Kennifer Kove Kardashian
Before stomping on the red carpet at last night's Horrible Bosses premiere in L.A., Jennifer Love Hewitt evoked the voodoo spirit of the Kardashians when she took a deep breath and stuffed herself into a Herve Leger straitjacket dress with the help of a Spanx cocoon, a tablespoon of the lubricating drool Khloe Kardashian secretes when she tries to digest a warthog whole, a fleet of Dutch barges, 2011's sausage maker of the year and who ever yanks John Travolta's butt plug out when he clenches too hard. JLove's shit is so tight that I can practically see the print of her Vajazzle stones.
JLove shares my motto that if your ribs aren't screaming for mercy, your head isn't dizzy from suffocation and your legs look like they aren't exhaling giant hot brefs of relief from not being mummified, then the dress is not tight enough!
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Submitted by Iffy on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 2:48pm.
"Dunno, I'm just the average guy, so I don't see the flaws. In fact, she looks damn good to me. Yup, we're talking a serious pounding."
You just made yourself a friend for life. In the era of Photoshop most men are nowadays as critical of women as women are themselves. It's refreshing to hear someone say that 'natural' is good enough for them. So kudos to you, Iffy, for appreciating a real cow.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 8th, with thanks to Becky)
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
Thumb #8 is straight out of the Kartrashian ho stroll pose book. I never liked her as an actress. Those that say she will explode after kids are right on. All that said, if I had a chance to bang it out. I would.
@Liana
Now I don't know whether to despise her more now knowing she wasn't just born a bitch but turned into one after she got her boobies & a little fame.
Every actor should know to be nice to even the lowest ranking crew members. Ever hear the story what the crew guys did to Sharon Stone's shower water used for a scene she was in after dealing w/her cuntness?
Another example (the first and most egregious being Jessica Simpson) of a beautiful woman who has NO FUCKING IDEA how to dress herself.
Jennifer and Jessica, you two are in dire need of stylists. Don't worry - just because that bobblehead Rachel Zoe won't work with you, doesn't mean there aren't shitloads of other great stylists who would love to help y'all out.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
I'd prefer her to a Kardashian ANY DAY.
@damnit_janet: i worked a season on party of five and she was sweet as anything. i worked a few weeks on GW in season 1 and she was also nice. sorry to hear she got cuntified somewhere along the line. Glad i didn't work there any longer. As the lowest of the low in production, I would have bolted! Guess some people get bitchier as their "star" rises. Now I'm glad she looks stupid in that dress and her face looks jacked.
If mingling amongst the average U.S. population, then good looking.
If playing a sexy actress in LA... then blasphemous.
@Cake Coke --
I didn't watch her on Po5, but I do know she was pushing the hips in Can't Hardly Wait. At least she's the only chick in Hollywood whose tits aren't fake.
"Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?"
Dunno, I'm just the average guy, so I don't see the flaws. In fact, she looks damn good to me. Yup, we're talking a serious pounding.
that ass is so padded you can see it right through her dress. who is she trying to kid with this get-up?
OMG her poor toeses! why do that to your wee little piggies? If you hate them that much cut 'em off and give them to QT to worship in private.
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"I'm bluffin with my muffin."
Bet she could churn some mean butter with those hamhock arms!
Why do some women wear shoes too small. Their toes hang out the sides or over the front. I hate that, it's so nasty.
The length of your dress should always co-relate to your level of cellulite.. in your twenties, you can wear mini, but if you look like a bag of battered dough down to your back of your knees, knee-length is your friend!!!
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Like a kardashian I bet she has a butthole this big (>*<)
as opposed to a normal butthole *
I think she has a good FEMININE figure. (I feel sorry for all the hipless bitches out there, you lookalikeaman) But that dress is just ugly..wtf kind of colour is that anyway? Bloody stool?
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
What is killing me is that ridiculous purse.
She's even too fat for her shoes.
CELLULITE ALL THE WAY TO YOUR KNEES!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!
Not really Cankles, more like her knees morph into her calves, Cnees? Knalfs?
Oh, btw, Id still hit it............
She appears to have just four toes on her right foot.....she is a Keebler?
Id still hit that four toed, Knalved azz......
@Liana
I've also worked with Love, (what she allows those she likes to call her). She was nothing but a total cunt & prima donna.
It was well known on the Ghost Whispererer set that she was only nice to the men & young male extras. She would request the male extras she liked back again to work regularly.
You're 100% correct about Jennifer G.
Back in her Alias days her sugar syrapy sweetie persona annoyed the hell out of me. However, after working looong exhausting days w/her I could not help but love her. I resisted like hell.
She was a total professional & was sincere & warm to every person on set.
She made a point to speak to anyone near her between takes. Asking how they were doing & just shooting the breeze.
She arranged for production to bring a In & Out truck to set for an unscheduled break/meal. She paid for a gourmet coffee truck to come to set after a long day of shooting went into the night. They served all kinds of yummy concoctions. She personally went to the "underlings" to make sure they knew they could get a drink if they wanted.
Sounds like a simple thing to do but you wouldn't believe how often an actor will hire a special type of food truck etc to come to set & only allow the titled actors & above partake.
Sorry to butt in as I'm a long time (registered) lurker. But I hate when people fawn over JLove for how sweeeet she is.
Her cuntness was like a disease that infected the set when she was there. Aisha Tyler was fun & friendly until scenes that involved her with Hewitt. Then Aisha transformed into a cattty bitch. The two of them would snicker together & make rude comments.
The whole tone of the set got so bad lower paid workers were walking off set & leaving.
She must have a funhouse mirror in her house. You know the kind that stretches you really tall and skinny. Yeah, that's it. Size 2? I think not.
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Droppin Kids Off in the Pool
Please adopt before you visit a breeder: www.petfinder.com to find a pet in your area.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 8:23am.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes: "...when exactly did she get so... uummm... "hippy"?... that's the term right? "hippy"?... when she was younger, i don't remember her hips being that... umm... wide."
Getting older/genetics.
I find myself being more and more shaped like my mother (who warned me that we tend to get thick in the middle and to WATCH IT). I have a friend who was petite and well-proportioned 10 years ago. After two kids, she is getting thicker in the legs and butt just like her own mother, even though her stomach is flat and she has a small waist.
Your body has a blueprint.
Unless you scrupulously watch every bite and have a personal trainer sculpting your body, it's very hard to fight your genes. It's possible, but it's very very hard. Most people don't have the will or resources to do it. (Myself included.)
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PREACH SISTER
She always looks bad. I don't think she employs a stylist. Beautiful woman though.
Too "hippy" for me, and then there's her personality!
What IS up with her face? It's kind of strange and puffyish.
She apparently doesn't own a mirror.
*******
"Yeah, I'm like herpes.......I disappear for awhile but you can never get rid of me!"
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 2:48pm.
Louise
the pots was the least he did to her, but I always wished she had sent me a picture
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Submitted by yepyepyep on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:46am.
That's um...creative. I am laughing imaging your sister's response to finding out all her pots and pans were taken to make an angel sculpture to send to Jennifer Love Hewitt. LMAO
y louise_brooks
yes a sculpture of pots and pans, he was freeloading in my sisters apt, and she was off in the navy, so he took all her pots and pans and made a sculpture of them, I did not see it though
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
@angry_secretary: I've been a production assistant and an assistant director on a few films and television shows (low pay, long hours, bottom of the totem pole). But since my mentioning it bothers people, never mind.
Yeah, her feets are screaming in pain too.
The thickness of her lower half is only half the problem. Check out the pic of the back of her thighs to see the other half. Girl needs to stick to knee length dresses.
Her toes look like they are breaking in those shoes SMH
www.theinfamouslife.com
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Submitted by yepyepyep on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:22am.
My brother was obsessed with Jlove I mean he actually made an angel of pots and pans to send to her because she likes angels
Like a sculpture of an angel out of pots and pans?
@Submitted by BBGemini on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:20am.
Yep.As a sex object she makes excellent "booty call" material. I don't think having kids would do her body any favors.
My brother was obsessed with Jlove I mean he actually made an angel of pots and pans to send to her because she likes angels
She has always been curvy, maybe most white people dont like her look, but she has the perfect Hispanic body, the big boobs, thick legs, round behind, big hips and yes the dress is kinda small, but then again latin girls wear by some sort of sick rule things 3 sizes too small, so maybe she is trying to appeal to hispanics
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Can you imagine what she'd look like after popping out a few kids? Kirstie Alley Jr. Maybe God is actually hooking her up by keeping her single.
Not even gonna lie...I'd give it a good ol' country thumpin'. Yes she could stand to drop about 15lbs.Either that,or get with a training regimen that tightens up what she's got goin' on now.Still...J.Love is PLENTY DO-ABLE as is.Indeed her "look" here is very "Kardashianesque".Not seeing where that's a problem.Sue me.
that's gotta be one helluva volcanic explosion of flowing flab when that dress is cut off.
it'd be safer to stand next to a whistling bunghole.
-like a bitch in heat, i seem to attract a coterie of policemen and sanitation officials. -JKT
she has such bad legs. yucko.
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When we are together, the moments I cherish
With every beat of my heart
To touch you, to hold you, to feel you, to need you
There's nothing to keep us apart
-The Commodores
Oh, dear.
Submitted by Liana on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 9:52am.
Oh Love... I adore you, truly I do. You remain one of the nicest actor types I have ever worked with (you, Jen Garner, and Adrien Brody)
Hmmm....your name dropping bothers me, yet I am thrilled to hear Adrian Brody is nice. What to do....what to do....
*feels bad for JLove*
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Hell, everything would be better with stick ponies-MK
I've always thought she was so pretty. Yeah, bite me. I haven't had coffee yet.
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Next time you want to talk to me, you call my lawyer. He's in the phone book under "Fuck You."
Submitted by Liana on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 9:52am.
Oh Love... I adore you, truly I do. You remain one of the nicest actor types I have ever worked with (you, Jen Garner, and Adrien Brody).
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wow, what job do you have, lucky lucky?
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"I'm gonna end up back in the gutter, sucking meth for cock." - drunk Naomi in Still Waiting...
"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
I have bad aunt flow cramps and now I want to watch Ghost Whisperer and eat Dots, damn it!
Oh Love... I adore you, truly I do. You remain one of the nicest actor types I have ever worked with (you, Jen Garner, and Adrien Brody). But please with the sausage casing clothing. Please don't.
Submitted by TOPANGA on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 9:41am.
Maybe she stuffed herself into this dress and those hooker shoes to draw attention away from the fact that her face is looking different.
Yeah I KNOW!!!
She looks like a sac of day old congealed oatmeal in that dress.
Maybe she stuffed herself into this dress and those hooker shoes to draw attention away from the fact that her face is looking different.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George