Everyone Is Popping Out A Baby
The carbon footprints of Johnny Knoxville and Tori Spelling grew a couple of sizes (yes, I've been listening to the hot environmentalist dude screaming shit at me on the street again), because they're both getting pissed in the face and shat on the hands by a brand new newborn baby friend. (Or depending on their new babies' aim, they're getting shat in the face and pissed on the hands.)
People reports that Johnny Knoxville's wife Naomi Nelson birthed out their second child, a daughter they named Arlo Clapp, on October 6th. Johnny and Naomi have an almost 2-year-old son named Rocko Akira Clapp and he has a 15-year-old daughter named Madison from a previous marriage. Rocko Akira Clapp sounds like the name of an STD you can only get from an anime character, but I actually sort of like the name Arlo. If babies started falling from the sky and I caught a daughter, I'd probably name her Ewan Danger Girl, but I'd think about naming her Arlo for a quick second. I can't wait to see little Arlo Clapp swallow a goldfish and then barf it up during her Jackass baptism.
People also reports that the forever pregnant pug monster Tori Spelling and her creeper-faced husband Dean McDermott welcomed their newest cast member yesterday in L.A.
Tori Twatted this out today:
"Our family's so happy 2 announce [that on] 10/10/11 [our] baby girl Hattie Margaret McDermott was born at 7:08am! Xoxo."
Hattie is Tori and Dean's third kid together and he has a son with his first ex-wife.
There's only one Hattie McD and that's Hattie McDaniel! I'm sure Baby Hattie McDermott knows this and will use all the money she makes from being whored out in reality show after reality show to change her name. Besides, put on your playground bully hat (mine doesn't come off, I know) and think of all the names that rhyme with Hattie. If only my mom thought of this, I wouldn't have gone through the 7th grade being called Dyke-el Gay.
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I love old lady names and so I think Hattie Margret is completely adorable
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
...and.. the gene pool gets a little bit shallower .... :(
Very glad I'm not going to be around 100 years from now. the world will only get worse.
The irony of genetics is hideous Tori will probably have super model kids (her husband has a nice face) and gorgeous Demi Moore gave birth to 3 little Toris.
Ahhaha! at "Ewan Danger Girl"! Now I want to have a baby. And I love Arlo too. Arlo Guthrie rocks, so it's a nice namesake.
It's raining bebehs!
The poster formerly known as NIGHTOWL
Whenever stupid people procreate, I like to try to take the optimistic view and assume that they will defy genetics and their idiot parents, and at least ONE of them might be the next Beethoven or Salk.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
This baby popping needs to stop. Know 3 people who have all announced their preggoness in the last few weeks. All of them are ill-prepared.
Team The Pill. Gah!
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 7:50pm.
Tori Spelling is relentlessly difficult to look at. She would have been better off being hideously burned in a fire and then rebuilt from the ground up. As things stand, it's like trying to improve a poorly frosted cake. Imagine being a horribly ugly millionaire, with numerous surgeries performed. She's THAT UGLY.
I think that husband guy knocks her up to avoid sex.
With ugliness odds like those, giving the baby the name "Hattie" strikes me as unwise.
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TROOF. And it cracked me the fuck up.
Oh this is good news because I just read on the internet that the world needs more mouths to feed.
Why do trolls like these four reproduce?
Hattie Margaret McDermott is only a day old and already she's doomed to be mistaken for an old lady.
I think Dean McDermott isn't attractive at all, but I hope the kids take after him. Tori looks like a burn victim or a very unfortunate drag queen.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Tori Spelling is relentlessly difficult to look at. She would have been better off being hideously burned in a fire and then rebuilt from the ground up. As things stand, it's like trying to improve a poorly frosted cake. Imagine being a horribly ugly millionaire, with numerous surgeries performed. She's THAT UGLY.
I think that husband guy knocks her up to avoid sex.
With ugliness odds like those, giving the baby the name "Hattie" strikes me as unwise.
Tori Spelling has an unfortunate face - She looks like SAW
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 3:18pm.
Oh, why can't everyone have normal names like DirtyWhoreMouth, IrishFury, sucknfuck, kissingassandcuppingballs, unemployed-bum, Twat Muffin, or the best yet, Bjork You?
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NOW THAT'S THE TOTAL TRUF RIGHT THERE!
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Dark-sided!
Liam is a legit first name, it doesn't have to be William.
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Dark-sided!
Dean has obviously convinced Tori that it is dangerous to fuck during pregnancy. Must save a fortune on brown paper bags.
Submitted by kittymuffin on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 4:59pm.
How many times is Tori Spelling going to be pregnant
^^^^^^^
As long as it keeps her in the public eye, she'll keep creeping towards Duggar Territory.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 3:18pm.
Oh, why can't everyone have normal names like DirtyWhoreMouth, IrishFury, sucknfuck, kissingassandcuppingballs, unemployed-bum, Twat Muffin, or the best yet, Bjork You?
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Or Farty McAssface. That's my personal favorite. Followed closely by Stick a Cock in Woody Allen.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
How many times is Tori Spelling going to be pregnant
I think she named the kid after Hattie Jacques the English actress who was married to John Le Mesurier.
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 4:46pm.
Thanks!
@Mike:
The Other Woman: Twenty-one Wives, Lovers, and Others Talk Openly About Sex, Deception, Love, and Betrayal by Victoria Zackheim
Submitted by unemployed_bum on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 4:37pm.
What's the title of the book?
When I was off my feet while pregnant, I read the book about infidelity that Dean McDermott's ex-wife wrote an entry in. All I can say about that is WOW. What a fucking douche that guy was to her. I mean, the whole book was all different shades of fucked up, but her entry was a doozy. I have been cheated on before and know that sinking feeling you get in your gut when you realize what's happening. I got that feeling while reading that. Tori and Dean should tread lightly, because I'm sure there are a million curses upon their house.
Eewww, Johnny is not aging gracefully. He used to be hot in an Addams Family kind of way. Now he looks like that drunk douche at Dublins. Yeah, that one.
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We're American, we don't quit just because we're WRONG, we just keep doing the wrong thing until it turns RIGHT!
Tori Spelling is uglier than a hammertoe with fungus and a janky nail.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Slurpee on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 3:27pm.
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 3:18pm.
Oh, why can't everyone have normal names like DirtyWhoreMouth, IrishFury, sucknfuck, kissingassandcuppingballs, unemployed-bum, Twat Muffin, or the best yet, Bjork You?
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YEAH! THIS!
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Slurpee Annobanano McDermott
Dean McVermin is a gold digging POS. Such a repulsive low life. Can't wait for their next reality show. Tori and Dean Go to Hell.
Hattie's an all right name. Rocko? nah
Both are better than horrible "aspirational" names like Madison and Tyler.
"Rocko Akira Clapp sounds like the name of an STD you can only get from an anime character..."
O, another MK gem. Be still my heart!
Hattie McDermott??? What the fucking fuck?
I too hate Johnny Knoxville, the eternal idiotic frat boy. Can you imagine fucking him? He would give you noogies and a wedgie as foreplay.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
Ugh. Foolios.
I especially hate the name Hattie because I associate it with the character on The Parenthood. Yes, I watch that emotional drivel. But this season is not impressing me and its partly because I'm supposed to believe a whiny little girl like Hattie was dating a hottie like Michael B. Jordan.
But I digress.
Submitted by Bjork You on Tue, 10/11/2011 - 3:18pm.
Oh, why can't everyone have normal names like DirtyWhoreMouth, IrishFury, sucknfuck, kissingassandcuppingballs, unemployed-bum, Twat Muffin, or the best yet, Bjork You?
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YEAH! THIS!
My CKCS's named Hattie. I dislike it because it's short for Harriet or Henrietta, both old timey/old lady names.
Oh, why can't everyone have normal names like DirtyWhoreMouth, IrishFury, sucknfuck, kissingassandcuppingballs, unemployed-bum, Twat Muffin, or the best yet, Bjork You?
I can't wait to see how ugly this baby is going to turn out. Got my popcorn ready...
Hattie. Why not just name the kid Ruth or Margerie (Margaret is almost as bad).
Johnny should have just taken his wife's last name when they got married...
I kinda like Hattie. But then, I have a niece named Nadine and a nephew named Hank, so I'm partial to old-timey names.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks: "I could never take Johnny Knoxville seriously enough to fuck him. He's like an idiot frat boy. A Deke to be specific. God what assholes!"
Agreed.
Immature. Hipster douche. Ringleader of the stunted.
I'm surprised he can have kids. Didn't he mess up his nuts with all that S&M shit he did on "Jackass"? I remember reading that he has to use a catheter to urinate. No idea if that's true, but it didn't surprise me.
Arlo?! Hattie?! People haven't known what to name their babies since the renaissance.
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A beauty that makes abuelitas pray for our sinful souls is my kind of beauty. -MK 9/12/11
YAAAAAAASS! -Sage Khia
also not a fan of nicknames for legal names. she also did this with liam. just name the kid william and call him liam like a normal person.
knoxville is kinda screwed bc nothing goes well with the last name clapp. why do you think he has a stage name? his name is p.j. clapp for christ's sake.
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watching hardcore ufos
I know Hattie is short for something, but I can't remember what. Maybe I'll ask someone's great-grandmother.
ETA: Oh, I remember! Worked with a woman whose mother was a Hattie. It's short for Harriet.
Blerg.
Oh man. You cannot give an ugly kid an ugly name (cuz you know Tori and Dean's baby gonna be ugleh)! At least give her a nice name!
Hmm, Arlo Guthrie and Hattie McDaniel...
P. S. I'm not really a fan of nicknames for kids. Hattie is short for Harriet, uh, lovely...
Tori Spelling and her manservant are oogly. I pray these two nots made a hot. There's enough ugly in he world.
I could never take Johnny Knoxville seriously enough to fuck him. He's like an idiot frat boy. A Deke to be specific. God what assholes!
Arlo Clapp???? Why!? Just why!?
Damn it, Knoxville, now I'm going to have "you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant" playing in a loop in my head all night.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Hattie? That is an old lady name, not a baby name.