Kids Say The Darndest Things About George Clooney As A Future Father
During an episode of one of my favorite soft-core fake reality shows Gigolos, Brace the Krueger Face bragged to his co-whores that his sperm is so coveted by gold diggers that some of them have come up with creatively shady ways to knock themselves up with it. Brace claims that one gold digger let him cum in her mouth just so she could run to the bathroom, spit it into a turkey baster and shove the whole thing up her vagina while praying that her ovaries are feeling hungry. This trick would never work on George Clooney, because I'm pretty sure thanks to a few snips his dick water doesn't have any fishes swimming in it.
George has made it perfectly clear that the only children he wants living in his houses are the of-age ones who sign a contract and smile really pretty-like when they escort him to one of his premieres. George doesn't want kids. This is not brand new information. But that didn't stop the child actress who plays his daughter in that Descendants movie from reminding George that he would make a shit father. UsWeekly asked 11-year-old Amara Miller if she thinks George Clooney would make a good father and this was her priceless response:
"Let me just say, he wouldn't be good as a father. He wouldn't be the best as a father. George likes being an adult. George has fun being an adult, and I don't think he would like having kids. I know that he's not planning on having kids anytime soon."
And when asked if George kept in touch with her after filming, Amara said:
"He was just a really phenomenal person to work with. [But] we don't really keep in touch anymore. He's George Clooney… No one really keeps in touch with him anymore!"
I like this Amara Miller and let's just hope that Hollywood doesn't taint her gift for speaking the truth. Let's also hope that she remembers her words when in 10 years The George Clooney Red Carpet Escort Agency asks her to come in for an interview. Just say nope.
I love this girl! Hope Hollywierd doesn't fuck her in the brains.
Submitted by rukiddingme on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:09pm.
Goldigga ~ I'm mesmerized by your avie. Hilarious!
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Haha thanks!....peekaboo! :)
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Her:"I bought sparkling wine. Let's have girls night!" Me:"I would rather put a cigarette out on my clit." - Slashleen on Twitter
George doesn't have kids because all his fishes have been swimming in the wrong pond.
xo's to Amara Miller and her truth talk. Someone intro her to Dlisted.
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Mark 3:22 - "Words and Ideas Can Change The World" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiKM6g-dfBo&feature=related. "The powerful play goes on...that YOU may contribute a verse..." - Whitman. THINK FREE.
Submitted by prancing_nougat on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 2:10pm.
Submitted by EastEndGirl on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:43pm.
GP is catholic. There are 8 of them. He tells me some hilarious shit his ma used to say. My favourite:
Come here you son of a whore cuntface. I'm going to kill you stone dead.
Said in thick maritime accent. Cracks us up.
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Ah, my Dad says "son of a whore" all of the time too. It's got to be a fellow Maritimer trait as I'm from New-Brunswick.
My Mom would hit us with those goddamned tiki wooden giant fork and spoons that people would hang on the wall in the 70s. My friends and I all shake in fear when we think about those oversized cutlery. *gets into fetal position while fetishing a spork*
LOL!! Yes...the GIANT size spoons!
I don't remember my mother actually hitting me but my grandmother could throw her slipper at us with amazing accuracy...she'd even throw a curve around corners LOL!
It's amazing some of the things you remember!
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 11:18am.
Uvy, when my oldest was 4 I introduced him to one of husband's co-worker's wives. He shook her hand like a good little man and promptly asked her why she was so fat.
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If it had been me, I would have responded "Because I love eating little kids".
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He kinda reminds me of Ron Jeremy, but...not as classy! - Submitted by david Letterman
Besides, it's just marriage! Who in the hell takes that shit seriously? - Michael K
When I was a kid, really little, I lived in a very white area (I'm white). My mother one day took me to the mall. I apparently hadn't been to my diversity classes because I took one look at an African- American gentleman and screamed "Mommy, that man is BLACK!". Needless to say, my mother wanted to die. I forget what she did to me when I got home.
I was out at a restaurant with a friend and his little boy (aged 3 or 4). We're standing in line waiting to be seated, and the kid notices a middle-aged person of indeterminate gender. In a very loud voice the little guy says, "Dad, is that a man or a woman?"
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 11:18am.
Uvy, when my oldest was 4 I introduced him to one of husband's co-worker's wives. He shook her hand like a good little man and promptly asked her why she was so fat.
*strangleface*
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OMG - I just laughed reading this. Of course I would have mortified had I been on the receiving end of that statement but since I'm not that's damned funny.
out of the mouths of babes - she's a kid and got his number- old cocktail bar george is no mystery
That kid looks like a fat RoboKatie.
I wouldn't want George for my baby's daddy nor would I want all his crabs.
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www.dungeonhordes.com
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Submitted by prancing_nougat:
"My Mom would hit us with those goddamned tiki wooden giant fork and spoons that people would hang on the wall in the 70s. My friends and I all shake in fear when we think about those oversized cutlery. *gets into fetal position while fetishing a spork*"
One of my friends bought one of those giant spoons at a yard sale and used a saw to make it into a giant spork, which he hung in his dining room.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
lmmfao
Oh, from the mouths of babes...
Submitted by EastEndGirl on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:43pm.
GP is catholic. There are 8 of them. He tells me some hilarious shit his ma used to say. My favourite:
Come here you son of a whore cuntface. I'm going to kill you stone dead.
Said in thick maritime accent. Cracks us up.
--------------------------------
Ah, my Dad says "son of a whore" all of the time too. It's got to be a fellow Maritimer trait as I'm from New-Brunswick.
My Mom would hit us with those goddamned tiki wooden giant fork and spoons that people would hang on the wall in the 70s. My friends and I all shake in fear when we think about those oversized cutlery. *gets into fetal position while fetishing a spork*
Brace is about as sexy as Freddy Krueger on steroids...he is so fucking creepy...but yet some sick women like his ass...but that show is staged too..and dems all gay anyhow. I thought that shit was priceless about the turkey baster...to me I could not spit his shit out fast enough...I am skerd of catching the Kruegers from him...cause if ugly is contagious I need to steer clear of him. As far as Clooney I would see his next movie cause she sounds real and I heard the DEscendants was amazing...Georgie wears on my nerves...
Jack, you're such a brat!
Submitted by Sandbitch on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:31pm.
she was just dancing with ya!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk3sLHZzZRI
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
Submitted by Sandbitch on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:31pm.
My Nanna (who raised me) was a shaker. If I pushed her buttons, she'd darn near shake my head off.
I...shake shake shake
...WARNED...shake shake shake
YOU...shake shake shake
...DIDN'T...shake shake shake shake
..I?
shake shake shake shake shake shaaa aa aa ke\
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This may explain your obsession with Sucky's head!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Let me say my dad never once hit or spanked me as a child, MOM did... but the one and ONLY thing he would not tolerate was me having an earring... sooooo, I got an earring. When I came home, he pushed me against the wall, grab a hold of my ear and said "take it out or I'll rip it out"... being the calm man he was I called his bluff and so "go ahead".... YANK! still have the scar today. As soon as it healed I got it pierced again. They hate me. lol
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
My Nanna (who raised me) was a shaker. If I pushed her buttons, she'd darn near shake my head off.
I...shake shake shake
...WARNED...shake shake shake
YOU...shake shake shake
...DIDN'T...shake shake shake shake
..I?
shake shake shake shake shake shaaa aa aa ke
*sigh* I miss my nanna *sobs*
Haha! I know, can't even play that game in my jammies all fricking day if I want. NARC. My gf sends me my good morning text as soon as Zuckerfuck tells her I am up.
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
Bjork that is beautiful!! *wipes away tears* And hahaha at the song choice - nowadays she would go to jail. Back then it was just whoopin that ass and I can't say I didn't deserve it lol.
It's selfish of Clooney to not share his gorgeous genetics with the world. At least donate to a sperm bank or something before you die. Meh!
When I was 9 my dad had just whaled on me. I was all crying and I said to him (really bad move) "I'm going to report you for child abuse!" I'm not at all sure I even knew what that really meant. In any case, his eyes got huge, his face got red, and he yelled so loud, his voice cracked. "GET UPSTAIRS!" I broke the land speed record getting up those stairs. Ran so fast, my shoes couldn't catch up to my feet.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:30pm.
I'd go visit my grandparents in MS (backwoods country people) and hse'd pull that shit with me... the thin ones would cut the shit out of the back of your legs and the thick ones left big ass welps... I tried running one time, she chased me down and tackled me. She was about 4'-8" and weighed about 75lbs.... bitch was scrappy... and was like a samurai warrior with a switch.
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Goddess.
Submitted by Sweetas on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:06pm.
lol @ all these stories!! Yeah my granny was old school suthun cuntry. She told me to pick a switch one time and I picked this kinda old fragile one. Um, don't ever do that. She broke it in one hand and went out and got a willow branch... *rubs ass and legs at memory*
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"My Name is Sweetas"
(S. Vegas and B. You)
My name is Sweetas
I grew up in Arkansas
I post on the D like you
Yes I think you've seen me before
I had a memaw who didn't play
Do not look at her the wrong way
Just don't ask me what it was (3x)
I think it's 'cause I'm naughty
Memaw made me pick a switch
I came back with a twig
She said, That's too small bitch!
She broke that switch in half, you see
Tore up my butt and then my knews
You just don't argue anymore (3x)
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:17pm.
Submitted by Bree on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:15pm.
Oh man, been there. One time my mom pissed me off and told me to go to my room, so I stomped all the way up the stairs and at the top I mumbled sooo quietly.."bitch."
Well whaddya know. Moms have bionic hearing. I heard THUD THUD THUD THUD as she bolted up those steps to beat my ass and I never uttered the word in her presence again!
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I had a similar thing happen, but I screamed "BITCH!" in her face.
First, last and ONLY time. Mama hit me so fucking hard I had a hand print across my face for a day.
GG - did she get just a little bit of skin and roll it?? OW-UH. And no, I never did! Willow branches are like a frickin bull whip and she was reeeeally pissed off at that point. I should have thought that one through a little better lol.
ETA: EEG♥♥ as soon as I get home doll. Since fb has become such a little narc as in HEY SWEETAS JUST COMMENTED! SWEETAS IS PLAYING BEJEWELED RIGHT NOW! I don't dare check it from work.
Submitted by Bree on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 1:15pm.
Oh man, been there. One time my mom pissed me off and told me to go to my room, so I stomped all the way up the stairs and at the top I mumbled sooo quietly.."bitch."
Well whaddya know. Moms have bionic hearing. I heard THUD THUD THUD THUD as she bolted up those steps to beat my ass and I never uttered the word in her presence again!
^^^^^
That reminds me of the Eddie Murphy "Aunt Bunny" routine. MAH SHOE!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by yepyepyep on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:33pm.
I was way too honest as a child, to the point that my mother said to my seven year old self that I spewed venon like a snake, just because I told her she didnt love me and other stuff
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Oh man, been there. One time my mom pissed me off and told me to go to my room, so I stomped all the way up the stairs and at the top I mumbled sooo quietly.."bitch."
Well whaddya know. Moms have bionic hearing. I heard THUD THUD THUD THUD as she bolted up those steps to beat my ass and I never uttered the word in her presence again!
George needs a slice of humble pie and to be reminded daily he used to be on the Roseanne Show! "He's George Clooney. No one keeps in touch with him". What's missing is "because he's a douche bag!"
Sweetas, stressed the fuck out. Look at FB later, it never rains but it pours.
*holds eye twitch*
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
EEG!! *hugs* How ya doin gf??
Tell you what Sweetas, bet you never did that transgression again!
My mom used to just reach out and magically grab the fatty part of your arm and PINCH!
Goldigga ~ I'm mesmerized by your avie. Hilarious!
www.petfinder.com - enter your zip code to find adoptable pets in your area.
www.animalrescuesite.com - click everyday to help feed animals in shelters.
Submitted by Jintess on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:47pm.
Yikes GG :(
Dog, isn't a blue spruce a pine tree? Can't wrap my head around that one, either
^^^^^^^
Yes! God! LOL@no branches comment.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
lol @ all these stories!! Yeah my granny was old school suthun cuntry. She told me to pick a switch one time and I picked this kinda old fragile one. Um, don't ever do that. She broke it in one hand and went out and got a willow branch... *rubs ass and legs at memory*
LMAO
my friend's dad, he'd say, I'm gonna knock you into next week, now COME HERE.
and she'd be all like, um fuck no! you just said your gonna kill me, why would I come up to you?
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I don't like your grandma. She smells like vitamins and pee.
I'm ok Jitness. No worries
Sandbitch - your avies kill me! This one made me actually SNORT!
Submitted by Jintess on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:33pm.
I was a HORRIBLE child... the trees at our house had no branches.
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"Dog, Jack drinks exclusively at the Braille Bar." EastEndGirl, 11/01/2011
Yikes GG :(
Dog, isn't a blue spruce a pine tree? Can't wrap my head around that one, either
Submitted by Dog on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:44pm.
SANDBITCH! AHAHAHAHAH! I just spat tea all over my keyboard, you dumb whore!
---heheharr, then my job here is done!
SANDBITCH! AHAHAHAHAH! I just spat tea all over my keyboard, you dumb whore!
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
Submitted by London Bridge on Thu, 11/17/2011 - 12:06pm.
Ethang -I hear u about the Anniston hate but really she or shall I say her PR team is to blame for that. She plays into that lonely looking for the one stereotype and has milked it for all it's worth. I think if she would have never talked to the press about wanting kids and to remarry she wouldn't have any press.
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Bingo! There are plenty of single women - Squinty Zellwegger, Cameron Diaz, Heather Graham, etc. - who don't get crucified as much as Aniston, b/c they don't obsess about marriage and baby friends in every interview either.
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"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face." - A Shore Thing, by the
GP is catholic. There are 8 of them. He tells me some hilarious shit his ma used to say. My favourite:
Come here you son of a whore cuntface. I'm going to kill you stone dead.
Said in thick maritime accent. Cracks us up.
DO NOT PUT YOUR BALLS ON MY FACE UNLESS I'M SUCKING YOUR COCK! M.E. 07/11/11
I rather have a dry old stick than the rawhide belt with the BIG brass buckle on it. That shit was scarey!
All these stories are great! My son isn't quite that age yet. But, he calls my Grandfather "Man" and that kind of embarrasses me because it is so impersonal. He calls his other grandpas "Papa". So, it is obvious.
The other one I remember is one of my friends at work had her daughter in the office one day with a new girl that had been hired. Her daughter drew a picture of the new hire and brought it to her to show her and said "I drew her with pimples cause you have them." There were spots all over the drawing. It was so awful!
My SIL took my niece for a school interview (catholic) to be accepted into 1st grade. The headmistress asked some questions, one of them being "have you ever heard of Jesus Christ, Natalie?"
...pause...
"I've heard of Jesus Bloody Christ"
Jack that sounds like my husbands granny from Oklahoma. She even used to add "umma tan yer hide". They sure dont make them like they used to!