Hot Slut Of The Day!
Today is the day where Canada gives thanks to the maple leaf deities for giving them universal healthcare, clouds of weed smoke over Vancouver, Ryan Gosling's body, the letter U and Jane Child. So as Canadians nibble on their leftover weed stuffing, let's honor one turkey who probably won't be eaten anytime soon since he will beak a bitch in the froat if they come near him. A producer named Duffy Kelly from the local news went out into a Sacramento neighborhood to do a story on a cunturkey who has been terrorizing joggers and was completely surprised when said cunturkey terrorized her!
I'm using the word "terrorized" for melodramatic purposes, because Terrible Tom isn't really attacking anyone. He's just telling Duffy to get the fuck out of his wattle in so many gobbles. But he freaked Duffy out and she won't ever be back, so his job here is done. Or is it? On our Thanksgiving, I hope Duffy's family brings out the covered turkey platter and opens it to find Terrible Tom lounging on a bed of lettuce with a look in his beady eye like he's ready for round 2! To be cuntinued...
On that note, Happy Thanksgiving, Canada! And Happy Chris Columbus Day (the day of the year when we take off of work to watch Adventures in Babysitting together as a nation), Amurica!
via The Daily What
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Submitted by misslainey on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 8:29am.
I am sorry, but that was funny as hell. Tom is not the one, lol!
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Hahaha!!
Thanks for Thanksgiving wishes folks. No turkey for us here...having a Field Roast Celebration Roast, yum! Butternut squash, pecan tarts etc. Yum!! Some cannibas stuffing does sound pretty good about now.
Go Turkeys! That journalist is so dumb.
That was so fucking funny! I was totally rooting for the turkey. My parents have a house in T.J. and Theres always turkeys, peacocks, ducks and chickens running around the main street (it's a gated community). My parents go for walks and I've never heard that they or anyone else has had an unpleasant run in with a bird.
The poster formerly known as NIGHTOWL
am I the only one who was really annoyed that the video had about 8 pop-up boxes you had to close? WTF is that shit?
I wish that Turkey had of gotten her ass. Now THAT would have been a great story, and a great B horror reel.
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"Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated."
-Father Andrés García Torres, inventor of the Catholic Anus Ruler
What a stupid bitch.
Turkeynator
Don't forget the first rule: Turkeys don't like being stalked by paparazzi.
I'm laughing so hard at this. All you have to do is pick the stupid thing up by its neck and strangle it. NOT that I'm advocating cruelty to animals or anything. But it's a TURKEY. What's it going to do?
What an annoying idiot! But what a cute fucking turkey. My mom the crazy, amateur photographer had me run at a flock of geese once when I was a little kid so she could get a pic of them all taking off at once, many of them turned and chased me down......but they were geese. Even as a little kid I laughed so hard I almost peed my paints.
If that was Texas, that thing would have been dead. Dead and fried.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Her losing her shit is priceless,. Best laugh of the day so far.
Turkeys are actually rather territorial, and will chase you if you run. Those little bastards don't learn their lesson until to hit them. I love animals, but I hate turkeys...they're too dumb to know any better yet will fight you to the end.
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Remember, the early bird may catch the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...
Fuck that Turkey. Birds scare the hell out of me
Stay tuned... the local news station is now going to do a follow up news story about Turkey Safety. LOL, really?
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No, why would I say hi? I’m not that friendly.
The mailman was on that shit... he was ready to run that bird over, stuff it and eat it for the next five days.
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"Some shit is not right when John Travolta circa TODAY is wrassling up hot Middle Eastern dudes with "slap somebody" dick and there are times when I can't even get a piece on Craigslist!" -MK
Submitted by Capitanne on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 8:47am.
You don't have to go the wilds of Canada for turkey attacks. Whole packs of them terrorize the residents of Northern New Jersey. I was waiting at a stop sign on my way to the mall and about 8 of them tried to peck my car to death.
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ahahaha yes!!! I was just about to mention that. I grew up in North Jerz and I remember when I was a kid my mom always used to come back from her morning jog going on and on about the Killer Wild Turkeys of Death and how they stared her down. Those are some mean-ass fucking birds. They don't play.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
OMG just watched the video!!!!
HHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
"Well I'd hate to be the people who live here!!"
"I'm shaking!!"
"Well I can't throw my camera at him!"
*wets self*
*falls off chair*
HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
That is hysterical. When the turkey's head popped up over the hood of the car I seriously almost peed myself!!!
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I vote that bitch for the most annoyingly whiny heifer on the planet! IT'S A FUCKING TURKEY YOU SLAG, NOT A CROCODILE!
You don't have to go the wilds of Canada for turkey attacks. Whole packs of them terrorize the residents of Northern New Jersey. I was waiting at a stop sign on my way to the mall and about 8 of them tried to peck my car to death.
I would have freaked out too. That fucker looked crazy, especially when he was circling the damn car. He knew damn well what he was doing.
Are you fucking kidding me?
As an Australian I am just astounded that anyone can run from a bird that size.
I'd love to hide an Emu in that chick's bedroom so she wakes up in the morning to this http://www.flickr.com/photos/rich66/477493860/
Madam s, where do they get these morons?
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Submitted by madam s. on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 8:16am.
Jesus H. Christ, what a dumb bitch. It's a turkey.
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Wyle E
"understand that a slow red panda who nibbles pickles and does somersaults in the middle of a dancefloor is entertaining to a 7-year-old... " MK.
That WAS funny and frankly, geese and large birds are frightening when they com at you... Menacing lol
I am sorry, but that was funny as hell. Tom is not the one, lol!
Submitted by madam s. on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 8:18am.
They should remake that film "Cujo" but with Terrible Tom and the Retarded Reporter. The car won't start, and the turkey is scratch, scratch, scratching to get in for days.
ITA. LOL.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Hahahahaha!
And happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadians!
Oh my sugarwaffles, Madame S.! We tread a fine line when we take the name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father in vain!
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"Jesus in, Devil out, Jesus in, Devil out."
"Butterflies wings clap, and wow, beautiful burning cheeto dust and because of the hot sad boot slaps OK!"
They should remake that film "Cujo" but with Terrible Tom and the Retarded Reporter. The car won't start, and the turkey is scratch, scratch, scratching to get in for days.
Jesus H. Christ, what a dumb bitch. It's a turkey. Was anyone else hoping she'd trip when she was running backwards while still trying to dramatically film the damn bird? Oh, how I was hoping. I loved it when he circled the car. Especially when his head poked up in the front. Terrible T is probably still shaking his head over this bimbo. Local reporters seem to be some of the stupidest humans on the planet. Maybe it's all the hairspray.
"now I'm trapped in my car"
AHAHAHAHAAHA
Whatever. Turkeys (and all birds for that matter) are terrifying. If I had seen that floppy red chin thing coming at me, I would have run too.
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"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."
I presume the terrified woman had a couple of legs with feet since she was running throughout most of the video. Ever thought of kicking the damn thing if it started to ...gasp..peck at her?
gangsta turkey protecting his turf
thats some biggie & tupac shit going down
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Happy Thanksgiving, eh, to all the Canucks!!
♥♥♥EEG♥♥♥
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
You are dumb. You are so dumb.
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
That was revenge for eating his relatives all these years.
Happy Thanksgiving to fellow Canadians.
One of my all time fave Dlisted posts is the one where MK explained how to celebrate US Thanksgiving to non-Americans. It involved waking up drunk in the middle of the night and eating leftover stuffing that sat out on the counter, and having a fight with your sister about how she doesn't understand you. :)
I WOULD NOT WANNA BE THE PEOPLE LIVING HERE THANK YOU VERY MUCH ahhaahah
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
lol @ the turkey circling the damn car.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
When that Mail truck tried to help and caused to turkey to run EVEN FASTER TOWARDS HER I was laughing so hard I was crying.
Damn, that is one big turkey. That's what I call a neighborhood watch.
Happy Thanksgiving Canadian sluts!
Happy Columbus Day American trollops :D
Never been attacked by a turkey, but being chased and pinched half to death by a goose that was as big as I was when I was a kid was not fun. I could swear it was laughing at me the whole time, too. When my husband, Tom, was 6, his neighbors across the street had guineas and a huge tom turkey that would wander around. Every day, that tom turkey would terrorize my Tom at the bus stop. Just chase him and menace him. I don't think that Mr. MeanAss Turkey ever caught my guy, but to this day, he HATES turkeys. Twice, I've seen cunturkey's cousin go superbitchbird on little kids at petting zoos. I laughed. My husband didn't.
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
he's got a gun HE'S GOT A GUN CALL THE POLICE!!!!
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
wild turkey are the shiiizzzz
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Hahaha. He is so cute! But I feel for her! I had something similar happen to myself, but with a chicken...a little chicken! I screamed so loud everyone came out of the barns to see what the problem was, and here I was 5'10 and all..running away from a FRIENDLY chicken. I am sure that was a sight to see. I won't eat em', but birds scare the hell out of me.
Puh-leeeez. It's a TURKEY! They're not brilliant predators, dipshit. Turn around and run toward it.
Giving chase to a turkey....sheesh
~*~Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal....~*~
I had to watch with the sound off, but the footage itself is pretty hilarious. With some dramatic music, this video could be scarier than Jurassic Park.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Maybe he was looking for his lady love! Happy BD Chris Columbus. The mail carrier has another 50 days off! :)
what in the FUCK did she really think the turkey was gonna do to her? she's seriously yelling "help!"? it's too gd early for this
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Miss your fucked up ways on my fucked up days.