Kirstie Alley Didn't Want To Have Fat Sex
Mo'Nique has this part in her act on the Queens of Comedy where she says that she can't fuck with a fat dude, because it ends up being a slow-moving whirlpool of wheezes, regrets, under fupa sweat and cock-blocking guts. Basically, Mo'Nique says it's about as exhausting as putting Ikea furniture together without instructions and getting two fat people to fuck should probably be a puzzle game on Survivor. Kirstie Alley apparently knows what Mo'Nique is talking about, because she tells People that before she dropped 100lbs (FYI: 100lbs in Kirstie Alley weight is like 60lbs in real life weight) from her body, she stayed away from hard peen for one reason.
Kirstie says her coochie pot pie went cold, because she couldn't free her fat and just go with it. Kirstie explains, "I didn't like the way I looked, and I didn't want to have fat sex. What I'm looking for is to be madly, deeply in love. For the first time in my life, I know exactly what I want in a man. I want someone who has my baby back ribs, who is courageous and brave."
Didn't want to have fat sex? This bitch could've fooled me. Every time I went to Kirstie's Twatter page during her "fat days," I'd have to bring a Bounty paper towel along to wipe the extra thick panty pudding she'd spray on my monitor screen from going on and on about Jamie Foxx. When Kirstie wasn't creaming at the tips about Jamie Foxx, she was creaming at the tips about Jamie Foxx. Kirstie needs to stop acting like she didn't eat everything and the crust when that Jamie Foxx impersonator she hired delivered his (NSFW unless you work in the Scientology offices) Big Sausage Pizza to her doorstep.
Kirstie is only saying this shit, because she wants everybody to believe that if they sign up for her stupid Organic Liasons crap, you'll drop the chunk and your life will be so much better in every way. Kirstie, put your mouth on John Travolta's butt plug and shut it. Even if you echoed my mother's claim and said that when a dude loses weight his peen grows a little bit, I still wouldn't sign up for Organic Liasons. (Cut to me eating two 100 calorie Oreo packs instead of three.)
Thirstie Alley has no cred with me. She's always rabbiting on about how she lost weight and her new bodies .... I couldn't give a fuck. She's a food addict. Own it. She looks haggard without the fat face.
I won't officially knock it since I haven't tried it, but I cannot phathom ever being into fat sex. Skinny, bony, Trace-Cyrus-sex is not appealing either, but the thought of needing a GPS device to find a man's glory-wand is enough to provoke an upchuck reflex. Man-fupa? No thanks.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
I'm fat and my sex life is good. Of course I've never been intimate with a fat man either. I always got the thinner guys.
She needs to lose that blond hair.
I'd rather be having fat sex than NO sex.
Pull those rolls (we all know they'll be back) to the side and get on it!
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
I don't know anything about fat sex, but if you're not good at it fat, you're probably not good at it skinny. Like they say, great sex starts with the brain.
She should seriously consider starting with the overeating again, because she's no fun as a skinny.
*wonders if 6.30 a.m. is too early to order pizza*
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Who are you calling silly cow?
She looks really good, well compared to how she used to,but she is a lil exhausting with her speaking about how she lost weight all the time.I think she will gain it back.
I love kirstie but how long will this last?
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
Oh look at this pitiful fat aged Hollywood has-been, spending her last cash on trying to look somewhat passable so she can pick up some drunk guy in a hotel bar and maybe just maybe get fucked. It's not so much that she's still fat and disgusting, but everyone knows she's a mean, cynical, negative fat blimp with a shitty attitude.
Finger down your throat, sweetie.
Apart from the weird hands, Kirstie is looking great.
Maybe the Scienos audited out her ability to count. :/
I'm happy she lost the weight and I agree she looks great for her age, but people like her need to STFU about it already. Why? Because people like her and Oprah take it all off, put it all back on, take it all off, put it back on and we have to hear about it EVERY TIME! The majority of America is fat, we don't need it to be news every time you join the ranks or leave it.
You mean Parker Stevenson didn't do it for her? What about her thanking him for giving her "the big one?" I thought he was hotter than Sean Cassidy.
Not that any of you need to know this, but fat sex can be awesome. I'm at my heaviest weight and am probably going to have surgery, since I don't have enough discipline to keep it off, once I lose weight. If I were healthier, I wouldn't mind being a big woman.
Anyhoo...
I had the best sex of my life at this size. My last partner was a very attractive, intelligent man with a PhD. I asked him why he wanted to be with someone my size and he said he went through the stage where he only dated thin women, but he decided to broaden his horizons, as he got a little older, and he realized that larger women tended to be nicer and smarter - and they're better in bed (his words, not mine). So, don't knock fat sex until you try it.
ETA:
Submitted by TrashyWilma: Fat sex=doggy style. That's the only way you're getting anywhere.
Not true. Doggie style can be fun, but it's not the only option. Trust me.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
She's really going to look like a dumbass if the weight creeps back on, which it's been known to do. I speak from experience.
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
Kirsty, love, we don't need to know every thought you have. Okay? A succinct "I wanted to slim down" would have been okay too. ugh
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that gif is sooooooooo funny, and I totally would LOL
didn't she say this same thing the last time she lost weight, with Jenny Craig and went on Oprah and everything?
This woman has made a career out of lying about her weight and dress size. The under-eye make-up DOES look spastic, so she SHOULD give it to Spaz! LOL @dementa!
She looks pissed off now, 'cause she HONGRAY!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Lolstickle covered in roflsauce, size 4...1 leg maybe.
Size 12-14 is more like it.
B!i!i!iD~
For your health.
Okie..can we just shove her back into Veronica's closet?
Maybe your real lover, L Ron Hubbard, leader of the gay hate movement, will not be utterly repulsed by your hideous body Kirstie? You are ugly inside and out. Scientology destroys families!!!!!
I personally think she looks damn good for 60
www.theinfamouslife.com
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
TrashyWilma
EWWWW
nast, ick OMG I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT
I read somewhere that big guys had a harder time getting it hard since they have more fat than muscle, but I am going to go bleach something now
"I will pee myself today and when someone asks, "what is that smell?", I will happily tell them Veluptuous by KK!" Urmomma
Is that Taylor Momsen circa 2030 or am I still lightheaded from laughing at that pizza man?
*giggles again. piddles*
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Submitted by TrashyWilma on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 12:36pm.
Fat sex=doggy style. That's the only way you're getting anywhere.
I once tried riding on top of a man that was nearly 300 lbs. You know how fat guys get that big fat pad near their junk? I had to ask if he was actually inside of me. All I could feel was squishiness.
yeah but then he has to hoist his medicine ball sized gut up and onto your ass.
Submitted by hoganbcmj on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 12:26pm.
See, the thing is, love is great and everything, but it's not the "answer." You shouldn't be spending your single time "looking for love." People need to learn to be happy and fulfilled as single people.
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Agreed. I'm almost 32 and have never had a "long term" relationship. If we dated and it didn't work, I cut the loss early. I've had one night stands, booty calls, and enough friends to fulfill me.
I have a lot of female friends who cannot be single. They bounce from one miserable relationship to the next, incapable of being alone, all while feeling sorry for ME. I view that as a pathetic flaw.
I'm sure love is great. I wouldn't know. I'm also not going to try to mold anybody with a penis into my ideal man. I just love being single.
bitch is channeling jillian michaels...in da face. fucking scarey
Fat sex=doggy style. That's the only way you're getting anywhere.
I once tried riding on top of a man that was nearly 300 lbs. You know how fat guys get that big fat pad near their junk? I had to ask if he was actually inside of me. All I could feel was squishiness.
http://smellmybutt.tumblr.com/
whamo...idk what happened cuz it worked @ first. i'll try again. you've prolly seen the pic of her in a 'kini before anyway.
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=kirstie+alley+in+bikini&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&r...
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
So now she just has loose saggy skin sex.
I like Kirstie. I think she lies about her size, but she's kooky and fun and I like her spunk. Here's what concerns me, though: "What I'm looking for is to be madly, deeply in love."
See, the thing is, love is great and everything, but it's not the "answer." You shouldn't be spending your single time "looking for love." People need to learn to be happy and fulfilled as single people.
Love yourself ... It sounds trite and lame, but it's effing TRUE! Falling in love is exciting and fun, but the reason more than half of relationships don't last is because too many people are co-dependent and think the love from another person is the answer to happiness. It's not.
Love yourself, people. Geez.
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This signature will be publicly displayed at the end of my comments.
http://hipandcritical.blogspot.com/
Weird looking hands.
Submitted by guest on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 11:31am.
for you whamo:
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=kirstie+alley+in+bikini&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&r...
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I tried the link but I just get the google home page.
LMAO @ that "big sausage pizza"!
Circus freak peen!
Submitted by cake coke and cock on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 12:19pm.
bring it, sistah
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
I guess I don't know much about hair.
I think she looks good.
yabba dabba doo
Jack.
...and fast, and musical, and won't die easy.
I think I have your facebook. Maybe we should discuss this.
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.
Fortunately, my wife is willing to have sex with a fat guy... ;)
Did she get major botx or something? She looks so frozen. And, no way in hell is she s size 4.
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
@ Hekki, I was just about to say she's WAY too old to wear her hair like that, lol.
And admit you had surgery lady. And if she really did it with diet and exercise we'll know cuz she will fall off that wagon with a giant fat splat.
@KirstieAlley FREE PENIS AT SONIC!!!! RRRUUUUNNNNNN
Submitted by parissucksliterally: "what I think looks terrible is her hair. She should NOT be a blond."
Totally agree! She needs dark hair.
And she is one of the rare older women who looks great with long hair. She can rock it. Many can't.
She has the hands of Rosemary's baby....
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
I understand what she's saying but comments like that make fat women feel even worse about themselves.
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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Submitted by cake coke and cock on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 11:55am.
"I like it hard..."
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yes, YES... GO ON.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
Well, I guess we know where all that weight Home Biscuit lost went to. Her head!
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Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 09/22/2011 - 11:56am.
Yeah she looks like a fucking Lohan with that thing on her head.
what I think looks terrible is her hair. She should NOT be a blond. I get it, she's gray and blond covers better, but she has enough money to get her roots done every couple of weeks.
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Who would be the fool to maybe trade
A kiss in time, and who am I to say that's crazy, love -
Will make you blind
In the church of the poison mind
oh, and her eyes have been crossing more, too. Can someone check the back of her neck for a little "x" or USB port or something?
I put on 15 lbs and had no desire to have sex. I survived on masturbation and dry humps for the majority of the winter and (finally!) when I lost them again my apartment turned into the city of Sodom(pre-God wrath). I like it hard and I don't like it when it jingles. I get it Kirstie, I really get it!
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Don't make me quote Nabokov at you. I'll do it. I promise.