says I could get her to name her daughter that.
Well I wish a rich man wouldn't use a condom with me!!! hahahaha!!!!!
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
So "on a break" doesn't just mean it' okay to sex up your coworker on the set of a movie, but it's also ok to put your baby batter in another woman and cook up a baby? I wonder if Salma knew.
That being said, if I were ever going to have a "baby daddy" I'd sure as hell want it to be a billionaire.
Submitted by Sweetas on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:55am.
They're called "condoms" Hollywood. Google that shit!!
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No kidding! It always surprises me that these guy's aren't double-bagging it to prevent gold-digga's from cashing in.
*******
"Yeah, I'm like herpes.......I disappear for awhile but you can never get rid of me!"
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 2:48pm.
If you aren't going to cut your little boy's hair, okay. But WHY give him bangs and layers??
I thought that was a picture of whatsherface who plays Peggy Olsen on Mad Men.
Oooops.
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Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK
Submitted by E-Nasty on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:54am.
Why is it always the ugly, nasty guys that forget to wrap it the most?
and how do they get decent looking women to sleep with them?????
Hint: It's green, goes in a wallet, and he's got more of it then all of us on this site combined. The French accent doesn't hurt either.
That could easily be Mick Jagger's kid.
Submitted by ESE on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:54am.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:53am.
What?
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beat me to it, but... i was gonna say: "uuumm, huh?"
^^^^^^^
Yeah, this confused the snot out of me.
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
Why is she doing that to his hair?
Get that money, Linda! Salma has got to be pissed
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
I read about it earlier in the DM, but did MK REALLY write this article? Does not sound like him at all. The funniness sounds forced, not as natural and free flowing as MK's sense of humor.. just saying.
MK, its one thing to invite others to write on your blog, but my heart would explode if some other bitch poses as you.
NO, NO and NO...
They're called "condoms" Hollywood. Google that shit!!
I don't know .. that kid looks like he could just as easily be a Schwartzenegger..
wish my daddy was a billionaire. good Christ.
Submitted by Dog on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:53am.
What?
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beat me to it, but... i was gonna say: "uuumm, huh?"
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Why is it always the ugly, nasty guys that forget to wrap it the most?
and how do they get decent looking women to sleep with them?????
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Guns don't kill people...people with mustaches kill people.
I'm sure this asshole's bank account has nothing to do with him getting these two bitches pregnant.
you dont get knocked up after a few weeks of dating when you are as old as evangelista
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
What?
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
Oh my god that is one ugly ass kid. Holy shit.