Papa Joe Wants $500,000 To Tell The World What We Already Know
If hos think Beyonce is wearing a pillow baby then they must think that Jessica Simpson is wearing a California King mattress baby, because she looks like she's carrying a fetus that is about the size of that baby sitting on the table. (Sidenote: Your suspicions are correct. That's fear bleeding through that baby's eyes and he's hoping Jessica Simpson doesn't smell the banana baby food on his breath. She'll mistake him for a bananas fosters dumpling and swallow him whole. It's happened before.) But Papa Joe seems to think in his Christian pimp head of his that the news EVERYONE already knows is worth some cheese (not that kind of cheese, Jessica, put your ladle away) and he wants the tabloids to drop it in his lap. Page Six put it like this:
Sources told Page Six that Simpson, with the help of her father/manager, Joe Simpson, refused to say she is expecting until she had a deal in place. The the singer/fashion designer and mentor on NBC’s “Fashion Star” had been shopping a deal to the celebrity weeklies to announce the news and sell the eventual baby photos. We’re told the Simpsons were asking up to $500,000 to close the deal.And Jessica has been hiding an obvious bump in recent photos to keep showbiz’s worst kept secret. Last night OK! posted the cover story, “Yes, I’m Having A Baby.”
Papa Joe needs to slap himself straight to church if he thinks Jessica's stupid pregnancy announcement is worth half a million dollars. That heffalump heffa's obvious news isn't even worth 500 Chuck E. Cheese tokens (which can be traded in for a pizza slice). During her Newlyweds days, she might have gotten $500 and a box of titty cream for Nick, but not today. Bitch is a glorified cobbler who can't even cobble!
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Loathe her, her father and their machinations.
Cannot BELIEVE people buy her products - I would shut her ass down in a minute by encouraging EVERYONE to not feed this machine.
What bothers me is that Jessica Simpson could have any man but got knocked up by some random derp-face. I know she is made fun of for being dumb but those big boobs and that pretty face could make her bank with the right baby daddy. Maybe she's pulling a Halle Berry and just using Eric Johnson (is that his name?) as a sperm donor?
If I had her fame and bombshell good looks (pre-fat-mom-jeans-wearing-Jess anyway), I'd be ringing the bell at Leo DiCaprio or Sean Bean's house.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
Who gives a crap what this no talent fatass has growing inside her? She went from Virgin Violet to Open All Night Nellie.
Very concerned that Simpleton seriously would consider a Twinkie as okay soft food for her baby. I hope she has a grown-up at the ready when the little one arrives. *concerned face*
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Bugs Bunny 'What's Opera, Doc?"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2VMqQ6XnmI (Beginning portion)
Dre,Eminem, Skylar- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VA770wpLX-Q&ob=av3e
I like Jessica. She seems sweet, and isn't half as bad as every other famewhore celebrity out there. Why blame her for shopping around for a deal when every other pregnant celebrity does the same? She's been wanting a baby since her Newlywed days. If she is preggers, good for her. Her baby daddy hit the lotto!
And to think that ordinary people with more interesting lives than delusional JSimp actually PAY for baby announcements on papers when they want to annoy strangers with their own No One Cares Bro news.
Loathe, loathe, loathe this derp-derp b!tch and her creepy @$$ pimp father. They all started the famewh0re reality family trend that paved the way for the Hiltons, Blohans, Kartrashians, etc.
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
Whatever, let McDonald's pay her in mcgriddles
When even Britney's sister got $1 Million for her baby pics, and you cant barely get 500k, I think it's time you knew you were irrelevant.
I don't know who started this trend of pimping out your pregnancy & first kid pics to tabloids for money, but they need to be shot in the head.
Don't these braindead celebs understand that, by selling their kids pics for money, they're making their kid a public figure? Now that child has limited privacy rights and can be hounded by tabloids legally, not to mention all the hassles they're going to have to deal with growing up (school bullies, kids making fun of them, etc). They're pretty much guaranteeing their kid will need therapy, just so they can say they did exactly like every other stupid celeb. I wish these dumbass celebs would THINK first before acting like lemmings...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
I am going to point my finger at Brangelina and Cruise for this trend.
I never heard of such a thing until Shiloh came as the next messaiah.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie
Babies for profit. Babies for profit. Babies as accessories. It's sickening.
I went to my niece's volleyball game. Teenage girls walking around with babies on their hips surrounded by other teenage admirerers. It's sickening.
Ask not what the baby can do for you, but for what you can do for the baby. just my opin.
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@Anonymoussss :)
HB to Tom Petty
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 10:04pm.
this shit made me laugh so hard i choked. thanks.
jessucka is not worth a billion dollars. her company is. still, bitch does not need the money. and no one gives a fuck about her these days. not even the people i know that are close with her family. no one gives a shit. why is she even on a tv show right now? i wish they'd fade out but honestly, id watch 3 hours of them before i'd watch 20 seconds of that kardashian shit.
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A baby's first words should not be: "DEATH DON'T TAKE ME NOW!!!" - MK
This bitch...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Oh, hell, I have probably the mighty oak of assholes. If you peered into it, you'd probably see the face of a wise old woman who would tell you to follow your heart and dance through the colors of the wind." -MK
please do not assume all Texans are like this trashy family. they are an embarrassment to our great state!
Submitted by cici on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 9:38pm.
I somehow suspect he never preached 1 Timothy 6:10. Or if he did, it was a sign of life's supreme irony.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Having out of wed lock babies and being a closet drunk is a total Texas Christian. Theres a church and liquor store on every corner.
Submitted by cici on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 9:38pm.
Yes LOL Joe Simpson has found a new GOD, and its name is MONEY.
From the gospel of Bank of America 1.42 Genesis from the book Deposit Funds. Thou shall pimp daughter's ass for money.
Lord hear our prayers, when TMZ called and offered me $250,000, i said no. Lord hear our prayers, when National Enquirer rang and offered $300,000 i said no. Lord hear our prayer. And on the third day, People Magazine called and offered $500,000 for baby photos, foetus photo, to film the birth delivery for an extra $20,000, i said YES YES! Lord hear our prayeerrrrr...
Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 8:32pm.
Bet she eats the placenta.
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Thank you for making me choke on my drink.
Good way to get herself back in the limelight. Get knocked up and have another reality TV show documenting her every move until birth. PUKE!
Wow -- going from Christian preacher to selling his divorced daughter's out-of-wedlock pregnancy to the highest bidder..
She's trying to stock away as much money as possible because she knows that keeping her Gold-Digger in the style to which he wishes to become accustomed will cost a pretty penny.
Submitted by shandi on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 6:37pm.
People should follow Carrie Moss's example. Keep your pregnancy in your private life, and do the same for childbirth and baby life.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
The baby will inherit the Yalie's looks, Simpleton's brains,Daddy Simpson's laziness,Ashley's emotional instability, and the drinker gene of them all.
Submitted by charlie loves tiger on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 7:15pm.
What would be really great is to see her birth them like we did in the sixties and seventies with a pack of Wintons
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I am a fan of your statement. Any ideas on how to reverse this? I see it in my own neighborhood and sadly, though SUV-less, am a part of that lineup at times.
LOL @ Dementa!
HB to Tom Petty
Submitted by becky n sydney on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 8:32pm.
Smothered in bacon and mayo.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Bet she eats the placenta.
HB to Tom Petty
Submitted by Haribo on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 5:51pm.
No need to pay half a million to announce something that is eventually going to make a visible announcement anyway. Unless she's planning on staying indoors for 9 months.
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Exactly.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Two for two on divorces before 30. Two for two on out-of-wedlock pregnancies. Two for two on drunken debauchery. Two for two on being sluts. Papa Joe's youth ministry worked wonders on his trashy daughters.
She doesn't have ENOUGH money? Seriously? My God, the greed.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
That kid better get JS's looks--the baby daddy is fug.
Whereas Nick and Vanessa will undoubtedly spawn gorgeous. That's just the way it is.
What would be really great is to see her birth them like we did in the sixties and seventies with a pack of Wintons in one hand and a bottle of Crown Royal next to the coffee maker. That was just standard shit back then when all my kids were conceived. There was a whole fucking pack of them that would come over about 8 am after I left for work, at least 10 of them. At least two of three of them would be pregnant and on would go the coffee and out would come the cigarettes and out would come the Crown Royal shots in coffee. It was just stand procedure. Those bitches would all sit around for a while and talk about what vegetables were fresh at the market. It was just the way it was. And the kids turned out great. Now you got the imaginary boogie man on the corner and parents are scared to death sitting on corners in their big fucking rolling tank on wheels driving home their obese kids to their tomb houses they can't afford when they should be at home kicking back and having fun waiting for their kids to walk home. It's really, really gross. I live in an area where there is an elementary school one mile away with plentiful, safe sidewalks the whole way. But everyday, at 2 pm, there are suv's, one after another, rolling tanks on wheels, lined up for a mile to pick up their fucking kids to go home 2-4 blocks. WALK THOSE GODDAMN KIDS. No one is going to get them. Stop the paranoia, get out the Winstons, the Crown Royal, and get back to basics.
@LaChaylo - RIGHT? haha thought Jessica was worth like a billion dollars, why would she need a paltry half-million????? Plus Jessica can sell the whole birthing/marriage/raising a baby/losing the baby weight thing on reality tv(COUGH seacrest COUGH) which is probably what she's gunning for.
Anna Nicole Smith will always be the #1 big tittied frog from Texas.
Submitted by mike on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 5:29pm.
Actually, the only way they could get Jessica to pose with that baby is by coating his back with barbeque sauce.
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Ahahahahahahaha! With a side of buttered corn bread.
They keep demanding money because magazines and websites continually give it to them. And until every one of these magazines is out of business, it won't stop. For the kinds of people who grace the covers, this is their livelihood. Go to your local newsstands and I guarantee not 1 of the people you see has any talent. They make more money selling off their lives, so why not if people keep feeding into it.
Bitches, please.
1. It's not a secret.
2. No one gives a shit about the toad.
3. WTF do they need $500,000 from a rag story when bitch has a "fashion empire?"
Seriously, FML.
Why do these celebrity assholes continue to think we give a shit that they're doing the same fucking thing millions of "commoners" do every fucking day? Narcissistic cunts.
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You dumb bitch, I am home.-MK
Submitted by jackie on Thu, 10/20/2011 - 5:45pm.
This hussy used to have a Christian persona? Is she the wild preacher's daughter or something?
This is getting ridiculous now. Celebs demanding money to announce their pregnancy and then demanding money for the first photos of their baby. People announce pregnancies everyday. People show off their baby pictures every day. For celebs to think their pregnancies/baby pictures are worth money is ridiculous.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
hope no one offers anything substantial at all ever.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
"That heffalump heffa's..."
MK, you and the ghost of Dr. Seuss need to collaborate on a book.
That poor baby is like, "Harpo, who dis woman?"
And not that I care about stuff like this, but this why is this former conservative minister broadcasting his daughter's out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Is it okay, as long as one can make money off of it? Because I'm sure that if it was someone else, he'd but blabbing is fucking mouth about abstinence if not married and all that other crap. Typical religious hypocrites who hide their shameless greed behind god.
And, I think the baby belongs to Papa Joe.
Is everyone sure she's not just still fat? There's been lots of blind items about desperate hags and fake pregnancies, and noone is as desperate as this tranny.
Unless the father of the baby is Papa Joe, 500k is about $499,999.99 too expensive. What a stupid bitch.
500 grand for a pregnancy announcement?
smh.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Isn't she a natural blonde? What is up with those roots?!
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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." -Lucille Ball-sy
Got nothing to add except I am a card carrying baby hater but this kid is freaking ADORABLE.
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Sounds like what an Old French Whore might offer. "Yeeees, I will au vin your coq and for a few francs more also shia laboeuf...." --- ImpertinentVixen
Since when are babies Meal Tickets. Oh yea.Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise started this trend.
Bastards.
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Brevity may be the soul of wit, but to twit without wit is soulless -- Johanne Savoie