Hugh Hefner Is Not Impressed With Lindsay Lohan's Playboy Spread
Judge Stephanie gave Lindsay Lohan a full week to turn herself in for a jail sentence that will last as long as the dramatic pause the ATM machine makes in front of Michael Lohan before spitting out an "insufficient funds" note, and that's because she has to once again pull out her medicine ball in a tube sock titties and freckled crab shack for Playboy's photographer. LiLo already put her nipples on display for Playboy in a 4 day-long shoot that wrapped last week, but E! News is reporting that when Hef looked at the pictures, the groan that Linda Blair makes in The Exorcist after she barfs up pea smegma played in his head and he ordered a RE-DO! Then he ordered his day nurse to RE-MASH his prune porridge since his leased blond trick of the moment keeps complaining about bits getting into her chocha when she has to sit on his face while changing his colostomy bag (two birds, one stone, etc....).
A source says that Hef has brought in a new photographer and is changing the entire concept of LiLo's shoot. The shoot is supposed to happen today and LiLo's cooze has gotten the day off, because she's not going to get fully naked this time.
Let's try to do the math without a calculator! Hef's foggy eyes tell him that even industrial-strength Photoshop can't save LiLo's first pictures and now they've excused her vagina from the set? Those two things equals Ryan Murphy offering LiLo's vagina a cameo on American Horror Story as one of the things in the jars down in the basement.
Meanwhile, White Oprah is ejaculating with pride over her daughter's Playboy spread to The Insider and says it will be really fucking classy, "It will be tastefully done. She's been working in front of the camera with Ford Models since she was a little girl so she kinda knows how to work that."
Leave it to White Oprah to reach new levels of GROSS by using the words "since she was a little girl" while talking about her daughter getting ass lips naked in Playboy. The Toddlers & Tiaras moms thank White Oprah for being skeezier than them.
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Mira, all they have to do is arrange the shoot at night with a pound of Vaseline on a rose colored lens...and that's it. What's the problem?
Upon further inspection of the picture.
WTH kinda 1980's bathtub is that? And is that one of her freckles making a break for it in the top left corner? Why does she still looks so dirty and like a corpse? So many questions.
angel_i -- OMG, that's so true. Playboy & Hef have seen tons of nasty pussy over the years and if they tell you your poon isn't up to snuff, god only knows how nasty her biscuits are.
SpottedDogRanch -- hey, hon, how is my baby Kong doing???
hautie & undinespragg -- OMG, I love "American Horror Story"!!! Blo's ass is worse than anything in those pickled jars in the basement!!!
GG, you have to read the rest of it. They freaking HATE BloHan at Celebitchy. I love them Celebitchiers!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Can't they photoshop that orange glo off her?
That PB logo is off-center, so I guess it's custome made for her.
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"You're ugly and your fucking bag is ugly too."--John Galliano (allegedly)
Submitted by precociousmagpie on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:22am.
I'm not a professional pornographer or anything, but here's a suggestion off the top of my head: Maybe if the stylist didn't dress her up like Ringo in Shining Time Station?
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Ahahahahahaha! And Precious you KNOW you are a professional pornographer, you are just too shy to admit it! : )
Her mom is a fucking disaster, worse than her fucking teeth before she did that shit-mouth overhaul. What other parent of a famous person runs out and does interviews about them and acts like she's at a parent teacher conference with the media?
This question does not apply to "pimp mama" Kris Jenner, obviously. What a nightmare. Thanks to her and that bitch whose cunt birthed out a bunch of K clad monsters, Courtney Stodden's mom is next in line - and I have an awful feeling that the whole Stodden/Hutchison mess is going to end in tragedy. I miss the 90s.
I'm not a professional pornographer or anything, but here's a suggestion off the top of my head: Maybe if the stylist didn't dress her up like Ringo in Shining Time Station?
The spirit of fuck you should never be underestimated. ~hotpocket 10/23/11
Submitted by mbar on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:18am.
It's like that line in "A League of Their Own."
"You think there are people in this world who haven't seen your bosoms?"
That baf needs some holy water.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:12am.
Celebitchy just posted this:
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I HATE how they use "biscuit" and "dong" over there. What are we? 12?
I know I do NOT want to see Lohan's stale, rotted "biscuit".
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We've already been bombarded with her bads (as opposed to goods) since 2005, possibly even since 2004. She started flashing and leaking naked pictures of herself when she first became an anorexic bleached out coke whore, post Valderrhea split.
Morning all!
Gee Dog that was vivid!
Submitted by boston61 on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:38am.
Hugh Heffner hates women. Alway has.
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So do you. So what's your point?
no amount of soapy tub soaking can wash the skank of lilo...she still looks as unclean as ever...
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr
Celebitchy just posted this:
As soon as Playboy gave Linnocent $50 and a pack of cigs, the Cracken dropped trou and started shooting ping-pong balls out of her scorched-earth biscuit.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Darknight, like a roach, she thinks she is significant but she isn't. She just scurries here and there doing her bullsh*t as if she matters when she really doesn't. But you know she is just adoring and salivating over this attention. And the sh*t of it is, she'll end up making a lot of money off it rather than paying for her crimes like the rest of the world.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Ha! I just realized what a fun day it must be when Hugh Hefner (of all people) takes a look at your pussy and says: No, thank you~I can't do anything with that.
I'm glad Lindsay's having so much fun!
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 10:00am.
Truly. So why don't they just shoot her? They could justify themselves taking her down in a hail of bullets by saying she tried to show them what Playboy rejected.
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Because she is a very important and valuable member to society. Her thespian talent has inspired us all in wonderful movies such as; The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, and the acclaimed Ferbie Reloaded.
BHAHAHAH.
Who am I kidding? This bitch is a roach.
Submitted by Darknight on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:56am.
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:51am.
I have a great idea for the citizens of California. Tell the courts to stop even bothering with BloHan and people like her. Why do they even bother with hearings and crap? These idiots send them to jail only to be booked then immediately released. Wouldn't your tax dollars be better spent trying to get your state out of the red?
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Would this be better? YES
Would this be entertaining? NO
You know these people don't deal in logic.
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Truly. So why don't they just shoot her? They could justify themselves taking her down in a hail of bullets by saying she tried to show them what Playboy rejected.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:33am.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:29am.
articles=boob pics
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I would just look at my own
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lucky!!
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Please never put the words "taste" and "Lindsay Lohan nude" in the same sentence, ever ever again.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:25am.
and having been dropped on my head as a child I have no sense of smell!
Cancels crush on Whamo.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:42am.
here's the lying fucking SHERIFF TURD BACA.
http://www.tmz.com/2011/11/03/lee-baca-sheriff-lindsay-lohan-jail/#.TrK3...
This pisses me off so fucking much I could spit.
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That whole story is so fucked up...obviously the system is totally broken. Why don't somebody fix it already?!?
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
I hate when celebrities who use to be hot show the goods after they fell off. Like Britney flashing her cooch after having two kids. C section scars and stubble are not hot. And neither is a cokewhore. Hef has officially lost his damn mind.
*waits for the inevitable Christina aguilera nudes/crotch shot*
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:51am.
I have a great idea for the citizens of California. Tell the courts to stop even bothering with BloHan and people like her. Why do they even bother with hearings and crap? These idiots send them to jail only to be booked then immediately released. Wouldn't your tax dollars be better spent trying to get your state out of the red?
*******
Would this be better? YES
Would this be entertaining? NO
You know these people don't deal in logic.
I suppose by "tasteful" they mean we won't be seeing any coke boogers. I can appreciate that.
♥ Threadkilla!
Lean Like a Chola, Celebrity Stylez: http://youtu.be/0ZwdYeGSVS0
omg that pic hahaha
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZMIPNRwtRhY/TKjR-IZYpZI/AAAAAAAAAD4/mUw9G1YWg9...
Hef has completely lost it.
::Joel McHale voice:: I'm a boat captain..
How bad does her fire-crotch have to be that a freaking nudie magazine wants her to cover up?
Dang.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
Submitted by BitchyD on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:32am.
If she would have taken the pics years ago when she was still the fresh faced redhead, with a healthy body and nice tits, I'd want to see the Playboy spread. But now, no way. Hef probably realized they need more vaseline on that camera lens.
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Love the Crawford avie...looks like she's getting ready to seriously slap the shit out of a bitch.
• report abuse
@ ME - Pam has C. And ewwwwwwwwwww to her too. LOL.
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You really have to side clap and pucker for a piece who can stand next to a white feather and out-gay it. - MK 8/3/2011
I have a great idea for the citizens of California. Tell the courts to stop even bothering with BloHan and people like her. Why do they even bother with hearings and crap? These idiots send them to jail only to be booked then immediately released. Wouldn't your tax dollars be better spent trying to get your state out of the red?
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
*high fives spotty* * will look online*
a reshoot...omgee. must be really really bad if hef gave it a no.
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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.
Did Hef only see pictures of her from 2004 to convince him to have her for Playboy?
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
http://chakrakahn.tumblr.com/
PSL - it's bullshit.
Whatever, Blohan thinks she's above the law, AGAIN. Hopefully this time she'll just OD and save our fucking tax dollars.
Sheriff Chewbacca is the debil!!
You heard it here first.
DEBIL!!!
here's the lying fucking SHERIFF TURD BACA.
http://www.tmz.com/2011/11/03/lee-baca-sheriff-lindsay-lohan-jail/#.TrK3...
This pisses me off so fucking much I could spit.
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Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no-one's jamming their transmission
'Cos when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you
Hugh Heffner hates women. Alway has.
And to think Pam Anderson with her Hep B (or is it A, C???) still looks good enough to shoot once. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!
*yawns*
*scratches muff*
*blinks*
*leaves*
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:26am.
Submitted by Whamo on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:23am.
*vomits*
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sorry I just had to, lol
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
This bitch.
She must really look like shit since Hef even took Kelly Beensimoneortheothers photo and published it. And we all know she looks like last years dried up beef jerky. Holy hell.
keep in mind Lindsay looks worst than this:
http://realitytea.realitytea.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/new-uploads/2010/...
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:29am.
articles=boob pics
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If I wanted to look at boobs, I would just look at my own (and Raylene's).
Whew! Thanks Cuppy & MJT. I really was beginning to wonder about myself. Yes I know Hefner is pathetic now and the magazine isn't as popular but I DO read the articles. As for Mr. Spot...
At least I'm not a jellis psycho when it comes to him looking at nekkid women in a magazine.
Thanks ladies! I feel a little more normal now.
"Those two things equals Ryan Murphy offering LiLo's vagina a cameo on American Horror Story as one of the things in the jars down in the basement."
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First of all, NO!
That is my new favorite show this year. I do not need to see that freckle crab shack in a dang Mason jar in the basement.
And please, lets hope, what ever crawls out of her... can be killed with fire.
If she would have taken the pics years ago when she was still the fresh faced redhead, with a healthy body and nice tits, I'd want to see the Playboy spread. But now, no way. Hef probably realized they need more vaseline on that camera lens.
Submitted by SpottedDogRanch on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:27am.
Thanks Dog! You all know you really want to see how bad these pics are. Deep down you know you do, right? Right?
If you say "no", imma gonna feel like a skeeze.
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Lol. I'm curious to see them too (now less so since the pictures will be "tasteful"). I guess I enjoy torturing myself.
I'll wait til the pics are illegally posted on the internet.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 11/03/2011 - 9:28am.
HO BOY JUST ANOTHER DAY AT LOHOBLOLILOWHITEOPRAHLISTED.COM. IS HUGH STILL THE PURVEYOR OF SEXY IMAGES IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2011??????
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ahahahahaahahaha IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2011
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011