BUMPDATE: Beyonce’s Rep Responds To The Fake Bump Rumors

Last night I spent a good couple of hours reading the comments on here and on other blogs to see what kind of conspiracy theories you tinfoil wig-wearing hos came up with to explain Beyonce’s fold-away bump. That shit is priceless.

Someone said that Jay-Z probably knocked up some groupie trick 5 months ago and there must not be a stain on The House of Dereon, so Beyonce’s pulling a Bree Van de Kamp and pretending to be pregnant. The groupie is living in the basement under Basement Baby’s basement and when she gives birth, Beyonce will sweep in, collect the child and throw a stack of gold coins at the ho. Somebody else (who obviously is too reasonable for the internet) said that it’s just the dress playing tricks on us. And another theory is that Beyonce isn’t naturally showing that much, so she strapped on a booster bump to look bigger for publicity reasons. I could dribble out a thousand more theories, but you should really read them for yourselves. Just bring up any blog that posted this mess and read away. It makes for better toilet reading than the back of a lube bottle does.

I never thought that Beyonce would ever spread her weave wings and float down from her rocking high horse to address this foolery, but she has. Sort of! The rumor made it all the way to ABC News and they asked her rep about this and the response was:

“Stupid, ridiculous and false.”

Wait. Is the rep saying “ridiculous and false” to the rumors or is she saying that Beyonce is “ridiculous and false” for wearing a House of Dereon memory foam bump? THE MYSTERY CONTINUES (not really)!!!!