Every Copy Of Photoshop Just Deleted Itself
Because Hugh Hefner can't remember what flavor of breakfast pudding he had this morning let alone the fact that every pair of eyeballs on this planet have seen Lindsay Lohan's freckled titty sacks so much that we could all draw them from memory on an Etch-A-Sketch, Playboy is writing her a check for almost $1 million to flash those saggy zombie tits in a cover spread called "The Last Nail In My Career's Coffin Has Nipples!"
TMZ says that Playboy originally offered LiLo $750,000 and she spit on that number, because she thinks her crusty nooks and crannies are worth at least $1 million. So Playboy came back with an unknown number that just under $1 million, and since her lawyer's firm doesn't accept rim jobs as payment, she snatched up that deal. They started shooting the spread this past weekend and E! News is hearing it's for the January 2012 issue (aka The Apocalypse of HoHan's Career Issue). E! is also saying that the entire spread will include zero nipples and zero shots of her bare ashcrotch (that fire was put out a long time ago).
Hustler and the producers of soft-core porn movies didn't even bother countering Playboy's offer since they know that in about 6 months they can get HoHan for a half bottle of Thunderbird and a small pile of sea jasper pebbles.
You know who should really get $1 million for this spread? The brave soul who has to burn their knuckles off while Photoshopping that mess. They have to turn LiLo's "candy corn shat out of hell's asshole" teeth into glistening white Chiclets. They have to brush away her bruises and use the shit out of the methadone tool to erase the meth from her face. Hugh Hefner is totally going to have to give that Photoshop artist the "Remember your training, and you will make it out alive!" speech from Starship Troopers. Reserve the Purple Heart for that Photoshop artist, because they're going to deserve it when all is airbrushed and done.
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"Hustler and the producers of soft-core porn movies didn't even bother countering Playboy's offer since they know that in about 6 months they can get HoHan for a half bottle of Thunderbird and a small pile of sea jasper pebbles."
Oh, MK, oh MK... So mean, so funny, and so very, very true.
She does what her handlers tell her to do, I guess. They're whoring her out just like her mother did.
Does anyone really want to see that?
The only spread she should be concerned with is the Land O' Lakes in the prison canteen. If she needed the ca$h, why couldn't she have convinced SamRo to pose for "Men" Magazine?
At this point, a Playboy spread can't even be considered good publicity. More like free advertising. . .
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
Lindsay's photoshoot theme will be a "connect the dots" theme. She'll have a marker and will be drawind a crack pipe on her stomach.
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
I can't wait to see if her firecrotch has freckles!
Here's to hoping Hef photoshops out the herp warts, but leaves the angel kisses.
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
Lindsay's getting a dollar per freckle. (Ali must be counting the spots on her chest as we speak.)
I wanna do a big fat line of Sea Jasper..
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
F*ck youth, how about a fountain of smart..
That's a lot of sea Jasper cash...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
F*ck youth, how about a fountain of smart..
Dad in custody in Florida (AKA America's Wang) after being busted on a domestic. Mom walking around looking like a 40 dollar escort and photographed making out with daughter #1. Daughter #1 "hitting the big time" with a Playboy spread. Daughter #2 mugging in obscure fashion publications for drug/facial implant money. Sons? Who knows, probably raping toddlers and cutting up bunny rabbits.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you this generation's answer to the Vanderbilts.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
LOL @ zombie titties.
meh, playboy got conned. this family should just keep it real and head back to the carnival they came from.
i was wondering if that fool got dressed or wore the gown. he did both!
does this mean she has to do hef now? isn't that part of the contract. or is that just for the non-celebs? so many questions. as if she is one but still.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 1:04pm.
you guys gotta see this!
http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/25/michael-lohan-domestic-violence-hospital-g...
HAHAHAHAHA cop shudda gave him body cavity search w/rusty cattle prod
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 1:04pm.
There is no way that Lindsay could ever top this, not even by doing a spread eagle. That was hilarious!
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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!
She should be paying Playboy.
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 12:44pm.
Wanna bet there's a market for these pics?
Yeah, they've got to use something to line shit boxes of all those puppies at the pound.
you guys gotta see this!
http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/25/michael-lohan-domestic-violence-hospital-g...
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
OMG PSL AND SWEETASSSS OUT FUCKING RAGED!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
WTF? Alice from the Brady Bunch wasn't available???
PSL omg. "I'm outraged!!1one!" And? So? My eyes hurt from rolling them so hard today.
"Every Copy Of Photoshop Just Deleted Itself"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Perfection.
What the hell is she going to do, shove a camera up her ass? I mean, at this point, we've seen it all and for free.
Will someone please do a montage of her drunken naked pictures and get it over with already? I'd actually prefer to see the montage than the Playboy schmaltz.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:43am.
The HOR!!! The HOR!
Fixed that for you love. ;)
Lindsay's latest:
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2011/10/lindsay-lohan-outraged-she...
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Make it like a memory
Take away the sound and the sight
There will never be another love
With the power of , you and I
-Barbra Streisand
Wanna bet there's a market for these pics?
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Rusty, tu nous manque! Sois gentil et donne-nous de tes nouvelles!
shades of Maggie Gyllenhaal melty face goin' on in the main pic.
Yes, you are.
And don't blame us if you go blind! We warned you!
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
Am I the only one who will look?!
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The difficult brown?! I think we're all done here. -MK
Submitted by SitInACorner on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:28am.
If I wanted to see a nasty, dying, withering piece of flabby freckles I'd go stare at the week old banana in my kitchen. Same friggin thing.
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This made me laugh--hard.
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 9:28am.
Lohans. Nudity. Sex. Ejaculation.
I'm traumatized. Class action lawsuit anyone?
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I'm in. This family has seriously ruined my life. I don't even know who I am anymore.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
Well...I guess there goes her Oscar.
Her need for "the drugs" (tm Margaret Cho's mother) must be very strong, because I think this is a considerable step down from being on DWTS. She'll be hanging out with Octomom and Chicken Cutlets next.
Submitted by Nanners on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 11:20am.
$750,000 and 15 minutes to snatch as much shit as she can from the Playboy mansion.
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THAT I would actually sit down to watch.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
If I wanted to see a nasty, dying, withering piece of flabby freckles I'd go stare at the week old banana in my kitchen. Same friggin thing.
$750,000 and 15 minutes to snatch as much shit as she can from the Playboy mansion.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Wasn't she pretty much nude in that Marilyn photo shoot she did a few years ago? I can't believe they offered her that much!
I would totally pose for Larry Flint.
queue the "playboy is tasteful art" rendition that eveyone pumps out when they finally pimp themselves out to Hugh. Im pretty sure Hef is alive because he has figured out a way to live off of the bloated bs quotes, e true hollywood stories, editorials, and programs that spout out endless diatribes about how groundbreaking, beautiful, classy, and tasteful his magazine is all while ignoring the obvious - you get girls to take off their clothes to sell magazines. at least larry flint knows what a dirty old man he is and doesn't hide behind a created image of wholesomeness
Dina Lohan is 100% in support of Lindsay's Playboy photo shoot. She tells X17online exclusively, "The photo shoot went well."
Was WO there to watch or did they Skype about it?
Shudder.
The HORROR!!! The HORROR!
at first glance i thought it was lilo's mom which is not a compliment considering lindsay is only 25. and i totally don't get the peeps who are eager to pay that much to take pics of her. the heck...
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Submitted by Datura : "Hasn't everyone who cares to already seen this scrunt's nipples and arse on the internet for free?"
I don't even care to, and I have.
The rotting, decomposing sarcophagus otherwise known as Hugh Hefner should just go directly to hell for even thinking of putting that methed-out scarecrow in a magazine.
They should just display her skanky ass in meat locker. It worked for Khaddaffy.
Seriously, Playboy needs to die. They're just sustaining the Blohan drama and allowing it to go on. It's obscene to waste $1 million like that.
the issue will sell 100 copies, and I will laugh my ass off.
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Won't you come a bit closer, close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this, I can't stand to burn too long.
-Tool
Dog,
LOL. Cuz you're good and you're starting to know me well. ;) I'm silly and a horny toad. xD
Submitted by Andrei on Tue, 10/25/2011 - 10:29am.
Google "Lindsay's tits" and you'll see 'em for free.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Why doesn't this surprise me that you know this? ♥
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
One rosy day in the near future, Lilo will slowly unwrap her guest edition of her Playboy performance, gush at the marvel of airbrushing, the body she never knew she had, the angels dancing in the background and the barrage of tears at the knowledge that once again she hoodwinked America once again.
Such are the joys and high pay-offs of the most extraordinary orchestrated performances known to supposedly troubled starlets. If only all troubled crack heads could resurrect their existence with such aplomb….
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2011/10/my-hero-lindsay-lohan-agrees-to-...
She'll spend the money on one diamond ring and then go sell her PUSSAY for cigs.
A millions dollars for Lohan? Wow, that's 333,333.33 per nipple!