Maury Just Dropped His Cards And Left The Stage For Good
This is exactly why the Belieber ward of the county mental hospital should not show any episode of Maury in its TV room. Star Magazine (via Radar) reports that a 20-year-old grown woman named Mariah Yeater has sued 17-year-old Justin Bieber and is claiming what biological scientists have already found to be impossible. Mariah wants the Barbie-crotched Canadian Jesus to take a paternity test, because she claims he put a baby in her womb after a concert one night. You know, unlike Justin, most of us know how babies are made. And most of us also know that there's a greater chance of me conceiving a baby by inseminating my dead prostate with a drop of this cotton candy ice cream than there is Justin making a baby with a grown ass woman. But a crazy bitch gotta sue, who a crazy bitch gotta sue.
Mariah writes in a hand-written sworn affidavit that one of Justin's bodyguards came up to her during his show in L.A. on October 25th of last year and asked her if she wanted to go backstage. I guess reenacting the bedroom sex scene of Boys Don't Cry with her in the Chloe Sevigny role and Justin as Brandon Teena has always been on Mariah's cum bucket list, because she went backstage. Mariah then goes on to write some shit that sounds like Justin Bieber fanfiction written by Stephenie Meyer. Warning: You might want to turn off the part of your brain that creates images before your eyes go any further.
"After waiting for a short period of time with several young women, Justin Bieber appeared and engaged me in conversation. Immediately, it was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another, and we began to kiss. Shortly thereafter, Justin Bieber suggested that I go with him to a private place where we could be alone. I agreed to go with him and on the walk to a private area, he told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time.After walking away from the other people backstage, Justin Bieber found a place where we could be alone -- a bathroom. We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me. At the time I asked him to put a condom for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to.
In his own words, he said that because it was his first time he wanted to feel everything. He was on top of me with my legs around him. At the time I was on top of some type of shelf. The sexual intercourse itself was brief, lasting only approximately 30 seconds."
30 seconds... Okay, maybe she is truth telling after all. Nine months later, pushed out a boy who is now 3 months old.
Maybe she just wants that DNA sample to clone his ass, because she doesn't need to swab the most famous fetus in the world to find out if he's the father of her child. Just show the baby a picture of Usher and if he looks at it before saying, "Memaw!," then that's the final sign of the apocalypse. We can all finally lay down in the dirt and wait for the tears of a million Beliebers to drown us all.
We think he looks like a fish.
Do you think he has sizemeat?
Ahem. Anyway...
no propositions here, but when I was about 19 I was into metal-ish bands...I had an internship and ended up going backstage at a Damn Yankees concert (remember them?)...y'all, Tommy Shaw checked me out. Eek
Also got checked out at a concert by Phil Collin, the bass player from Def Leppard.
Both made me feel really icky as they were pretty much old enough to be my DAD.
Wtf.
As for this...I mean, you never know. I think she's embellishing a bit ("I want to fuck the shit out of you"? Yeah, right), but....
@Migraineuse
Um... You sound bitter as hell. "I LIKE BEING FAT AND UGLY BECAUSE RAAAAAAAWR FEMINISM!" is such a load of bullshit, and you know it.
"Male incontinence?" Do you mean sperm? Hate to tell you, but I'm a pretty girl, who was really popular with guys (and girls ;) ) and its just as awesome as you'd think it is... Guys giving you attention and buying you things, and then just NEVER SLEEPING WITH THEM is basically how I was in high school, and it was fucking great.
WHEN I choose to sleep with a guy, I actually enjoy it... Especially since they go down on me forever first. :D
A guy 'use' me? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL NO.
@Bree
Um... REALLY? Because that sounds like EXACTLY what a virgin guy would do and say.
Like, he's watched some porn and thinks that's how you're supposed to talk and do things... And when I was a teenager virgin guys said they didn't want to use condoms the first time ALL THE TIME to girls, because they wanted to 'feel it for real' the first time.
Also, I have a feeling that if this is true, Justin uses the 'IT'S MY FIRST TIME AND I WANT TO FEEL EVERYTHING' excuse every night with a different fan.
No matter what his PUBLIC image is, and all of you can joke about his sexuality all you want, HE IS A FAMOUS AND RICH 17 YEAR OLD BOY and I highly doubt he's a virgin... But I don't doubt he'd use that line to fuck his female fans.
Here I just thought that the Russian drugs they used to give gymnasts to delay puberty went to the Chinese program, but apparently they saved some for Lesbeaver. Triple EWW.
Find me a mexican girl the same age and half the cute of Selena Homez that would even LOOK at a hermie like that in real life.
I saw a picture of her and the baby. Weird!
(973) Jersey Strong
I was with a virgin who asked me if I "like it rough" and who also nearly raped me when I got skeeved out by his over-zealous groping. So I believe a virgin could be verbally suggestive/aggressive. Especially a rich-as-god celebrity.
On a similar note, I just watched "While You Were Out." There is a sex scene where Kim Basinger whispers to Lukas Haas to "Fuck me, Chucky. Fuck me." That was almost as awkward as this Bieber situation and Lukas Haas is like 35 years old.
Damn, I wish this was the Bieb's kid. (Baby) baby mama drama!
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"When I come up, I rush, I rush for you..."
What kind of nasty ass bitch would have sex with a CHILD anyway?
I mean I guess it would be a little different if the dude looked older than he was, but the kid still looks like he's frickin 12yo! GROSS
Sex tape, please.
Shortly we'll be hearing that this woman has mental health issues.....
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
AHAHAHAHAHA ahahahahahahahahaha I can't stop laughing at the last 2 paragraphs of the "intercourse" times! ahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Coma Caca!
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NEVER HAPPENED PEOPLE!!! He's not interested in that sort of thing yet.
I would bet my house and all it's contents that Justin is a virgin. His showmance with the Disney girl only served to further confirm that for me. I know his poor mother is all sorts of pissed right now.
Submitted by hotpocket on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 9:01pm.
That's his game. The little twerp comes up to you, says he wants to "fuck the shit out" of you, you're laughing so hard you're defenseless, and that's when he slips it in. 30 seconds later, he's high fiving Kanye, and you're stuck with a bellyful of Bieber.
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lol i dont know whether to laugh or throw up at the thought of having a bellyful of bieber lol
This was a headline on GMA this morning, along with "Cain battles sexual harrassment claims" and Kardashian fights the media buzz---I just want people to respect my privacy".......I thought they moved TMZ to the daytime!
Mwahahaha. Yeah. I secretly hope this is true.
snicker snicker.
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I have to laugh to keep from crying.
this is just a publicity stunt to make people believe he has an actual peen and one that likes chocha
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
Submitted by snowball on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 7:57pm.
I'm imagining the Biebs grabbing this trick, wrestling her onto a counter top by the hips and in this deep, Eddie Murphy voice, growling, "Imma fuck the shit outta you, bitch!"
*goes to lie down for a while due to constant laughing & hyperventilation*
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"He told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time...his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me."
"He told me he wanted to make love to me and this was going to be his first time... We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me."
This is my new signature. I laughed til I cried at this bit.
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"The booming cackle let out by Tina Knowles was hot enough to curl every weave in a 5-mile radius." MK
I've never wanted something to be more true in my whole life.
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"I have a very poor way of concealing my dislike of people and/or things." -- Evil_Cupcake's Mom
I don't believe for a second his cherry has been popped. I truly truly hope that when he does lose his cherry, whoever the lucky (cough cough) girl is sells every fumbling, humiliating moment to The Enquirer.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
I really wouldn't doubt this though. When I was younger I brought my younger cousin to see Aaron Carter and his bodyguard gave us backstage passes. The little creep kept trying to hit on me, I seriously have a picture of me moving away from him when he tried to put his arm around me. No neither of us hit it, but still I was like 3-4 years older than him and he tried. Gross.
I can't wait for him to sing "baby, baby, baby OOOOOOHHHH baby!"
I've never really met any virgins that would say "I want to fuck the shit out of you" and be willing to do it bareback...
LOL this story is better than Twilight.
"repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me"
swooooon lol
Really? 'cause I don't think Justine's testicles are descended yet. He probably cries when his weenie gets hard and he's scared of it.
Again with the no-condom thing. Like STDs that will keep on giving a lifetime of joy OR an actual human being might be created that you have to SUPPORT with your spare change from singing like a castrated gerbil and looking like a hometown lesbian in front of screaming people with no taste will NEVER happen to you!
If this boy told me he wanted to "fuck the shit out of me" I would hold him down and wash his mouth out with soap and drag him by his ear back to his mommy.
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Visit Anthony Higgins Performances on Facebook.
@Elmo....
"Er...have as seat. Take a seat..."
In other words: he's a barebacking, lesbian scat-freak.
He is such a fucking tool. I hate to tell her this, but since he has never once gotten it in before coming all over the place, she CAN'T BE pregnant.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
So what if he has sex?
I myself was 16 and was very late.
I think he's a better example as 99% of the mess that's famous now.
As a Belgian who doesn't get confronted with Justin Bieber (s music) all the time, I can't hate. He has talent and has made it without showing of his peen and appearing drunk or drugged all the time.
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She was also a 'raging nymphomaniac.'"
I feel like I'm going to get Chris Hanson-ed for just reading this shit. Yick.
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Menage a NO! NO! NO!-MK
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 4:50am.
Justin = 17, Fish = 20....= STATUTORY RAPE...Arrest that nasty predatory criminal fish!!!!
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But..but...you said you were cool with that? Amirite?
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Her:"I bought sparkling wine. Let's have girls night!" Me:"I would rather put a cigarette out on my clit." - Slashleen on Twitter
Mrs Patrick Campbell, you came into this existence via a stink fish didn't you?
Maybe thats what all the hate is about, you hate yourself really but blame it on what gave you life.
Submitted by Die gelangweilt... on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 4:40am.
He calls women "stinkfish", but the odor's coming from his own asshole.
If only there were a felony charge called statutory misogyny. Punishment: being cellmates with a Lohan.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
"repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me"
BABIES DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!!
Thinking about this child saying those words has Chris Hanson peering right over my shoulder.
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What kind of fuckery is this?
Justin = 17, Fish = 20....= STATUTORY RAPE...Arrest that nasty predatory criminal fish!!!!
A stinkfish is here confirming that Justin CAN shoot!
Why don't you just crawl back to datalounge, you disgusting fag?
♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬♩♪♫♬
Rrridiaouw woo oo rrri-ou!
Submitted by Mrs Patrick Campbell on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 3:31am.
A stinkfish is here confirming that Justin CAN shoot!
http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/wpix-justin-bieber-paternity-suit,0,153...
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I love the last line of the story - "Bieber is currently dating Selena Gomez, and the couple recently adopted a husky mix puppy."
Poor kid is barely old enough to adopt a puppy wuppy, how is he old enough to make his pee pee hard?
A stinkfish is here confirming that Justin CAN shoot!
http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/wpix-justin-bieber-paternity-suit,0,153...
Is Justin old enough to 'shoot'?
Hahahahaha, nice try, I don't Bieliebe it.
Submitted by Versailles on Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:02am.
I don't get the Justin Beiber hate. I think he is a talented, good looking kid, who isn't high or drunk most of the time.
On the other hand, I love to say this, because my two boys (12&14) hates his guts! Don't know why, then again, I am no teenage boy.
My daughter thinks he is cute (as in looking like a baby cute. She is 20)
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Isn't high or drunk all the time that we know of. I'm sure he is. All these whores are high and if he's not, give it a couple years. If you think he's talented, you must be high yourself.
Gross!!!! ew ew ew ew ew ew!
Anyway, even if it's all fake, I love her for saying it lasted 30 seconds.
I don't get the Justin Beiber hate. I think he is a talented, good looking kid, who isn't high or drunk most of the time.
On the other hand, I love to say this, because my two boys (12&14) hates his guts! Don't know why, then again, I am no teenage boy.
My daughter thinks he is cute (as in looking like a baby cute. She is 20)
Submitted by Scheherazade on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 8:43pm.
Thanks for validating my theory.
Back when I was just a little stabby pain in the forehead, I used to feel a bit sad that I wasn't one of those pretty popular girls that boys went after. But now I know the reason boys go after them is to use them as a buckets for male incontinence. Forget that!
My fat ass has inspired a lot of cruelty from others, but it has also saved me from a lifetime of objectification and exploitation. I feel sorry for those girls who go along with that shit because they need the approval so badly, only to be thrown away afterward.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
DURRR, you can't preggo from a Tantus strap on
Well, his publicist http://thejustinbiebershrine.com/2011/10/justin-biebers-balls-have-dropp... did just say that his balls dropped.
AAAHHAHAHAHAALALOLOLL I HOPE THIS IS TRUE, JUST FOR SHIT'S SAKE AND THE HOLIDAY SEASON! Could he apply for MTV's '16 and Preg"?? That would be a step up from Disney, no??
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"Tear up the Introduction! I don't hear enough rips!! This is a battle! Words and ideas CAN change the world. Poetry, Beauty, Romance, Love - these, we stay alive for." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VUV2Yl8gsI&feature=related -Dead Poets So
In the beginning I could see girls his age or younger try to pull this shit. Now that he's growing into an awkward looking man-boy, I don't get how a 19 year old would want to fuck that none the less listen to his crappy music enough to want see him in concert.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
Submitted by Lovers Keep On ... on Tue, 11/01/2011 - 7:33pm.
I can't get past how much he and Ellen Page look alike. I hope this story is true. I hate this little shit.
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That's dead on! They do look alike. Maybe there's a factory in Canada producing them, A.I. style.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
How can anyone get sexually aroused looking at this kid? Seriously. That's a little boy. A LITTLE FUCKING BOY. LITERALLY, APPARENTLY.
And I wonder why she left out Bieber's sausage size. Knowing how cruel this fucked up world is, Bieber's probably hung like a rhino.
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you seem spritely.
watch me rant: http://www.youtube.com/user/gineriella
Oh, I hope this is true. Anything to get Bieber out of the spotlight.
The Jonases and Miley didn't seem to last all that long in the scheme of things. All of the teen idols from my youth are crazy, 50 pounds larger than they used to be, on drugs, etc., but most of them are still famous in some respect. I doubt we'll be thinking much of Bieber in ten years.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb