Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden's 17th Birthday
As the ghost of Michael Jackson moonwalks into Gary, Indiana's Office of Vital Records to change the born date on his birth certificate to any day but today, the garden lizard with first degree porn face that is Courtney Stodden is turning 17 (in porn iguana years) today. It's official: 17 is the new 47!
Courtney cooed out to Radar that she was going to spend her birthday with her 51-year-old plastic gay robot husband at Disneyland, but since they're both wrapped in extra thin mannequin wax and California is being fucked with a heat wave, they're going to stay inside and write more Tweets like this:
While I lie beneath this sizzling-sun, the popsicle that I am sweetly sucking on begins to melt & drips irresistibly all over my moist body!Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ;-)
When you're a 17-year-old girl who writes shit that is straight out of Gay Al's script for an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries, you should hug your pimp mother for doing something right. Happy Birthday, Courtney. May we all look like we're having a permanent hot flash when we turn 17 for the 30th time!
• 
Dog -- Courtney Stodden is my best friend. I used to braid her hair every night until she started letting popsicles melt all over me yum.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Hi, suckandfuck! I would send you nudies, but I just turned 17 today. It sucks being underage when you just want to show off your TanTiLiZiNg dripping bday-suit to the world!
Hi, agirl! I am a refined lady. I totally DP! Times two. I support the Democratic Party AND I partake in Digital Photography.
Oh my God, I've been a member of this site for five seconds and I'm already behind on my workload.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:40pm.
*swooooooooon*
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:25pm.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:18pm.
Bjork - are you fuckin kidding me, pal?? surely you jest.
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I can't really answer you because I'm still upset. Don't any of you have children? And excuse me, but Doug works and is a successful actor. He might be older, and yes, older than his wife's parents, but that doesn't mean that he's not a Christian, like Courtney, and that his love isn't sincere. He'll support her with acting gigs, mentor her, and let her share the benefits from his upcoming AARP card. What do any of YOU have to offer?
No, jack, I'm not jesting, I'm hurting, but what do you, or any of you care? If you can pick on a defenseless child who is only trying to better herself and support her family and find true love, god only knows what you can do to me.
^^^^
Please tell me this is a joke. You're hurting? Over a marriage that if she really was 16, is illegal in most states? You upset because we called this trick out for lying about her age???
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I can`t stand that porn-muppet up there, and it seems like someone hacked into Bjork`s account.
All is well in D-listed land!
Now one of you fuckers hand me the bong, i got 25 min before i gotta pick the kids up.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
In this day and age, how hard is it to find her real age?
And if there is no proof that she's older and not a single former school-mate, house-mate, work-mate or inmate has come forth to say otherwise, then I guess she has to be 17.
Bizarre, but she has to be.
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Dark-sided!
My kids are home. Back later.
I smell a lot of bullshit in here today!
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
What the FUCK is wrong wih this girl's parents.
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
Submitted by You_Complete_Me. on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:13pm.
Are any of you parents to a pre-teen who is somewhat addicted to his/her ipod touch & video games?
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Yes, 12 year old who is addicted to her Ipod Touch and watching UFO and Ghost videos. when the gpa hit a 3.8 i took it away. So thats my ammo to her keeping the grades up. (bugs the sh*t out of me watching her read like a zombie)
*standing back, admiring some true wit on this OP*
Maybe everyone's rested after the weekend? Or feeling good to have dodged a bullet named Irene? Or into the medicinal sherry earlier than normal?
............
HR: Several clients have complained about receiving emails from a mrshits@pisscompany.com.
Employee: Yeah, that’ll be me, working from home after a few drinks.
Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:25pm.
Bjork I agree. She is the picture of perfection and I love the way she always looks like a blow up doll with a crack problem. It's ok.. jesus made her that way.
And by Jesus you mean her plastic surgeon, Jesus A. Garcia, right?
I am starting to wonder if this girl is running from something at home? If she really is 17, maybe she got married to get the hell away from something.
after reading your post again (and feeling a little bad for my rant), Bjork, you have GOT to be kidding...
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:27pm.
*performs exorcism on Bjork to drive out evil spirit of Michele Bachmann*
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Its IMPOSSIBLE to look so beat when one is only 17!!!! Even Blohan was a fresh looking cokey when she was 17, and the whole world knows she partied HARD. How in hell is this person 17???? If she is 17, I am 10.
Bjork - you and I are done professional, my friend. If that was my daughter (who is VERY close in age) I would beat. her. ass. I would take a second and third job to "take care of my family" before letting my daughter act like a second rate goddam white trash fucking WHORE in front of all the world to see. At 17 you should be going to football games and movies with your friends, NOT tweeting to the world some goddamm description of a popsicle dripping down on to her body and definitely not telling the world you are in bed naked, blah blah blah. Fucked up shit like that is whats bring society down... and you support it??? good luck to you and God help our future.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Jack, I'm only really a grammar Nazi when I don't like the person writing. You seem awesome, so I'll let it slide. This chick's tweets sounds like something my meth-head aunt wrote during her erotica lit days after she eloped with a cult leader. How I wish I was joking.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 08/29/2011 -
You even had my hubby in stitches
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LOL, :)
I haven't seen Dance Moms. Is it any good? I should start watching it with Brian. He's a dance teacher.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:21pm.
Me thinks that Bjork is doing a tongue-in-cheek, exhibit A: "(...) the beautiful rainbow of love that is Courtney". No way she's being serious.
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You defend that cretinous alt but have no love for Courtney. God is watching you, Mickey, he's watching ALL of you (especially the white ones).
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:47pm.
Whomever is still throwing money at these two assclowns.. please..for the love of God ..
JUST. STOP.
enough already. Christ on a cracker.
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if that plea would work with people, the kardashians would have no money. but people keep buying their shit. plenty of people will be watching their "reality show". im sorry but this is one "reality" i do not care to see.
but you know what reality i secretly love right now? dance moms. does anyone else watch this fuckery? i really want to believe it's scripted. there is no way women are really like this. right? right?????? oh god someone tell me im right.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Welcome Art! Are you a boy or a girl? Do you dp? Do you have weed?
Jus' tryna get to know ya!
Hi Art, please verify your identity by sending me your nude photographs thank you.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:18pm.
Bjork - are you fuckin kidding me, pal?? surely you jest.
=============
I can't really answer you because I'm still upset. Don't any of you have children? And excuse me, but Doug works and is a successful actor. He might be older, and yes, older than his wife's parents, but that doesn't mean that he's not a Christian, like Courtney, and that his love isn't sincere. He'll support her with acting gigs, mentor her, and let her share the benefits from his upcoming AARP card. What do any of YOU have to offer?
No, jack, I'm not jesting, I'm hurting, but what do you, or any of you care? If you can pick on a defenseless child who is only trying to better herself and support her family and find true love, god only knows what you can do to me.
Bjork I agree. She is the picture of perfection and I love the way she always looks like a blow up doll with a crack problem. It's ok.. jesus made her that way.
______________________________________________
"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Dog, I do! Ya gotta see the bayyyy-beeee.
Glad you are safe, Albatross! I'm in DC, we didn't get much damange either, luckily.
Submitted by Art Vandelay on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:22pm.
you-might wanna skip-over my posts. k-thnx
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Submitted by Granny Clampett on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:20pm.
She looks like she's having a stroke or a seizure or something in that pic. Maybe she forgot to take her Geritol
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LMAO
*rudely stares at your chest*
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
On-topic: The grammar Nazi in me is almost more annoyed at her misuse of hyphens in her tweets. "Sizzling-sun"? "Bday-suit"?
*searches for red pen*
Art, do you have a snuggly baby?
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by TBH on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:20pm.
Poor MJ sharing a birthday with this whore. And damn chick is 17 going on 50, while JB is a forever child. WTH is going on?
I'm not sure that Bieber is human. Perhaps a robot? Or he's really 12 years old.
Submitted by Art Vandelay on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:12pm
I think I'm going to like it here.
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LOL! You gotta be your toes or these bitches will bury you.
Just kidding. It's a great site and we do have fun here.
*holds hands and sings kumbaya*
Me thinks that Bjork is doing a tongue-in-cheek, exhibit A: "(...) the beautiful rainbow of love that is Courtney". No way she's being serious.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Submitted by Art Vandelay on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:54pm.
Welcome, Mr. Vandelay! Nice name. Seinfeld fan, I presume?
I'm in Delaware, and aside from a few flooded streets and downed trees, we're doing fine!
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"It's all fun and farts until somebody gets punched." -MK
"GREEN MILE MOTHERFUCKERS! JOHN COFFEY HELP US!" --urmomma, 8/24/11
She looks like she's having a stroke or a seizure or something in that pic. Maybe she forgot to take her Geritol
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
Poor MJ sharing a birthday with this whore. And damn chick is 17 going on 50, while JB is a forever child. WTH is going on?
Dirty Whore Mouth, of course. I will put you in touch with my best salesman, George Cantstandja.
This sweet lass is as pure as the fresh waters that bubble up from TommyGirl's ass as he douches before his date with Will Smith, no doubt about it.
Where did she come from and why is she news?! Looks like a blowup doll come to life.
Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.
-Ash
Bjork - are you fuckin kidding me, pal?? surely you jest.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
So this chick is "17" and so is Justin Beeber???
Does not compute.
What the fuck is going on in the world?...
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:14pm.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!
Oh. Er....you were serious?
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
If 17 is the new 47, what is the new 48? I'm hoping 18!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by Whamo on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:10pm.
You even had my hubby in stitches and that is a HUGE accomplishment!
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
Submitted by Art Vandelay on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:12pm.
I think I'm going to like it here.
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Ahhh, the honeymoon period... give it time brotha.... or sistah... or whatever.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Welcome Art Vandelay. I'd like to buy some latex.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-
Submitted by bexicle on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:07pm.
Now I think that this is a stunt. She has struck a deal with the gay weirdo
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I'm with you Bex, there is no way her "hubby" is straight....and he is one weird motherfucker at that!
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:55pm.
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:52pm.
You guys are really, really, really mean.
Sads.
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Discuss!
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It's comments like yours and Sucky's that are so hurtful, so full of hate. I think Courtney is pretty, and it's not easy to follow one's dreams and one's heart. She took a chance on love, and, to quote Charlie Sheen, is winning. And what are you guys doing? L.O.S.I.N.G. It's easy to criticize, to mock, at the expense of a teenager, but sadly, it isn't easy for you to open your hearts. Shame on you. I just joined Twitter to support the beautiful rainbow of love that is Courtney. And when she wins that Grammy, that CMA, and why not, an Emmy and Tony and Oscar, you will all be behind your computer screens, writing mean things because you don't know any other way. And that is what makes me sad for you and for the world.
Submitted by Art Vandelay on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 1:11pm.
Yep. I'm planning to kick my mom's ass at the feats of strength this year.
*works on quads*
Are any of you parents to a pre-teen who is somewhat addicted to his/her ipod touch & video games?
I caught the 11 yr.-old downstairs on the laptop at 2:30 pm last night. Consequently, I took his ipod away for the entire day today. Now am anticipating what tonight's fight will be like when he tries to get his marathon gaming session on. Not looking forward.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)