Jessica Simpson Makes Out With Her $15,000 Birthday Gift

July 11, 2011 / Posted by: Michael K

When Papa Joe prayed for Jessica Simpson to put her lips on an overpriced orange leather bag, he was referring to himself and not a $15,000 Hermes Birkin bag. (Bitch should’ve been more specific.) On Jessica Simpson’s 31st barday, her leased whore and fiance Eric Johnson gifted her with a big orange leather bag that she puckered up to just as her ass lips puckered out a wet orange air kiss (she’s dehydrated) into her chonies. Blame the morning beer.

Yes, Eric should’ve really given Jessica a Hermes enema bag since that gross bitch is gassier than a pig in a cabbage patch, but the Birkin bag was still a sweet gift. You know what would’ve really made me AWWWWW in my warm place? If Eric Tweeted a picture of him kissing the black American Express card with Jessica’s name on it that he used to buy her $15,000 gift. Even the Hermes salesperson made an AWWWW when Eric asked them if he could get cash back.

Source: JSimp’s Twatter via USWeekly

Tags: Jessica Simpson, Yeah Okay

Our commenting rules: Don't be racist or bigoted, or post comments like "Who cares?", or have multiple accounts, or repost a comment that was deleted by a mod, or post NSFW pics/videos/GIFs, or go off topic when not in an Open Post, or post paparazzi/event/red carpet pics from photo agencies due to copyright infringement issues. Also, promoting adblockers, your website, or your forum is not allowed. Breaking a rule may result in your Disqus account getting permanently or temporarily banned. New commenters must go through a period of pre-moderation. And some posts may be pre-moderated so it could take a minute for your comment to appear if it's approved. If you have a question or an issue with comments, email: michaelk@dlisted.com