The Photoshop Awards: Kelly Bensimon On Shape Magazine

If the Mayans are right and 2012 is the year of We’re Fucked, then that means 2011 is the year of Fuck It which makes sense when you look at this cover of The Real Housewives of NYC’s Kelly Benismon on September’s Shape Magazine. Yes, THAT Kelly Bensimon. The Kelly Bensimon who really looks like a water-damaged leather duffel bag handle with tits that are slowly starting to migrate to her back so that they can slide down and escape out of her asshole. Shape Magazine didn’t even try to make that ho on the cover look like Kelly Bensimon. Bitches used the hell out of the Honey Badger tool on Photoshop!

You know, I take it back. This isn’t the work of Photoshop. This is the work of copy + Elmer’s. The body, the face, the earrings and the hair are all strangers to each other and were forced together in a nightmare land. This is basically the Breakfast Club of magazine covers. I’ve seen badly cut out paper dolls that look more human than this.

And Kelly told Shape (via Radar) that despite the rumors that the bad shit has eaten the sanity out of her brains, she’s completely drug-free:

“My body is like a Ferrari. I know what it needs to run well — and that doesn’t include drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes.”

A Ferrari? HO STOP. More like the torn out leather seat of a broken Ferrari that has been left out in the middle of a junkyard for the pit bulls to chew at.

Here’s Kelly working her real body last March in a photo shoot for Abs of Meth.