Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden's 17th Birthday
As the ghost of Michael Jackson moonwalks into Gary, Indiana's Office of Vital Records to change the born date on his birth certificate to any day but today, the garden lizard with first degree porn face that is Courtney Stodden is turning 17 (in porn iguana years) today. It's official: 17 is the new 47!
Courtney cooed out to Radar that she was going to spend her birthday with her 51-year-old plastic gay robot husband at Disneyland, but since they're both wrapped in extra thin mannequin wax and California is being fucked with a heat wave, they're going to stay inside and write more Tweets like this:
While I lie beneath this sizzling-sun, the popsicle that I am sweetly sucking on begins to melt & drips irresistibly all over my moist body!Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ;-)
When you're a 17-year-old girl who writes shit that is straight out of Gay Al's script for an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries, you should hug your pimp mother for doing something right. Happy Birthday, Courtney. May we all look like we're having a permanent hot flash when we turn 17 for the 30th time!
• 
Just logged, what did I miss?
Hiya Lemonene!
Have you just logged on, or were you lurking?
Amy
Hello, Becky!!
Good morning!
HELLO Hello hello
*echoes*
Amy
Why the hell am I playing Farmville in the middle of the night?
Gross.
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 11:55pm.
Imagine her saying those words out loud making that mouf! How's that for a libido killer? Her man has got to be gay.
I asked my boyfriend if he found any of what she says attractive. He says she comes off as desperate and trying too hard.
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 11:55pm.
Her newest fucked up tweet.
Had such a sexy bday! Toppin it off now by steppin into the sensuous-shore & kissing my love. Mmm, Im so wet!
_______________________________
WHERE IS CHRIS HANSEN ?? (besides cheating on his wife). Even though these tweets are most likely written by a mid forties porn douche who thinks he knows what is sexy....like so many others have said, how is this legal???
@undinespragg
Granted this way to start your life over was probably not your first choice (or your second), but I am kinda jealous of you for being able to start with a clean slate. At least later on you will not have to deal with the 'what ifs?'. I hope that everything works out for you and that your new life will bring you nothing but positive things!
------------------------------------------------------
For a while,I was trapped.
Stuck in a endless vortex of the gathering days
Wallowing in a pool of my own ways
Sinking in the center of life's fiery blaze
Wishing I had my own dossier
To show me who I was.
Life was not going the way I'd planned,
And reality had slapped me with it's ugly hand
The Earth without notice had been spammed
Happiness itself was low on demand.
Where were those days that were so well spent,
The joyful times that came and went
I guess it's too late now to give up and repent
So why not just start over?
Place myself back on the right track,
Give the world a break and cut it some slack
And with all due respects slap reality back,
Stop foolin' around and make a comeback
Into life, into living
Not to resent life,
But to take it by the hand.
Since it seems to be the mood of the evening:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7K72X4eo_s
edited for youtube glitch
Amy
becky,i love Portishead,i have seen them live in the past,amazing band
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 11:55pm.
Imagine her saying those words out loud making that mouf! How's that for a libido killer? Her man has got to be gay.
----------------------------------------------------------
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
@from athens
I always get the lead singers from Moloko and Portishead mixed up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF-GvT8Clnk&feature=related
Amy
Hola bitches! This packing and moving business is keeping my lazy ass off the couch and away from the computer.
Tomorrow is the day when men will come and load all of the heavy shit! (Not having to carry heavy shit: The one benefit of living in a patriarchy.)
48 hours from now I will be in my new house!
I just got the latest bill from my attorney. $1450. WTF. And that's just the latest bill and does not count the one coming from out financial planner in a few days, or the ex's attorney. (We are splitting everything 50/50.)
Anything exciting going on?
Her newest fucked up tweet.
Had such a sexy bday! Toppin it off now by steppin into the sensuous-shore & kissing my love. Mmm, Im so wet!
Submitted by from athens on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 11:47pm.
Not for a second! I'm gonna follow in the footsteps of dlisted's most illustrious and declare myself a superior intellect.
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
hahaha and WTF at the same time!what happened here?people thought bjork was serious!haha
http://youtu.be/gpvuFn06uh4
Does anyone have off-site contact with ESE?
Amy
She has fans on her page trying to imitate her style of posting. I really hope this is all a huge joke.
I just can't believe this is real. It has to be some sort of elaborate joke. Please tell me it's not real - please??
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 11:00pm.
LOL I'd prefer the Duggars to this lot. They may birth out kids in plague proportions, but at least they go to bed at a reasonable hour.
Amy
Submitted by becky n sydney on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 10:58pm.
So all this time you've been living next to the Duggars?!
-----------------------------------------------------------
"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
I'm enjoying watching my neighbours packing their removalist truck. I've never managed to do a conclusive head count on the kids, conservatively I'd say 6; but it could be up to eight.
Oh dear, no more being woken up at 2 am as the dear little ones throw bottles at passing traffic.
*puts Champers on ice in anticipation of imminent departure*
Amy
Most of these women can't wrap their heads around enjoying the company of a guy unless you're fucking them. I've known the guys I live with for a long time. I've been friends with Seth for 17 years and his husband for 12. We had fun last night watching stupid movies and plan do do the same tonight. I ended up telling this chick that with her bitchy attitude, it's no surprise that I'd rather stay home with two gay men.
Ho. Lee. Shit. I can't even muster up a laugh at that. There's got to be something seriously wrong with this chick. Either that, or she's playing us all for fools and she's actually a brilliant actress.
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 9:24pm.
No, just my real life friends who expect me to drop everything and go out drinking. I just want to stay at home. If this one friend implies again that I have to be more than friends with the one guy I live will, I will hurt her.
-----------------------------
you need some better friends. who the fuck are they to tell you what to do with the guy you live with? i say this like i know all of these people. out with the old and in with the new. i dropped a long time friend earlier this year because i realized she was poison, always has been, always will be. i have new lady friends and they are awesome, totally supportive in a way women havent been in my life. it is possible and they are out there.
-----------------------------------------
A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
One day when she realizes what a complete tool she is I hope she doesn't get a gun and shoot herself in the head.
I am drawn to posts about this fugly bitch the way I am drawn to watching obese people pig out when I go out to eat. Loves it.
No, just my real life friends who expect me to drop everything and go out drinking. I just want to stay at home. If this one friend implies again that I have to be more than friends with the one guy I live will, I will hurt her.
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 9:18pm.
I am starting to wonder why I have female friends. They drive me nuts.
"""""""""""""""""""""
I trust you're not referring to the lovely laydees of Dlisted? :)
Amy
I am starting to wonder why I have female friends. They drive me nuts.
*leaves in thread in case ESE drops by*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec0XKhAHR5I
Amy
Dude is ugly enough in the face, why wear clothes that makes him look retarded? Is this part of her marketing plan?
Bitch (dude), wear a fucking tux--they cover up a lot of sins.
Submitted by kokoskitten on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 4:46pm.
As for gossip websites, there was that 'Female First' website
-------------------
oh ffs. i forgot about that site. i dont think i was a dlister around then, just a lurker. but i remember reading the comments about it here. checking out the new york daily news. i just love seeing people get fired up online. yeah ive been there - havent we all - but i guess it makes me feel sane when i read someone else doing it to a degree that i would never go to.
and i love that the conversation got going on this broad again. yeah maybe i was bitchy earlier but shit, i was bored as hell, no damn work to do and really, i expect you sluts to entertain me on a daily basis!
-----------------------------------------
A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Still no ESE? :(
Amy
Well, I go back to school tomorrow and I'm at the "big" campus this time. Scared shitless. Not scared so much really, just nervous. I have to walk two miles, uphill (really) from my designated parking lot to my classroom building.
******************
She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
hahahaha Her face makes me laugh.
oh God, I clicked on her Twitter page and am now afraid chris hansen is after me.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 6:31pm.
Would it make me a bad person if I took the day off tomorrow and drove east to rubberneck hurricane damage?
---------------------------
Only if you don`t post pictures here afterwards.
------------------------------------------------
"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
--------------------------------------------------
http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Would it make me a bad person if I took the day off tomorrow and drove east to rubberneck hurricane damage?
My daughter is 22 and if I saw her putting shit like that out on the internet I'd slap the taste right out of her mouth. Think of all the dirty old pervs that's going to attract. Of course Courtney has already married a dirty old perv so I guess that doesn't bother her. But it would bother me if my kid was putting that out there. My daughter also looks a good 20 years younger than Courtney even though she is 6 years older than her. That "girl" must have that rapid aging disease or something.
MyFingers: And while technically, it's wrong for Christians to judge someone by the clothing they're wearing, I think they'd be right to want Courtney (and her parents) to not be a part of their community.
If a true hooker walked into a church and really needed guidance or wanted to worship, I think she'd be welcomed. But if Hometrick here walked into a church, all fucking the air and licking her worm lips with the straps falling down, the church ladies would have thrown some serious hostility.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 5:44pm.
2. Her parents aren't too concerned. They, after all, signed the papers letting their underage daughter marry a 51 year old gay dude. Also, I'd bet a million dollars her father has been fucking her since she was 6 years old, so... That explains the hypersexual behavior.
**********
TOTALLY.
I did know that her parents aren't concerned, but I just meant - any person in their right mind (i.e. obviously not her parents) would be concerned about this behavior.
And she is totally the type of fake Christian I can't stand, hiding behind her religion in case anyone questions her hypersexual behavior. "But I'm a good girl! I love Jesus & I praise God. I can't be a slut!"
Just... Wow.
Submitted by MyFingersHurt: "If I were her parents, I would be very concerned about her. She seems to get her self-esteem only from sexual approval. Gross.
Also, did she drop out of high school?"
1. She was supposedly home-schooled because jellis h8rz made her life miserable at regular school.
2. Her parents aren't too concerned. They, after all, signed the papers letting their underage daughter marry a 51 year old gay dude. Also, I'd bet a million dollars her father has been fucking her since she was 6 years old, so... That explains the hypersexual behavior.
She also claims to be a Christian, but I have been to ALL kinds of churches and I'm pretty sure her parents home-churched her, too, because she would get side-eyed out of any church I've ever been to.
Submitted by mefunigirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 5:29pm.
If I did that crap at 17, my mother would have reminded me just how illegal it was in her house to pull that sort of thing. I would do the same to my daughter.
I guess her parents sold their dam soul as well as hers for this bit of attention she's getting.
I want to see where she winds up in 25 years *sideye*...and then I kinda don't because it ain't going to be pretty.
---------------------
I'm sure they expect her to pay for newfangled fancy things for them now since she married a "celebrity" and is "rich" so they probably don't care, selfish bastards.
I predict this ends in divorce fairly quickly and she tries to get into the Playboy mansion and/or magazine.
Submitted by Bree on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 3:56pm.
In all seriousness, shouldn't it be illegal for underage bitches to post shit like this? I guess she's technically legal since she was old enough to marry her old as dirt husband, but something about it just ain't right.
.........
If I did that crap at 17, my mother would have reminded me just how illegal it was in her house to pull that sort of thing. I would do the same to my daughter.
I guess her parents sold their dam soul as well as hers for this bit of attention she's getting.
I want to see where she winds up in 25 years *sideye*...and then I kinda don't because it ain't going to be pretty.
Feel better after getting that out Bossy?
To no one on this board: I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch. I wish I had never met you and I hope you die because you are one cold, self-centered fucker and you don't deserve all you have.
I can't write that shit on facebook and I needed to feel that I at least put it out there, even though the source of my distress will never see it.
Submitted by Bossy on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 5:26pm.
To no one on this board: I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch. I wish I had never met you and I hope you die because you are one cold, self-centered fucker and you don't deserve all you have.
………….......
WTF? Are you seeing my ex husband?
J/K I'm sorry, I know the feeling......
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"How nice, to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."
- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
I'm glad it's married off early to an aging sex addict with money to lose, at least she's not preying on anyone's sons, or preparing anyone's food.
Everything would smell like day old shrimp.