These Are A Few Of Fishy's Favorite Things
When Elle Decor asks the high cuntess of pretension Fishsticks Paltrow about some of the things she can't live without, you know it's going to be good. Fishy finally gets to GOOP to a magazine that GOOPS her same language. It's like two ivory-gilded assholes gently rubbing together to make grandiose music that the ear drums of the poors can't hear.
Fishy basically lets us know that when the apocalypse begins next year, her shanty shack will have a galvanized bathing tub on its bunk and lanterns made of her servants' skin will line the shelf that holds all of her religious books (note: you know the only thing on that religion shelf is an autographed copy of her own cookbook).
Put on your YUBZ retro eyeglasses so you don't get GOOPiation and read all about the things Fishy cannot live without:
1. De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper
I indulged with one wall in my London living room covered in a gorgeous pattern.2. Seasonal Flowers
I like single-variety arrangements—peonies, hydrangeas, and white lilies—casually arranged.3. Darren Almond’s Photography
His arresting, large-scale artwork brings a sense of majesty to a room.4. Charles Edwards Star Lanterns
I hung three of these at different levels in the stair hall so that we could pass them on our way up to bed at night.5. Antonio Lupi Baia Tub
It’s in the middle of my bedroom—perfect for a relaxing wind-down and for bathing the kids.6. Juxtaposed: Religion Shelf
Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur’an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion).7. Clothbound Penguin Classics
These gorgeous editions make the books so tempting to pick up, again and again. The ultimate cure for sore muscles.8. YUBZ Retro Handset
A handset cuts down on cellphone radiation. I use this one for my BlackBerry calls.
I know you can't wait to use the "brings a sense of majesty to a room" line when you're showing your guests the Thomas Kinkade blanket hanging on the wall over your Jennifer Convertible.
You know, I bet the bathtub in the bedroom was Chris Martin's idea. When Fishy's in bed, creaming at the gills about indulging in wallpaper, the tub in the bedroom makes it convenient for him to dunk his fat head into until the bubbly image of death fills his eyes.
But Fishy's tub in the bedroom ain't shit. Bitch needs to get a tub in the middle of her kitchen. You haven't lived until you've washed your taint with one hand while rotating your Hungry Man meal in the microwave with the other. That's true practical luxuriousness!
gah.
@Goldshift ... fuck you, do you even know anything about the religion? or do you base your knowledge off of twisted interpretations by crazed, power hungry patriarchal assholes?
Should I ever have a couple of millions left to redecorate my home, I would rather ask Gwyneth for tips than Oprah for her favorite junk.
Though mostly unaffordable for the masses, Gwyn's selections will surely be more original and tasteful than Ms. Winfrey's.
No need to be envious, just get your inspiration where you can find it.
she makes me want to pick my nose and take a shit at the same time while commenting on the lovely texture of the 99 Cents store toilet paper...so soft of the buttocks...can this bitch be any more unlikeable..forget Casey Anthony I vote this fucking pretentious bitch the most hated person in america!
Wallpaper keepin' ya cozy at night, huh, Gwynnifer.
fuck deficient and loving it.
'Religion shelf'? She's just so knowledgeable and open and knows all the NWA lyrics, too. Oh Gwyneth, you're the coolest perfect person ever!!!
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 10:11pm.
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, with those brand names thrown in there. It's not just wallpaper, it's De Gournay, darling. It's not just a friend, it's Beyonce. Name droppin. I get my fine furnishings and such from Ross Dress for Less (and more!) and friends who are moving. And my place looks awesome. Take that, Goopy.
Submitted by hotpocket on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 10:01pm.
hahaha. I'm leaning toward the product-placement theory. I'd check Elle Decor to see, but I don't want to.
Plutonic my arse!
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 9:45pm.
Goopy, perfect hair tousled, holding a gold-plated spatula, "You can take my husband, you can take my children, but you'll never take this wallpaper!" as crowd chants burn baby burn
Submitted by azgirl on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 10:28am.
This isn't a list of things she can't live without, it is just a list of expensive shit she owns and wants to brag about. She can't live without her one wallpapered wall?
hahaha. Perfect.
I'm still considering the cloth-bound classics. First, since they're all out of copyright now, they're next to free. Second, I'd love to ask her, "So, Gwen: How many of them have you read? Which did you like and why?"
I think she's suggesting they're all weighty, but that would hurt, not help, her sore muscles. (And how did her muscles get sore in the first place--Pilates?)
Plutonic my arse!
Image of wood-fired pizza oven, crawling away sobbing.
Plutonic my arse!
referring to the Qu'ran as a "holy book" is like calling Roman Polanski a "holy man."
I just watched a video interview with a few of the London rioters, who took part in destroying small family businesses because they want to get "the rich people." Yet, this woman's house went untouched. Come on, people. Here's the list. Get it right next time.
It's kinda funny how she thinks she's such a trend-setter. Everything she lists here have been in the design magazines for years and years and years, but she acts like they're her very own personal discoveries. Those star light fixtures, for instance, were very fashionable in about 2001. The wall paper - which I agree is quite lovely - was in all the Rich Folks' homes in, oh, 2007.
Also, I never understood the bathtub in bedroom trend (back when it was a trend, like, a decade ago). Because, don't you want the coziness of a steamy bathroom when you lounge in the tub, and not get condensation all over you bedroom windows? Ugh.
My grand parents had a tub in their bedroom because they were POOR!!!!!!
This is what happens when you re born to famous parents, have a low self esteem, non-existent sex life and you live in a belief that someone is interested in you.Boring.
Fishy is right and really I have a vase from the Ming Dynasty a bowl from the Tang Dynasty and a picture of Larry Hagman from the show Dynasty...all on SEPARATE shelves...I heard it's bad luck to mix Dynasties.
Damn you fishy, I had to google those hand painted wall papers, they truly are gorgeous. However, I fail to understand how is it 'indulging' if you covered only one of the damn walls of a single fucking room out of you gazillion rooms in your fucking palaces???
Indulging is when you go batshit crazy for a thing and devour till it gives you stomach ache. True 'indulging' would have been you cover every fucking surface of every damn room,your damn ugly face and then wipe your boney ass with some more.
This person is truly insufferable, she has a fucking tub in her bedroom? I guess its for Chris Martin, if he must spend a night with fishy in a single room, he would rather spend it in the tub than in the bed with her cold ass (you just know she is cold all the time, due to lack of food and all that cleansing she does), what are the chances she smells like raw diarrhea(with all that pooping) barely masked by the smell of some stinky pretentious unheard of perfume?
Oh Goopy, only you could scale such giddy heights of pretension!!
If anyone else spewed out a bucket of elitist self-indulgence I'd be convinced they were taking the piss. But not you! You live, breath and get a tingle in your nethers at every last name-drop.
I find it oddly comforting that you're always so reliably obnoxious!
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"What doesn't kill you, makes you cuntier" MK
Things that I HAVE lived without:
1. Running water
2. Electricity
3. Democracy
4. A telephone
5. Train fare to get home
Screw you, Fishy
More things I cannot live without:
1. shopping
2. sex
3. Frank Sinatra's music
4. hot rollers
5. white noise machine
6. generic Excedrin for all my damn headaches
7. cable TV
M.E. -- by "my kitty," I meant my cat. Yeah, that other kitty, I carry it around all the livelong day!
Submitted by Who Datt on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:40am.
She wants to be Martha Stewart, but in reality she's not even Martha Plimpton.
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So true. At least with Martha, there were things she did that I could actually do as well. Most things with Fish are unattainable to the average person. So far, I haven't seen anything she's recommended that I'd want anyway. She's a fail as a lifestyle guru.
I'm telling you, she's lining up her next move for when Martha kicks it (she just turned 70!) - same thing as when Kelly came onto Regis' show - bet she never thought he would still be alive at this point though. ANYWAY, Goop needs to get a clue and a life. People are rioting in the UK and things aren't much better here at home. She has completely lost touch with reality.
Jesus...did Fish bring a headshot of Gumby to the surgeon when she got her rhinoplasty?
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19 Cats and Counting!
THE FULL RELEASE LOOP
What the underlying loop inside all of this really is
1974 someone used satellite time and brain cephalics (same thing), to view me, in 19764
The sound of the BR
I know people may say the reverse but how in the hell does Chris martin do it? I don't care if they never spend anytime together. How does he stay married to her? How does she even keep any friends?
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
She forgot to mention a huge piece of duck tape to put over her snooty mouth.
You guys are the cuntiest!! Loves my Dlisted bitches xoxox
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
O she means 10 pieces of decor that she could totally live without but chooses not to cuz she doesn't have to but just you try and take them from her! She has just declared herself the most interesting person to watch filing for bankruptcy!
♥ Threadkilla!
Suck My Dick: http://youtu.be/Mxap2jnfF-E
Is she for fucking real? Who talks like this? How can anyone live with this pompous troll? So many questions, she makes my fucking head spin!
Gwyneth, there's a right way and a wrong way to talk about your wealth, but all you seem to do is show you have zero class.
Submitted by dementa on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:47am.
Yeah, since when are these things STUFF YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? Is she saying that without her religion shelf or seasonal flowers (hey, guess what, flowers don't bloom in WINTER), she'll DIE?
- - - - - - - - -
There are lots of winter blooming flowers. And not only in the Tropics.
Violets
Daffodils
Crocus
Amaryllis
Jasmin
Snowdrop
Yay! My turn!
Things I can't live without:
1. Mini me.
2. Air. (in keeping with the theme, yes?)
3. Chocolate.
4. Other Food.
5. Water.
6. Music.
7. The intranetz (from whence I get my music)
8. Love
9. Hallucinogens - includes liquor. (not in this world, baby!)
10.O yeah! Porn!
♥ Threadkilla!
Suck My Dick: http://youtu.be/Mxap2jnfF-E
Submitted by mike on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 11:36am.
I have a higher tolerance for Goopy than most of you (I just can't take her at all seriously), but that list made me roll my eyes so hard that I now have a headache.
Not defending her, but pretty much every "can't live without" list I've ever seen in a magazine has been silly (and tailored to the publication in which it appeared).
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Be gone, mike!!! Stop being so rational about this snotty ninny.
Top Ten Things I Can't Live Without:
1. Baby Bjork, aka, Evil Digby (I won't live without him)
2. Air
3. Food
4. Liquids
5. Humour
6. Kindness
7. The Arts (books, movies, beauty, etc.)
8. dlisted
9. Animals
10. Porn
Submitted by LaChaylo on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 9:46am.
Who knew her mouth was actually her ass?
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Chris Martin, that insufferable closet queen.
I'm watching Shakespeare in Love as I type. Goopy looks like a 35yr old, pallid, asexual cow (no offense Mickey) in this movie, 13 YEARS AGO!
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"Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by incompetence."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
She's so laughably absurd you almost expect her to just come out and say she's been running some elaborate reverse Joaquin Phoenix/Borat style gag on everybody, but she's actually serious. Fuck you, Paltrow, you insufferable twat. I hope you lose everything and have to take a job flipping burgers until you're 75.
Everything she says is a cliche. It's a good thing she's blonde and rich.
I'm glad that there is a Goopy post because I'm in bad mood this afternoon. My hatred now has an outlet. Thank you, MK.
Things I can't live without (besides my family and close friends)
*Coffee
*Chocolate
*Blackberry
*Laptop
*Dlisted
*Grandma's homemade afghan blankets, a lifesaver for winter nights!
*Golden Girl and "24" DVDs
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The proper pronunciation is 'bitch, please'. - Jana
Gwyneth has a Blackberry? Pfft. What a clueless, stupid bitch.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 10:58am.
I usually go for brunettes but as insufferable as she is I still find her extremely attractive. You're right she doesn't exude the sexy but call me insane, I'd hit it till the cows came home, or Chris Martin but I figure
pretty sure Chris Martin would come into the room, see you guys gettin' it on, roll his eyes, say "I'll be in the studio", and proceed to wank off to pics of Natalie Imbruglia or KBo.
although methinks a klassy gent like Chris might ship the real thing in for the evening, but I digress.
what a smug fucker....
my list:
1. Donuts
Things I can't live without:
1. Food
2. Water
3. Compliments (thanks Chris Rock :D)
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:17pm.
Stuff I cannot live without:
1. my kitty
2. my wonderful girlfriends
3. my DVR
4. soda
5. makeup
6. tons of bath products
7. great clothes
8. love
9. dlisted
10. air conditioning
11. my laptop
12. laughter
13. Chicago style deep-dish pizza
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No comprende el numero uno.
Your kitteh goes wherever you go, day in day out?
*scratches head*
Fishy and Allen Samuels should go make a rap album together then sit back and smell each other's farts on a pile of money.
Here's what I am going to do, I am going to read up on how to be a Buddhist, and I am gonna pray to Buddha that he is going to reincarnate me so when I kill myself I can come back and be cool as
fuck like you.
Can't live without:
1. vino/sake/vodka
2. baby bongo sitting on a fking NYC parking meter taunting us
3. you DL sluts' snark on MKs blog
4. steak and potatoes
5. music/books
*waves; runs back to work*
_____
"too bad ... we want money...want...money..."
- Doug and Courtney, subroutine-cyberspeak of love
I can't live without:
1. My dogs
2. Coffee
3. Juvederm
4. Toddlers and Tiaras
5. Wal-Mart
6. D-Listed
7. Good Food
8. Margaritas
9. Makeup
10 Those little frozen pizza rolls
Screw Gwynneth and her "stick up the ass pretentiousness". She wouldn't have been shit without family money so her trying to come off like she's this Oxford educated broad is just so pathetic.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Thu, 08/11/2011 - 12:22pm.
"My non-want list is mostly comprised of the fuckery done by stupid-ass, cunty people."
Are you by any chance my long lost twin?
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
MickeyHolland -- hey, love! Yeah, my list of non-wants is pretty fucking long, too. And there's nothing wrong with you. My non-want list is mostly comprised of the fuckery done by stupid-ass, cunty people.
Can't live without:
1. mah kitteh
2. Sunshine
3. Internet
4. mah peeps
5. Coffee
6. My flat iron
7. My bra
8. Sex
9. Mascara
10. Camera
11. Kindle
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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." -Lucille Ball-sy
I forgot to add hot guys to my list: Chris Meloni, Mark Harmon, Jon Hamm, Sean Penn, David Strathairn, Sam Elliott, Robert DeNiro