Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden's 17th Birthday
As the ghost of Michael Jackson moonwalks into Gary, Indiana's Office of Vital Records to change the born date on his birth certificate to any day but today, the garden lizard with first degree porn face that is Courtney Stodden is turning 17 (in porn iguana years) today. It's official: 17 is the new 47!
Courtney cooed out to Radar that she was going to spend her birthday with her 51-year-old plastic gay robot husband at Disneyland, but since they're both wrapped in extra thin mannequin wax and California is being fucked with a heat wave, they're going to stay inside and write more Tweets like this:
While I lie beneath this sizzling-sun, the popsicle that I am sweetly sucking on begins to melt & drips irresistibly all over my moist body!Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ;-)
When you're a 17-year-old girl who writes shit that is straight out of Gay Al's script for an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries, you should hug your pimp mother for doing something right. Happy Birthday, Courtney. May we all look like we're having a permanent hot flash when we turn 17 for the 30th time!
• 
Submitted by luvsmekitty on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 2:08pm.
We want money.
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TOO BAD!
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
I've got a little RANT. I'm ok with people "checking in" on FB, hell I do it when I get home... but let me just say - DON'T BE TAGGIN PEOPLE WITH YOU UNLESS YOU FUCKING ASK THEIR FUCKING PERMISSION I MAY NOT WANT THE WORLD (or my kid/parents/potential gf) KNOW WTF I AM DOING AT 5AM ON A SUNDAY FUCKING MORNING THANKYOUVERYMUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Maybe this IS a very elaborate prank in the form of a documentary( as many of you have said). Maybe the the doc maker wants to show how the media will pick up ANY kind of story (no matter how little fame you have) and then show how the public will help make you famous even though all you have to offer is scandal and an absence of talent. Basically a Famewhore101 documentary, since its been a phenomenon for a while now.
I am SOFUCKINGTIRED!
It was so GD busy at the restaurant all weekend. I WANNA GO TO BED!!!!!
Apparently one of my oldest son's classmates was making fun of his name today. Not sure why since my kid has a nice, normal name.
Jack...yes & followed by a quickie yesterday!!!! *appalled face* *orders rabbit*
DWM...lol...shutty. I'm so easy.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
bjork
I understood your performance art.
*snaps fingers in appreciation, like I am in a coffee house*
Bjork, it's not too late for you to adopt Courtney! I feel your love and concern!
Do it!
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Dark-sided!
Lmao @ MH.
*checks bjork for fever*
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Athina on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:55pm.
BjorkYou
^^^^^
Do we have a successor in the crazy department to our beautiful and dearly departed Love Angelina?
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Oh. Here. Go. Hell. Come.
I see I took this joke too far.
Migraine - thank you, dear, for explaining.
guest - help me out here... sex for one and not you... you're giving handjob/bj but not receiving?? not. right.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Jack- Thanks for the luuuuuuuuuuuub.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 2:01pm.
Oh Whamsie!
These "fuck-yous" are but your way of hiding your love for me.
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You know I want you to have my babies...OK NOW I have to go!
Till tomorrow I.F. :)
We want money.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:29pm.
Bjork - you and I are done professional, my friend. If that was my daughter (who is VERY close in age) I would beat. her. ass. I would take a second and third job to "take care of my family" before letting my daughter act like a second rate goddam white trash fucking WHORE in front of all the world to see. At 17 you should be going to football games and movies with your friends, NOT tweeting to the world some goddamm description of a popsicle dripping down on to her body and definitely not telling the world you are in bed naked, blah blah blah. Fucked up shit like that is whats bring society down... and you support it??? good luck to you and God help our future.
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Why is Courtney a "white trash fucking WHORE"? RACIST REPORTED!!!
And now I know what Courtney meant about the terrible epidemic known as bullying:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSUQcX9EMPs
And sucky, I'm not really, really, really fat, just really, really, really sensitive, like Courtney.
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:56pm.
KA
I am loving Dance Moms too! That hideous dance studio owner - my God!!!!
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no kidding! but im on the side of, if you dont like her, dont take your kid there. i love how everyone gets so uptight about the dumbest shit. do these women not have real lives? they have kids for fuck sake. the little girl i feel the worst for is that vivi. not only is her mother a complete cunt (yeah i said it - you got a problem, wanna fight about it), but this poor little girl does not want to be there. i also feel bad for brook, the one that just wants to hang out with her friends and be normal. hell i feel bad for them all. what vile fucked up women. and yet, i cannot turn away.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
*lubz the shit outta Uvy*
LOL, DWM!! *hands you MGD64 cuz I haz some in my cooler and can't stand that shit*
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
I have to believe we're all being punked.
Part of me hopes "Courtney Stodden" is actually a graduate student and this is all part of her thesis. She's obviously wearing a wig and so much makeup that she might not be recognizable to people from her past.
Speaking of her past, "Courtney" has none. Not one kid has come forward and spoken about knowing her at, say, church. Her "parents" aren't traceable. The homeschool story covers a lot of loose ends. Unless you're tied up in a basement, you're known by somebody.
Perhaps Casey Affleck is behind this, or another film director. Before any of this went down, Doug Hutchison was obviously well respected in the industry. He knows people. It doesn't make sense to throw it away.
This is completely illogical and it's turned into a parody. I stopped buying into it the moment the ridiculous, rehearsed interviews started.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
Guest -- will you be my pimp? Then I'll be guaranteed to get laid.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
imma sit on the I need some secks too bench cuz mah weekend consisted of secks for one & the one wasn't me!!! *pouts*
me as the hostess...secks for one sir? right this way. sunday same story...smfh. get it smack.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Migraine Sally
Bed bath and beyond has the little cups, the one you can refill and reuse yourself for like 5 dollars, I know kinda late, but it can help other people (because the coffee in those cups sucks to me)
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Oh Whamsie!
These "fuck-yous" are but your way of hiding your love for me.
It's ok. I can wait.
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Dark-sided!
A big fuck off to all ya bitches, gotta fly..we'll call today...interesting:)
jacko
A KEURIG. That spensy coffee maker that brews one cup at a time with these little coffee "pods" that cost a bloody fortune. yeah, I fell victim. Effer broke after one year of use. Yes, just after the warranty ran out :(
Who's the stew-pid one now?
Thank you guys for being so welcoming! I'd better get to work before quittin' time.
But first:
IrishFury, how would you like to add "latex manufacturer" to your resume?
Zen, I just realized I never answered you! Of course we shall be friends, fellow newbie!
Since I have a major case of the FUCK YOUS today, I'll just say this broad is fucking nasty and her mother should be tying her up to a tree in the front yard, not encouraging her to play house with a grown ass man for publicity. Her mouth makes me want to fucking puke- it looks like an inside out vagina.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:51pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:49pm.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:45pm.
*Sits on "needs to get laid bench" with Jacko*
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welcome.
*offers corn nuts and beer*
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*offers handjob*
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*runs to bench*
*sits down with a thud*
Whassup?
"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by IrishFury on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:51pm.
Jack, Whamo and Sucky are straight men. See? Lots of joking!
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LMAO!
A big fuck you to you! I.F. you shit disturber! :)
MIGRAAAAAAAAAAAAINNE!! Hiya, doll.
So wtf is a kreuger or whatever it was you said was broken this morning? I didn't wanna ask cuz I didn't want people to think I was STEW.PID. or anything...
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Irish Fury
I am bored to shit here at the orifice.
People acting weird here? That's unusual *wink*
Snark on, hos. I want to have something to read when i get back from picking up the kids....
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
KA
I am loving Dance Moms too! That hideous dance studio owner - my God!!!!
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Dark-sided!
BjorkYou
^^^^^
Do we have a successor in the crazy department to our beautiful and dearly departed Love Angelina?
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:28pm.
I haven't seen Dance Moms. Is it any good? I should start watching it with Brian. He's a dance teacher.
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you need to watch it. it is a train wreck that i cant turn away from. my heart aches for these girls. the mothers are...i have no words for it. watch the show. i still cant believe this isnt scripted. its just awful. just. awful. much worse than anything toddlers and tiaras could spit out.
I love how people are getting all touchy over bjorks post. really? even i can see the humor and i dont post nearly as much as a lot of you do.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Hi Migraine Sally.
Not much going on in here today expect that people are acting weird and not their usual selves.
I, on the other hand, am perfect.
Hows you?
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Dark-sided!
UBF is an angel straight from heaven... FACT.
*goes shoe shopping with IrishFury*
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Hey Ho's. What's happening?
Does she EVER go back and look at the retardedface she pulls in these pics?????
was doug ever married before, and does he have kids? I'm younger than him and I have a kid older than whatsohername claims to be.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:49pm.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:45pm.
*Sits on "needs to get laid bench" with Jacko*
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welcome.
*offers corn nuts and beer*
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*offers handjob*
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
For heaven's sake, Bjork is joking!
Jack, Whamo and Sucky are straight men. See? Lots of joking!
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Dark-sided!
Happy Monday DListers! I don't even know where to start---with that "wedding dress" (and heels) or her comments that always have sexual tones! SMH Somebody can slap me stupid and call me Sally if this girl is truly 16. Or 17. Whichever.
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:13pm.Are any of you parents to a pre-teen who is somewhat addicted to his/her ipod touch & video games?
I caught the 11 yr.-old downstairs on the laptop at 2:30 pm last night. Consequently, I took his ipod away for the entire day today. Now am anticipating what tonight's fight will be like when he tries to get his marathon gaming session on. Not looking forward.
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AM?
No, but I was one years ago. As a teen I was addicted to chat applications and used to stay awake till the early hours messaging with a guy I liked-tried to help (he manipulated and was psychotic, long story).
My folks knew the dealio and one day bits of the modem router just disappeared. It only came out for an hour a day after that.
TL;DR - take away the internet access or the game itself for a bit, then reintroduce it as a privilege only available 'X' time/hours a day.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:45pm.
Dog -- Courtney Stodden is my best friend. I used to braid her hair every night until she started letting popsicles melt all over me yum.
^^^^^
Just so you know, she gets no rides in the Hoveround until she is old enough to vote.
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:45pm.
*Sits on "needs to get laid bench" with Jacko*
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welcome.
*offers corn nuts and beer*
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:25pm.
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I gotta say Bjork for as much as we goof on EVERYONE here I'm supprised you'd make some sort of "moral stand" on this little piece of work.
You're coming off a little kooky here, I mean WTF?
"doesn't mean that he's not a Christian" again...HUH???
*bursts into stiffled "church laughs"*
I want to welcome art and zen as well
I dont post as much here but I am always reading the comments ( I havent seen Snowy today)
BJORK is joking
I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
I don't care if she is 17 (or 35), she's a straight-up
S
K
A
N
K
And this Doug Hutchinson has been pulled from nothing much else to do to have this teen golddigging whore thrown at him for a PR marriage. I wonder what other never-was they tried?
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
*Sits on "needs to get laid bench" with Jacko*
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Welcpme to both Art and Zen.
I work two jobs in these difficult economic times - as a marine biologist and architect.
Nice to meet you both.
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Art Vandelay on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:43pm.
Hi, suckandfuck! I would send you nudies, but I just turned 17 today. It sucks being underage when you just want to show off your TanTiLiZiNg dripping bday-suit to the world!
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ololloolol (it's fine IT'S FINE)
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.