Hugh Hefner Is Not Impressed With Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Spread
Judge Stephanie gave Lindsay Lohan a full week to turn herself in for a jail sentence that will last as long as the dramatic pause the ATM machine makes in front of Michael Lohan before spitting out an "insufficient funds" note, and that's because she has to once again pull out her medicine ball in a tube sock titties and freckled crab shack for Playboy's photographer. LiLo already put her nipples on display for Playboy in a 4 day-long shoot that wrapped last week, but E! News is reporting that when Hef looked at the pictures, the groan that Linda Blair makes in The Exorcist after she barfs up pea smegma played in his head and he ordered a RE-DO! Then he ordered his day nurse to RE-MASH his prune porridge since his leased blond trick of the moment keeps complaining about bits getting into her chocha when she has to sit on his face while changing his colostomy bag (two birds, one stone, etc....).
A source says that Hef has brought in a new photographer and is changing the entire concept of LiLo's shoot. The shoot is supposed to happen today and LiLo's cooze has gotten the day off, because she's not going to get fully naked this time.
Let's try to do the math without a calculator! Hef's foggy eyes tell him that even industrial-strength Photoshop can't save LiLo's first pictures and now they've excused her vagina from the set? Those two things equals Ryan Murphy offering LiLo's vagina a cameo on American Horror Story as one of the things in the jars down in the basement.
Meanwhile, White Oprah is ejaculating with pride over her daughter's Playboy spread to The Insider and says it will be really fucking classy, "It will be tastefully done. She's been working in front of the camera with Ford Models since she was a little girl so she kinda knows how to work that."
Leave it to White Oprah to reach new levels of GROSS by using the words "since she was a little girl" while talking about her daughter getting ass lips naked in Playboy. The Toddlers & Tiaras moms thank White Oprah for being skeezier than them.
• 
I think the best outcome here would be either no change in sales, or, even better, a drop in sales for the month that features BLOWhan; I would LOVE to hear her try to explain that one (I'm sure it would start with "it's all Playboy's fault..."). Unfortunately, there's so many dumbasses, heifers and trailer trash out there that buy playboy that it's probably not going to happen, but a guy can wish...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Is that her "sexy" face?
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...the end
What if Hugh Hefner said, "needs more freckles" upon seeing her pics? Hey you NEVER know!
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!
Becky and Cappy! Funny I know!
While Lindsay is "reshooting" Playboy, wiping poops off of toilet seats at morgue and finally going to jail...Emma Stone(love her) is making many, many movies.
Too bad really 'cause I actually think Lindsay is just as good an actress as Emma Stone is.
http://www.celebuzz.com/2011-11-03/snapped-on-set-emma-stone-sean-penn-f...
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Maybe the changes are just artistic in nature. *eyerolls*
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You mean to say this broad is going to be paid exuberant amounts of $$ to show nothing in a bath tub etc. And Jade who was Playmate of the year gets $100,000 and a car and that's it? Has Playboy turned into a tabloid of some sort now?Subscribers are not going to be amused if they get an issue with this chick who has shown her cooch for free all over trying to be little house on the prairie suddenly with quote tasteful photos. Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke by the new owners of Playboy?
Submitted by Manimal5 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 7:01pm.
LMAOO
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"Tear up the Introduction! I don't hear enough rips!! This is a battle! Words and ideas CAN change the world. Poetry, Beauty, Romance, Love - these, we stay alive for." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VUV2Yl8gsI&feature=related -Dead Poets So
LOL Mani!! I haven't seen those before!
HB to Lulu!
They could NOT airbrush her shoulder herpfreckles out???? And my god she looks about 47 here. Just can't
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"Tear up the Introduction! I don't hear enough rips!! This is a battle! Words and ideas CAN change the world. Poetry, Beauty, Romance, Love - these, we stay alive for." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VUV2Yl8gsI&feature=related -Dead Poets So
I don't know if these were posted before but they're kinda funny gifs!
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
http://www.locationlohan.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=at...
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Submitted by Bunny Rabbit on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:41pm.
Even with access to the best photographers, stage lighters, makeup artists, hairstylists and finest photoshop programs in the world, her pictures were still unacceptable to Hef. Wow
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No shit, huh? Talk about rock-fucking-bottom.
I almost feel sorry for this sad woman. She was such a cutie at one time with a really good career in front of her if she wanted it--but she was doomed by having those two fucktards for parents. No way was anything good gonna come from that.
Daughter #2 should prove far easier for them to ruin--she's far less attractive and has no discernable talent whatsoever.
Too much photoshopping and airbrushing required fro the photos to meet magazine standards.
I don't understand-- can't they just photoshop over the "Property of Samantha Ronson" tattoo?
I'm very superficial, I hate everything official.
She's the conductor on the train that goes from ass to mouth.
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Why doesn't Lilo get her tits done too and reconstruct her bits, because we know porn is just around the corner.
Submitted by loopygorilla on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:29am.
I think Hef is getting a vagina double for the shoot.
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A stunt cunt. :D
HB to Lulu!
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 11:31am.
She is WINNING at FAIL
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LMAO
Submitted by Courtney Stodden on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 1:07pm.
Migraineuse is bitching about the lack of "good trolls"?
Please give me a moment to take in the irony.
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Sorry, "Courtney", you'll have to step up your game if you want me to consider you a proper troll.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
That is the single least sexy photo of anyone that I've ever seen in my entire life. Honestly I would get more turned on by Paz de La Huerta.
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I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
And a 1997 version of CorelDraw at that. Fucking pathetic.
At this point, a collage of all her flashes using CorelDraw sounds more interesting than anything Playboy could put out.
Any takers?
Even with access to the best photographers, stage lighters, makeup artists, hairstylists and finest photoshop programs in the world, her pictures were still unacceptable to Hef. Wow.
Migraineuse is bitching about the lack of "good trolls"?
Please give me a moment to take in the irony.
She is just a huge walking malignant melanoma.
I have nightmares about getting freckles like that.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
Submitted by Migraineuse on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 12:19pm.
Seriously, what made them even consider Chuckyface as eligible for a Playboy spread? Aren't Playboy bunnies supposed to be at least somewhat physically attractive?
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This is a publicity, money-making feast for all the participants with the rest of us as paying audience who can look on from the peanut gallery. She is infamous and famous for it - that's all folks. The best thing would be if nobody buys it.
vegetablelollipop was so funny yesterday but such a boring ass troll today. Sigh.
We haven't had a really good troll in ages.
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
Whoever thought that I, a radical feminist who loathes Hefner and all his kind, would ever agree with him about something?
The earth must be about to be destroyed.
Seriously, what made them even consider Chuckyface as eligible for a Playboy spread? Aren't Playboy bunnies supposed to be at least somewhat physically attractive?
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"I bet Michael Lohan's sperm comes out of his peen yelling screaming and pissed off at the world, all the sperms are getting into fights with each other about who gets to swim where and shit." -- Whamo
Sorry for the double post.
Why do ALL these skanks always say, "Oh, it'll be tastefully done," or "Oh, it's art." Bitch, please. You're showing us your tits and coochie, there's nothing tasteful about that. Although, Lindsay's coochie could qualify as surrealist art.
Why do ALL these skanks always say, "Oh, it'll be tastefully done," or "Oh, it's art." Bitch, please. You're showing us your tits and coochie, there's nothing tasteful about that. Although, Lindsay's coochie could qualify as surrealist art.
WO is the one who is driving Blohan to an early grave. The last thing Lindsay should be doing right now is Playboy. She should be focusing on finishing her community service and trying the rehab gig again.
If Hef and his ancient ass eyes find you are not o.k.,then her cooch and saggy tits must be worse than first thought
She is WINNING at FAIL.
I told everyone there would be no firecrotch shot. Hef knows his snatch and hers must be visually substandard.
Tasteful...
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:13am.
Right, does any straight man with eyes and a sense of smell find this speckled, tired hag fuckable????
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yes, actually, very much so...
This bitch will never get better. She will either just die from her addictions or take some SUV filled with little kids out on one of her coked-out revels. And I hope Baca and Sautner and the other pussy judges are put under the spotlight for it.
How does she manage to look so dirty and smelly while posing in a bubble bath??? I swear I would marry this chick if I wouldn't be put in the constant medical danger of having an erection lasting longer than 5 hours.
Mani, me too. I have a feeling though that someone else will, before either she dies, or finally does get sent to jail
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Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no-one's jamming their transmission
'Cos when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you
They are just helping LL die. Whatever.
*throws hands up in the air*
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Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no-one's jamming their transmission
'Cos when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you
Well since the Sherif basically is letting her go maybe it will really go to her head and she'll fuck up bigtime. Well what ever..ya know we're already watching this turd do the slow turn around the bowl.
Thanks chuckie3. I have a soft spot for classic bitches like Joan.
There's nothing remotely exciting about this picture. Was this taken before her trip to the dentist, or has she already turned the new teef brown? Gross.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 11:09am.
They are just helping LL die. Whatever.
*throws hands up in the air*
I get the feeling that they just want to get her out of the court system already. Whatever she does next is up to her...I just hope no innocent people get killed in the process.
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Submitted by Darknight on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:45am.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:42am.
That bathroom tiling looks like the bathroom of the house of a 90 year old woman who has lived there for 50 years and who is now squawking on HuffPo about how BofA is foreclosing on her hovel because she got scammed by some stinky Nigerian who only wanted to make her a millionaire but was really (gasp) just a con artist and she gave him all the money in her sock drawer and now she has nothing left except some bonds worth several million dollars stuck behind the water-stained wallpaper in the parlor that she forgot about because she's so old.
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I love the backstory. I bet the 90 year old looks hotter than Blohan in the tub.
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BloHan is so gross, even DSK wouldn't sexually harass her.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:42am.
That bathroom tiling looks like the bathroom of the house of a 90 year old woman who has lived there for 50 years and who is now squawking on HuffPo about how BofA is foreclosing on her hovel because she got scammed by some stinky Nigerian who only wanted to make her a millionaire but was really (gasp) just a con artist and she gave him all the money in her sock drawer and now she has nothing left except some bonds worth several million dollars stuck behind the water-stained wallpaper in the parlor that she forgot about because she's so old.
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I love the backstory. I bet the 90 year old looks hotter than Blohan in the tub.
Thank you Vegetable for bringing the Stepfather to us.
"This better be important Jack, I was bidding on a bag of bras on ebay."
Liz Lemon
Submitted by Darknight on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:32am.
Upon further inspection of the picture.
WTH kinda 1980's bathtub is that? And is that one of her freckles making a break for it in the top left corner? Why does she still looks so dirty and like a corpse? So many questions.
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That bathroom tiling looks like the bathroom of the house of a 90 year old woman who has lived there for 50 years and who is now squawking on HuffPo about how BofA is foreclosing on her hovel because she got scammed by some stinky Nigerian who only wanted to make her a millionaire but was really (gasp) just a con artist and she gave him all the money in her sock drawer and now she has nothing left except some bonds worth several million dollars stuck behind the water-stained wallpaper in the parlor that she forgot about because she's so old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
That picture is the opposite of sexy.
◊ I WANNA SMELL LINDSAY'S CUNT AFTER THE PHOTO RE-SHOOT.
◊ BET IT'LL BE PIPIN'.
◊ BET IT'LL SMELL LIKE PAD THAI AND A SIDE OF SHRIMP ROLLS.
◊ DO'YA' THINK HER PINK STINKS?
◊ DO'YA' THINK HER SUGA' WALLS HAVE STALLED?
◊ IF IT STINKS, I'LL PUNT HER CUNT! (nsfw link)
◊ IF HER COOTY'S TOOTY I'LL SHOW HER A TOE OR TWO! (REALLY nsfw link)
◊ DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN POUND A PUSSY UNTIL IT STINKS?