UPDATE: Yvonne The Runaway Cow Caught!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait. I should translate that emotion into words Yvonne can understand. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The game is over for Yvonne the runaway cow. Grab a nearest utter and pour some leche out for her. The former Hot Slut and Bavarian hero was caught after 3 months on the run. In case for some reason your brain completely erased this highly important news story even though it should be running through your head every moment of the day, I'll give it to you quick. Yvonne knew something in the milk wasn't clean when her owner, a farmer, started feeding her delicious foods after delicious foods. Yvonne quickly realized that she was about to be turned into stomach food for humans, so she quit that bitch and strutted for safe lands while this song buzzed in her ears.
The running of Yvonne created a national mess. Hunters were trying to git her ass, the government stepped in to grant a bitch the right to shoot her and animal rights groups started their own search. Everybody wanted Yvonne! But the cunning cow was not trying to be found. She only grazed at night and turned the forest into her hideout.
Well, NPG reports that Yvonne was ratted out by some whores earlier this week. Yvonne was living on the down low on some farm near the Austrian border when an employee recognized her and the jig was up. Yvonne's owner has brought her back in and was told by the government that she must not be sent to the slaughterhouse.
Some dumbasses said that Yvonne must have been sick of living a life on the run and turned herself in by joining the other cows on that farm. MOO, please. Yvonne and I both knew this isn't how it was supposed to end. Yvonne was supposed to hook up with another cow on the run, get into a blue Thunderbird together, fuck Brad Pitt in a motel and then drive off Bavaria's version of the Grand Canyon (a super deep pot hole?). That's how this was supposed to end.
I'm just going to tell myself that the farmer actually took a sheep in Yvonne's clothing, and Yvonne is licking rum off of a pool boy's body in the Caribbean while wearing the sheep's clothing.
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News I heard reported that Yvonne thought she was a trans-species deer. She thought she was really a deer in a cow's clothing.
To that end, Yvonne broke free hung out with deer herds while on the run.
This is actually frickin hilarious.
1. cows are herd animals and rarely stray from their group
2. cows are mellow yellow. if you just call their name, they often come running back home
3. she's a MILK cow. farmer makes money from its milk, not meat.
She wants to be a deer! She was born that way! Set her free!
.
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I read the article about this on Bild.de (It`s Germany`s Gospel) and they said the farmer had to lure her into his little gated field, she was standing by the fence and then ran away when he approached, so he opened the gate and i guess she just wanted to have company and walked right in there towards the other cows. What surprised me more is that she made a whooping distance of 10 km in 90-some days. Slow bitch.
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
"Some dumbasses said that Yvonne must have been sick of living a life on the run and turned herself in by joining the other cows on that farm. MOO, please."
I read about this in the Express and they also claimed she turned her ass in. Of course I immediately though of MK and all you Dlisted peeps and hoped these were LIES. Oh Yvonne. You did it on your own terms. I hope her owner doesn't sell her to market now.
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If love had a dick I would eff with it. But it doesn't (it has a no crotch like Barbie).
Snitches get stitches.
Per my last post on this: send her to Peter Max's farm (It is still rescuing cows), in Woodstock, man! She's earned her freedom.
Good karma dictates you let her go.
I remember reading somewhere that the owner of an animal sanctuary had bought Yvonne when she still was on the run. So no need for the "government" to save her from the butcher.
Germany has a lot of pottholes - especially after the winter 09/10 - they have fixed a lot of it this summer though but mostly because we have a lot of stuff going in on in Hamburg, nearly every weekend there's some event like marathon, triathlon, gayparade.. you name it.
And it has to be "... in DER Nähe von..."
Aaaand; my middle name is Yvonne. I hate that name. But somehow it makes me extra sad for this cow.
Submitted by Bjork You on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 8:52am.
Elsa is an often-used crossword puzzle answer.
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Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
♬Introvert♫Extrovert♪Doesn't matter♬
Who named her Yvonne?
It suits her...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Wow, this sounds very similar to the Francis the pig story. Maybe she had this song running through her head http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yk9KmClxlM
MOO, please. Bwaaahahahahahaha
"utter"?? Try UDDER. Come on man, I know you're better than that. Don't start having flunkies write your shit for you.
Boston Bruins-- Stanley Cup Champs 2011
Hi Turt. Even tho we're hating on Reese before I saw this. :)
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by Meatblocks on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 5:22am.
yvonne wasn't thinking about that shit band music ... THIS is what she was hearing in her grand head ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_ryvqTvUtY&feature=related
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My mom had the hots for Andy Williams. She also loved Englebert Humperdink. And she still gets misty eyed talking about the time she saw Tom Jones in concert.
I loved all those "Born Free" movies. Elsa is an often-used crossword puzzle answer.
Huh? Whammo? Is you axing me a question? I no unnerstand-I is just a country heffer.
*chanting as always*
Hi guest:)
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She appears to be under the delusion that she is so hot that she can go around sans fards. She needs the fards.-Deb 7/29/11
She should have remained free, like a buffalo. I like how a cow can lick the inside of its nose with its tongue.
Damn it. The world is watching you Mr. Cow Owner. She better stay safe.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Poor Yvonne. I'll pour out a glass of (soy) milk for my captured homie today.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
hahahahahahahha @ "MOO, please."
MK, you are next to godliness.
Go away Angela.
Ver are your Papas Mr Bovine yes?
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 09/02/2011 - 7:08am.
Hallo! Wie geht's? Kürmreuth ist in der Oberpfalz (Amberg-Sulzbach), in die Nähe von Vilseck Südlager / Grafenwöhr(US Army bases) und nicht so weit von Nürnberg.
I assumed you speak German, but I know Bamberg's in Oberfranken, so I'd reckon you could very well be American like me. Dad was US Army, so I did most of elementary, middle, and high school in good ol' Deutschland! We also lived in Heidelberg for almost four years.
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Devil's advocate.
UDDER....
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I could never forget about the mad dash for freedom of this fleet-footed bovine. Sad to hear she was betrayed into the hands of the german authorities...
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Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:27am.
You are an ignorant asshole.
@ Helena
I have no idea where Kuermreuth is, but Hello from from one "Bayern" to another. Anything with Reuth sounds like my corner , Oberfranken..??
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
Das ist zu schade!
Also, I agree with crazyinjapan, Germany has amazing roads. Try finding a pothole, I dare you. Now, cobblestone, yeah, there is a lot of that, particularly in the smaller towns, like in Kürmreuth, the tiny Bavarian farm town where I grew up. Oh, nostalgia! Ich vermiße dich so sehr, Bayern!
Also, Bavaria has a significant portion of the Alps in it, so I would imagine Yvonne could find a place to drive into, if she really wanted to.
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Devil's advocate.
"Moo, please." My new favourite line EVER!
kiwikim - tell me what to do (it's like you're speaking to me, but I can't understand you) and I will. Circuses may be mildly entertaining, but I HATE what they do to the animals.
spanky - Yes. A New Power Generation news service would be AWESOME!
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You made your bed; now you have to fuck me in it!
LOL ESE!!!!!!!!!
I have to agree with Mrs. Patrick Cuntbell, poor Yvonne is roast.
Unless the farmer realizes he could make money by charging admission to see the REEL LIFE 007 Bovine!!!!!!!
*chanting as always*
You mean NPR. NPG is Prince's band, but it would be cool if they started a news service.
*sets dinner table*... *sharpens carving knife*... *opens bbq sauce*...*ties bib*... wait, we're on the cow's side on this one, aren't we?... heehee!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
"drive off Bavaria's version of the Grand Canyon (a super deep pot hole?)"
Pffft. Germany doesn't have potholes.
Who are the losers who turned this frolicking and free bovine in? They need public (nude) lashings.
I daren't trust the "authorities" on this one, either. Once the furor has settled, Yvonne will most certainly be transformed into rump roast & ribs.
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"okayyy lets not make a goddess out of Maria Shiver now. It's from her bitch face that she is a cunt." - cuntwhore (2011-08-08)
At least she didn't have a Thelma & Louis ending.
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
yvonne wasn't thinking about that shit band music ... THIS is what she was hearing in her grand head ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_ryvqTvUtY&feature=related
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Thu, 09/01/2011 - 11:22pm.
It took the Germans only 2 days to overrun the Dutch back in WWII while this cow kept them occupied for 3 months. There must be a lesson somewhere in there for us. Uhm, I wonder what it could be?
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My wild guess: it's harder to capture something when it is less immobile than a country, and smaller.
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You got a lot of money, but you can't afford the freeway
That farmer better not harm a precious hair on that beautiful cow's head or he'll have me to answer to!
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"This is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)
" . . . the world needs to be shut down. I mean it this time. SHUT IT DOWN". (MK, c.2009)
She will always be The Elusive Yvonne to us.
When is her biopic coming out?!
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What kind of fuckery is this?
@ kiwikim - would love to help you. Do you have some links 'cause my search function doesn't work, lol.
D-listed round trip to free Yvonne! It is amazing they couldn't find her. Not like cows are as smart as pigs.
moo, please.
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The McCanns Did It
We are very sad, but this precious little citizen will go to cow heaven.
These boots were made for "moo-ing" and that's just what they'll do...and one of these days these boots are gonna "mooooooo" all over youuuuuu.
Get stompin' boots!
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Must-read books:
Into the Cannibal's Pot: Lessons for America from Post-Apartheid South Africa
The Perils of Diversity: Immigration and Human Nature
at least she wont be all hotdogs!
My dlist bitches. Can some of you "like" Ban the Carson and Barnes and Citizens against Ringling on Facebook. I'm fighting the good fight for elephants, but some days are hard. I'm needing some love.
I'd hold up a "Free Yvonne" sign for this little moo cow if need be, not for the likes of Bloho. I hope everyone is having a good night.
I forget MK is on Pacific time. I was wondering what he was doing posting so late, like it's any of my business, lol.
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Put on your lip gloss, plump your chichis and let's get back to the main event.
~ Michael K.
I hope the owner complies with the government and Yvonne gets to live out her days roaming free...(do I believe that will happen?not really but I can hope)
I am glad she is safe....
By the way MK, it is "udder" when you are referring to cows. xo
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No message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make that change
-Michael Jackson
Fucking lactating milk whores ratted her out for a dime bag of oats!! Just wait till Pimp Daddy Billy Blue Bulls Balls finds out about it. There'll be some 'splainin' to do..... OH Luuuuuuuuuuuucccyyy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WFp4kozlOU
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Move that Lohan....I'm ORANGE CONE!!!!