Iconic Beauty Courtney Stodden Tells Us All About Her Wedding Night
Listening to your own mom go into detail about her yeast infection situation is slightly less uncomfortable than exposing your sense of hearing to the overly forced soft-core Spice Channel ludicrousness that slithers off of 17-year-old Courtney Stodden's lizard tongue when talking about how she lost her virginity on her wedding night at the #1 honeymoon destination in the country: Chateau Marmont in fucking Hollywood.
The plastic velociraptor who was brought to life using Rhonda Shear's DNA tells Radar that as soon as her 51-year-old husband Doug Hutchison plucked her precious blossom (may the FBI break down my front door and put me out of my misery for that one), her body went on a 24-hour-long orgasm coaster. It's a damn shame that The Red Shoe Diaries isn't around anymore, because this ho would've been their head writer.
“We went to the Chateau in Hollywood it was so beautiful it was a wonderful experience. I was aroused for 24 hours straight."
Courtney was a 16-year-old virgin in the vagina at the time and Doug has a face like a 3-day old bacon cheddar ball warmed up in an Easy Bake Oven, so she's probably confusing "nauseous" with "aroused." Speaking of the heaves, Courtney said that if she ever went to college she'd study her husband's body:
"I would go to college and study all of Doug. All of his body, and all the elements within that. What they do and what they still do. It would be a lot of fun."
I don't even really know what that means and I don't think this bitch does either. Courtney then said that Doug is like Hazel to her Missy.
“He’s cooking for me, cleaning for me, he’s like the wife around the house. He picks up the slack around the house and that’s very inspiring to me."
"That's very inspiring"?! It's like everything that comes out of Courtney's mouth was Mandarin translated into English translated into Cantonese translated back into English on Google Translator. Courtney's entire vocabulary consists of all the words found in Viagra spam.
And just because Doug's face looks like a rode hard vagina molded out of Play-Doh doesn't mean he's been near an actual vagina.
If you need to see the video of this mess of an interview, click here and proceed with caution. That shit should be shown in every child beauty pageant dressing room with a note underneath it that reads: WARNING - This is your future.
And no, I can't look away either.
• 
These aren't real people. Show me all the receipts you want, but I shall remain forever unconvinced.
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Devil's advocate.
She acts like she ate some Kashi Go Lean and has to seriously fart for 9 minutes. Man, that cereal is bad.
pam anderson is like in her 40's and this bitch looks like her coked out and just leavin the vegas strip at 430am. not a good look to aim for. pam deserves better tributes than THIS!
bad acting...and he is so fucking gay anyway!who are they fooling? something bad is going to happen with this couple. like, nothing seems at all okay with their energy in the picture or interviews. they make everyone cringe! i really see both of these people are throat sliting type people for money and fame. fucking scary ass vibes is all i get off them...
the 'husband' appears to be a homosexual!
Discuss.
I don't know; I enjoy a good trainwreck as much as anyone, but I can't throw shade at this girl.
She has such a cartoonish "sexuality" that I can't help but think that something really, really bad happened to her.
Top'o'the morning to you Becky! I'm tryna be good today and get stuff done. (but y'all are so addictive.) ;)
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Submitted by Vern on Sun, 09/25/2011 - 6:12am.
*sounds like Professor Higgins*
By George Becky! I think you've got it!
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Bwahahaha!!! Morning Vern!
*sounds like Professor Higgins*
By George Becky! I think you've got it!
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
Tears rolling. That's the right way to start the day.
Thanks M.K.
Oh, and I so agree with the comment below, "yeah right, she has old lady armpits."
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-As soon as a true thought has entered our mind it gives a light which makes us see a crowd of other objects we have never perceived before.
-Chateaubriand
Its obvious these two bitches are faking it, he is doing it because he has never being more famous in his whole life, was he an actor or singer or something?
and she is doing it because she thinks this is her ticket to 15 seconds of fame.
lets face it, she thought "how am i gonna be famous when there are 99 million hookers who look just like me? I KNOW! marry some washed up has been guy as a 16 year old!!! that will get people talking"
She makes BloHan seem centered and together!--this parody of hypersexuality coupled with fathomless stupidity--can anyone be turned on by it?
*motor boats La Chay*
Dag girl, I always miss you!
oxoxoxxo!
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
This rampant image of connubial bliss will infinitely rage in my delicious thighs of want.
I cannot wait for this reality show. Will def at least watch the kick off epi. What a crazy mess.
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Crazy Heart, "Weary Kind", Jeff Bridges - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8monRJzzvU
Dre,Eminem, Skylar - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Homegirl needs a thesaurus... the only words she seems to know are 'sensual', 'stimulating', and 'vigorous.' Bitch, learn the English language!!!
Liquidly caressing my drivers license I and Doug ponder wondermently at the motor vehicles gentleman whom awesomely approved it ;-)
8 hours ago
Christ...where to begin. He is a creeper of epic proportions, and she's insane in the membraaaane (as Cypress Hill would say).
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
She's like all Dlisted sluts in history all rolled into one!
Why can't famewhores be flushed in some type of toilet into oblivion!
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
*wiggles bewbs at Vern*
Hey, cutie!!
I don't believe for any amount of time that she's 17. I asked my boyfriend to guess her age and he said 43! I laughed and told him she was "17". His reply - "yeah right, she has old lady armpits."
whorey whore whore face
Just the thought of him spooning anybody gives me the heaves!
Two things I am now convinced of 1) she is not a female 2) she is Definately not 17 3) her husband is beyond creepy and types these pathetics tweets...fuck them aren't there 15 minutes up already?
They make me wanna be a nun and I'm not even catholic.
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Oh God ,why don't you go sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kyle.
I always feel so dirty when I read about these two.. as in I need to scrub my eyes out with bleach then boil them in acid to cleanse the nasty away.
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Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
You know who this girl reminds me of? Pamela Smart. Same piggish/bulbous nose, thin lips and skanky fashion sense.
If Khloe K is the amalgamated Four wHores of the apocolypse, these here are the drivers.
*chanting as always*
"I feel the burn it must be Vern" PERKY 2011
The big surprise bombshell that will come out of this story isn't that she's not really a teenager it's that she has a dick. (was my impression the first time I ever saw her)
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
If that bitch is 17 then I'm a monkey's uncle. Is anyone buying this?
Submitted by agirl on Sat, 09/24/2011 - 5:51am.
I think Doug and Courtney need medical attention, and in a hurry.
He appears to have had a stroke, and she has severe scoliosis, and maybe a seizure and/or tremor disorder or tardive dyskinesia or some shit like that.
Plus drug addiction of some kind, for her at least.
I hope they have good medical insurance.
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No SHIT! I think they keep Doug chained to a radiator in the basement and feed him gruel, only letting him out for personal appearances, and to hold Courtney's pink dog (not a metaphor).
There is no explanation for how Courtney looks or the drivel that comes out of her mouth, but some sort of spastic medical condition might be right.
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You must forgive my curiosity, madam, and open your knees.
Bitch is trying to convince herself. That is all.
Can she act and look any more like a porn star?
They're both disgusting.
This bitch is 21 at the least. Lucky for her though her brain will be stuck at age 16 forever because that's the way daddy likes it.
tell me she's not a good lookin' 40 year old.
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The McCanns Did It
I think Doug and Courtney need medical attention, and in a hurry.
He appears to have had a stroke, and she has severe scoliosis, and maybe a seizure and/or tremor disorder or tardive dyskinesia or some shit like that.
Plus drug addiction of some kind, for her at least.
I hope they have good medical insurance.
Her voice can peel wallpaper off a wall.
That pink dog in the video is seriously contemplating suicide.
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"Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" - H. L. Mencken
Jesus... I should be famous.
Love you MK...
Courtney & Doug...creepy...
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...the end
The smile on his face is creepy and I can't wait for about 3 years and her tell all so in about 4 years we can see a Courtney Stodden book plug on the right side of the D's page. =)
Just watched the full interview. She is so fucking CREEPY. She laughs in all the wrong places, her "sexy" faces are all out of whack, and all she can talk about is Doug, Doug, Doug.
She's like an alien or a robot trying to imitate human behavior.
I'm actually a little afraid of her.
I wonder if she's slightly retarded. I'm not sure if that would make this story more creepy or less.
I hate watching this bitch because it makes me so uncomfortable, I reckon she must have been getting sexually abused from a very young age for her to act like this
I doubt very much these two have fucked, he is more camp than a row of tents
I feel kinda sorry for Doug
I have stopped watching the C-stodd-pedo-hutch-wtf videos, because M.K. writes the absolute BEST descriptions of shit EVER. Seriously. His words are the most beautiful, ever written. Dear god.
Unfortunately, the girl legitimately may be a teenager. Here she is at 15:
http://crushable.com/entertainment/courtney-stodden-probably-got-plastic...
This is proof that plastic surgery will inevitably make you look older. The metallic lipstick isn't helping.
If this skunk looks 40 at 16 I just can't imagine how old she will look at 25...
ewwwww.
Submitted by urmomma on Fri, 09/23/2011 - 8:54pm.
*SCREAMS*
JOHN COFFEY, HEP MEH NOW!
LMAO!!
*SCREAMS*
JOHN COFFEY, HEP MEH NOW!
*crawls into cave with supply of aquafina, depends and ensure*
FMR.are we so fucked? really?this is what we are?peddies and there vicitms are televised? corporate sponsored?
*lies in bed with vagisil and holy water*
http://youtu.be/LUjMwiOm8sA
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK