Would You Hit It?
If you need to know "What IT is?" before answering my question then we can't sit at the same table anymore, because I only associate myself with shameless whore sluts who sit on the face and ask questions later. But since you really need to know, here's Johnny Depp in complete Barnabas Collins drag on the set of the new Tim Burton's Dark Shadows that is only being made so they can make millions upon millions of dollars off of Goth teens by selling t-shirts and plastic lunchboxes of this mess at Hot Topic. NO! They're really making this, because Tim Burton owns majority stock in the company that produces that white cream make-up shit that he slathers on Johnny Depp's face in every one of his movies. Duh.
And yes, Johnny looks like Madge as Michael Jackson, but I still would. It's not like Johnny's peen is covered in vampire cream and decorated with Liza Minnelli sideburns made from black construction paper. Actually, it probably is since Johnny is really fucking method.
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I used to watch "Dark Shadows" sitting behind a chair in my living room I was THAT scared. That show made me like scary things forever more. I didn't realize how cheesy it was or how bad the acting or how many flubs per second. Jonathan Frid was THE MAN!! He puts Edward to shame!!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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PS, in addition to Depp, the cast of this film is absolutely fucking stellar: Chloe Moretz, Helena Bonham Carter, Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Christopher Lee, Jackie Earle Haley, and Jonny Lee Miller, among others.
Incidentally, Jonathan Frid is also listed among the cast, although his character's name is not listed, so I'm guessing maybe he plays the old Barnabas. In the series and films, he'd been buried in a coffin, until he was accidentally released, so it would make sense if he was really old until he fed, and came out looking like Johnny Depp.
Anyway, I'd hit the lot. I'd go gayelle for any of these women (except maybe Chloe Moretz, who was born during my junior year of high school, eeeeeek), and I'd let any of these men turn my nobs. Even Jackie Earle Haley, but only if that scary shit was followed by just about anyone else on this list.
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Devil's advocate.
That makeup is downright cartoonish. Will it be fixed with CGI, or will he really look this ridiculous?
I had the biggest crush on Jonathan Frid (the original Barney Collins). My mom was absolutely obsessed with Dark Shadows: used to sprint home from the bus stop to catch it on TV, which she wasn't allowed to watch on weekdays, so she had to be super sneaky about it. Then she bought the complete series on DVD for a few hundred smackers (she's a massive shopaholic) from some shady online peddler before they were even available on DVD, then bought the official DVDs later. Anyway, some of that obsession transferred to me. I've seen Night of Dark Shadows and House of Dark Shadows probably ten times each. At least. I wore those VHS tapes out, yo. I've seen the entire series as well.
Anyway, here's one of my fave portraits of Frid as Barnabas ♥: http://tinyurl.com/3v8hmvr
Interesting Frid tidbit: still alive and well living in his homeland of Canadia (hehe, I like to call it that because it seems kind of magical), well into his 80s (hot pepaw), and now does a bunch of theater and voice work. http://www.jonathanfrid.com/
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Devil's advocate.
I just dont get it with Johnny Depp, notthing impressive about his acting. He plays the same role again and again....his biggest competition was River Phoenix that's why he got rid of him...ooops! I guess i took it too far!
********* SAVE A LIFE. ADOPT A PET *********
Same old shit, different day.
Submitted by fuzzyslippers on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 9:35am.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 9:32am.
I'D HIT IT TILL I STROKED OUT!
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This is so goddamn funny because when I saw this post I thought I was still in the ScarJo nudie comments.
I was like, wtf M.E.??? XD
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HAHAHAHA!! I so would NOT hit ScarJo.
She's got gorgeous boobies, but I don't fancy her.
Alyssa Milano? Now I'd go gayelle in a friggen millisecond for her.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 09/14/2011 - 9:32am.
I'D HIT IT TILL I STROKED OUT!
&&&
This is so goddamn funny because when I saw this post I thought I was still in the ScarJo nudie comments.
I was like, wtf M.E.??? XD
I'D HIT IT TILL I STROKED OUT!
I think that it's hard to get the true visual from these stills. I have to hope that he will look different on screen, when the movie is edited. Here is a different shot of his character...MUCH better. (hope the link works)
http://images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/17000000/Dark-Shadows-tim-burtons...
Ahh, I lurve JDepp. LOVE. Would not hit him here but in Chocolat? Uhmmmmm.
I DO remember the original Dark Shadows because I am a doddery old crone, and it was camp and fabulous. A Gothic vampire soap opera on in the AFTERNOON, FFS. I LOVED IT but my mother didn't want me to watch it. I had to sneak out to watch it on the downlow at a friend's house. Jonathan Frid, the original Barnabas Collins, was in TIGER BEAT magazine, I shit you not. Seriously, it would be like having some old dear from a CSI show in there now.
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You must forgive my curiosity, madam, and open your knees.
Still in denial land *holds ears* LA LA LA this will be good, it's Dark Shadows!
*looks at Depp's makeup again*
...damn it.
I love Johnny Depp but he looks fucking ridiculous here. I've seen some episodes of the original Dark Shadows. I'm too young to remember it but I used to own a few episodes on video.
My first thought was, "I didn't know they were making a Michael Jackson mov... awwww, shit."
Srsly, Tim Burton? We used to get awesome movies like Sleepy Hollow and Batman, and now we get a bunch of weird-ass celebrations of how quirky you are and how much white makeup you can make Johnny Depp wear. Would it be too much to get some subtlety?!
Tip off: Michael Jackson lookalikes are not sexy. They are silly. Vampires should not look like Michael Jackson. Depp looks as sexually attractive here as a bookcase, and THAT in itself is a crime.
How does becoming a vampire mean looking like the Mad Hatter?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I think Johnny's doing stuff with tons of makeup now to hide the aging. I agree, Tim Burton needs to stop remaking shit from my childhood. What's next, a fucking remake of H.R. Pufinstuf? Lidsville?
Also, I HATED Alice in Wonderland. Johnny and his amateurish makeup was the turd in the punchbowl for that one.
_This just shattered my childhood love of "Dark Shadows". Is this going to be "Alice in Wonderland Pt 2" or "Willy Wonka Pt 2"? Not my dream for "Dark Shadows". :(
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by RustyHooligan on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 9:46pm.
"Tim Burton's most impressive accomplishment has been boning HBC for years. Pretty good for a geeky, ugly, film buff."
To me HBC is the female equivalent of Johny Depp. Both are talented in a quirky way. That ressemblance to HBC is probably what makes JD Burton's favorite pet. Burton's Alice in Wonderland, that was always my least favorite fairytale, made it painfully obvious to me that I can't handle the absurd or the quirky. I found both the setting and the actors thoroughly unsettling and unappealing. Maybe I would see JD's and HBC's hotness if I saw them in a contemporary setting, playing ordinary people for once (if they remember how to).
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Who are you calling silly cow?
he does look like Madge as Michael Jackson! I SO WOULD!
Oh my lord, I thought it was someone channeling Vinnie from Spaceballs:
http://tinyurl.com/mzncm8
This time Depp has gone too far. Willy Wonka was one thing, but this? Oy.
He looks like an aging Harry Potter who recently came out of the closet and is keen to get attention by dressing flamboyantly.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:16pm.
I learned from an out-of-date mag in the doctor's office that Depp owns a Caribbean island. He's come a long way from Jump Street (yet is returning to it in 2012).
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I watched that show! I loved Peter Deluis. I hope he is in it.
Why did anyone let Tim Burton touch this show? I thought Barnabas Collins was suppose to be sexy? This is not sexy, but a bad Michael Jackson impersonation. I liked Ed Wood and The Nightmare Before Christmas, but that's it for me and Tim Burton. Oh I liked Batman and Batman Returns with Michael Keaton.
Soon as I saw the makeup and outfit I knew it was Depp. Johnny is hotter than hell but this schtick is past getting old. He has been playing the same character (more or less) since Edward Scissorhands. Enough already.
And I HATE, hate, hate Tim Burtons craptastic films. I HAD to sit (babysitting) through his version of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. I knew it was gonna be bad but holy shit! People like Burton shouldn't mess with classics.
I thought it was that Edward kid from twilight at first. What if becoming a vampire didn't turn you sexy but into a goth clown? If they're doing the make up that way, it's pretty funny.
Tim Burton's most impressive accomplishment has been boning HBC for years. Pretty good for a geeky, ugly, film buff.
I barely remember the original Dark Shadows but it was FUN and Barnabas was THE reason for its success. He was though tot be mysterious and sexy, for the time. This make up job looks circus like and UGLY. I may have to pass on this movie even before it gets made.
This is about as far back as I go. I can barely remember Barnabas Collins and knew there was a Quentin who had a "theme" that made big it on the radio. Anyway, we all wanted the new "Jesus Christ Superstar" double album and mom and pop said no way, darksided! I begged for 12 months to see "The Exorcist" and ......well, I never had a cool Uncle like me.
I actually carried around a Barnabus Collins doll when I was little. I would hit Jonathon Frid every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Depp as Barnabus??? I'll keep an open mind.
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:58pm.
Last time I checked, the original Dark Shadows series was streaming on Netflix ...
please, if you think this is not an utter travesty -- watch the old series ... think you'll change your mind.
But Tim Burton needs to stop pissing all over my childhood comfort films, like Willy Wonka, and now this, with these weirdly made up lead characters..
(Sleepy Hollow was a beautiful masterpiece work of art though. I'll give him that one.. )
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I LOVED Sleepy Hollow. Loved Sweeney Todd too, but I agree with almost everyone. This pale make-up, goth cartoon asthetic is getting old. I no longer look forward to Depp-Burton pairings (which is a shame because they've made some classics together).
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Hell yeah I'd hit it
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
He has the same small catalog of cartoonish expressions he does in every movie. It's old. I prefer naturalist actors like Nicholson.
Swear to God, I really thought it was Madge!
Either way, NOT hitting it. Ever.
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This episode brought to you by the letter SHUTUP.
Seriously after Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland how are they not sick of this stupid look?
No. Absolutely, totally, emphatically NO with a side of NEVER.
(okay yeah, I probably would.)
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"Fuck that guy for thinking anyone and everyone should want to do Glee."
- Dave Grohl
Submitted by Jintess on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:27pm.
I would hit him in the mud
I would hit him in a flood
I would hit him with no balls
I would hit him in the halls
I would hit him getting lunch
I would hit him during brunch
I would hit him in a truck
I would give him quite a (shut yo mouth)
I'm bored. But yes MK, I would hit him. HIT HIT HIT.
That shit can be washed off.
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love the dirty green eggs and ham version.
fuck off. like I am the only one.....*crickets*
oh.shit.well.
damn it.
liked.
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 09/13/2011 -
She should totally be HSofD.
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqu1r1aox11qziyd9o1_500.png
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YES!!! @Louise Brooks - I loved those cheesy sensual faces! It felt naughty to watch (I was 10 when it came out). HSOTD!!!!!!!!
@Cupcake - I still can't believe her boyfriend was the nerdy kid from the 80's movies (too lazy to google his name, anthony michael hall? I always get his name confused w/hot dexter guy...)
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:18pm.
CUPCAKE - As a kid, I thought hot horny redhead from Ed Scissor-thighs was Katy Sagal (AKA PEGGY BUNDY!)
She should totally be HSofD.
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqu1r1aox11qziyd9o1_500.png
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:58pm.
Last time I checked, the original Dark Shadows series was streaming on Netflix ...
please, if you think this is not an utter travesty -- watch the old series ... think you'll change your mind.
Jonathan Frid!
Hmm. I was tired of Depp long ago... back with Pirates of the Caribbean.. the FIRST movie. The guy is sweet...and I'm not one to beat down someone's loving him, but I kinda get "x.x" after seeing someone strip naked for his poster for the 100th time. I saw a car tag in Norman that said something like "ILuvDepp" and a sticker to go with it. Even if I was smoking in the peace of my own car.. I still see that name.. Depp.. everywhere. Depp.. Depp.. Depp... it echoes into eternity and is washed forever into the depths of your satin-lined coffin with raven feathers adrift in the snow.
I would hit him in the mud
I would hit him in a flood
I would hit him with no balls
I would hit him in the halls
I would hit him getting lunch
I would hit him during brunch
I would hit him in a truck
I would give him quite a (shut yo mouth)
I'm bored. But yes MK, I would hit him. HIT HIT HIT.
That shit can be washed off.
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:18pm.
CUPCAKE - As a kid, I thought hot horny redhead from Ed Scissor-thighs was Katy Sagal (AKA PEGGY BUNDY!)
Didn't Winona look horrible with blond hair? UGH!
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Winona and blonde was a big NO!
Yeah, the Pickett Fences chick did resemble Peg Bundy now that you mention it.
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:15pm.
Me too. Edward Scissorhands is a really sweet movie.
...not even with Gaga's dick...
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...'we want money' - Doug and Courtney Hutchison's hacker...
Submitted by SugarFreeRedBull on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:16pm.
It is hard to pass up a big stiffy. :D
CUPCAKE - As a kid, I thought hot horny redhead from Ed Scissor-thighs was Katy Sagal (AKA PEGGY BUNDY!)
Didn't Winona look horrible with blond hair? UGH!
JOHHHHNNNNNYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! *strips, tackles the Depp*
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Becky, do you have a zombie fetish?
Rigor Mortis is a good cure for Erectile Dysfunction, no? Please tell me!
Johnny Depp, just go the fuck away for awhile.
There's a fine line in my mind between admiration and sick to death, and you keep crossing it anymore.
Tim Burton too. (But leave the wife with me.)
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"End well: this isn't going to." - MK
Well, obviously I am way in the minority here, because I LOVE TIM BURTON AND I LOVE DEPP.
I also LOVED Willy Wonka, and Eddie Scissor Hands will forever be one of my favorite films!
Hello you sluttiest slut whores who ever existed!
Yes. I would. But only if he makes his peen as pale as his face and draws a dick tear drop (AKA PRECUM FOR AMBER!) on the tip w/eyeliner.
JUST THE TIP.
Submitted by allibaba on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 7:04pm.
Submitted by mbar on Tue, 09/13/2011 - 6:24pm.
I also thought this was Lisa Marie Presley. Dressed as Michael Jackson. Or something.
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That was my first thought too...freaked me out for a second, lol.
I was tired of the Burton/Depp pairing about five movies ago...I love Johnny but I'm so over those monotonous characters. It's not quirky and cool anymore, it's totally yawn worthy.
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This! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think Depp thinks he's being all quirky and artsy and method and he's not - he's merely repeating the same tired old "quirky and artsy" character.
He'll always be Det. Tom Hanson to me. :)
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Dark-sided!