Blind Items: I Guess, You Guess
Here is a conversation last week that an A list talk show host had with his/her staff about booking someone.
The talk show host and some producers were were in a light production meeting just going over the upcoming schedule. The talk show host mentioned that they want more general guests on the show and to cut back on other parts of the show. The host was also open to having cooking segments come in. One of the producers suggested Giada because it would be a nice ratings booster to have both of them together. The host pondered the suggestion but said nothing. The one of the other producers said.
Producer: Just make sure to keep Giada away from the band.
Host: Laughs
Producer who suggested it: What?
Host: You know!
Producer who suggested it: Know what? Oh, because of the John Mayer thing? That was made up by Star Magazine.
AT that point the talk show host started talking about how the producer was clueless about what Giada's deal is and that it is way more than rumors. Apparently Giada would confide in a stylist who also styled the talk show host and was not shy about spilling what was spilled to him which basically included that Giada often would use the excuse of "production meetings" to go meet with guys. The talk show host then called Giada a word that begins with an s and rhymes with mutt.
The producer who suggested her then asked, "so she is out then?"
The talk show host then replied, "who else do you have besides the blowjob queen?" (CDAN)
The "would be a nice ratings booster to have both of them together" sort of gives it away and so I'll go with Giada's supposed arch rival Rachael Ray. If it is Rachael, then the EV-HO-HO she's drizzling on top of Giada is infused with potent jealousy, because that ho's big gay husband lets the giggles overtake his face whenever she tries to blow him and it usually ends up with him telling her that they should tickle each other instead. Can you even imagine Rachael moaning during a beej? That shit would sound like a snoring Mastiff with laryngitis.Furtherwhore, since when is "blowjob queen" an insult? Some sluts suck on the peen for most of their lives just so they can be crowned the blowjob queen. I'm not even the blowjob court jester.
Which two current Dancing with the Stars contestants were this close to being related by marriage? The wannabe hoofer, who almost married into the famous family, isn’t talking because his ex was—and still is—the black sheep of that celebrated clan! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
Chaz Bono and Khloe Kardashian (related to Rob, of course). DONE!
Or, Kristin Calamariswhatever and Brody Jenner (related to Rob). DOUBLE DONE!
Which D list actress and sometimes musician, is currently working on getting pregnant from several of the men in her life so that she can get in the press again? We think she’s most likely going to say the father is her ‘husband.’ (BuzzFoto)
Jada Pinkeye-Smith?
A popular married television personality who’s also a chronic cheater had an affair a few years ago with a woman (also married with kids) who’s now become his colleague. The colleague ran into his wife recently. The wife decided they would have a little conversation. There were no pleasantries. The wife pretty much opened with - who did you have to f-ck to get this new position? How many people have you fucked to get to where you are now? The colleague, obviously mortified, as they’re actually in a place crawling with parents and children, frequented by their own children, tried to be civil, tried to downplay the hostilities. No, the wife wasn’t interested in having a dignified discussion in public. She kept up her line of questioning about the colleague’s career mobility with pointed questions about how much time she’d spent on her back to get to where she is. The badgering continued, the wife was relentless, until the colleague rushed away. The wife is now boasting about the incident to all the ladies in the circle and beyond, convinced that the reason the colleague is getting so much play on the network these days is because she’s willing to give up so much play for the executives, the way she gave it up for her husband.
This isn’t the first time the wife has behaved aggressively. Her husband has pleaded with her to chill out when they’re in public as it could affect his reputation, like his constant dicking isn’t the major contributor to that. Still, her target right now is his colleague and the colleague’s reputation and she seems to be willing, happily willing, to share with anyone who asks how this colleague is earning all her jobs ...though I wonder if all that casting couching is enough since, you know, Julia Roberts didn’t seem to be aware. (Lainey Gossip)
Does the wife make housecalls? Sometimes my soul feels down in the toilet hole and I really need a crazed cunt to call me a shameless opportunist whore (whoreportunist). It would give my self-esteem a boner.And I'm watching Today right now, so I'm going to guess Matt Lauer and Ann Curry? And then I'm going to cough up a heave from picturing Ann whispering "goodmorninggoodmorning" into Matt's ear.
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Every time I tell my husband about Giada being the subject of these blinds, he falls more in love with her. He said if she ever shows up at our house, my ass is out the door! The next time we watch her show, I will probably have to leave the room so he can be alone with his pants around his ankles.
@ Dementa: some people like giving blow jobs... it is ejoyable for both. I sucked my thumb till i was six. and my boyfriend's dick sort of looks like a really huge chocolate ice cream cone :)
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Just hit the mute button or turn your ears into vaginas (aka fold them over each other). - MK
And born rich Giada gets richer while the rest of us get nothing.
@I heart Natalie:
who the hell would want to fork rachel ray?
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"The world is a pretty nice place if you're happy"
John Garfield
No one lives forever
Number three: Juilette Lewis maybe? I lost a lot of respect for her when she became a Scientologist.
Ok so Blind Item 1 is most definitely Giada/Rachael. But Blind Item 2 is a little confusing. The "family" is obviously the Kardashians, but the individual that was supposed to marry into the family is referred to as a "he" and Kristin Cavallari is a female. So the best answer I could think of was Meta World Peace/Khloe Kardashian.
"I make myself sick, get on my own nerves. Immature, insecure grown up nerd."
-Fatlip (The Pharcyde)
" I don't care for Giada as a personality, but I LOVE her marinara sauce."
Oh, my God - I concur! That sauce is fantastic. I can even fuck it up and it tastes good.
As to Giada, I think she's an absolute control freak who masquerades as fun-loving. She's all "Yeah, just have your friends come over and pitch in!", meanwhile she's thinking "Don't touch a fucking thing, please."
Sarah Smile
Who ever that chick is, she has great tits.
MK, you forgot about Ron Artest (I can't with the other name). He and one of the Kuntrashians could have been bumping titties.
If Jada got pregnant again the kid would for sure be Will's not "some man in her life" just look at their children they are clearly related to both of them. Now whether they make their babies the old fashioned way or not is up for debate but the kid would be both of theirs biologically.
Yeah, who the fuck is going to spend time reading those WAY TOO LONG (and horribly written) CDAN & Lainey blinds?
Condense this shit next time.
The talk show host was either Coco, Fallon or Kimmel (not that I don't think Leno or Letterman wouldn't say stuff like this - I just think those three are more likely to have said it). The band is the tip-off, too. Ray, Ellen, Nate Berkus, etc. don't have bands.
Ah, Giada - you're so European.
As for Jada getting pregnant: she'd only use "other men in her life" as sperm donors for artificial insemination, so why wouldn't she actually use her "husband" for the same purpose? I think this item is about someone else who wants to jump on the "baby bump" (BLEH) wagon for attention and profit, but it could be anyone.
I'm going with Regis, Kelly and Joy as the badgering wife for the last BI.
Clearly written by a man... I mean who told you that women moan during a "beej". You have seen deepthroat one time too many and are using movies to comment on reality, a la Russ Meyer. Booh! Unlike.
Reading that CDAN blind is like listening to an 11 year old girl recall a fight thatt happened at recess that day. "and she was like" "so then she"
Submitted by buttercuppery on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 11:46am.
Ann Curry is the dumbest person on TV. I am flabbergasted every time I hear her talk that she remains in journalism. She must have a golden vagina.
^^^THIS. I know, right?! She is TERRIBLE. I honestly don't understand her "success".
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Douchechill!
Double post. Oops.
Two things:
Giada creeps me out when she says "Creamy" - Ick. However, she will soon grow into her hands, and lose her hair. You've seen some of the older ladies she has on her show? The nicest bewbs on the earth can't combat that.
Ann Curry is the dumbest person on TV. I am flabbergasted every time I hear her talk that she remains in journalism. She must have a golden vagina.
As a noob to this, I'm not sure where I have more fun: reading MK's stuff or lurking in this piece, here.
Submitted by EastEndGirl on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 9:12am.
Hekki, her parm chips, smashed baby potatoes, and lamb burgers (which I make into free formed meatloaf), oh wait four, lemon risotto, her recipe is the best!
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OOH! I love cooking chats. ITA on Giada. She can be really annoying (everything is "just like that") but her food is great. I have 2 of her cookbooks.
My contribution to her list of good recipes is the chocolate tiramisu. I made it once for a holiday and I was asked to make it several more times after that. Its a little labor intensive but you end up a hero so its totally worth it. She also has a great white bean dip.
Ugh my first thought when I read the super long blind about the wife jumping over the woman was how pathetic the wife is. Seriously?
I'm glad someone explained that Julia Roberts line. I didn't get it either.
I was hoping she had something to do with it. I love "Julie Roberts is a bitch" stories.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:26am.
... our pornsoaked culture... because totally pushing a woman's boundaries confers extra studly status on the dude.
Girls tired of the straightjacket of "good" would then do it to score points with the boys, and prove how fun and cool they were...
Before anyone even says it, participating in one's own oppression does not make oppression OK. All it means is that this person does not have the inner fortitude or outward resources to resist social programming. Often their lives depend on aligning with and pleasing... The system has been set up this way on purpose...
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I can't argue or disagree with that reasoning. There is definitely some truth to this, and I suppose the same can be said for gay relationships and encounters... there is always that dynamic of an exchange of power.
However, like anything else, the meaning evolves over time and the script often gets flipped. In the case of BJs, there is now indeed a sense of pride in being the "queen" of it. It's like, if you're going to do something 'naughty', it's best to be the BEST at it. And by being the best, you are actually being the more powerful one - allegedly.
This brings me to an interesting observation: the need to brag about one's skills and overall skankiness is, in itself, a form of social programming. The D is a PRIME example.
Not sure where I am going with this, or where society is going, but I agree with justincase that in general, Tit for Tat (so to speak) is the way to go.
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WORDS MEAN NOTHING, fashion speaks volumes. -MK
Sexual acts that are only pleasant for one person (like blow jobs) piss me off. And the fact that most of those acts that are accepted (hetero buttsex, oral sex) are aimed at the guy's pleasure says a lot.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
I love how MK always incorporates Mastiffs into his stories! Mine stepped on me last night and now I have a huge saucer sized bruise on my leg.
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I feel your pain, I have Mastiffs too and it hurts like a son of a bitch when they step on you. My dog Moose also has the endearing habit of digging his elbows into my legs when he lays on me. Kinda painful considering he weighs 180 lbs. Even so I wouldn't trade my wrinkle faced, slobberpusses for all the money in the world.
Regarding the post, I always knew Giada was a big time skank. If any of you watch her show on FN, she blatantly flirts with guys at her gatherings and her husband always seems so sad.
Fuck you Lainey!! I swear that bitch thinks she's the Hemingway of gossip bloggers. Cunty failed actress who thinks she failed because she was too good for Hollywood. I can't stand her.
Blow job queen means you are doing it right!
Submitted by amrun on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:26am.
Oooh got this one solved. Its Natalie Morales. A few years ago at the Emmys red carpet Julia Roberts let out a big cackle and said "Who's Natalie"? When someone mentioned appearing on the morning show with Natalie the next day.
Its gotta be Matt because hes a kown horndog with a beeeyotch of a wife who keeps filing for divorce then retracting. Plus -process of elimiation there is noone else besides Al on that show. At least I don't think it could possibly be Al-do you? Natalie was conspicuously absent this morning.
totally.
I don't hate Natalie but I really hate Ann. For the longest, I've said to myself, who is this woman sleeping with to have this job, because she can't read the news, she's an awful interviewer, and she's sort of blah personality-wise. And that was when she was #2...much less now that she's #1.
I suppose she was a logical choice for #1 since she was #2. Natalie, however, sort of came out of left field. So it would be velly intelesting to know how she got that job.
Giada's got such an excellent figure. Big old tits, tiny body, and tanned skin. I love a lot of her recipes, but I can't watch her show anymore. I just imagine her guzzling on John Mayer's dick! And I don't mind someone being a blowjob queen, but it's the fact that she's obviously kinky as hell but pretends to be a happy wife and mother that gives me the creeps. She's a weird one. Her gayish, prematurely aged husband is strange as well.
TL;DR; DGAF
Is there any fucking reason for these [clearly made up] blind items to be so long? Just cut to the damn chase. We don't need to know about every single CUM SHOT that took place.
Submitted by PrettyHateMachine on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 9:44am.
Any time. Have fun!_______________________________________________
If somebody gets in your way step on them.
1. is paula deen cause shes a filthy drunken whore
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Submitted by Migraineuse on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:26am.
"Furtherwhore, since when is "blowjob queen" an insult? Some sluts suck on the peen for most of their lives just so they can be crowned the blowjob queen. I'm not even the blowjob court jester."
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"something only 'bad' girls did, something a dude could talk his girlfriend into doing and then brag about it, because totally pushing a woman's boundaries confers extra studly status on the dude, almost as studly as committing rape itself but with fewer possible legal consequences."
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Before oral, this statement could be applied to sex itself, before that to French kissing, etc. Sex was something "good girls" weren't supposed to think about, weren't supposed to want -- biological imperatives and basic desires be damned.
I don't necessarily think the problem lies with the sex acts themselves. It's those damn ideas (imposed largely by men, perpetuated by men and women both) about what a "good" woman or girl is supposed to do.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Snowy, you pick the leaves, layer them, roll them (don't start to smoke them) then run the knife through the rolls. Makes lovely chiffony bits. So yar, basically looks like a blunt with no paper. Knife width wise.
And yes, just cheezy goodness!
Submitted by Crawford67 on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 9:38am.
Thanks for the tips! I figured it would be a cheap and easy costume..kind of like Lindsay ;)
also how the fuck does one "chiffon" basil?
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
EEG so they are just made of parm? NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM
please send me some (not thru the Canadian Postal System)
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
@ Pretty Hate Machine
I did the Lindsay Lohan bit for my annual Halloween bash and it was a hit, so definitely go for it! I whited out my face, wore frosted lipstick and black "blush", with bruises on my arms, a huge white courtroom scarf around my neck, and Handcuffs....the nailer. Everyone thought it was a hoot!________________________________________________
If somebody gets in your way step on them.
Submitted by bonghits4jesus on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 9:31am.
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:36am
as a woman, am i allowed to suck cock because i like & enjoy it or do i need permission from neo-victorian feminists to exercise my sexuality in acceptable forms? honestly - i don't understand.
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Me neither. Excuse me while I go back to happily sucking my own dick.
PS: Mary Wollestonecraft sucked major dick. Trust.
EEG♥ I am drooling!! Now off to google the rest of those recipies.
OT boooobehs
Submitted by Bjork You on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:36am
as a woman, am i allowed to suck cock because i like & enjoy it or do i need permission from neo-victorian feminists to exercise my sexuality in acceptable forms? honestly - i don't understand.
What Hekki said. Giada is obnoxious but her recipes are awesome.
That having been said, I'd rather motorboat the TRUE Hot Slut of the Food Network, Ina Garten, any day.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
You are most welcome Hekki!
I agree with the #1. Giada totally guzzled down on John's douchenoozle.
Braska, so elegant, so easy!
Grated parm (real shit, do not buy pre done) lemon or lime zest (boobies uses lemon I use lime) chiffoned fresh basil. Toss lightly with hand drop by handful on parchment paper. 400 oven for about 6 minutes (till golden).
When first removed you can form them around a glass to make a bowl. I display them in risotto's or just as fab sides to italian dishes.
LOL if that is Rachael for #1, it's kind of hilarious. Can you picture those two cheerful chipmunks with their ginormous fake smiles hugging and giggling on camera, and the whole time they're ready to shank each other?
I know I'm in the minority, but I like Rachael better. Something has always bothered me about the way Giada speaks, especially those Italian words.
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Wed, 10/26/2011 - 8:33am.
WTF. I am actually kinda smart (shut it, Jack)
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I read that damn thing 15 times and still can't follow it...
*shares my crayons with MJT*
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"I wonder if Viola adopted a white baby because no one seems to want them anymore. *LOL* ~ stefystef, 10/19/2011
EEG: I know what we're having for dinner tonight! *blows kiss to EEG*
Im going with Paula Dean for number 1
EEG what are parm chips? that sounds NOMNOMNOM
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11