Bruce & Kris Jenner Have Matching Facelifts Now

Kim Kardashian will make the bowels of hell churn out bubbles of victory when she marries that dude whose soul will be sucked into her big fat ass for the rest of eternity in a couple of months, and her mother Pimp Mama Kris Jenner wants to look as fresh as a wax mannequin’s taint for the occasion.

So the owner of the womb that created 3 attention sucking monsters got the Kim Kardashian Special by pulling and yanking at her face. Since Pimp Mama Kris can’t even drop a piss without the red light on a camera staring at her, her facelift will be on an episode of her show Krapping In The Kardashians. You know, each episode of that mess should be in black and white and narrated by Rod Sterling, because getting your face cut up on camera is some Twilight Zone shit. Anyway, Pimp Mama Kris got tapped with the scalpel about a month ago and E! has the rest of the details I know your ass cares about:

“I don’t want to die,” Kris joked, kind of, after calling it the “most stressful morning” of her life.

“Don’t cry, you’re going to be fine,” Kim assured her mom.

So, what was she having done?

One look at the ever youthful Jenner and it’s clear she wasn’t exactly in need of a physical overhaul, so she opted only for a mini facelift, getting a little nip/tuck work done around her neck and eyes.

If you woke up next to Bruce Jenner’s Michael Myers mask face and the Halloween theme song played in your head as you pissed fear into your pajama chonies every morning, wouldn’t you wear pajama diapers to bed instead of pajama chonies? And also, wouldn’t you be scared straight off the plastic surgeon’s scalpel forever?! Seriously, I wouldn’t even use that anti-aging cream shit out of fear that my pores will pucker and I’ll look like a piece of freeze dried chicken paillard. Bruce face’s will do that to a bitch. But not Kris! I guess the female Larry Dallas wants the entire Kardashian family to look like a row of Chinatown money cats at Kim’s dumb ass wedding.

Above is a pre-lifted Kris with Bruce Jenner back in May and below is Kris with Vera Wang on June 30th.