Just When I Think I've Heard Of Every Freaky Ass Fetish
If you told me that you were into licking raw peacock egg yolk off of a lime green linoleum floor while the tube of a canister vac plumped up your anus lips as an Air Supply record skipped in the background, I wouldn't even strain my eye muscles by squinting at you. If you told me that your nipple holes open by themselves when you start a staring contest with that terrifying Newsweek cover of Michele Bachmann, I wouldn't even judge you to your face. But this shit right here is some next level kink.
A 28-year-old dude was put into handcuffs in the parking lot of a Louisiana Walmart after the police received complaints that he was making his dick lips do the yellow smiley face smile by jacking off to ladies going into the store. That's not the weird part. The weird part came out of his mouth when the police asked him what he was doing. The Smoking Gun reports that the arresting officer wrote in the report that he said this:
“[He] stated he did have his penis out because of past experiences he had at Wal-Mart. Keen stated when he comes to Wal-Mart he gets aroused.”
Roll back prices just make him want to roll back his peen skin over and over again. THE FUCK?! We've already got enough to deal with and now we've gotta deal with Walmartophiles? This story makes a good case for the People of Walmart to start charging a monthly membership fee through CCBill.
If dude yanked his peen to Target, I'd tell him to fap away. Target's logo is basically a giant red tit, so that makes it understandable. But squeezing out nut juice over Walmart's serial killing smiley face? No.
And I bet the "past experience" that makes him aroused has something to do with our good friend Mr. Ghetto:
Yup, that Walmartophile is kinkier than you thought.
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Forget Wal-Mart. I've found the most hook-ups in Target and Trader Joe's. No joke.
Why do black men dis-respect black women by reducing them to a piece of ass?
Why do black women allow themselves to be portrayed like this? IS the money worth the humiliation?
My ass only puts out for Ikea. I have a thing for furniture with Swedish names I can't pronounce ;)
Damn. Now I'm going to be singing that song at work tomorrow.
*miou*
Why on earth did the flood miss this neighborhood?
So, Walmart makes me want to kill people by running them over with my shopping cart, especially those dumb bitches with toy dogs. But this guy gets turned on by it?!
Wow.
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:48pm.
The Kmart near me is a portal to any third world country. Great way to trick yourself into thinking you took an exotic vacation. Sticky floors, never before smelled aromas, loud unknown music, bins of discount hats and sunglasses.
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HAHAHA!!! Hilarious!
I just learned that anyone can camp for FREE in any Walmart PARKING LOT in North America. For serious. Check out the white trash pavement resort tomorrow while driving by your local establishment. Ours never has fewer than half a dozen happy campers set up with their trailers and whatnot, heat waves vibrating upwards of the steaming concrete. What the . . . ??? Can you fucking imagine a worse "holiday" among the shopping carts, the exhaust fumes and the People of Walmart strolling past your barbecue and lawnchairs? I can't . . . I just . . . aaaarrrrrggghhhh!
I'm a little disappointed that I don't know as many perverts as all you people.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Ugh. One more reason to avoid Walmart, although people watching can be quite entertaining. So much delicious wtf. I've almost gotten mowed over on numerous occasions by hambeasts in scooters who couldn't wait 10 seconds for their bacon. Last time I went, I was verbally harrassed by a meth-head while I was checking out. He yelled something like "I'm too old to be lookin' at you!" as he stood in line all fidgety-like. It was gross. That was the only time I looked "nice" @ Walmart as I had just been to a job interview. This is central FL, so no surprise, really.
OMG... I live in NOLA and that WalMart (on Tchoupitoulas) makes me cringe. I can't say the others are much better though. WalMart's for amateurs anyway. When we want to do it right we go to Big Lots, ya herrrd.
About that video: i am so openminded if i lean forward my brain would fall out of my head and still, i cannot come up with anything that would not sound racist.
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You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway
bargain basement hos go to satanmart cause they fuck for diapers
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
This video mesmerized me, bounce party NOLA style..lyrics for days.."she buyin summers eve" perfect combo of visual and lyrical genius
Sarah R: Youtube was banned at my work, so I will have to check it out when I get home! :)
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:59pm.
Like from another culture or something.
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REPORTED!!!
♥ Threadkilla!
Suck My Dick: http://youtu.be/Mxap2jnfF-E
i have been to many a wal-mart in louisiana (mainly new iberia's, which is where all the fatty mcsoccermoms go to see and be seen) and have never seen anything that bangin'. new orleans has it going on.
Submitted by Vanitas on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 1:15pm
Thanks Vanitas. I agree with what you posted.
It's actually a quote from this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWXL9XfmqVk
Not exactly an enlightened person but the birdseed part makes me laugh.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:59pm.
The Kmart we have is just up the street from me. We only go there when we have to for cheap shit.
But I can't with the clothes or shoes.
They're no my taste or style. They are gaudy (goddy??) with obnoxiously ugly designs or cuts.
Like from another culture or something.
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Okay, I think this same thing all the time. Like the bootyshorts those ladies had on in the video. They are horrendously ugly. What designer designed them, what clothing manufacturer looked at that design and agreed that yes, they should go ahead and place an order for that fine garment to be produced. And then what store bought them and what consumer purchased them. So many bad decisions, it hurts my soul. Maybe this is what Goopy thinks when she gazes down at all the masses with their Home Depot wallpaper.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
Sarah R:
Just fyi:
According to Buddhism, individuals' past acts heavily influence what they experience in the present; present acts, in turn, become the background influence for future experiences (the doctrine of karma).
For Buddhists, since the first precept is to refrain from the destruction of life, including oneself, suicide is clearly seen as a negative form of action.
From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_on_suicide#Buddhism
They also believe that if you commit suicide, your soul never develops because you are reincarnated into someone who keeps killing themselves over and over again.
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"Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you."
sorry, double post because I was trying to correct a typo
Submitted by Message In A Bottle on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 1:08pm.
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Dollar store for bleach, dish soap, scented oils for my oil diffuser thiny and tea light candles for same.
No food or beauty/hygiene products. NO!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 1:06pm.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:57pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:52pm.
Weezy - he likes to SMELL THEM.... just. no.
What. The. Fuck.
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whore #2 had this weird thing she did during sex... she would stroke her armpit (with the opposite hand DUH)... never understood it.
That is just weird. But I guess add it to the list of weird things she did- and that's just what you told us, so I imagine the actual list is VERY, VERY long.
I'm a cheap frugal bitch so I just skip Wal-Mart and Target and go straight to CVS since I have a decent rewards card. The dollah store is amazing for care packages overseas and even for some snacks but that's it.
I stepped foot in a wal-mart for the first time this week and I swear, I think they take felons out of the system and place them into Wal-mart to work as cashiers.
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The proper pronunciation is 'bitch, please'. - Jana
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:57pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:52pm.
Weezy - he likes to SMELL THEM.... just. no.
What. The. Fuck.
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whore #2 had this weird thing she did during sex... she would stroke her armpit (with the opposite hand DUH)... never understood it.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:51pm.
Submitted by SarahR. on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:48pm.
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:26pm.
I'm from Wausau, WI. When I was young our local fetish man was the former local news weatherman Fred Wagner. He turned into a crossdresser when he was 60ish and would expose himself on the side of the street. If my memory is correct, he got arrested for using kittens for his sexual gratification. He went all out in wigs, dresses, heels and purses.
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PLEASE tell me he was only touching kitten toes and not doing the unthinkable with them. PLEASE!
I think he was rubbing them on himself but I don't know for sure. It wasn't good. He was mentally ill for sure, and not because he was a crossdresser. This was probably 20 years ago.
I am getting updates on Fb where people are bringing up old memories and someone mentioned his name. I'm sorry...back to focusing on harmless pervs.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
I have a FB rant for OP...
*druming fingers*
The Kmart we have is just up the street from me. We only go there when we have to for cheap shit.
But I can't with the clothes or shoes.
They're no my taste or style. They are gaudy (goddy??) with obnoxiously ugly designs or cuts.
Like from another culture or something.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:23pm.
I went to WalMart two weekends ago and for the first time ever did grocery shopping and was delighted with my check out lady. "What's this?" "English cucumber" I say - she rings up .69 for cucumber while the English is 1.70. And too many "What's this, Oh, I ain't looking THAT up!" as she tosses it in the sack. Boy did I say money on produce, without the little computer scan bar.
"Arctic-choke? They look nasty!"
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Damn. Let's not be confusing the People of Wal-Mart with actual live veggies. That's kinda mean!
♥ Threadkilla!
Suck My Dick: http://youtu.be/Mxap2jnfF-E
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:52pm.
Weezy - he likes to SMELL THEM.... just. no.
What. The. Fuck.
*layers on more clinical strength Secret*
ETA: I do remember Crocs fetishist! I remember he specifically wanted brown Crocs, too.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:46pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:43pm.
I don't get the whole foot fetish thing... I have a friend that has an armpit fetish... seriously? fuckin nasty ass.
Oooh whoa whoa whoa...an armpit fetish??? Does he like to fuck armpits or is it just seeing them that turns him on? Please explain.
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I think it is the smell. That bo/pheremone thing.
A lot of foot fetishists are into the smell too, like when you take off your shoes. Does anyone remember that Craigslist ad where that guy had a Crocs fetish? And he specifically asked the guy to wear the Crocs for awhile before showing up.
Armpits can look like vadges too! So who the fuck knows.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
target just enhanced their grocery section. *surprised face* guess that's what they did during their renovation stage.
some of those checkers have worked there for @ least the last 6 yrs. one time i called corporate to complain because it was so damn hot in there they were about to pass out. turn the a/c on when it's 100 degrees out ok?!
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Weezy - he likes to SMELL THEM.... just. no.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by SarahR. on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:48pm.
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:26pm.
I'm from Wausau, WI. When I was young our local fetish man was the former local news weatherman Fred Wagner. He turned into a crossdresser when he was 60ish and would expose himself on the side of the street. If my memory is correct, he got arrested for using kittens for his sexual gratification. He went all out in wigs, dresses, heels and purses.
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PLEASE tell me he was only touching kitten toes and not doing the unthinkable with them. PLEASE!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:48pm
That sounds like the incense shops that sell crystals and bongs etc, not a Kmart. Holy shit, times have changed.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
I swear that half the people who go to Walmart, especially those huge superstores, are trying to lose a family member or 5. There's no other reason that mama, daddy, the 6 filthy kids AND grandma all have to pack up and go to Walmart together.
And with every family that steps in the door, Walmart is fucking another minimum-wage employee, so this jerking guy is probably the perfect corporate mascot.
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"Your ignorance makes me ill and angry. Your savageness...must...end."
Submitted by zomay on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:48pm.
The Kmart near me is a portal to any third world country. Great way to trick yourself into thinking you took an exotic vacation. Sticky floors, never before smelled aromas, loud unknown music, bins of discount hats and sunglasses.
*********************ROFL!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
I hate for admitting this, but I find the way those wh0res can move their buttoms like that fascinating. I bet that if Sandy McMillian could do that, they wouldn't have kicked her out :P
http://www.dlisted.com/2011/07/28/walmart-cant-handle-sandy-mcmillins-bi...
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
Submitted by Datura on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:26pm.
I'm from Wausau, WI. When I was young our local fetish man was the former local news weatherman Fred Wagner. He turned into a crossdresser when he was 60ish and would expose himself on the side of the street. If my memory is correct, he got arrested for using kittens for his sexual gratification. He went all out in wigs, dresses, heels and purses.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
The Kmart near me is a portal to any third world country. Great way to trick yourself into thinking you took an exotic vacation. Sticky floors, never before smelled aromas, loud unknown music, bins of discount hats and sunglasses.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:43pm.
I don't get the whole foot fetish thing... I have a friend that has an armpit fetish... seriously? fuckin nasty ass.
Oooh whoa whoa whoa...an armpit fetish??? Does he like to fuck armpits or is it just seeing them that turns him on? Please explain.
guest - we have a Kmart. I think just one in the entire county....oops, make that 2.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:33pm.
Comment-phobia can be easily cured by reading some of Fishy's life changing tips and by subsequently transferring your first thought to the next post. Works every time!
LOLOLOL I'm sure she has a nice $2500 device that makes posting organic and Earth-friendly.
Last time this video was up, my husband was having a shitty day and I showed it to him. He probably watched it 20 times that night and he couldn't stop laughing. He went to work the next day and told all his coworkers about it and made them watch it.
I don't get the whole foot fetish thing... I have a friend that has an armpit fetish... seriously? fuckin nasty ass.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:41pm.
Foot fetishes are not so bizarre. Jack has a foot-fetish for flip-flop lady @ his work.
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Grrrrrrrrr.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:38pm.
is kmart still around? i see commercials but no stores.
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Yeah, but barely, although sometimes they have specials on grocery items that are cheaper than Wal-Mart. The one by me had half of their lights off when I went in a few months ago. I asked the checker what was up, were they closing and she said they were told to cut electricity costs in the Summer. I think KMart is in big trouble though and has been for a few years.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
Foot fetishes are not so bizarre. Jack has a foot-fetish for flip-flop lady @ his work.
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
I soooo wanted to take a pic of a lady in Wally World just laying on the floor in front of the cold cuts using her purse as a pillow, but I was a skeered. Thought she might get up and beat my ass.
Submitted by mike on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:37pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:29pm.
Come to Raleigh-Durham, where BOTH the Saks and Neiman-Marcus are uber-lame.
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That might keep me in check. The NOLA Saks was pretty awful, and Phoenix was also rather lame. I always managed to buy at least one thing that was not needed and over priced though.
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.
is kmart still around? i see commercials but no stores.
starfucks...lol! only frapps & smoothies for me. their regular coffee is not good.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:35pm.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:29pm.
Submitted by guest on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:19pm.
i hear that. those were the days. *sigh*
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You are not kidding!
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Submitted by El Bastardo on Mon, 07/04/2011 - 11:39am.
You're only bisexual if someone rams a bottle of water up your ass and you cum. FACT.