RiRi Is A C Word Advocate

If forensic laptop scientists studied my keyboard, they’d find that it looks a lot like the inside of Brit Brit’s chonies. Covered with crumbs of various Frito-Lay products and fluids that either came out of a body or a Nesquik bottle. They’d also find that my c,u,n and t keys are worn as all hell, because I type the word cunt like it’s my job (and it is my job!). It’s a beautiful word and brings me almost more natural happiness than hearing the line “all your tests came back negative” does. I believe that every time I type the word cunt, Heather Mills pegs a bitch in the foot. Cunt. Erps, crack goes a bitch’s toe nail.

But when I’m out in the real world, I only shoot out the cunt word on special occasions like yesterday when a rude ho cut in front of me in the receipt-checking line at Ikea. However, RiRi is not like me. RiRi uses the cunt word as hard as a sound engineer uses a pair of ear plugs when she sings in the studio. RiRi tells British Vogue (via Holy Moly!) that “cunt” is practically her home country’s official word:

“Yeah, it’s funny. That word is so offensive to everyone in the world except for Bajans. You know African-Americans use the n-word to their brothers? Well, that’s the way we use the c-word. When I first came here, I was saying it like it was nothing, like, ‘Hey, cunt’, until my make-up artist finally had to tell me to stop. I just never know.”

I was wondering why when I went to Barbados, the custom official said to me, “Welcome to Barbados, cunt.” Either RiRi is a box of dumb who tells lies (more than likely) or she has just become my new hero by saying “Hey, cunt!” to Beyonce at their first meeting together.

And the chronic cunt word thrower also tells Vogue that she just does ho shit for show and that white people think she’s some kind of role model:

“That’s not me. That’s a part I play. You know, like it’s a piece of art, with all these toys and textures to play with.

See, people – especially white people – they want me to be a role model just because of the life I lead. The things I say in my songs, they expect it of me and [being a role model] became more of my job than I wanted it to be. But no, I just want to make music. That’s it. Look, God doesn’t give any more than you can handle. I had to get through a lot of ups and downs – big downs – and a lot of trial and error to get where I am now.”

That’s nice and everything, but I wish RiRi would play the part of a trick who doesn’t wear a $3 wig from the Marilyn Monroe costume package at Halloweentown.