Demi Moore And Ashton Kutcher Are Totally Getting A Divorce This Time
Lainey Gossip says that tomorrow's cover of Star Magazine will make absolutely no one clutch at their anal beads in SHOCK by featuring this headline: "World Exclusive It’s Over! Demi & Ashton’s $290 million divorce!" Actually, let me take a Magic Eraser to my last comment and correct myself. Everybody will be clutching at their anal beads, because we're actually living on a planet where an empty douche bottle in a Jesus mask and a Kyle Richards impersonator are worth $290 million together.
Lainey says that Star is practically echoing their story from this time last year and saying that Ashton Kutcher's wandering peen hasn't stopped slipping into side pieces and Demi Moore can no longer mask the pain by unmasking her non-biodegradable body parts in a bathroom bikini photo shoot for her Twitter followers. There's not many details from Star's story other than that mess, but The Dirty (via Gather) got an e-mail from someone who claims that their friend helped Asshole Kutcher in his never-ending pursuit to beat Tiger Woods' man whore record.
Nik, I’m going to be straight to the point. I’m a female who works atwho happens to be friends with Sara Leal, probably not after this. I’m sick to my stomach over what happen last Friday night. Like most people on earth I worshiped Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore until Ashton Kutcher f*cked my friend Sara Leal at 4:30AM technically Saturday morning in his room on the 12 floor at the Hardrock Hotel in San Diego. Ashton Kutcher told Sara Leal that him and Demi Moore are separated and the public doesn’t know yet. Smooth line Ashton, she was going to f*ck you anyway.
"Don't speak for us." - Most people on earth to Sara Leal's friend
Demi and Ashton haven't been photographed next to each other in a little while and that's a red flag right there. Demi might not be able to force herself to rub her shellacked body of desperation on Ashton's man slut stick, but she's always been able to put on a brave face for the sake of the paparazzi's cameras!
My thoughts and prayers are with Demi and Ashton's Twitter followers at this time. It will be hard at first to only follow Ashton every other weekend (not including holidays), but they'll eventually get through this difficult time.
Here's Demi looking a little Rimes-ish with Jennifer Aniston, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beak at last night's NYC premiere of Lifetime's Five.
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Ashton Kutcher is a weekend piece of ass. That's it. He just needs to not talk Ever. Nice to look at and that's all. Bruce and Demi got sick of each others no nos; they ain't getting remarried.
I'd adore watching Brucie bust Kutcher's chops.
This pretty much explains why Kutcher married a woman old enough to be his momma. Demi was just too egocentric and stupid to realize the new step daddy had a thing for tater head.
http://www.popcrunch.com/ashton-kutcher-spied-checking-out-rumer-willis/
http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2007/06/ogling-alert-ashton-kutcher-ch...
kokoskitten on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 7:32pm.
I can kind of see her and Bruce getting back together (didn't he marry a young un too?). They split when they were both making fairly succesful films and a 'power couple' (I think...or I could just be making this up). So they got to try out other things, roles are drying up, for some reason them getting back together wouldn't surprise me.
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I never understood why they divorced in the first place. to me, besides paul newman and joeanne woodward, demi and bruce were true hollywood soulmates.
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
A guy cheating on a spouse 15 years his senior? Shocker! I am sure Asston wanted out as soon as he inked his name on his new contract.
..and you guys are spot on about the body language in the picture. He looks like he's about to whisper "Mom, don't! The other kids will see.."
Oh gee, the trophy spouse is cheating?
Pathetic (while also double standard) No problem with Bruce or Charlie hooking up with someone a couple of decades younger, but a woman does it and THE HORROR!
Not sure what she expected though. Then again her vanity has always been her strong suit, certainly not brains. Plus the more surgery she gets, the more she looks like Posh Spice. Ugh.
Desperate Demi. Now she will have lots of free time to play with her doll collection.
Submitted by Suzy Farkis on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 2:50pm.
She'll have to change her Twitter name. That was a little over-confident. I just went to see what she's saying and there are some thinly veiled items amongst some other poop. Check out the comments on this, what was she thinking? Instagram is not kind to ageing faces.
http://twitpic.com/6r21p5
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Casket porn, creepy. Eh, she's still cute, though. She'll find another douche to be with.
Maybe he'll have children now
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
I really hate this douche..from his "punked" days ugh..and i never got how anyone could find him funny. he is not funny at all...he fcking sucks trying to be. SMDH
One of these days Demi is going to wake up and find that she has aged 100 years in 24 hours.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Well maybe this will start a rash of nude "look I'm still hot Ashton an asshole" twitpics by Demi.
Puppy Love on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 8:26pm.
EXACTLY.
I feel bad for Demi because she's obviously still smitten by him but he's totally grossed out by her. END.
Kabbalah has really cornered the market it celebrity whorey whores.
Submitted by Raul Duke on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 1:38pm.
It wasn't Assston's fault, nobody doesn't like Sara Leal.
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Hahaaha!!
Wow. I'm no body-language expert but Hon, he just isn't into you. Demi, retreat with your dignity if you have any left. You're still hot in an old sort of way and you won't be hurting for male companionship.
IT'S OVER, DEMI!
Good lawd...when your 'stud' look at you like you just grew crab claws out of your skull...it's OVER.
The body language in this photo is just embarrassing. He is totally pulling away from her and she's all over him like a cheap, desperate suit. If that isn't the classic "Bitch please side eye" I don't know what is.
Demi, you're still beautiful...get all the young guys you want, just don't fucking MARRY THEM.
Punk'd!
I can kind of see her and Bruce getting back together (didn't he marry a young un too?). They split when they were both making fairly succesful films and a 'power couple' (I think...or I could just be making this up). So they got to try out other things, roles are drying up, for some reason them getting back together wouldn't surprise me.
It looks like Demi was wearing her wedding ring, at last night's NYC premiere of Lifetime's Five,
so who knows.
Now that he's used her to stay in the game. Well played 70's Show douche, if it weren't for Demi (and her how the fuck does she still have connections) he'd be that asshole that used to have that stupid celebrity show on MTV.
Golddigger (Kutcher) win I guess. Hopefully Demi walks away with some Half Men money. Turn the tables a bit, considering she had more than him going into the marriage.
I think both their careers took a hit when they hooked up and married. Seems they a better off apart , b/c he just landed Men and she seems to be doing something with her time other than cosmetic surgery .
Well, atleast they didnt bring kids into the inevitable divorce.
I'll believe it when I see the sad panda emo "my life sucks" pics on Demi's twitter.
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"LiLo is talking like she has swam out of the Jack Daniels bottle, hiked past the coke mountains, dove off of a crack spoon and is now ready to be someone's sponsor or something." -MK
a husband who could have taken your oldest daughter to her fuckin' jr prom....what?! it didn't last? really?
fuck off.
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
I thought this relationship was absurd right from the beginning and I'm surprised that it lasted this long.
Demi may try and look young but her ovaries are 50
He's at the age that he wants kids, I agree this guy will have a family in the next five years to some pretty young blonde
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 5:22pm.
Yeah, I don't see her ruining her manicure for the 'prostate tickle brown ring' either.
^^^^^^^BAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!
~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♦¤♦~♥~♥~♦¤♦~♥~
FANTA FANTA, NO COKE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lnRDU4LdZE
Meat Loaf was in the middle of a show when his knees suddenly hit the stage floor like a narcoleptic bat out of hell ~MK
Good maybe now that he's no longer with Demi and once 2.5 Men gets the ax mid-season, Kutcher will finally disappear into obscurity where he belongs. He's not funny and his filmography has more bombs in it than a WW 2 German minefield. I'm still convinced the only reason No Strings Attached was such a success was that the public wanted to see Natalie Portman slumming it after her big win with Black Swan; sorta like Hilary Swank doing The Reaping after Million $ Baby.
Now that she is starting to show her age he jumps ship. I knew this would happen
The whole Alicia/Swizz Beatz thing is so fucked up. Singing about karma and female empowerment while you are banging another woman's husband. Nice. She'll get what she deserves.
I have no sympathy for Demi. I doubt that Ashton was a shining example of chastity during ANY point of their relationship. Way to show your daughters that hanging on to a man regardless of how many other women he's sleeping with is ok.
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Time cast a spell on you but
You won't forget me
I know I could have loved you but
You would not let me
-Fleetwood Mac
I reckon Demi is a lousy lay. She's too distracted by her looks ('will he see this plastic surgery scar in this position?...if I'm on top, will my plastic surgery hold up? Are my fake tits squuishy enough in this position?'). Yeah, I don't see her ruining her manicure for the 'prostate tickle brown ring' either...That's what Ashton like...SOME SEX...not..."hold on baby, I look so much younger and hotter from this angle....or "don't kiss me that hard I just had my Jeuvaderm injections..."
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Well color me surprised. I honestly thought she would ride this one out until she was photographed being dragged behind him clutching one of his legs wailing like a banshee. She has put up with his bullshit for so long to keep herself relevant. Anyone who puts themselves in that situation for no damn good reason (cuz you KNOW he is a total frat boy in the sack) deserves what they get.
Nooooooooooo?!! Never saw this coming, part II. *eye roll seizure*
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
all I can say is Demi's plastic surgeon must really, really like her cause she looks the most unplastic plastic face I have ever seen...I love Demi...sorry but I always have...but when she mariied Asshole Kuntface...I knew that was a recipe for disaster...too bad her kids are so fucking tragic looking.
applehead, I think you're right.
Who in their right mind worships Ashton and Demi? There is a real epidemic of insanity in this country.
IMO I think that she wore the pants in the beginning of the relationship, & he grew tired of having his balls in her purse. Between the Kaballah bs & his family not invited to the wedding (if those stories were true) he probably had enough...& I'm sure those epelictic seizures she was calling dance moves @ tha Jayz concert didn't help much either
Check out the comments on this, what was she thinking? Instagram is not kind to ageing faces.
http://twitpic.com/6r21p5 - Suzy Farkis
"I see dead people"
Bwaaahaaahaa!
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"Bitch, you've had too much Paltrow in your life." - MK
She'll have to change her Twitter name. That was a little over-confident. I just went to see what she's saying and there are some thinly veiled items amongst some other poop. Check out the comments on this, what was she thinking? Instagram is not kind to ageing faces.
http://twitpic.com/6r21p5
People who worship celebrities and follow them on twitter are either:
A Troll-doll manufacturing, crazy cat-lady spinsters
B Stalkers, parked near your house in a blinded
van while stroking an axe.
Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 2:19pm.
Swizz Beats has 4 children by 4 different women. Two of which I believe were concieved while he was married to Mashonda. Alicia totally thought she won a prize because he was interested in her and she thought she was better than Mashonda. She lost a fan in me.
There are copies of text messages from Swizz to some chick which are explicit and occured while married to Alicia. She has also come out and confirmed that while he has not physically cheated on Alicia (atleast with her) those texts are real and he has been trying to hook up with her in person since before he married Alicia.
Cliffnotes: He is scum and any woman who hooks up with him and expects him to stay faithful is an idiot.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
Submitted by Nicholeoleoleo on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 1:29pm.
yeah and Mashonda gave an interview to Sister2Sister or some other rag where she states that she and Swizz were living as husband and wife and making love every night while he started stepping out with Alicia. perhaps she embellished a bit but it can't be by much.
and apparently there's yet another lady?
when you look up "get over like rover the cassanova" in the urban dictionary, Swizz's picture pops up, because that hound looking fool gets around.
you can tell Demi's teeth are all fake by the discoloration at her gum line. I'm happy for her. He is a jerk-off.
Parissucksliterally.... yeah, that sounds like a real winner of a name. I happen to adore Paris Jackson!!
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Visit my husband's webcomic DUNGEON HORDES at http://www.drunkduck.com/dungeon_hordes
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pretty sure Demi isn't going to do much about this because she is the real life Helen Sharp from Death Becomes Her....whereas Goldie in the movie was a fatty fat and then got hot and then sold her soul, Demi is on the same trajectory, except she was a kicked-by-a-mule-cross-eyed-nerd instead of being a lardass.
if she does try and make a redemption move, she can hurt herself! and there isn't enough putty in the world to fix that mess
Submitted by Raul Duke on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 1:38pm.
It wasn't Assston's fault, nobody doesn't like Sara Leal.
LOL!
Submitted by Nicholeoleoleo on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 1:29pm.
OT, loves the Andy Whitfield Avie.
Thanks @Nicholeoleoleo. I loved Andy and he was such a fantastic find. He was on the cusp of greatness and even though he had to leave Spartacus, I had hoped that he would be able to beat the cancer. He will be sorely missed.
Back on topic: Alicia's husband, Swiz Beats is a music producer turned wanna be artist. Alicia was his second jump off when he was married to his previous wife Mashonda. The first jump off was already pregnant with his kid. All-in-all he has 4 kids by 4 different women.
Alicia and Swiz were knocked up and engaged before Mashonda and Swiz were even legally divorced. Alicia couldn't do better because she's no better than him. Her last album was pretty much an open love letter to Swiz while he and Mashonda were still together.
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Wow, I didn't know all that drama about Alicia and this guy. No wonder she didn't want to talk about the relationship- she's taking a man who was cheating on his wife and all the other baby mommas. And in usually arrogant-woman-manners, Alicia thought herself better than Mashonda and had no problem flaunting her relationship with him, immortalized by song. From the way she was acting, I thought her son was his first child.
Obviously, he's a whore. And Alicia is stupid.
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All together now: FUCK MY LIFE. - The One-and-Only Michael K- 6/17/11
Submitted by stefystef on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 2:12pm.
When Sheen was on 2.5 Men, I didn't use to watch it. But now, since they've replaced him with Kutcher, I still don't watch it.
Submitted by youaremyladybits on Tue, 09/27/2011 - 12:36pm.
All this full-naming just makes me imagine Ashton with this chick saying, "Sara Leal, I am now going to get naked. And then, Sara Leal, I will rip all your clothes off, and proceed to f*çk, you, Sara Leal! That's right, I'm going to stick it to you, Sara Leal!"
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Bahahaha!
"Oh, Ashton Kutcher, I worship you... like most people on earth!"
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb