Hot Slut Of The Day!
William & Catherine: A Royal Romance, the most accurate portrayal of the royal family EVER presented by Comedy Central The Hallmark Channel! Oh, and by "accurate" I mean "Are those bitches at Hallmark rolling up their own cards, stuffing it with that annoying card confetti and then smoking it up before making casting decisions?!" Seriously, whatever they're smoking, they need to keep smoking, because this television movie event of the century looks like a glorious crown made of dried shit and the saliva Fergie spat out when she cackled at this mess. This television shit show will inspire the Razzies to create a television category.
Everything about this is YES. The acting is slightly better than the emotion a butt plug shows in an amateur gay porn and their motto while casting this was obviously: fuckit. I mean, Kate Middleton (played by Alice St. Clair) looks more like a junior high school Evangeline Lilly. Prince William (played by Dan Amboyer) looks like a late-in-life lesbian who still uses L.A. Looks styling gel. And Jean Smart as Camilla?! Yes, Jean Smart herself and not Jean Smart's foot.
But the most ridiculous casting has to be Victor Garber as Prince Charles. Victor Garber has a wide face like a frittata and Prince Charles has a long face like a microwaved breakfast sausage. Next to each other, they make a delicious breakfast, but they don't even come close to making a perfect pair of twins. Who looks at Victor Garber and thinks, "He looks like one of Camilla's tampons"? NOBODY. If Humpty Dumpty had a great fall onto Prince Charles' peen and they made a baby together, that baby might look like Victor Garber, but probably not.
The rest of this mess of a cast includes Jane Alexander as The Queen, Mark Penfold as Prince Philip and Stanley Eldridge as Prince Hot Ginge.
There's really no reason to watch this movie, because I feel like we've seen it all. On the night it airs, let's put together our own dramatic interpretation of Prince William and Kate Middleton's love using a liquefied potato (as Camilla), a breakfast sausage (as Prince Charles, duh), a fennel bulb (as Prince William), an extra thick dildo covered in hot sauce (as Prince Hot Ginge) and a bowl of cold bulgur (as Kate Middleton). It will probably be more accurate than this Hallmark shit.
via Daily Mail
...I'm having a Scooby-Doo moment..."Huhhhh?!?!"
WHaaaaaaaaa!?!??! Everybody is too good looking...Victor Garber as Prince Chuck-e-Cheese?!?......They could have had a horse play The Dutchie of Cornbread - Camille...that would have been a truer depiction....
...just sayin'......
I thought this has to be a colossal joke, except that Victor Garber and Jean Smart are actually attached to this fucktardery.
It must suck to need a paycheck this bad.
What what in the butt?!?!!
hahahahahahahahaha!
Pardon my double post.
So basically these actors no longer have viable careers because they are reduced to performing in pure, unadulterated dreck.
I agree with MK about the weird casting of a squashed-face actor to play a dick-faced celebrity. I hated watching the chinless Colin Firth (indeed a fine actor) play the very long faced George in The King's Speech for this very reason. It is apparent that Charles inherited his grandfather's "breakfast sausage" face for his sins. Only Jean Smart looks convincing which isn't saying much.
Submitted by islandgirl on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 10:04am.
OMG i cannot believe they didnt make a big deal out of this porn of william & kate!
im somewhat dissapointed they didnt have a ginge guy to play harry in that porno.
"[Who looks at Victor Garber and thinks, "He looks like one of Camilla's tampons"? NOBODY.]" MK
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!
Are they going to show Willie making out with other girls and Kate turning a blind eye to it all because a "man's gon' do what a man's gon' do"?
...My darling can't you see
My heart sounds just for you my dear...
"edit: oops. apparently theres ANOTHER william and kate movie and thats the one i was thinking of. i have no desire to watch either though. this is the one i was thinking of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qu4wQwc6QU"
I saw that one!
Terrible doesn't even begin to describe it. I especially liked how they tried to portray Kate and William's fucking around on the DL when they moved in together w. a bunch of roommates as "romantic".
The guy who plays William looks like a smirkier James Van Der Beek.
At firts, I read, "Jason Alexander as the Queen, " and that may have worked better. Same height and shape, at least.
Have they shut Guantanamo down yet? Because if they haven't, this agony inducing crapfest could come in really handy.
Are they going to accurately portray Prince William's bored as FUCK face whenever he is doing any charity work?(Yea I know he doesn't have a natural talent for connecting with people, but I do appreciate that he does charity work) Or when Queen Elizabeth made Kate get a job? OR when Kate skipped out on that job and eventually just quit; how well that was received by the royal family? Or Kate smirking whenever the paparazzi are around her?
Where is the Hallmark fairy tale?
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 3:24pm.
I do eat some instant things like those noodles. My favorite are in the rectangular box too. I think they are by a company called Nissan and called Chow Mein or something. I also like Kraft mac n cheese. When my mom would make the real stuff, I would bitch that it tasted bland, so she let me eat the boxed stuff.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
I am loving it already, I love trashy movies like this, looking forward to it.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 3:02pm.
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 2:33pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 2:21pm
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Oh yeah, I have known some people like that in my life as well. None of them were ever allowed into my house.
The thing with coming up with all those instant things is the amount of time and effort you have to put in to get it just right. It's far more easier to just peel a potatoe and mash it up once boiled. With some soured cream preferably.
I do love me some instant noodles every now and again. The chinese ones, that come is these rectangular packets, not that pot-noodle stuff. Reminds me of my student days.
Yawn. I am holding out for the porn version.
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 2:33pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 2:21pm
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Instant mash it is then.
OMG, spuds in a box. Who came up with that idea? And even more so, WHY?????????????????
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You got me. Real mashed potatoes are soooooooooo easy to make in the first place. I guess it was someone who was exceptionally lazy and hated peeling potatoes or something along that order.
I knew this guy once who loved instant spuds, instant oatmeal, instant tea, etc. His mother was super lazy when they were kids, so he never knew food aside from instant, pre fab shit. Once he tasted real food at other kids homes, he decided his taste buds were too used to instant shit and refused to eat anything homemade. Weird, huh?!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 2:21pm
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Instant mash it is then.
OMG, spuds in a box. Who came up with that idea? And even more so, WHY?????????????????
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 2:12pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 1:50pm.
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 1:41pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 11:01am.
"Wills and Harry are about as exciting as porridge!"
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Right you are.
How about INSTANT mashed potatoes?
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What is that?
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Spuds in a box? They are just dehydrated flakes of I guess potatoes/fillers, and they suck. Well, I know I hate them, and no amount of salt, pepper or butter makes them taste good. It's like eating soggy cardboard.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 1:50pm.
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 1:41pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 11:01am.
"Wills and Harry are about as exciting as porridge!"
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Right you are.
How about INSTANT mashed potatoes?
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What is that?
Why is any one making movies about these two?
The only movie I'd want to see about them is after the inevitable divorce happens, and all the dirt comes out.
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An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Submitted by ponchiks on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 1:41pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 11:01am.
"Wills and Harry are about as exciting as porridge!"
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Right you are.
How about INSTANT mashed potatoes?
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 11:01am.
"Wills and Harry are about as exciting as porridge!"
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Please don't insult porridge like that- it has blueberries, raisins, bananas and other stuff in it!
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 9:56am.
"I totally thought they would do a porno of william & kate."
You should ask Bjork You, because I have it on good authority that this is her field of expertise (solely from a scientific and humanistic perspective, of course).
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
i saw these guys on the graham norton show. if i remember right (no promises) theyre american and dont even bother trying to fake an accent. i admire their 'we dont give a single fuck' attitude. the best part of the interview is when miranda hart and the dude whos too hot to play william reenacted a scene from this shitshow. ill stick with my scifi and lifetime made for tv movies, thanks
edit: oops. apparently theres ANOTHER william and kate movie and thats the one i was thinking of. i have no desire to watch either though. this is the one i was thinking of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qu4wQwc6QU
Submitted by Taffy Swerdlow on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 11:14am.
No Scott Thompson as The Queen?! I has disappoint.
He would've been perfect. He looks more like the Queen than the Queen herself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IloIoGj5Mj0
LOL, I always forget about Kids in the Hall. That show was a riot.
Submitted by caprica six on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 11:05am.
{{{EVIL CUPSS}}}
*waves*. Should I add the 'Help me!!' or too soon as Baby Bongo is still missing (aka slutting it up)?
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LOL! Maybe too soon!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
MK that post made me snort laugh a few times! Thanks for making my Sunday!
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
No Scott Thompson as The Queen?! I has disappoint.
He would've been perfect. He looks more like the Queen than the Queen herself:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IloIoGj5Mj0
The guy with the teapot ears is a Canuck.
*So Proud At This Moment*
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Jamais Loin
{{{EVIL CUPSS}}}
*waves*. Should I add the 'Help me!!' or too soon as Baby Bongo is still missing (aka slutting it up)?
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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson
Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0
I woke up at 4 am to watch the wedding. I now hate myself for contributing to this fuckery. If only I had known it would end up like this!
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I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
CAPPY! *waves* LOVE YOUR AVIE!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 10:58am.
Needs more hats.
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You're right. They're all slacking. Only one is 'Camilla' rocking the decapitated rooster, of course.
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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson
Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0
Needs more hats.
Submitted by mike on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 10:48am.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 10:01am.
So sick of hearing about Kate and Wills. VOM!
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For real, and that includes dlisted (and I'm including Prince Nazis-are-funny in "Kate and Willis").
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Yep. I know it is MK's blog and all, but if any royal family bores me, it's the Brits. If you are going to talk Royals and screw ups, talk about the Grimaldi's or the Swedish Royals, with the daddy being into S&M and paying for hookers and stuff. That stuff is interesting. Wills and Harry are about as exciting as porridge!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
lmaolmaololll at this ENTIRE mk post
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"People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch."
~Jack Nicholson
Amy Winehouse "Will You Still Love Me?" (RIP)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ludxpkyrab0
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 10:49am.
"You say that like it's a bad thing. :D"
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You're right - who am I kidding? I'd eat that shit up if it aired on BBC, lol.
Submitted by Why.So.Serious. on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 9:51am.
This looks like a really bad British soap opera
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You say that like it's a bad thing. :D
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Jamais Loin
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 10:01am.
So sick of hearing about Kate and Wills. VOM!
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For real, and that includes dlisted (and I'm including Prince Nazis-are-funny in "Kate and Willis").
the episode of Frasier where he meets (and seduces) Jean Smart was on the other night
"Put your brother on the phone
Put your brother on the phone
Put your brother on the phone
PUT YOUR BROTHER ON THE PHONE"
Love her
Bwhahahahah... Oh my fucking word, this shit is hilarious. The voice of William just died me. Died!
I have to watch it again.
...What?!!! no Sandra Oh as Princess Anne?!!
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...'I've checked him out on the Google, and there's absolutely no record of him ever having a mother'...
hahahaha A wide face like a frittata.
oh, and as a palate cleanser for this silliness, may i once again suggest the best thing ever captured about the royal family - Di's panorama interview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RKg7bVnIOo
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
My cast suggestions:
1. Will Smith with his dumbo ears = Prince Chuck.
(special f/x can make him old & white)
2. John Gayvolta as Princess Toilet Seat hat (whatever her name is). Marget Cho for the other sister.
3. Spencer Pratt as Prince William - he needs the paycheck.
4. Jessica Alba as Catherine
5. Val Kilmer as the Queen > he's aged & porked out.
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"His faggy coffee shop poetry reading glasses will go over well in prison. I expect to see them on cumonglasses.com". ~ Dlister Provolone
Submitted by loopygorilla on Sun, 08/07/2011 - 9:56am.
, plates, spoons, key rings, mouse pads etc.
why didnt they make william & kate, his and hers, dildos?? i totally would have bought it.
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Look on Regretsy.
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Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)
@ Bjork You
hahahahahahahahaha
omg, Roger Ebert, no I didn't know .. but upon googling, he seems to hide behind "irony" (the last refuge of all trash-creators who should know better)
as for Carry Nation (far as I know, she herself spelled it with a y), I'd love to be a modern day version of her - except instead of smashing up booze bottles, I'd smash all tv screens .. anyway, great band and agree, great band name
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
People still watch Halmark? And, another inaccuracy, they should have gotten someone with less hair to play Prince William. They know homeboy is going sparce at the top.
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Angels say they can make you suffer.They give and take like a vicious lover .When all this loses meaning, You'll never want it back somehow"-Neverending White Lights (The Grace)