JLo And Skeletor Are Getting A Divorce
Elizabeth Taylor will throw a mean side-eye from heaven that will throw shade over most of L.A. today, because JLo is scooting up to her record by making Skeletor her third ex-husband after 7 years of marriage. Yes, Castle Greyskull will be filled with sacrificial virgins a fucking plenty tonight, because Skeletor is back on the prowl for good. JLo and Skeletor announced to People that they are legally quitting each other and breaking their vows the same way he breaks a brittle hip bone when he tries to thrust too hard during a show.
"We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters.It is a painful time for all involved and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time."
Skeletor has a face like a zombie's ass and living with JLo is probably as pleasant as getting a rim job from a shark, but I thought these two would love forever or until Jason Stackhouse shoots Skeletor in front of Tara. They were acting all happy like with The Dragon Tales Twins just a month or two ago. Some ESCANDALOSO shit must've been the stake in the heart of their marriage. Now I'm not saying that the blind item about a singer allegedly Ike Turner-ing and cheating on his singer/actress wife is true, but I'm still going to light a Santa Guadalupe candle and pray one of his side whores doesn't sell a picture of his dick bone to The National Enquirer.
And, well, at least JLo can go back to her first love. No, not attention. I'm talking about Diddy! Ugh. My fingers barfed from typing that out.
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Rules of life according to Bowchicka...
#1 - Do not marry or commit to a man who has a smaller ass than you. It won't work out in the long run. Ask your friends if you are following this rule correctly because since we cannot easily see our own asses, many of us believe our ass isn't as large as it actually is. ;-)
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Marc Anthony is now free to marry Casey Anthony, and she won't even have to change her name!
Marc Anthony is now free to marry Casey Anthony, and she won't even have to change her name!
Marc Anthony is now free to marry Casey Anthony, and she won't even have to change her name!
I know I'm about 10,000 years late but as talented as MA is he is a douche, we grew up in the same neighborhood rubbed elbows with the same folk, and not only from my experience but others, this mofo is an egomaniac, and you all know like I do 2 egomaniacs never last together long. Who's there to worship them except themselves? he grew up in Spanish Harlem in the east river area.... check it out.
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Women are scientifically proven to be right even when they are wrong.
time to start living the vida loca!
"Boy, the next words that come out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' Mark Twain shit. 'Cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone."
Whenever I hear about heaven, I always have to think of Loki...
I think JLo is annoying and untalented; albeit, beautiful. Given that I don't ~like~ her, I have to say, I think Marc Anthony is to blame. I remember from watching interviews of his ex-wife, she described how controlling and mentally abusive he was towards her. And I totally believe tjat blind item is about jlo and marc a.... And I can't hate on JLo for being married a bunch of times when comparing her to Marc A who now has kids w/ 3 different women.
From what's being said, both of them are a handful and difficult to deal with. She's had 3 divorces & 2 broken engagements; I'm thinking that she's a major pain in the ass & demands things of everyone around her. He's a freak. These 2 losers deserve each other...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
I also have a feeling they were friends and she wanted kids, so it was ok at the time. I could never really picture passion between them... he is GD fug. She has plenty of money to get out on her own, and if it's true that he's abusive then good for her. Too bad she didn't get out sooner if that is the case.
I'm going with the financial issues. Fuck that shit he owes millions in back taxes, is any of her shit still in business ( perfume, clothing)? Her album probably flopped, shit they even have the babies taking pictures in ads. She's just fed up with his broke ass and figure she could do bad by herself.
Submitted by Spoiled on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 9:11am.
Casablanca's Blind Vice from February 2011:
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DAMN! Ted C sure didn't keep it very blind, with the Caesar/Marc Anthony thing.
*surprised face*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Seven years? Isn't that considered the equivalent of a silver wedding anniversary in Hollywood?
Was this a recent blind item? Anyone know?
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by original putas on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 10:30am.
I wonder what those statistics would look like if the 98% of Hollywood who think marriage is one long honeymoon never actually got hitched.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I'll take him.
I knew it when I looked at that green dress she wore to meet the royals! Women always start slutting it up and wearing revealing clothes once their marriage is in trouble. Besides, he was nowhere in sight at that royal party.
Anyway, half of all marriages end in divorce so statistically speaking, this is right on time.
Submitted by notreallyworking on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 9:51am.
Their "system" probably involves hydraulics.
Submitted by Capitanne on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 9:15am.
Well, her ex claims she was an insatiable sex fiend, so maybe that's it.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 6:27am.
Yeah, her dad is Scienobot, her mom is Catholic. I dunno how they make that work, since that would probably make her a "suppressive person."
Anyway, she probably plays up the Catholic thing for Latin audiences, even though EVERYBODY knows she's a husband-hopping whore and nobody takes her religious claims seriously. I hear she really goes for Santeria, because she can cast curses.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I heard he's abusive to her and a cheat, if this is true then I can't hate on her for divorcing him.
This one was obvious.. saw it coming an eon away. I do like her movie The Cell, though.
Team Skeletor all the way. However, you do have to wonder how his four inch member was able to invade her twelve inch ass... I am sure they had a system down.
"Boy, the next words that come out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' Mark Twain shit. 'Cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone."
I'm happy for Jlo. I've decided not to make fun of her anymore. Unless Of course I hear more stories about her demanding white rooms or shit like that. Never really liked M Anthony. He looks too moody.
Three marriages and at least two other engagements. What do men see in her? The voice is enough to make you crazy. She married Skeletor five minutes after Ben Affleck dumped her fat ass.
...And from April 2011's National Enquirer:
“J.Lo wants to be the most thoughtful and helpful evaluator on ‘Idol’ and Marc is her No. 1 adviser,” an insider divulged.
“He’s been huddling with Jennifer on her picks at home and on breaks during the show. His input truly influences her decisions…”
Marc - the top-selling salsa artist of all time with 30 million albums - attended a number of “Idol” auditions and has either been in the audience or his wife’s dressing room for each live show, the insider revealed.
“What TV viewers don’t see is that during commercial breaks, Marc often leaves his seat and meets with Jennifer at the judges’ table to discuss how the contestants are doing and influence her comments,” the insider said. “If it were up to him, he’d have a fourth chair right next to his wife, Steven and Randy.”
Casablanca's Blind Vice from February 2011:
“Last time we checked in on poor Strippa Rip-Ya, the usually outspoken babe had told her close pals that she was staying with that abusive man of hers, Caesar Anchovy-Arse, because he only beats her occasionally and it’s ‘not that bad.’
“So sad, because Strippa’s friends have been too scared to tell her to leave the schmuck.
“But is there hope? Now more Industry acquaintances of SRY’s have now taken notice of her weird dynamic with Caesar…
“At a photo shoot for S recently, we’re told by sources on set that they were ‘incredibly uncomfortable’ when her husband popped in for an unexpected visit.
“Controlling much? You bet.
“See, Caesar rarely lets Strippa go anywhere without him. Anywhere. Notice the watchdog pattern developing here? No relationship with that kind of dynamic is healthy—as you don’t have to just hit somebody to abuse them.
“Apparently Mr. Arse showed up to the photo shoot when it started, around 7 am, cracked open a Pabst Blue Ribbon and started getting drunk.
“‘He would shout horrible things at everyone, including [Strippa],’ our insider tells us. ‘He was brash, rude, and it made everyone awkward.’
“Dude’s clearly super jealous his career remains stagnant while Strippa’s is super hot again. Meanwhile, Strippa just stood there silent, taking any jab he threw her way, which is pretty much what she always does these days.
“Hopefully her team, who witnessed this, has the balls enough to say—and finally do–something. At what point will her “friends” start worrying about her very well-being, already?
“It may be unpleasant to bring it up, but isn’t her life more important?”
"To top it off Jennifer signed up to join two major films one including “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” with Cameron Diaz. Lastly, it was rumoured that Jennifer received resistance from Marc Anthony to re-sign with American Idol. Reportedly he wanted J. Lo “to spend more time with him and their children.” Jennifer has since denied the rumour."
Coma Caca!
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Saw this coming from a mile away. I think she just wanted to have kids, she did, and now they are both moving on.
By the way, if Marc Anthony is 5'8, Jlo is NOT 5'7, like she is listed on IMDB. Somebody is lying and I'm pretty sure it is Lopez.
Submitted by chlyn on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 9:10pm.
Submitted by putas on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 7:54pm.
Ben affleck just perked up.
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I thought he was busy with that nekkid ass nekkid Blake Lively.
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Isn't Blake Lively dating Leo DiCaprio?
hahahahahah mk!!!
---Skeletor has a face like a zombie's ass and living with JLo is probably as pleasant as getting a rim job from a shark
YES!
weird I heard/read about 2 months ago, that Jlo and Marc were recruiting or whatever the fuck they do for reality singing competitions for a latino kind of "A.Idol". Even though there's already one in latino version. they even came to CR too. maybe it's a publicity stunt too. I need a reason to make fun of 'em about them getting a divorce. someone go put on their Det.Latoya hat! lol
Coma Caca!
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File your papers go to court on the floor
Fire the nanny get a lawyer on the floor
Don't stop get your hackles up
Get your rep sound like his fault
Check the prenup hide your assets on the floor
Submitted by almostfamous88 on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:35pm.
PS - of all the husband's, she reproduced with THIS one - that's all I'm gonna say...
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I totally agree. The little girl looks exactly like Marc.
I don't think that she ever got over Ben Affleck. She married her rebound. She's probably going to go back to dating white boys.
Mariah Carey is probably cackling like a villain in a cartoon.
i'm surprised, but not surprised. her career took a heavy dive when she married him (atleast in the nonlatino market). her career is back up a bit and he's probably annoyed/looking at other chocha. she got the kids she wanted, she's making her own money, he's really creepy and old looking... i would love to have seen their marriage counseling sessions.
Submitted by Puppy Love: "Just a few months ago she was saying how men who would otherwise approach her don't because "they're afraid of Mark." Yes, all these men who in your fantasy world worship your washed-up ass were "afraid" that skinny, filthy-looking runt might beat them up. LOL"
This made me LOL. HARD.
I really thought these two were gonna make it and part of me thinks this is a publicity stunt, but it's probably not because it never is. I have always loved these two, independent of each other. But contrary to what many people are saying, I think SHE is the one who comes off as a control freak, not him. It seems she uses men for personal gain. Often, women who have successful careers focus so much attention on acheivement that they never learn how to be a wife, or even a good partner. Maybe Marc just got fed up with her diva behavior. I can't imagine that he initiated this divorce, but he's gotta be feeling a bit relieved about it.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sat, 07/16/2011 - 6:27am.
Submitted by NDNchief on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:32pm.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
With JLo I always remember her spouting out of her ass that her family is Catholic and she is VERY Catholic. Ummm. . . You're on your 3rd divorce, with kids no less. How's that Catholic thing working out for you JLo?
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I thought JLo's parents were $ci? At least there were rumors her father was at some point.
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I heard this too. That's why there was ESCANDALO when they were besties with Tom and Katie a few years ago.
Submitted by NDNchief on Fri, 07/15/2011 - 10:32pm.
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
With JLo I always remember her spouting out of her ass that her family is Catholic and she is VERY Catholic. Ummm. . . You're on your 3rd divorce, with kids no less. How's that Catholic thing working out for you JLo?
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I thought JLo's parents were $ci? At least there were rumors her father was at some point.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Damn. For once I could say "They deserve each other" and move on. Now they're going to be loose, terrorizing humanity.
TwatMuffin, the only other option I can think of is (did you mention Chicago? Cook County ER then) the biggest public (state owned) hospital near you, when you have a day or two left go there and there is a very good chance that a resident will "sample" you (when we give out the drug company sample packs as a course of treatment), and if you go to the biggest public ER the odds of that are in your favour. Not to mention the staff at the biggest public hospitals are often quite Bolshie. ;) Good luck, and tell us how it went.
P.S,
If I'm repeating sorry, my screen is a bit iffy today for the replies. I mean, I originally thought the title of this post was "JLo and Senator Eating a Horse".
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Honestly Officer...
Wow, not surprised in the least. Contract is up! She is pulling in the $$$ and is walking out the door. This guy is creepy as they come. I cannot imagine being with a man that is smaller than you. He looks like he is 120 pds soaking wet...GROSS!
does this mean the blind item about the married couple where the man abuses the woman and she claims it isn't that bad will be revealed? I always though it was these two.. He seems very controlling and super creepy.. Not to mention where did he blow all his money?
I think JBlow should give up on the marriage idea. She is just not cut out for it. I'm shocked they lasted seven years. You know Skeletor's other wife, the beauty queen, is laughing her ass off right now. I guess this means JBlow will be celebrating her 42nd birthday this month without the huge party. Remember how Skeletor "surprised" her for her 39th(40th) bday a couple of years ago?
I thought they were gonna last....I am waiting to hear the split between Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin now
Are you stalking me? Cause that'd be super.
Hmmm, she was washed up old joke for like 5 of those years and she latched on to his talent and fan base because she lost all of hers (fanbase, there was nevah evah talent). I am sure she was willing to get cheated on with gutter sluts and receive weekly beat-downs if it meant people were still taking her picture.
Now that her star is inexplicably on the rise again (most beautiful woman? lulz) she's removing herself from that shit. Good for her for getting out of an obviously bad situation, but she's still an opportunist first and foremost.
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I think all this shit started with a 3 way they had that went wrong and afterwards Jen wanted to be held and Ang wanted to fuck again... so he went with the obvious choice. - jack-n-the-hat 07/07/11
Twat Muffin I live in No. Cali and we visit my bfs family at least once a year in Riverside County since we r out there so close to Arizona and the boarder there is a boarder town that connects Arizona and Cali in Baja Cali called Algodones Mexico....we have been there twice it is a tiny town that pretty much caters to American and Canadian citizens looking for cheap prescription medications, dental and eye doctors four blocks of clinics drug stores and so on that's all this little town makes their money on and it's safe no problems with violence like T.J or other boarder towns....when we went we parked our car in the parking lot on U.S side run by local Indian tribes and walked right in coming back the customs agents ask if u have anything to declare u just tell them what u went for they barely check ur bags (I was shocked on that one on top of they barely look at ur passport to see if same person on picture is actually u) anyway I'm not saying u should trek across the country and across the boarder to get ur meds although the times we have gone most of the people there where seniors all American I never seen so many white people on Mexican side of boarder like I did when I was there...go online search on YouTube for this town luckily I still have a bag from one of the pharmacies/liquor stores where we bought 2 bottles of drank the bag has all their info printed on it ill just reprint what's on the bag and by the way this store is the biggest in the whole town it's a huge purple building and all their stuff is bagged I'm purple plastic bags =The Purple Stores Liqui's Pharmacy & Licors, Brand Names-Generics-Perfumes, Info.sl@grupo-liquis.com , Av. Madero y Calle 1era. San Luis R.C. Sonora , tel (01-653)535-8257 al 59......so that's all the info on my plastic bag hope that helps call them get a calling card at wallgreens for Mexico rates that's how I call my dad so ur phone bill is not all crazy
Blind Gossip solved a blind today that said she is dating someone that she is working with and he is dating an escort. Lucky children. The most beautiful woman in the universe (ha) and who..Steven Tyler? I mean I guess it makes sense since they are basically sharing a weave at this point, but will she want to compete with someone that pretty?
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Be kind to animals, or I'll kill you.
I thought they'd stay together. Not because they were such a happy, great couple but rather because they seemed to both be getting what they wanted from the relationship.
And yeah, no doubt there are a bunch of Blind Items about this but I immediately thought of the Awful Truth's Strippa Rip-Ya.
PS - of all the husband's, she reproduced with THIS one - that's all I'm gonna say...
"Revenge is sweet and not fattening"
-Alfred Hitchcock-
With JLo I always remember her spouting out of her ass that her family is Catholic and she is VERY Catholic. Ummm. . . You're on your 3rd divorce, with kids no less. How's that Catholic thing working out for you JLo?