Because Ben Affleck Has All The Answers
People Magazine's cover story this week is all about how close friends of JLo and Skeletor didn't even bother making this face when they announced that their marriage has drowned in the moat around Castle Grayskull. Their friends (aka the interns at JLo's publicists' office) say that JLo and Skeletor have been verbally scrappin' for months over everything from how he didn't like the ho shit ensembles she'd wear on stage to his jealousy over her American Idol job. One of their friends also said that JLo started to believe that something in the zombie dick wasn't clean and was afraid that Skeletor was humping on the legs of other hos.
And UsWeekly says that shit got so real that JLo's mother Guadalupe brought back an ex from the past. A source says that Guadalupe resuscitated Bennifer 1.0 from the dead by e-mailing Ben Affleck to ask him for marriage advice. The source explained this mess like this, "Guadalupe reached out to Ben over email. She wanted advice for Jennifer. She always liked and trusted him. [Ben] replied back on email, wished her well and offered what he could."
What in the hell kind of GD Latin mother is Guadalupe? Latin mothers don't bring outside bitches into it. Especially Ben Affleck of all people. I'd nod my head and say "You've got a good point there" to advice spewing from Dr. Phil's bald b-hole before I'd take any relationship advice coming out of Ben Affleck's mouth. A Latin mother would ignore the pain away, never speak of this again and solve all her daughter's problems by putting a bowl of menudo in front of her before cleaning every surface in the house with Windex. (Windex and abuelitas are LIKETHIS. I think my abuelita bathed in it.)
I'm sure Ben shat out some canned response to Lupe as fast as he could so that he could get up from the pokah table, go on some gambling site and bet everything on JLo's marriage dying in exactly 3 days. Insider trading alert!
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Submitted by Infamous on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 10:33am.
I dont think Jen ever got over Ben she even said that was the biggest heartbreak of her life when Ben dumped her before their wedding.
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I agree. I think Skeletor was a rebound guy all the way. JHo's mother always liked Afleck because they gambled together. Of course, Afleck would not give JHo the time of day now. Even with AI, she is still 1999 and over.
Sounds like a lie. Why should anyone consult Ben Affleck about anything touchy-feely? Also - mothers should always stay out of this mess! None of their business who their kid is seeing.
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*omg. I love it. Jen being single is good for gossip. U know it only takes her 5 minutes to fall in love. She doesnt care if they r currently with someone or not
...i cant wait to see how this turns out******************************************
I whip it good!!!
No effin' way this happened. What the HELL kind of advice is her daughter's ex-boyfriend (who dumped her) going to give?
They can't break up -- I'll miss the name "Skeletor" too much.
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"I'm just going to stop at the 24-hour donut shop and then go home."
"What are you depressed about? Or celebrating?"
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 12:26pm.
That's B.S. Know why? Because Ben thought he was too good for Jen. Guadelupe would NEVER go begging for ANYTHING from a man who "rejected" her daughter for being a Puerto Rican from the Bronx. She's too proud. (And rightly, so, BTW.)
It's the one time I felt bad for Jen - hearing about the trip to Boston to meet Ben's family. I'm sure they were SO nice to her, trying to be good liberals, but they weren't ever going to accept her. And it was the one situation where she couldn't just bulldoze her way in with her tough chica act or use her feminine wiles to gain an advantage. That thing was just doomed.
reminds me of the time one of my friends was working at a restaurant in Boston when the Afflecks came in with JLo...they were wearing jeans, she was wearing a ball gown. LOL
I heard the William Levy rumors but don't buy them. JLo is much too vain to date a man who is so much prettier than her.
Michael k please go write a script...and cast that asap. You are the modern day f scott fitzgerald! Btw im carrying on the windex legacy en esta casa. Muah
I saw Ben and J-Lo shopping at the Venetian in Las Vegas in like 2003!
Marc is a million times more talented than J-ho. He could do way better. I don't give a fuck if he looks like an emaciated skeleton, he's an amazing talento.
Latina mamas would NEVER even think about looking at, let alone CONTACTING, their daughter's ex. Her Mama's just as lame as her talentless daughter.
That's B.S. Know why? Because Ben thought he was too good for Jen. Guadelupe would NEVER go begging for ANYTHING from a man who "rejected" her daughter for being a Puerto Rican from the Bronx. She's too proud. (And rightly, so, BTW.)
It's the one time I felt bad for Jen - hearing about the trip to Boston to meet Ben's family. I'm sure they were SO nice to her, trying to be good liberals, but they weren't ever going to accept her. And it was the one situation where she couldn't just bulldoze her way in with her tough chica act or use her feminine wiles to gain an advantage. That thing was just doomed.
she gonna be banging
director or producer
how about tarrantino or rodriguez
fuking whore
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
uh oh...jennifer garner better remember her Alias training and get ready to beat down a bitch cuz j-lo might be back and she claims she is from the hood.
this kunt gonna be blowing
some director or big shot producer
how about tarrantino
or roberto rodriguez
fucking whore
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
I wouldn't be taking marriage advice from the subject of 100-odd Dlisted Blind Items, either.
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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga
Since Guadalupe likes to use the internet so much, she should google william levy nude and check out his peen pictures.
no wonder j-lo dumped skeletor.
I wish I had a Mexican mama. My mother's midwestern stock-in-trade response to any and all boy-man troubles was an extra long drag off of her cig and a curt "You just be busy!"
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"I, for one, welcome our new overlords."
JLO needs to dye her hair blonde and she would be Arod's next woman. He seems to like his women with their own money and fame. All she lacks is the blonde hair.
Plus it's not like JLO didn't cheat with Skeletor when he was married to the former Miss Universe!
JLO is not that much better than Marc if you ask me. She's living like the old school movie stars Hollywood. The minimum was at least 4 marriages per movie star.
Skelator's cheating was highly predictable.
I can't wait to see who she will be dating next.
(973) Jersey Strong
O yeah cuz this story sounds ONE HUNDRED PERCENT true. Of course. Makes perfect sense.
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Submitted by Forever21 on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 10:36am.
HAHAHA I love that she sent him a handwritten letter.
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Yes, she's an old fashioned woman :) She's sneaky though, I heard about it from him!
Here is a recent interview by Jlo & Skeltor about their marriage
http://www.latina.com/entertainment/buzz/exclusive-marc-anthony-and-jenn...
Bringing in other bitches to offer advice on familia issues? No fucking way. MK you totally know the Latin Mom.
Submitted by howdareyou on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 9:50am.
Did Lupe CC Cris Judd?
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I don't care who you are - that's FUNNY!
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 10:17am.
I KNOW! The Town made me like him, and see some hot in him! *shame face*
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I keep telling myself: he not only dated, but ALMOST MARRIED jho, starred in gigli, probably cheats on his wife, etc. etc....
...but I'm still crushing hardcore. DAMN YOU, THE TOWN! or should I say, FAAAAAAACK YOUUUUUUU!
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
It sounds like a Latina reboot of A Star is Born, no?
Nail me to my car... then I'll tell you who you are...Joe The Lion
Submitted by Goldigga on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 9:10am.
My mum does shit like this! I once mentioned in passing about how I sort of liked some guy...and she sent him a fucking handwritten letter saying how much he meant to me and how pleased she'd be if we went out. I couldn't fucking get rid of the prick!! I only wanted a shag!
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HAHAHA I love that she sent him a handwritten letter.
I dont think Jen ever got over Ben she even said that was the biggest heartbreak of her life when Ben dumped her before their wedding.
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Also, JLO must be kicking herself for having kids with Skeletor, as they look JUST LIKE HIM, poor things.
Ha, Our Lady of Guadalupe wants to bring Bennifer back together.
Stranger things have happened...
"some say Ben lost his career in Jennifer's giant ass. Rumour has it that he is just being nice to her mom in hopes of getting it back."
See, I can write those too!
How long before Jen starts screwing Diddy? I think those 2 were in love but she feared his gangsta ways would ruin her. Now she is older, has 3 failed marriages, babies and her career back on track, she has met the Royals its time to have fun.
Submitted by howdareyou on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 9:50am.
Did Lupe CC Cris Judd?
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LOL- this is J-Lo we're talking about. Forget CC, mama would have to mass forward that shit to cover all the hos she's been with.
"What the hell does anyone expect from the guy? They broke up and J. Lo married that backup dancer dude within the year."
JLO was already married to Cris Judd the dancer when she met Ben. Ben tries to come off as a nice guy but I lost respect for him since he helped breakup JLo and Cris's marriage. Other people get slammed big time for doing this but everyone has forgot about this. It must be ok for Ben to do it?
Plus in an interview Cris mentioned he was on the set of "Gigli" when he had a feeling something was going on between Jlo and Ben and Ben was shitty to him on the set.
OMG sounds like Turkish mothers as well.
Yes, its true, at least in my experience my mom tried to fix all problems with her delicious mexican dishes....it didn't solve all problems but at least the problem didn't seem so bad with a full belly..YUM!
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
Submitted by angry_secretary on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 9:43am.
ok, I was never a fan of ben affleck & didn't think he was hot at all until I saw The Town yesterday. SO. HOT. I don't know what's wrong with me now.
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I KNOW! The Town made me like him, and see some hot in him! *shame face*
I still love shrimpy Renner the bestest though.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
oh no, it's cuz of all the dicks that found their way into JHo's career hole, his was public relations/image gold. maybe MomHo wants to recreate the glory days when Jenny from da Bliddock was poised to become Hollywood royalty as Mrs. Affleck.
I remember Bennifer 1.0 did an interview with some Hollywood ass-kisser...think it was Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer...she said she was going to change her name to Jennifer Affleck.
HA HA HA
why, cuz of all the dicks that have landed in JHo's career hole, his has been married the longest? whatevs. :-P
Did Lupe CC Cris Judd?
Suckandfuck -- oh, great, now I'm picturing a bald Ben Affleck with nasty dingleberries. Blrrrrgghh.
ok, I was never a fan of ben affleck & didn't think he was hot at all until I saw The Town yesterday. SO. HOT. I don't know what's wrong with me now.
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"Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!" - album reviewer extraordinaire Khia
quite fittingly...
http://j.mp/f89sny
Don't be fooled by the twins that had
I'm still, I'm still ya hoe from the block
I used to fuck for a lil', now I fuck for a lot
No matter who I marry, im gonna get mine
south-side-bronx!!!
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(Dough) I’m going to the store
(Tre) But you aint got no money
(Dough) I’m going anyway
I hate it when you walk into a convenience store & it reeks of windex & when you get back in the car it's as if you took a bath in it.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Golddigga, LOL!!!! And every time I think about it!
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Thanks, Thought Police. Where would any of us be without your vigilance?-Kenneth G
LOL Turtle!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 8:40am.
AFLAC
This!!! Hahahaha. I always say that.
Stoney...ikr...Jen is so pissed right about now.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Must been that e-mail that got Jen to dot Bennie's eye there awhile back.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
This reeks of Bullshit.
Sad the People had to stoop to this. Last thing a Puerto Rock mom will do is "email". bwaaa
Those ladies burn up phone cords...old school style..not this email bull shit.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Ben Affleck seems like he doesn't wipe his anus and crack area well enough.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.