Ashton Kutcher's Temporary Side Piece Talks About Their Night Together
On a mantel in Texas somewhere, is a framed cover of this week's UsWeekly and an entire family is standing in front of it while ejaculating warm pride from their faces as they think to themselves, "Our little girl, what a big shameless slut." (Sidenote: That's the same line my friends said to me when I asked them if it was normal for my suddenly itchy crotch shrub to play the song "Under the Sea.")
22-year-old blonde administrative assistant (it's ALWAYS the 22-year-old blonde administrative assistants) Sara Leal can now pay for that fully-equipped Kia Sorrento in cash, because she put her story of screwing Ashton Kutcher on the auction block and UsWeekly threw up the winning bid.
The Betrayal of DEMI!!!!! started when a mutual friend of Ashton and Sara's (aka a whore wrangler) invited her and some other tricks to a party at his hot tub suite at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego. When the clock struck SLUT, everybody except for man whore Ashton, his dude friend and two ladies including Sara stayed in the suite. Just like how all the special romances of our time (see: Romeo & Juliet) started, Sara says she got clit-out naked and Ashton made his move:
"He just came up and kissed me," the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher's first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony."I didn't think it was out of the ordinary," Leal admits. "I wasn't self-conscious about getting naked."
When Kutcher claimed that he was "separated" from wife Moore, 48, Leal tells Us she believed him.
DUH, bitch. Of course, it wasn't out of the ordinary. You were there to get your cooch Kutched! It would be out of the ordinary if he sat down with a pen to do The New York Times crossword puzzle, but mostly because he can't operate anything that doesn't have a touch screen. Sara then said that he continued to celebrate his 6th wedding anniversary by leading her to the bedroom to make the sex:
After retreating to Kutcher's bedroom past 6 a.m., "he lost his towel and I took my robe off," Leal says. "Then we had sex.""He was good," Leal reveals. "It wasn't weird or perverted." It also wasn't 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter.
What does Sara consider as weird? Because a dude screaming out "I'M ABOUT TO PROMOTE YOUR TWAT. HASHTAG I'M CUMMING!!!" is pretty kinky to me and you know Ashton screamed that out right before he gave her a raw nut.
Sara then says that they wrapped up their time together by talking about politics:
The post-coital talk was a little unexpected, she confesses; the duo talked astrology (they're both Aquarius), religion, love, even politics. "I told him I was a Lutheran from Texas. He said, 'Oh my gosh! Are you a Republican?'" Leal says.Democratic-leaning Kutcher quizzed her on "up-and-coming candidates. I said Rick Perry. He asked if I'd vote for him. I said I didn't know and he laughed. He laughed at pretty much everything I said."
But it wasn't all twenty questions between the lovers, according to Leal. After having sex for a second time -- and arguing over Leal's cell phone -- the married Two and a Half Men star was tender.
"He was like, 'I enjoy things like this because I'm an actor 90 percent of the time and it's fake. It's nice to have moments that are real,'" Leal recalls.
Oh the laugh at everything laugh. We all know that laugh at everything laugh. It's the "I'm just going to laugh at everything so you can take the hint, wash your vagina out in the sink and leave so I can eat dry roasted peanuts and cuddle with this pillow right here" laugh.
And that last "this is a real moment" line pretty much tells me that Ashton has a full-time writer on staff who writes all of his post-fuck lines, because that is some Notting Hill shit.
I believe that a ho has to get paid, so I'm happy that somebody bought Sara's story, but she left out the only important detail I care about. Where is the shaft-to-hole description of Ashton's dick situation?! Sara talks about that big penis Rick Perry, but doesn't talk about the only penis we care to know about? Does Ashton have the ingredients to Summer's Eve tattooed on his shaft like the legend says? This is the only shit we need to know.
But I'm going to assume that Sara was just too remorseful to get into that. I mean, look at her face in that picture. That's the same pout your puppy makes when it bareback fucks your husband in a San Diego hotel room.
• 
There are so many surgically altered, physically enhanced young, beautiful perfect women nowadays the competition must be devastating. And they're all competing for the same men. When she realized there wasn't going to be a second date and she was just his whore de jour that's when she probably decided she should have been compensated. And so she was. Just not by Asston.
But since this is Sara Leal’s 7 and half inches (minutes) of eternal fame, girlfriend has gone and stoked the flames of seduction and tawdry misbehavior by announcing that it wasn’t her who manhandled herself into Ashton’s life- it was Ashton himself who was simply looking to off load some tender love and ‘spunk’ on the eve of his and his estranged wife, Demi Moore’s 6 year wedding anniversary on the 24th of September. (Kids, if you notice any perspiration stains seeping onto the page, don’t mind it, it’s just me gently caressing my fingers in never ever land. But then again it is 10 something in the morning and I have got to do something with the boner courtesy of Sara and her love escapade with Ashton honey drops Kutcher).
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/10/ashton-kutchers-one-night-stand-...
ohhh those administrative assistants are DANGEROUS!
I always worry about them.
apart from that, seriously bitch you banged ashton and you didnt use a hidden camera?!
no dick pics, me no interested... NEXT!
Dude, Leal is a Latino surname. Just picture this piece with her natural raven hair. Instant cholita! Hoo boy. Totally great.
Submitted by nuclearhollycaust on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 10:41pm.
This site needs "like" and "reply" functions. Hilarious comment!
What I want to know is how are Demi's chin-erific daughters are handling this?
If gorgeous Mama can't hold a man who the hell is going to stay faithful to those pea-eyed uber-chinned triplets?
Something tells me there are going to be some awkward times around the Kabbalah tree come holiday time!
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 5:56pm.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 3:37pm.
Who talks politics after sex? While we were spooning I suddenly realized our Gross National Product was pretty damn gross.
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This. "Oh my god babe I love when you ride me like that. So anyway, what are your thoughts on Occupy Wall Street?"
LOL! Occupy Wall Street...since Al Sharpton just got involved...this can't be good.
He must have a death wish, having sex with random people who might have fucked rusty pipes for all he knows WITH NO CONDOM. What, did she claim she was a virgin?
And why the hell were they talking politics after sex? "Ooooh, baby, talk party lines to me..."
And why do dumb whores keep believing men who say they're separated?
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Submitted by Get Serious on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 7:38pm.
Dear 22 year old stupid side-piece: you're a whore. That's right, you fucked a celebrity so you could sell your story to a tabloid. You fucked for money: you're a whore. You better get good with that, because, for the rest of your life, everyone will point at you & whisper "there's that slut who spread her legs to fuck a celebrity for the money...
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Get Serious, she's already forgotten, if she was ever known. AK is a douche, but his side-piece nobodys are bigger douches than anyone can possibly fathom.
Dear 22 year old stupid side-piece: you're a whore. That's right, you fucked a celebrity so you could sell your story to a tabloid. You fucked for money: you're a whore. You better get good with that, because, for the rest of your life, everyone will point at you & whisper "there's that slut who spread her legs to fuck a celebrity for the money"...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
and since when has a one night fuck been known as a mistress??
the best thing that ever happened to Mr Demi Moore is he married Gimme Moore-otherwise we would not know who the fuck he was by now...
admittedly she must be hard work but they deserve each other....
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Who in their right mind has sex with random people without a CONDOM????? Are these people that fucking stupid? WTF, man, even if you don`t catch HIV, what about the herp, genital warts and all that other shit that`s out there?? Fucking gross motherfuckers.
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Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Manimal5 on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 3:37pm.
Who talks politics after sex? While we were spooning I suddenly realized our Gross National Product was pretty damn gross.
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This. "Oh my god babe I love when you ride me like that. So anyway, what are your thoughts on Occupy Wall Street?"
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Submitted by justincase on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 5:47pm.
Maybe I'm weird but I used to keep quiet about embarrassing sexual encounters. This is a terrible way to peak.
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No, you're not weird. Nobody stfu about dumb ass sex decisions nowadays. This is a $$ society we live in and these young hos don't give a shit what they say or how what they say affects their future prospects. Bottom line, these hard-core-US-Weekly-cover-payout hos don't understand the meaning of respect, now or ever. Fucking sad shit, seriously.
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
Submitted by saltydog88 on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 2:51pm.
"... could you imagine if you studied fashion or photography and then landed a job at a celeb magazine and your assignment was to dress some whore who banged Ashton Kutcher?"
^^^^^
THIS! I studied journalism in school and bc of my knowledge of celebrities and hollywood, I'd be willing to work for Us Weekly. I also think it'd be fun to work for TMZ. But they both have some pretty questionable practices when it comes to reporting stories. Just scraping the barrel of trash stories like this and the MK photo.
Maybe I'm weird but I used to keep quiet about embarrassing sexual encounters. This is a terrible way to peak.
Submitted by Vern on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 9:02am.
I don't care about this shit but at least they took the cover leaving very little room for fatty mcfattASSians!
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Hahahahaha!!! :)
Can you imagine her parents? In the annual Xmas card newsletter printed on stationery with candy canes and gingerbread men..... "Yes, our little girl is famous! Did you see her on the cover of US? Star? The National Equirer? She and that Ashton Kutcher are quite an item! Meanwhile, Bob has recovered from his burst hemorrhoid operation and is selling Amway and I am running the church bazaar...."
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
What a EFFING WHOR E.. You cant get a good slu t anymore can you? If u want your di ck sucked you sure as heck cant trust a good sl ut for fear that US mag or the enquire will be right there stuffing 100 dollar bills in your other hole. She cant possible be ashamed of herself I mean lets face it who doesn't get fu cked these days without using a condom and NOT worry about getting knocked up or an STD.. CUZ honey your not the first hoe bag and wont be the last. The only difference is that YOUR trap is flappin..... YOUR parents MUST BE SO PROUD..
Who talks politics after sex? While we were spooning I suddenly realized our Gross National Product was pretty damn gross.
I like that they just decided to style her like Lauren Conrad and call it a day for the photo shoot. I respect that, could you imagine if you studied fashion or photography and then landed a job at a celeb magazine and your assignment was to dress some whore who banged Ashton Kutcher?
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@HwoodHumilation
I recently moved to LA and heard that 1 in 5 people are HIV+ here (and most don't know it). I will be pulling a "Cameron Diaz" and traveling for c-o-c-k from now on.
While Ashton might not have that many notches on his belt (considering he's been w/demi through most of his adult life)... this chic can now say she's fucked her way through the "rat pack" of the 80's ! (send Demi a thank you note atleast).
THIS WHORE. Ugh, she's talking to fucking Us Magazine like she's talking to her therapist! And for money. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that officially makes her a hooker.
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Devil's advocate.
She's so generic. Why do guys always cheat with generic chicks?
Vous êtes une salope, mademoiselle.
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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!
I've always had unprotected sex in the sense that I've never used a condom because I've always been on birth control (I can't get pregnant, I'm on it for the hormones) and the two people I've ever been with were virgins....if I met a celebrity though, even if it was sexy ASkars, I just couldn't do it without them wrapping it. You never know who they've been with or what they've got no matter what they say. Plus if you contracted something gross and tried to say "But I got it from ((name of celebrity))!" people are just going to laugh at your ass.
Of course it was such a surprise that he kissed her after she'd gone back to his hotel room and got naked in his hot tub. Duuhhh!
She was obviously a shy, virginal maid that got tricked into this whole thing.
BTW the fact that he considers himself an actor made me LOL. At most, he is just a past-his-prime model that can read a teleprompter...unconvincingly I might add.
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"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
Love how he gets all high and mighty about politics after screwing around on his wife. Summers Eve, indeed.
I miss the good old days when a ho knew her place, keep your legs open and your mouth SHUT.
*reminisces about proper whoring*
I can't believe people are focusing on the unprotected sex. I haven't had sex with a condom since the early 90's. No chicks have protected sex anymore. Although I did get the clap in the mid-90's and I gave it to my girlfriend at the time. Ooops!
"He laughed at everything I said" but he won't be laughing at this. Team TexasSlut
http://burning-plastic.tumblr.com/
Submitted by guest on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 10:35am.
jack....ohhhhhhhhhhh. LOL! why do they call it that?
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cuz you YANK on both of them :P
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"I have no snacks for you, only death." ~ annobanano, 08/03/2011
@Spicedong- I totally agree. I wouldn't be surprised if there are more HIV+ celebs then we know about.
BUT you bring up something interesting. Remember the famous herpes lawsuit from earlier in the year? Maybe Ashton is the herpes celeb and that's when all this started to go down? That was only a few months ago.
http://www.tmz.com/2011/06/20/herpes-lawsuit-settlement-milions-keith-da...
I'm an actor 90 percent of the time
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YEAH ...and a bad one at that ... * braggin' rights have been revoked *
Submitted by Vanilla cupcake on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 12:01pm.
In this day & age, was he that desperate for sex that he'd have it unprotected? I smell a pregnancy story coming out soon.
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In Touch already printed a pregnancy scandal last week.
it never ceases to amaze me how in this day and age these dumb fuck celebs make a point of fucking these whores RAW...it if weren't for all the new meds that delay the advance of HIV, it would be like the 80s and 90s again with celebs dying of AIDS left and right. The only difference is that in this case it will only be stupid untalented ones that should know better. If they aren't HIV+ with all the barebacking they do with random sluts, they must carry other STDs by now...not to mention that impregnating one of these skanks would serve their pocketbook right.
Wasn't there also a skank suing a celeb for giving her/him the herp? I thought I read that here a while back.
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"I paid good money to get eaten out" - Samantha Jones
Submitted by TexnDoc on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 11:25am.
"Did you vote for Perry" came up but "Ever had a raging case of herpes?" went unanswered of course.
LMAO!!!
And "loosey goosey" is also cracking me up.
In this day & age, was he that desperate for sex that he'd have it unprotected? I smell a pregnancy story coming out soon.
Wooooof.
It was obviously slim pickins that night.
with the understanding of how much marriage vows and shit means to uchitel, i'd safely say she's still on the market.
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 11:23am.
I'm surprised he didn't get his freak on with Rachel Uchitel. Hasn't she slept with anything with a peen and/or vag in Hollywood by now?
^^^^^^^^^^
Oh nay! She is off the market. The skanky married her much-younger trick in Las Vegas last week.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 9:18am.
What's with these totally bland blonde buy em buy the dozen bitches
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But I thought you LOVED Fishy!
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 11:25am.
LOL! ;) awwww, *swoon*
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
How charming of her.
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 9:57am.
Submitted by Whamo on Wed, 10/12/2011 - 9:18am.
HEY! This bland blonde buy em by the dozen girl resents that comment! ;)
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Now now Ms Jane, I think you put your real pick up once on your Avie didn't you? If that was you you if I remember you looked mighty fine from what I could see anyway.
I would a LEAST buy you're type by the half dozen ( I don't even know what that means but it's meant to be a compliment! ) LOL!
"Did you vote for Perry" came up but "Ever had a raging case of herpes?" went unanswered of course. I know which "Yes" response would have made Asshat leap out of bed fastest. LOL, and Bruce Willis is a big ole Republican isn't he.
I'm surprised he didn't get his freak on with Rachel Uchitel. Hasn't she slept with anything with a peen and/or vag in Hollywood by now?
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
I'm in Texas right now, and this morning, they had a guy call in who went to school with this hoe.
He said her last name is actually longer, more Hispanic, and changed it when she went to Texas A&M, which is predominately white.
He then said within a couple months of being there, she slept with a counselor. He said she slept with his friend, and told the dj she came off as being a loosey goosey.
Let me tell you, it is almost a job now for these young hoes to go after rich, famous men.
They have it all planned out and go in for the kill.
These dumb ass celebrities have no brains and do this kind of crap, not thinking that these hoes are doing it just to get their 15 minutes of fame.