Abercrombie & Fitch Thinks They Are Too Classy For The Situation
Abercrombie & Fitch put out a statement last night about how they're really concerned that their pristine image as purveyors of class has been dirtied up by the sight of a tanning bed-roasted herpes tortoise in their clothes. A&F wants to pay The Situation to unplace their product from his body, because they think it's bad for business. Yup, their demographic wearing their clothes on TV is what they think is really ruining their reputation. Not padded bikini tops for prostitots-in-training. Not racist t-shirts. But The Situation wearing their shit. The Situation and A&F belong together like a suppository belongs in a constipated bitch's ass, but since the best part of waking up is a LOL in your cup, let's humor them by reading their STUNT QUEEN statement:
We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans. We have therefore offered a substantial payment to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino and the producers of MTV's The Jersey Shore to have the character wear an alternate brand. We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast, and are urgently waiting a response.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Have you ever been inside of an Abercrombie? It's a torture chamber for all the senses. You can't see shit, because it's so dark. You can't hear shit, because the loud ass music is sodomizing your ear holes. You can't breathe in pure oxygen, because it's like a cologne gas chamber in there. It's basically like being stuck in a douchebag's colon after he gave himself an A&F cologne enema. It's to distract you from seeing the numbers on the price tags. It's an awful hell cave and the next Hostel movie should take place there.
If you actually pushed the dimmer switch to the top, you'd see that most of the whores shopping there look exactly like The Situation. A&F knows this, so this is obviously just a STUNTUATION. Well played, I guess.
And no A&F post is complete without a portrait of their naturally beautiful CEO Mike Jeffries:
Oh, Mike, you're as creative with publicity stunts as you are with fucking up your face.
via WSJ
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A&F is ridiculous! I remember when I was in high school and going into that store with my friends, ugh. That store made me feel so uncomfortable because their size XL was definitely an xxs! My fat-ass couldn't fit into anything! I was so depressed, while my friends were inside the dressing-rooms trying on clothes, and I was waiting for them uncomfortably!
Submitted by Chilly on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:45pm.
A&F is to fashion what "The Situation" is to Jersey... Embarrassing
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Perfectly said.
This alone should make you hate A&F:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1dfEf1qOt4
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"Do I have to chop off my legs, install hard cutlets into my chest and learn Elvish in order to get some hot dick?"-MK
Can't you ask MTV to blur out your logos like so many other brands do?? A&F is full of shit.
Looks like the Botox party went wrong...
"Sure, I like a cocktail every now and again. And the last I checked, it was now".
Abercrombie is the official uniform of racist, snobby, uptight closet cases. The Situation is an upgrade from their normal clients.
A&F is to fashion what "The Situation" is to Jersey... Embarrassing.
I remember being pissed that my mom wouldn't buy me a $100 pair of torn up jeans like all the cool bitches in middle school, but then I got the hell over that shit when she pointed out to me that I could take a $15 pair of jeans from Kohls, rub them with some gravel, drip some whiteout...and voila.
the whores shopping there look exactly like The Situation. A&F knows this, so this is obviously just a STUNTUATION. Well played, I guess.
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More like a Kuntuation. Definitely some stunt queen shit going on. He looks like a horse's bitch.
"Bitch, it's a trick!" moo
A&F wants and thinks that their demographic wears their clothes to play croquet and drink, or certainly target a market that wants to think they're doing that. They think they're aiming for a sort of downmarket prepster, that they're an less expensive alternative to Ralph Lauren (nee Lipschitz). However, their clothes are derivative, cheap, overpriced, and poorly executed, as are their stunts and Mike Jeffries' plastic surgery.
OMG that was the perfect A & F description. MK, you're the messiah!!
I forgot how much I hated this store. When I first heard of this, I just lmao and couldn't wait to hear what other chains joined a&f and I don't even like that store. But That's how much I hate these jersey shore ppl. Then I read MKs post and was reminded of the children's string bikinis. I didn't even know about the t-shirts and idealized that they deserved to be boycotted! Team Mike!
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 9:38am.
If he wasn't white, they wouldn't dare.
Very true.
Um, isn't the shituation and his drunken roomates the type of people who wear abercrombie and bitch? That is who they market too. Idiots.
If I were ANYONE on the Jersey Shore, I would ONLY wear Abercrombie shit, just for the insult. fuck that, tellin anyone what to wear.
Great description of A$F stores>they are an assault to the senses and can cause permanent hearing loss/ringing in the ears after one visit. I approached a pile of rags, which ended up being a stack of torn and distressed jeans and was stunned by sticker shock. Someones needs to deflate this mall-chain pretentiousness! And MK, you're the man!
OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE????!!!!
I am not on anyone's side but ummm this CEO is a freak of nature...I just googled on A&F news and read this: http://jezebel.com/5479980/american-beauty-a-brief-history-of-abercrombi...
Coma Caca!
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Telling someone to not wear your clothes.... that's pretty lame. Free advertising isn't good enough for them? Sheesh.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by 18thCenturyFox on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:08am.
My first job was at Forever 21 when I was a teenager in high school and they got in some serious shit. They were skimming off our paychecks, made us work later than they were legally allowed to (they gave us tasks and told us we couldn't leave until they were finished).
I didn't really mind because I figured the shit had to be done anyway until corporate came in and interviewed all of us individually and told us to be 100% honest about what was going on. Pretty much everyone in that store was fired and new management was brought in. Great first job experience lol
from TMZ "The Situation could have more market power than anyone imagined -- because a day after Abercrombie & Fitch offered him and the other "Jersey Shore" cast members cash NOT to wear its clothes ... the company's stock plummeted 9%.
Abercrombie's stock hit the new low today -- the first trading session since the company offered Sitch and the cast substantial $$$ to stop wearing A&F-branded products."
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
My son and I were walking through the mall eons ago (unknowingly nearing the new A&F) and the MALL music started sounding different like club music...my tear ducks started itching like crazy...then I started sneezing...and as we closed in on A&F (and what's up with the vestibule, black shudders and forest trees)I launched into a full on ASTHMA attack. I couldn't get far enough away for my inhaler to work so I'm trying to wheez to my son to get my sticky pen (EPI) from my purse and then jabbed my fucking leg. I STILL SEETHE when going near it and cannot for the life of me understand it's pollution excreting existence. We purposely go a different route in the mall to avoid this shit.
"The Situation is so beyond FUG. Seriously, MTV has to be paying these skanks to hook up with him. Are the STDs really worth the 15 mins of fame? Gives me the voms just thinking about it."
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Thank you. I've always thought he was UGLY. I don't give a shit about his six pack if it goes with a face like that and his hair is beyond ridiculous.
On another note, that CEO has some bad plastic surgery.
Business must be so good that they can turn customers away. Quick! Buy A&F stock!
This is coming from the same assholes who put a woman's $200 purchase on hold because they were afraid she was reselling their items which would "damage their image."
Yeah, they should really be worrying about their padded bras and thongs for seven year olds doing that first. If I were the Jersey Shore bitches, I'd tell them to shove it up their ass and keep wearing their clothes anyway just to spite them.
The only time I was ever in an Abercrombie and Fitch store it was 1985 and I walked right out because I wasn't into $400 fishing vests and green rubber boots for mucking out stables. It was like L.L. Bean for the 1%.
Hostel pt.3 at A&F? I say yes...I'll get a bloodhound tattoo only if I get to torture that little annoying one who's always drunk..oh and no bidding war either because she's priceless.
YOU ARE SO FUNNY MK! A torture chamber for the senses...that should be their tag line :)))
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 11:57am.
I just noticed that the skeevtuation is carrying a book in this picture. He must need it to smack flies.
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Surprisingly enuff, the Situation is not actually that stoopit. Tacky yes. Stupid no.
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans.
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Ummm...distressing? If they can be distressed by a piece of clothing they probably need some psychological help which should distress YOU about the quality of fans your drawing.
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
I just noticed that the skeevtuation is carrying a book in this picture. He must need it to smack flies.
I used to shop there in the late 90s too in HS. No more.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
ive been in a A&F store, but i have a reason.
it was my first time in new york and like a fly to lightbulb, i saw two shirtless guys standing outside, so i was drawn to it.
but when i got in there, i could not hear myself think and it was soo dark, it was like a gay nightclub and then i picked up a pair of jeans which were GASP $160 a pair.
i aint paying $160 for a pair of A&F jeans but i will pay $160 for the shirtless guy infront of the store. but he will probably laugh at me cuz i heard those guys are well paid to stand there with their hot bods.
I shopped almost exclusively at Abercrombie in like 8th-9th grade (when it was "cool" in the late 90's). I havent stepped foot into that store in over a decade, but MK's description was spot-on how I remember it. LMAO!!!!!
Oh, yeah, and that guy's FACE!!! I have no words. Honestly, what the fuck?
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Douchechill!
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Ontopic: People still wear A&F? That shit started falling off like 12 years ago. When I was in high school they had the only jeans that would fit me.
Sort of offtopic: The Situation is so beyond FUG. Seriously, MTV has to be paying these skanks to hook up with him. Are the STDs really worth the 15 mins of fame? Gives me the voms just thinking about it.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
LOL don't judge me. in the late 1998-99 I wore this brand. now I see people wearing that brand and just "eye roll" in my mind. that brand is so late 90s lol. time to move on.
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by guest on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:24am.
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 9:00am.
As a Jersey Shore local, I understand not wanting to be associated with The Situation. Idiots from out-of-state always ask me - do I know Snooki? Why don't I tan? Fuck off!
LOL @ this. Jersey...may I use it as my new siggie?
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LOL sorry for the delayed response, guest. Knock yourself out :-)
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by oceanlover998 on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:48am.
Submitted by TriptheLight on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:39am.
Abercrombie's about doing laps at the old pool house with ur bros from the swim team and shaving each other's legs for speed and each other's nads for fun.
The only good thing to come from A&F were those MADtv skits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3-WzqfbVHU
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YES !!! lOVE MADTV !!
The only thing is, those A + F skits needs to be filmed in a cave-dark room, and with smell-o-vision, to get the full impact of the Abercrombie experience.
I don't think A&F understands its demographic. Douchebags like The Situation are exactly the kind of people who would pay $50 for a poorly made shirt sold in a dimly lit hellhole that reeks of cheap cologne.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
"...ASSpirational nature of our brand..."
FTFY Mike
Isnt this the dude that had some kinda hissy fit because they took away the company jet when Abercrombie's profits dropped like 30%???
The morons from Jersey Shite or whatever its called are beyond tedious but if i were them I would wear even more Abercrombie shit to piss them off and lets see if whats his name can move his face in rage!
BTW MK-you forgot to mention the mind numbingly moronic kiddies that work in their stores…..
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
The way you see the longs lines in the Fifth Avenue store you'd think they were giving away free lapdances by those topless male models they have stationed at the entrance.
The stuff is nothing but junk. It's so dark in there I almost fell down a flight of stairs twice. I couldn't see where I was going.
Hollister is another one, stop it with these places that sell rags from sweatshops of the world.
Submitted by luvmehateme on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:28am.
@luvevmehateme: Yes! It does sounds like a nightclub in Ibiza (been there) and all the employees look hungry. *LOL*
Remind me why these clothes are great?
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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
Mike Jeffries is the male Jocelyn Wildenstein or the new face of Frankenstein. Take your pick.
Submitted by TriptheLight on Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:39am.
Abercrombie's about doing laps at the old pool house with ur bros from the swim team and shaving each other's legs for speed and each other's nads for fun.
The only good thing to come from A&F were those MADtv skits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3-WzqfbVHU
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...agreed! I love those skits!!
...now to more important matters...
... The. Face. ...
... WTF?!!! ...
... Seriously ...
... That is all ...
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...'we want money' - Doug and Courtney Hutchison's hacker...
OurMissC, love YOUR street sign! THAT is a street I would live on :-)
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
The only good thing A&F has ever done for this world was their late-90's ad campaign featuring full-page spreads of bubble-butted WASP and mocha-skinned boys frolicking in various states of undress. My main college gay had his dorm room plastered in them - his Korean exchange-student roommate's daily pleas to remove them fell on deaf ears. Big, gay, deaf ears.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
Abercrombie's about doing laps at the old pool house with ur bros from the swim team and shaving each other's legs for speed and each other's nads for fun.
The only good thing to come from A&F were those MADtv skits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3-WzqfbVHU
Gator needs his gat you punk-ass bitch!
Well he's making lots of money doing nothing, isn't that what most people aspire?