Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden's 17th Birthday
As the ghost of Michael Jackson moonwalks into Gary, Indiana's Office of Vital Records to change the born date on his birth certificate to any day but today, the garden lizard with first degree porn face that is Courtney Stodden is turning 17 (in porn iguana years) today. It's official: 17 is the new 47!
Courtney cooed out to Radar that she was going to spend her birthday with her 51-year-old plastic gay robot husband at Disneyland, but since they're both wrapped in extra thin mannequin wax and California is being fucked with a heat wave, they're going to stay inside and write more Tweets like this:
While I lie beneath this sizzling-sun, the popsicle that I am sweetly sucking on begins to melt & drips irresistibly all over my moist body!Celebrating the last night of being sweet-n-sexy 16 by wearing NOTHING but my tasty bday-suit! Mmm; Yummy! ;-)
When you're a 17-year-old girl who writes shit that is straight out of Gay Al's script for an episode of The Red Shoe Diaries, you should hug your pimp mother for doing something right. Happy Birthday, Courtney. May we all look like we're having a permanent hot flash when we turn 17 for the 30th time!
• 
Whomever is still throwing money at these two assclowns.. please..for the love of God ..
JUST. STOP.
enough already. Christ on a cracker.
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:30pm.
Someone tried to be funny on her Facebook and tell her that in one more year she can get married.
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The prophet also known as Raul Duke posts the best shit on her FB.... FACT
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
LMAO @ her tweets. AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by WhiskeyRiverGirl on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:41pm.
It's a beautiful day today. My kids went back to school. The men are at work and I have the house to myself.
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"The men", as in plural? Are you running a reverse harem over there, WRG?
*ba-buttons removes seven veils to reveal swollen beer gut*
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Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 6:39pm.
"ZOMG I love the peen, I just want to lick on it all day long nom nom nom"
i honestly think someone else is writing her tweets for her. i dont think she knows half the words she is using. either that or someone told her to use a thesaurus. then they told her what a thesaurus was. then they told her how to use it. its one of those two ideas.
for the person that asked why isnt she in school. are you kidding? someone this precious should not be in school. no one wants her to finish school. there is famewhore money to be made!
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
Submitted by music lover on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:41pm.
do men really find this attractive?
It beggars belief but some do.
Irene kept me awake all night and now I am a slug @ work.
<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>
"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:38pm.
ur teh ghey fatty fat fat fat. Nyah.
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REPORTED
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
It's a beautiful day today. My kids went back to school. The men are at work and I have the house to myself.
Yep, still would bang her. Then we'd post painfully trite Twitterage with the deets.
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Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 6:39pm.
"ZOMG I love the peen, I just want to lick on it all day long nom nom nom"
do men really find this attractive?
This bitch turns me into a teabagger. SHOW US THE REAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE!!!!
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What kind of fuckery is this?
I can't decide; who's creepier.....her or him.
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
oopsie dp
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
These young bitches who were rode hard and put away wet make me proud of my clean living 44 year old ass.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:35pm.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:31pm.
Talk about a fashion don't! Fatty.
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no ur fat + jealous. omg so sad!!!!
^^^^
ur teh ghey fatty fat fat fat. Nyah.
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Her tweets are stolen from penthouse forum.
I would love to strap this 40 year old bitch and her so-queer-he's-here husband into the front car of a rollercoaster at Six Flags...shove a battery operated dildo set to "high" into her vag, and one into hubby's back door, set the ride to go 100 times non-stop, and sit on a nearby picnic table watching this torture while being served jumbo dogs and cokes by a jumbo dogged black man.
I just realized that my youngest niece is 17. She looks a hell of a lot younger than this.
Submitted by Dog on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:31pm.
Talk about a fashion don't! Fatty.
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no ur fat + jealous. omg so sad!!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
*buys bitch a bottle of back alley botox so she quits trying to bite her own face*
Submitted by Meatblocks on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 12:16pm.
suckandfuck and raul are like the goofus and gallant of sick humor.
the best.
┌_П┐(•_•)┌П┐__
I'm not a living legend. I'm just a myth.
She looks like a free clinic version of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas in that main picture. What the hell is wrong with her mouf?
Usually I've got a little soft spot in my heart for misguided teens who put themselves into the spotlight (Rebecca Black, Ali Lohan, etc) because teenage years are hellish enough, but this bitch hasn't been a teen since the early 90's.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Shouldn't she be in school?
I can't with this twit's tweets.
Isn't there a broke ass middle-aged housewives show in Atlanta she should be part of?
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"So if u don't like 'the difficult brown'.. Don't apply" - Sinead O'Connor
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:30pm.
Prop her up next to Bieber then tell me she's 17.
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LOL! Now there's an idea for a reality show. She'd be all hyper and high as a kite, trying to seduce him with her porn faces and lollipops, and he'd be confused, frightened and running for the hills. Then Chris Hansen would show up and arrest her for propositioning a minor because you know in "rill" life, she is way too old to be messing with a real 17-year-old.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Sucky that comment was nearly Haiku-like.
Deep.
I guess 17 is the new 40 in Hollywood and judging from Hohan, 25 is the new 50.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:27pm.
Celebrating another gorgeous Monday by wearing a gray button down shirt and brown slacks. Mmm! UPS-y.
^^^^
Talk about a fashion don't! Fatty.
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
http://www.eonline.com/videos//168789
Someone tried to be funny on her Facebook and tell her that in one more year she can get married.
So I take it she's joining a Real Housewives cast any day now? She's clearly old enough to go toe to toe with Caroline Manzo or Jill Zarin.
What a fucken freak-circus, this.
And LOL! @ that main pic. What the eff with the curly lips?
Oh, man. This is too much. Even for my ass.
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
The black and white pic has "explore talent" on the bottom. It should read 'explore truth" because this trick and her parents are lying sacks of shit.
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Prop her up next to Bieber then tell me she's 17.
............
HR: Several clients have complained about receiving emails from a mrshits@pisscompany.com.
Employee: Yeah, that’ll be me, working from home after a few drinks.
Submitted by Catnippe on Mon, 08/29/2011 - 12:27pm
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Agreed. She kinda looks like she's brushing her teeth with it.
Her old-ass tweets are beyond. Too.Fucking.Priceless.
Let's settle this by carbon dating her ass.
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"It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err."
Mahatma Gandhi
can someone please explain to me what "productive-fulfilled errands" are?
La ha ha hah a at sucky. mmmmm UPS-y! sounds rill sexy
This trick inspired me to start getting chemical peels and I'm only 30, which is 13 in famewhore dog years.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
While I sleepily peer into another Dlisted post with my desk lamp shining brightly into my tired, post-stoned eyes, my overactive arm pits create a gorgeous Rorschach sweat blot all over my underarms.
Celebrating another gorgeous Monday by wearing a gray button down shirt and brown slacks. Mmm! UPS-y.
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
I don't give a shit if she's 17 (liar), but what the fuck is she doing to that cherry in that picture? She looks like a horse biting an apple.
WHY IS THIS GIRL SO PORNY???
If she is 17, then MK is straight, I'm a guy, and Dick Cheney isn't an asshole.
Seriously, this douchebot is anything but a teenager.
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www.charitywater.org
www.animalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
BITCH FOR GOD SAKES YOU AREN'T 17!!!
OMG! YOU JELLUZ H8RS! CAN'T YOU JUST LET COURTNEY BE GREAT??
17 my ass. . .
Once again MK gets it exactly right - this bitch's 17th birthday was thirty years ago.