That Jennifer Aniston Doesn't Miss A Cue!
Just hours after Douche Brad Pitt once again reopened the triangle that makes me long for the days when we cared about more interesting triangles like the one in Bermuda or the one on Madge's jacket in Desperately Seeking Susan, Jennifer Aniston BRAVELY came out of her NYC apartment with the boyfriend she won at one of those claw games at Dave and Buster's.
Seconds after a stage manager wearing an ear piece in the mic yelled "cue 1...2....3...GO!," Dulliston (Brad Pitt's misinterpreted words, not mine) opened the door, strolled out onto the stage of life and threw out one of those casual "OMG! WOW! What are you doing here? For little ole' me? You would think that my name is on my Google RSS Reader a trillion billion times the way you're clicking at me!" faces. Jennifer had to do this so a team of therapy cats wouldn't be sent in to check to make sure she didn't try to drown her sad miserable feelings in a soaking tub full of Bisquick soup and dozens of bowls of Warm Delights.
But of course this bland bitch is okay. They're all okay, because they're all in on it together. We should be convinced that Brad, Angie and Jen are all aliens from another planet whose sole purpose is to send the public into a rage frenzy over some stupid shit we shouldn't care about. It's entertainment for their fellow aliens on their home planet. We're like the #1 show on every planet but this one. We're like their Jersey Shore (which they laugh at us for watching, by the way).
Even those Kardashian trash sluts are in on it. The Kuntrashians are absolutely everywhere, because they're the alien cameras capturing all this madness. While you were eating your keyboard over Brad's dumb words yesterday, you quickly glanced through your sliding glass door and wondered why Khloe Kardashian was sitting in your backyard. You figured she was just eating your dog's food again. NOPE. That sneaky trick was recording you acting like a fool and broadcasting it live onto XFilesTube! Why isn't the government doing anything about this? Why is Obama quiet about this? Why am I not shouting this conspiracy theory through the subways of New York at 4am?!
Breathe.
If you need me I'll be making all of us tinfoil bonnets. Or do you want a tinfoil fedora instead?
Submitted by coca on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 1:17pm.
You can be sure Jolie told him to keep the wedding ring on while she was on all fours.
When SHE was on all 4s? Methinks he's usually the one on all 4s, no?
This is one of the funniest posts I've ever seen on here. Michael must have some REALLY good shit!
p.s
I want a tin foil TIARA!
so don't care: everything "this person" simply bores me and the ennui enduces fatigue.
Submitted by coca on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 1:17pm.
You can be sure Jolie told him to keep the wedding ring on while she was on all fours.
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Submitted by K2 on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:44am.
Pitt was the pretty boy with the A-list status, and the wife ... ( the wife was the clincher for her ). His boring must've balanced out her crazy. His marital status was probably the real turn on for her.
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This reminded me of the Brad Jennifer Angelina version of Usher's "My Boo" Angelina comes off more like the slore we love to hate here: http://www.liquidgeneration.com/Brad-Pitt-and-Jennifer-Aniston-Sing-Ushe...
If she is pregnant, that would explain Brad's 'I'm so glad I gave Angelina my kids' comment a whole lot better. I thought that was the most callous and bitter part of everything he said but if she's knocked up (which I can see why people are saying this, she looks thick but thin at the same time) it makes complete sense. He can't handle it. Let's see though, it may be water retention.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
He makes me want to close my legs real tight and think real hard. She's got a catch right there.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
Is she preggers? Her face and boobs have that 'pregnant look' to them.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Submitted by little_rascal on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 8:26pm.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/002/046/be...
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Boston61 is better looking than I thought he'd be! ;)
Submitted by Hotmami on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 7:01pm.
Submitted by boston61 on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 6:58pm.
Hotmami
I hope to god you are not a single mother BY CHOICE. Are you a widow or divorced from a jerk? If you are a single mother by choice you are an absolute disgrace to decent society. I hope you are not receiving assistance from other hard working responsible tax payers.
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Boston61, please get back to yanking it to pictures of fat dudes in Speedos.
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http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/002/046/be...
Damn she has a great body!
Damn she has a great body!
Submitted by boston61 on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 6:58pm.
Hotmami
I hope to god you are not a single mother BY CHOICE. Are you a widow or divorced from a jerk? If you are a single mother by choice you are an absolute disgrace to decent society. I hope you are not receiving assistance from other hard working responsible tax payers.
Boston61, please get back to yanking it to pictures of fat dudes in Speedos.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
Hotmami
I hope to god you are not a single mother BY CHOICE. Are you a widow or divorced from a jerk? If you are a single mother by choice you are an absolute disgrace to decent society. I hope you are not receiving assistance from other hard working responsible tax payers.
Submitted by d-nice on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:34am.
Actually to all of you that don't understand otherwise, parenthood is the furthest from boring-it is the most enriching experience and teaches you the meaning of life
I'm a single mom,and I'm not gonnna lie, there are days where I kinda miss not having so much responsiblity. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything, but any person who doesn't have ONE bad thing to say about parenting is kidding themselves. It's not all sunshine and roses, not even for two parents working together. And anyone who needs to have children to validate themselves or feel enriched probably doesn't have a whole lot going on on the inside, and quite frankly, isn't having children for the right reasons.
ETA: In addition, I'd like to say what bullshit it is that everyone's all, "Get it, Jennifer!", when she was the other woman just like Angelina was. JA isn't special.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
In Guyspeak, what Pitt said was "Damn, I miss those days by the beach, smoking pot and getting laid. Now I'm stuck with this sullen harpy, surrounded by kid slobber and used hypodermic needles. WTF happened?" He's got to convince himself he chose the better path, even though he's miserable. And it's also PR, pass the tinfoil.
It's why some couples bug single people about their status. Why don't you get married, have kids - blah, blah. If you're happy in your present gig, you don't try to convince others how good your life is. No need. Convince yourself first, then maybe I'll buy it.
Henceforth: "Dulliston".LOL
K2, your comment made me laugh! I feel the same way!
jen may like the attention she gets from it but i'm sure justin is thinkin homie don't playyy that. he just seems like the type of guy that doesn't like that bullshit at all. also, i think they make a sexy couple..i'm sure they fuck all the time and stay up until the sunrises gettin high and talking about life. siigh, i need a man lol
I thought she looked pregnant too but I didn't wanna be one of those obnoxious folks who think everyone with a bloated tummy is pregnant. But girl looks knocked UP and she can't wait to flaunt her fetus.
@Whatever, you give Aj too much credit, she was just a pretty nobody before she hooked up with StuPitt. However, he should send her roses because she's the one of the two who's always been bashed for both's responsibilities and lack of class for the last 5 or 6 years. Guess from now on he's no more the golden boy.
Let me finish this rant about Pitt, because I've enough already with this/his crap: he tries so hard to sound interesting describing the "amazing" things he does (travels, architecture, charity) and yet he's way more boring than the vanilla Aniston.
No matter what you do but WHO you are that counts. He should learn this truth.
I think Brangelina and Maniston know all too well the subject of the triangle gives them the attention they so crave. It certainly gives them way more headlines then the crappy movies they make. The Loons will spend hours arguing back and forth this evening. Also the men Maniston dates would never get this kind of publicity if Angelina did not swoop in and steal Brad. They should all be sending her dozens of roses.
I am glad I am not the only one who thinks she looks preggo. I didn't want anyone to claim I was calling her fat...she is clearly not.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
She is pregnant.
Btw... did anyone else notice the "Gun" pendant on Justin? Doesn't Jolie wear the same?? You know the one maddox designed for her?
Submitted by Athina on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 9:34am.
I'm not sure what Jennifer Aniston ever did to earn the ire of so many people. She's never done anything asshole-ish, and she seems down to earth. She was on a wildly popular sitcom and she continues to capitalize on that. What's the crime? I think she is just mediocre as an actress, but hey, someone out there must like her.
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I do!!! I like her... she seems harmless to me! Although, i do believe she makes crappy movies!!!
But still she seems like the kind of person you could hang out with.
"Dulliston"-- LOL
He's hot but it looks like he might have a Charlie Sheen-esque frontal hairpiece going on.
He looks like bad news and she looks knocked up.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
Jennifer and Justin are one fucking sexy couple. I want to munch on Justin's taint while Jen watches. His green eyes and 2003 style kills me.
Kelly Taylor: Well we all have our crosses to bear.
Brenda Walsh: Or our legs to uncross.
-----episode 3.14 "Wild Horses," Beverly Hills 90210
You can be sure Jolie told him to keep the wedding ring on while she was on all fours.
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Submitted by K2 on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:44am.
Pitt was the pretty boy with the A-list status, and the wife ... ( the wife was the clincher for her ). His boring must've balanced out her crazy. His marital status was probably the real turn on for her.
Submitted by d-nice on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:34am.
Actually to all of you that don't understand otherwise, parenthood is the furthest from boring-it is the most enriching experience and teaches you the meaning of life.
________________________________
Well I guess I'll just go tell everyone I know who can't (physically,monetarily) have children or those that made a conscious decision (for whatever reason but for many it had to do with issues like overpopulation or self awareness and personal choice) that they should go kill themselves now because their life has no purpose. Thanks for the enlightening tip!!
the only thing that stuck out here was 'therapy cats'
Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 12:04pm.
Thank you, Uvy! You are my hero. I'm not a parent *yet*, but I'm always afraid I'll end up like all these pretentious "you don't understand because you're not a mother, your life isn't fulfilled until you're a mother!" twats.
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I think there are some things you can change your ideals on once you're living it. I had some pretty strong thoughts on parenting and children before I had them. But that's not children fulfilling your life, IMO. It's adapting to change and people can learn about life and evolve as a person just fine through any and all life experiences, not just procreating. I take everything someone believes with a grain of salt when they haven't experienced it because it's easy to opinionate on something you haven't lived.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Mmm Justin is so hot..get it girl!
GOD HE IS HOT! Get some, Jen! I bet Brad is so pissed off, he probably enjoyed being the hottest thing she ever fucked on and now he knows she's doing 1000x better and she's not faking her happiness. I bet she rides this gorgeous man hard... Don't let him go.
OMG, MK, I so wanted that Susan jacket when they sold it on MTV and would wear it to this day being the geek that I am.
Topic: Theroux looks hot.
Wow, Theroux is really rocking the matte black dyed Robert Goulet hair. Why do men past 40 think this is a good look?
Aniston blah blah blah BORING blah blah.
Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:41am.
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I'm a parent. I enjoy it. I think it's rewarding. I also think it's pretenious and tired for people to flaunt it like it's the end all be all of completion and that somehow I'm more fulfilled than someone without kids. At the end of the day, I just popped out some crotchfruit I happen to enjoy sharing my life with. It's not some miraculous experience I need to wax poetic about.
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Thank you, Uvy! You are my hero. I'm not a parent *yet*, but I'm always afraid I'll end up like all these pretentious "you don't understand because you're not a mother, your life isn't fulfilled until you're a mother!" twats.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
I think Angie Ho had made a comment about Collin Farrell (when he was boning her while filming Alexander), that they were too much alike. I think she needs to be in control. She needs a weaker man even though she gravitates towards wild dark sided ones. She needs a balance. Pitt was the pretty boy with the A-list status, and the wife ... ( the wife was the clincher for her ). His boring must've balanced out her crazy. His marital status was probably the real turn on for her.
Justin does seem more up her ally ~ probably her screen saver at this point.
Submitted by d-nice on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:34am.
Actually to all of you that don't understand otherwise, parenthood is the furthest from boring-it is the most enriching experience and teaches you the meaning of life.
****
I'm a parent. I enjoy it. I think it's rewarding. I also think it's pretenious and tired for people to flaunt it like it's the end all be all of completion and that somehow I'm more fulfilled than someone without kids. At the end of the day, I just popped out some crotchfruit I happen to enjoy sharing my life with. It's not some miraculous experience I need to wax poetic about.
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Try to be original, like the Colonel Sanders (may he rest in peace with his secret spices and shit). - urmomma
Actually to all of you that don't understand otherwise, parenthood is the furthest from boring-it is the most enriching experience and teaches you the meaning of life.
That said, the old Angie may have been interesting to some, but on a shallow/fast food level.
They are better off for being given the opportunity to create and nurture life-it's just not interesting in the realm of National Enquirer entertainment.
hahaha,team satanist knows what he's doing in the bedroom!
Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:13am.
isn't this what all men say after they dump somebody?
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LOL!, It's funny you should say that cause I actually do use that line myself instead of "it's not you, it's me"
Mind you it's so hard finding heroin addicts to date these days, times have changed.Instead of "rigging up" these bitches want to eat a salad and go for a run...a fucking run!!! What the hell is up with THAT!?
Oh please, Brad will never leave her. He's the kind who assumes the identity of whomever he's with. She has her clutches in him so hard...the kids are the clincher. The only way they split is if/when she finds a new guy.
(I bet she's looking at pictures of Justin as we speak)
Submitted by skinny fat on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 9:40am.
if anyone's bland it the 'new saintly' angelina. she's boring. the old angie was far more interesting.
Submitted by dementa on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:04am.
Can we please put all of them in a bag and sink it to the bottom of the sea? Angie and Brad have become boring as hell, Blandistan always WAS boring.
^^^^^^^^^THESE^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
rockin' a sheer black tank...you show them who isn't boring!
Should Jennifer stay hidden inside just because Brad made an ass out of himself with those stupid comments, even he realized they were detrimental to his new movie, thats why he half assed apologized for them...hes a jerk
Justin comes off like he'd be dirty in bed, sex wise, and that is hot as fuck!
Submitted by Whamo on Fri, 09/16/2011 - 11:08am.
" I'm sorry I ever hooked up with that eagle clawed Succubus baby collector, She's held me against my will for the last 5 years. I found my balls in her purse this morning re-attached them and made a Indiana Jones type run through the house made it to the front door and I've finally found my freedom. She almost had me but in her heroin induced state of semi-consciousness it was nip and tuck and if she hadn't stubbed her toe on one of the many syringes she leaves around the house for the kids to play with I might not have made it"
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LMAO and on a side note isn't this what all men say after they dump somebody?
Brad's stock would go through the roof if he told Cunty McCunty to just fuck-off.
Preferably with a full press conference.
" I'm sorry I ever hooked up with that eagle clawed Succubus baby collector, She's held me against my will for the last 5 years. I found my balls in her purse this morning re-attached them and made a Indiana Jones type run through the house made it to the front door and I've finally found my freedom. She almost had me but in her heroin induced state of semi-consciousness it was nip and tuck and if she hadn't stubbed her toe on one of the many syringes she leaves around the house for the kids to play with I might not have made it"
Sorry, but this bitch needs to put it to bed already...
Something in you put a hold on my heart, its hard to believe now. Here is a place that will never be dark, I remember that place. That you love because you become someone else in a instant.
Fleetwood Mac.