Satsuki Michell Is My Hero

If InTouch (via Celebitchy) is telling the truth, then Daniel Craig learned the hard way that before dropping your longtime piece for another piece, you should cancel all of your credit cards and change the locks on everything you own that has a lock. Because if your longtime piece is a disciple of Blu Cantrell’s Church of Getting Even, then you’ll be left with a whole lot of airline miles and an AMEX bill thicker than Skeletor’s wrist thick peen. A source says that Daniel’s ex-girlfriend Satsuki Mitchell did just that when she figured out that James Bond dumped her for Rachel Weisz.

The source says that Satsuki lived with Daniel while he shot Dream House with Rachel and she knew something in the milk was Rachel’s pubes when he didn’t come home from the set one day. The source went on to say that Satsuki “was frantically calling, texting and emailing him, but he was probably with Rachel and not answering.” Satsuki didn’t get revenge by going down to the set to beat on both of their asses. Satsuki got revenge by using Daniel’s credit cards, which he gave her permission to use, to rack up $1 million in charges.

I would’ve loved to see the look on James Bond’s face when he opened up his credit card bills. It was probably the same face made by the clerk at the check cashing place in the mini mall when Satsuki threw down all of Daniel’s credit cards and barked at him to call in the Brink’s trucks, because what he’s got in his drawer is not going to cover the cash advance she’s about to take out.

Rachel might have gotten a wedding ring from Daniel, but I’m sure Satsuki bought herself something better: A YACHT! A yacht that she named “Thanks To Rachel’s Pussy,” of course.