MiserAlba Finally Gave Birth
After going through what seemed like the gestation period of a damn elephant, the latest heir to the bitchface throne slid out of MiserAlba on Saturday and threw the doctor a shank eye of death that made him slap himself. As JustInItForTheCash Warren day dreamed about how he's going to spend the extra weekly allowance his wife is going to give him for training their newest baby on how to scowl for every paps' lens, MiserAlba announced the news on Facebook yesterday. Oh, and pretty much announced that she watches a lot of Syfy and is going to destroy the letter H the same way the Kuntdashians have destroyed the letter K.
Hi Everyone,Hope you're enjoying the weekend. Cash and I are so excited to announce the birth of our daughter, Haven Garner Warren. She was born on Saturday, weighed 7lbs, and was 19 inches long. Healthy and happy! Big Sister Honor couldn’t be more excited about the new addition to our family.
Thank you for all of your support during my pregnancy. It means the world to me.
Honor & Haven?! Tell me that doesn't sound like the names of graphic novel characters who crime fight at night and then work as day-shift taxi dancers at a club where 90% of the proceeds go to a women's shelter. Speaking of women's shelter, if you told me that Haven Garner is the name of a halfway house for runaway teens that Jennifer Garner founded because she needed another tax write-off, I wouldn't waste a keystroke by saying you were lying.
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Submitted by literarylioness on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 2:57pm.
I think "Haven" is better than "Bingham" and "Pilot Inspektor." Gwen Stefani gave her second kid a weird name too.
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Zuma Nesta Rock, which our beloved MK said sounded like a retirement comminuty in Arizona. Personaly, I think it's a rejected actor name from the Flintstones.
Bingham is Bellamy's mother's maiden name, so at least there's a REASON FOR IT. Unlike Audio Science or Moxie Crimefighter.
*tazes self for knowing details*
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There's a bulk purchase of monogrammed luggage at the bottom of this.
Since Ben Affleck is always a guess for one or more of the Blind Items every day, maybe it's possible Jessica and Cash are in a threesome with Jennifer Garner, hence the middle name! Makes as much sense, no?!!
Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by yepyepyep on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 12:57pm.
pick a spanish name like Maria Josefa Pilar Augusta del Carmen Warren
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Reminded me of Bunifa Latifah Halifah Sharifa Jackson from Mad TV. Maybe for her next baby.
Honor and Haven sound like characters from a low-rent 80s prime-time soap opera.
I think "Haven" is better than "Bingham" and "Pilot Inspektor." Gwen Stefani gave her second kid a weird name too.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 9:47am.
Tinam, I am sorry but Moxie Crimefighter, Pilot Inspektor, Pirate and Ptolemy trump Apple and Moses ANY day, IMO.
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Paris--you are correct. I guess I just wanted to shit on Gwyneth some more! :)
It's all fun and games until Wino gets to the gates of purgatory and slurs out, "HELLO, ATHENS!" ----MK
snowey do you know who is in celebritchy its starts with loveA
thats all im saying because some names cant be mentioned
anyways Jessica that name haven yuck honor yuck, pick a spanish name like Maria Josefa Pilar Augusta del Carmen Warren, I kid I kid, I am the only hispanic without a middle name, but lets not talk last names
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
As in James Haven???
Not as bad as it could be.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Haven his ha less heinous name than Honor, hactually. I have no hidea why people kheep husing the same fhirst letter for hall their kid's nhames, it's hannoying.
I want her to have named it Lesley Ann.
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I was reading it as HEAVEN.
DUH!
Haven. Meh. Least it's not Apple!
Should have gone with Banana or Kiwi MiserAlba!
why the fuck do people call their kids names with the same letter???
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
No shit. She was pregnant?
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You dumb bitch, I am home.-MK
Actually Cash came from money and had it before meeting Jessica Alba. He is and has never had to use any of Jessica's money.
His father is actor/producer Michael Warren from "Hill Street Blues". His mother did quite well herself. Cash attended Crossroads private School whose classmates were Kate Hudson, NBA Star Baron Davis. Cash and Baron Davis were also on the basketball team that won state champs at the time. My step sister went to school with them. He is in no way living off Jessica's career when he came from money himself. LOL. He's also an investor and made quiet a bit for himself. Which is why Jessica was attracted to him. More or less he's a nerd and a very educated one.
Cash's father Michael Warren also played college ball with Abdul Jabbar at UCLA and was a star player. Very well known in the Southern California area.
Cash has his degree from Yale University and has been working since college. Owning several businesses and directing several documentaries that were nominated for awards.
That said, congratulations on them both. Very nice family. Met them and both are down to earth.
Eeek! Whenever i hear haven my dirty mind goes straight to 'shaven haven'. This may be a little awkward for me now...
Wonder if she finally got the "brown" baby she wished for during her last pregnancy?
Tinam, I am sorry but Moxie Crimefighter, Pilot Inspektor, Pirate and Ptolemy trump Apple and Moses ANY day, IMO.
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The 'good old days' weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems....
-Billy Joel "Keeping The Faith"
she picks such awful names.....I just hope this one looks like her. Honor looks exactly like Cash, which is not good.
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The 'good old days' weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems....
-Billy Joel "Keeping The Faith"
Submitted by No Words on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 9:27am.
NEVAEH! I already know two of them personally.
*slits throat*
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I guess that name hasn't becoming popular where I'm living. How is it even pronounced? Nev-ay?
As for MiserAlba, Haven is not too bad. It makes me think of James Haven though.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
NEVAEH! I already know two of them personally.
*slits throat*
*motorboats cappy*
Happy Monday Love.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
People need to quit shitting on Tina Fey's kid's name. She gave her daughter a name that was reflective of her culture. Now this Haven shit has got to go BUT I don't think anyone has beat Gwynnie in terms of utterly ridiculous names.
It's all fun and games until Wino gets to the gates of purgatory and slurs out, "HELLO, ATHENS!" ----MK
Submitted by snowball on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 8:54am.
(If you even think about sending me to Celebitchy though, I'll stab you with a fucking shank.)
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I lasted exactly one week at Celebitchy. Too many super militant mommies complaining about "woman-on-woman hate" when people snarked on Gwyneth.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Haven Warren?!?!?!
*face palm*
Horrid.
Submitted by RedWeatherTigerD on Mon, 08/15/2011 -8:16am.I know I am simple and all, but if those were my kids' names, I would start to pronounce the H in Honor and stop pronouncing it in Haven. I would be all screwed up, all the time.
I totally just did that. "Hhhonor and ayven" Haha!
Anyway, both of those names suck. I hated the whole "It's an honor to have your child" crap and Haven is just.. not my style.
I need to be banished to Just Jared today. sob Or Lainey or wherever the usual sycophant bitches go. I was nice to Tara and now this.
I like the name Haven. And I sort of like MiserAlba because she's a pissy bitch. She has a hot ass too and I say that as a perfectly happy heterosexual woman.
(If you even think about sending me to Celebitchy though, I'll stab you with a fucking shank.)
That was actually a nice note. I have zero confidence she wrote it. Probably her manager.
I mean really, who starts out with 'hope you're enjoying the weekend?'
I'd be all I JUST SHOT A BABY OUT OF MY VAGINA or something. Demure shemure.
Hsha at the mixing up of names. My mom used to do that all the time. Growing up in a large family made it even more funny. Laughing about it when she was pissed made it even worse.
"Go outside and get a switch"
Good. We can now STOP hearing her bitchery about the state of pregnancy. And wtf does she mean thanks for "the support of my pregnancy"?? Jesus Christ you'd think she'd served two tours in Iraq and is dealing with impact concussions. Bitches been having babies for thousands of years without all the goddamn help/comfort you received so STFU. Hate these self-tortured princesses.
*sneaks swig to deal with my foul mood this morning*
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"You dumb bitch, I am home." -MK to Brooke's crybaby 'daddy-puts-the-lotion' ass
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 08/15/2011 - 8:37am.
That will probably happen!
I'm not the only mom who goes through the names of the two OTHER kids before she hollers the right one. My ex's aunt used to joke that her two sons were each named Jevin and Kon, because she'd always start out calling for the wrong kid and combine them. (Their names were Kevin and John.) I used to think she was awful for mixing up her KIDS, but now I do it all the time myself.
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LOL! My mom does that, too!
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
YOU SUCK BITCH!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
dementia, i loathe the "syfy" thing. also, eureka is clearly the best show on it. eureka would make a good baby name, like eurekas castle!
Submitted by RedWeatherTigerD: "I know I am simple and all, but if those were my kids' names, I would start to pronounce the H in Honor and stop pronouncing it in Haven. I would be all screwed up, all the time."
That will probably happen!
I'm not the only mom who goes through the names of the two OTHER kids before she hollers the right one. My ex's aunt used to joke that her two sons were each named Jevin and Kon, because she'd always start out calling for the wrong kid and combine them. (Their names were Kevin and John.) I used to think she was awful for mixing up her KIDS, but now I do it all the time myself.
They named her after Mangelina!
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Congrats! Lets all throw a cunt face to celebrate!
Well looks like "Haven" is about to become the new "Nevaeh".
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Both names are better than Nevaeh.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Perfect pornstar movie names.
He is best. He has been worse than that, when he is worse he is little better than a beast.
I know I am simple and all, but if those were my kids' names, I would start to pronounce the H in Honor and stop pronouncing it in Haven. I would be all screwed up, all the time.
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"Zahara wore her signature double shank eye..." --MK
Garner?? Ewwww. I hope that's a family name.
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Douchechill!
Mmmm,mommy bewbs!( . Y . )
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
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I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
"Haven" is one of the few good shows left on SyFyLis. I wonder if her next kid will be named Warehouse.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
bleh@Haven
Big whoop. Add this to the Tina Fey pile of *yawn*
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Submitted by Jintess on Sun, 08/14/2011 - 2:40pm.
You're right, when even these people boo you, it's time to figure out how strong the shower rod is and how durable your shoe l
Or a girls' R&B/funk band from the 70s.
"The curvy blonde adjusted her ample assets as they poured out of a neon green bikini top, yesterday on a beach in St Barts, the South of France, but struggled to contain them." (DM)